Some things are so provocatively odious (Richard Littlejohn, Amanda Platell, Jordan) that you become desensitised to the dark heart of evil because it just seems like nothing could be that awful without it being some sick joke. That's how I feel about this shower of shitbags.
Louis has covered this family before, and I've seen them on talk shows, with their whole 'god hates fags, people with cancer deserve it, we're really fucking thick and ugly, blah blah blah.'
Wearing a bandana that says 'thank god for cancer' is like someone getting a Swastika tattooed on their forehead. So ridiculously provocative, that if you're shocked by it, you're the moron, and they've won. But also you've won, because you're not having to grow an overnight fringe before a job interview. It's all fun and games.
Look at her showing off her silly signs. Their comms materials are appalling, they need a brand redesign. Everything looks like a David Icke powerpoint presentation. I honestly feel like she's taking the piss. It doesn't feel like genuine malice to me. It's just a giant attention seek.
LOL to that guy telling Louis he's up there with Pontius Pilate. I don't know who that is, but it don't sound good.
Do these guys hate Muslims, too? I mean, they must, right? Why don't the Taliban go take them down! Fight extremism with extremism! Which is better? I'd like to see that fight on Harry Hill.
This family who've disowned their daughter is tragic, but they're no more bigoted than Zainab and Masood. Hate is hate.
Jack weasel! Sad when he went to visit the daughter who left the cult and she said her dad used to be liberal and in a rock band. It reminded me of how my dad looked in photos before he got into his stupid religion. The power of religious indoctrination can turn the strongest people into mindless sheep; I've seen it happen, and more than once. It's the hardest thing to argue with in the world.
The daughter seemed very wise and knew exactly what that religion was all about; control. As with most religions (if not all). Cults are worse than cancer or car accidents in lots of ways, because the way out is there, they just won't take it. It's a living tragedy, like someone you love with incurable brain damage.
LOL I like her Lady Gaga 'fornicating' remix. Why wont someone shoot that cunt (not Gaga, this old hag)? There's enough people with guns out there. Why aren't people gobbing on her or knocking her out and saying 'it's God's will'? Gift horse times!
This pop video parodying thing is just another attention seek. They'll be parodying pornos next.
This girl with the tsunami wallpaper (very cute- can I get some child abuse curtains to go with that?) looks like she's got fucking ugly since 2006. Proves you get the face you deserve as she's turning into the mother crone before our VERY eyes.
LOL to hearing an 11 year old saying 'they're just a bunch of filthy fags' and telling Louis to shut up. What a well-brought up young man! Delightful child.
So is Louis culpable for feeding the trolls? I don't know. He's not exactly on their side, is he, but do they need the publicity? Should we put them on TV? I don't see why not, really. They're hanging themselves.
It was weird to hear Louis say 'you're deeply wrong and offensive'. I prefer it when he just raises an eyebrow, personally. We KNOW he thinks that.
LOL to them calling the Koran an 'piece of trash'. The Daily Mail would love this bitch! She's a piece of work. Beyond. Oh no, they got to me, because I did just start to feel angry! ARGH! I was rising above it so well!
On an aside: look at the size of the houses these people have in America! I'm jealous.
That realisation the 2nd girl who left the cult had who just had that feeling 'I've got to get out of here'- THAT'S the feeling that you can't force someone to have. That's the feeling a battered wife has to feel, and that you can never talk into her. That's a real epiphany; and some people get one- and some don't, and die, or rot. It's the human spirit- and sometimes you can claw it back. But often not. Thank god she did. Poor thing.
The loathing I feel for parents that don't give a fuck about their children is beyond words. They are the ones going to the 'hottest part of hell'.
'I'm a human being'? Not so much. That wife is a dickhead- 'what he said'. Moron features. Why would God want you to live forever? You're a fucking mess! You're an (un)emotional disaster.
It was interesting when he pulled that girl (who looks like Amber off of Big Brother USA Season 8, incidentally) apart a bit about that boy that she basically has a crush on.
LOL to Louis going 'well, the Bible would say that, wouldn't it'. He's getting feisty in his old age.
Note to Lady Gaga: you need to sue these cunts. They are making your music sound even shitter than it already is. No mean feat.
Tuesday, 5 April 2011
Saturday, 2 April 2011
Palma Nova, Majorca: A cultural review
I've never reviewed a holiday before! Cos I haven't been on holiday in ages. It saves me having to actually tell people how my holiday went and we did see some culture (of sorts). My boyfriend and I just got back from five days in sunny Palma Nova, Spain. And yes, it's sunny in Spain. Bloody sunny! In admirable Brits-abroad style we've come back burnt to a crisp.
We got a really cheap deal through Ice Lolly and flew out with Easy Jet (I'm not getting sponsored by these, more's the pity) and arrived late Sunday night. The flight was great, two hours, really easy and our hotel was right by this bar we'd read about before we went called Banana Joes- a classy establishment, drenched in neon and selling pints of vodka and Red Bull for 5 euros. We rather overdid it on the first night considering we got there at midnight and ended up not being able to sleep due to the Red Bull. Silly. The vodkas they give you are quadruples as well. We also sampled sangria but I didn't like it (surprise, surprise).
Our hotel was called Aparthotel Aquasol (also not sponsoring me) and was so cool. We had this cute little apartment with a couch, our own kitchen, bedroom, and even a bath. I loved it, it was such a great place to relax and we had our own balcony. The hotel had everything you could need from a bar, shop and an outdoor swimming pool (although it was ABSOLUTELY FREEZING!) Some of the clientèle left a little to be desired- ie. the bloke who flashed his arse and penis on the last day. Nice. It was definitely a bit on the Jeremy Kyle casting-couch side. In fact, the worst thing about Palma Nova is the pandering they are doing to the scummy British tourist, with every pub showing Corrie and Eastenders, and doing awful approximations of British food. In fact, we need to talk about the food.
Food isn't a good thing for me at the best of times, but the food in particular was TERRIBLE. Even a fry-up tasted gross, and I'd rather not mention the half roast chicken I had one night that was swimming in a pool of grease. It was absolutely rank. The best thing my boyfriend had to eat was an Indian from a place called Saffron Desi. That was the only decent food we had the whole holiday (and I don't eat Indian). We did eat about ten McDonalds (a day). Oh, I did have a nice toasted sausage sandwich on the last day.
Apart from that, we spent every day on the beach and it was absolutely gorgeous. Really deep light-coloured sand in a lovely little cove, and a small strip with shops, cafes and bars. It's a really cute little area, and it was really relaxing to just lie on the beach all day and have hardly anyone around. The sea is a perfect blue and we had a paddle but it was too cold to go in! There's not a hell of a lot to do (particularly off-season when some things are shut) but all we wanted to do was eat, drink and read so it was great.
We could also walk to Magaluf from where we are, which was quite empty, but full of trashy bars, karaoke places and people trying to drag you off the street to drink disgusting cocktails. I can only imagine what that place is like mid-summer.
The only other thing we did is on Thursday went into the town of Palma and saw the gigantic cathedral and then went to the aquarium (expensive, but pretty good, except a turtle that looked a bit mental). Apart from that we laid around the pool and drank to kill time on our last day before the flight (but we didn't drink that much, it was too hot!)
I'm really glad we went 'off-season' as it was so warm and lovely and not too busy. It definitely got busier as the week went on. I do feel a bit sorry for the staff at the hotel where we stayed as I get the feeling they must see some sights. But I think we timed it just right to avoid the glut of the riff-raff. Is it snobbery to want to experience Spanish things in Spain? If I'm gonna watch Eastenders I might as well stay at home. There's this 'British' bar/cafe there called Castaways and people go there and drink from morning to night. They are just slumped there frazzled by the end of the day. It really is a sorry sight. My boyfriend coined a new phrase for people out there *indomitable* which means they are a certain size and shape. We saw a LOT of indomitable types.
All in all, a really enjoyable holiday and worth it for the beautiful beaches alone. And our flight back only had about five people on it!
We got a really cheap deal through Ice Lolly and flew out with Easy Jet (I'm not getting sponsored by these, more's the pity) and arrived late Sunday night. The flight was great, two hours, really easy and our hotel was right by this bar we'd read about before we went called Banana Joes- a classy establishment, drenched in neon and selling pints of vodka and Red Bull for 5 euros. We rather overdid it on the first night considering we got there at midnight and ended up not being able to sleep due to the Red Bull. Silly. The vodkas they give you are quadruples as well. We also sampled sangria but I didn't like it (surprise, surprise).
Our hotel was called Aparthotel Aquasol (also not sponsoring me) and was so cool. We had this cute little apartment with a couch, our own kitchen, bedroom, and even a bath. I loved it, it was such a great place to relax and we had our own balcony. The hotel had everything you could need from a bar, shop and an outdoor swimming pool (although it was ABSOLUTELY FREEZING!) Some of the clientèle left a little to be desired- ie. the bloke who flashed his arse and penis on the last day. Nice. It was definitely a bit on the Jeremy Kyle casting-couch side. In fact, the worst thing about Palma Nova is the pandering they are doing to the scummy British tourist, with every pub showing Corrie and Eastenders, and doing awful approximations of British food. In fact, we need to talk about the food.
Food isn't a good thing for me at the best of times, but the food in particular was TERRIBLE. Even a fry-up tasted gross, and I'd rather not mention the half roast chicken I had one night that was swimming in a pool of grease. It was absolutely rank. The best thing my boyfriend had to eat was an Indian from a place called Saffron Desi. That was the only decent food we had the whole holiday (and I don't eat Indian). We did eat about ten McDonalds (a day). Oh, I did have a nice toasted sausage sandwich on the last day.
Apart from that, we spent every day on the beach and it was absolutely gorgeous. Really deep light-coloured sand in a lovely little cove, and a small strip with shops, cafes and bars. It's a really cute little area, and it was really relaxing to just lie on the beach all day and have hardly anyone around. The sea is a perfect blue and we had a paddle but it was too cold to go in! There's not a hell of a lot to do (particularly off-season when some things are shut) but all we wanted to do was eat, drink and read so it was great.
We could also walk to Magaluf from where we are, which was quite empty, but full of trashy bars, karaoke places and people trying to drag you off the street to drink disgusting cocktails. I can only imagine what that place is like mid-summer.
The only other thing we did is on Thursday went into the town of Palma and saw the gigantic cathedral and then went to the aquarium (expensive, but pretty good, except a turtle that looked a bit mental). Apart from that we laid around the pool and drank to kill time on our last day before the flight (but we didn't drink that much, it was too hot!)
I'm really glad we went 'off-season' as it was so warm and lovely and not too busy. It definitely got busier as the week went on. I do feel a bit sorry for the staff at the hotel where we stayed as I get the feeling they must see some sights. But I think we timed it just right to avoid the glut of the riff-raff. Is it snobbery to want to experience Spanish things in Spain? If I'm gonna watch Eastenders I might as well stay at home. There's this 'British' bar/cafe there called Castaways and people go there and drink from morning to night. They are just slumped there frazzled by the end of the day. It really is a sorry sight. My boyfriend coined a new phrase for people out there *indomitable* which means they are a certain size and shape. We saw a LOT of indomitable types.
All in all, a really enjoyable holiday and worth it for the beautiful beaches alone. And our flight back only had about five people on it!
Friday, 25 March 2011
American Feeble (Blowtown week)
I was already mad about watching this, now Seacrest announces it's Mowtown week? Fuck a duck. This is getting as arduous as Eastenders. This show has gone down the dumper, big time. That USA X Factor better be BLOODY GOOD.
Woah! Jlo's blue eyeshadow up to her eyebrows and a sugar pink glittery dress. Did her toddlers dress her tonight?
Casey. Last week he murdered Nirvana. This week: hopefully Steven Tyler. When are they going to shave his revolting ginger beard off? It's getting as hard to shift as Matt Cardle's hat. I can't STAND Heard it Through the Grapevine (obviously) but I thought he did a decent version. He's probably in my top three (which doesn't say much for this rabble).
Thea. Next. Steven Tyler might as well sit there and go 'oooooooooowwwwww!' because his comments are total dogshit.
Jacob. I HATE his style of oversinging. I think he is AWFUL. He would be crucified on our XFactor. It bugs me when they say he's so good, and there's just something so SMUG about him. UGH. Adam Lambert seems like he came from the future when I watch how regressive this dude is. In fact, how regressive this whole show has gone.
Talking of smug, up next is Lauren, who is the dictionary definition of precocious. She gets right on my wick as she obviously thinks she's the shit as well. Well, you aint. You're just shit. Stop wiggling your head around like the Churchill dog. JLo just said she looked great, and the little upstart didn't even say 'ta'.
I like Stefano, but he's just so AVERAGE. I expect him to go out every single week. Oh Lord, he's MURDERING 'Hello'. Really duff.
Wow, I just noticed JLo's blusher. Less is more, Jlo, less is more. NB. The other day I woke up with the song 'Jenny from the Block' stuck in my head, and it didn't go for at least half an hour. DON'T LIKE.
Gordon Ramsay is in he audience! Sexist, cheating cunt. Let's all applaud him.
Hayley. Who is she? I don't feel like I've even seen her before. What have they dressed her as? She looks like she's in a Robert Palmer video.
Randy just said 'yo' at the end of a sentence! *pine for Jessie*
I think Ryan Seacrest must miss the sexually-charged banter with Simon. Maybe he should start picking on/fucking Steve Tyler.
Scotty! OMG I hate him! ONE TRICK PONY. And it's a pony we'd put down in this country. His face makes me want to throw up, he looks like one of Harry Hill's creepy puppets.
Pia. Well at least she looks good, and this song is listenable. Hmm, maybe it isn't.
Ah, here he is, my lovely little beardy thing. Paul with the movie-star teeth. He always looks like he's a bit stoned. AND he's doing a good song! Ah, he really is a breath of fresh air on this show. He's 4REALZ! No doubt he'll be leaving any week soon.
And he said 'what's going on, yo?' Jessie times! I actually just turned UP my TV. That's unheard of whilst watching this. He's doing Tracks of My Tears. He makes me smile! He's got backing singers doing the high notes. I love it. He's wonderfully shambolic. He's got charisma. I think I'm falling for him a bit, even though he's not sexy.
Oh God, Naima died on her feet last week. I really want her to do well because she's quirky, but she's not very good. SORRY! (as Simon Cowell would say). Wow, those trousers are something else though. I like her bangles. Her dancing was mental. LOL they did a Harry Hill ending 'DANCINGINTHESTREETS!' That's the second time I've mentioned Harry Hill in one blog. HARRYHILL!
James. I feel like I should like him but I don't. I find him quite boring. His voice grates on me a bit, too.
So that's it. And I watched 2 hours of that in about 40 minutes. Score.
Just watched the results show in about ten. I will not comment on Stevie Wonder or Hulk Hogan. Casey's out! Curse of being on first, dog. He was actually one of the only decent ones. Well done America, you brainiacs. Ah, the judges used their wildcard on him. One save of the season! Better hope Paul don't get in that bottom two. Casey looked like he was going to have a heart attack. Aw, bless. How cute! That was mega cute. His parents are the cutest thing on the planet, too.
But that also means tonight was ALL FOR NOTHING.
BTW I'm going on my hols to Spain for a week now, so let me know if I miss anything good on TV.
Woah! Jlo's blue eyeshadow up to her eyebrows and a sugar pink glittery dress. Did her toddlers dress her tonight?
Casey. Last week he murdered Nirvana. This week: hopefully Steven Tyler. When are they going to shave his revolting ginger beard off? It's getting as hard to shift as Matt Cardle's hat. I can't STAND Heard it Through the Grapevine (obviously) but I thought he did a decent version. He's probably in my top three (which doesn't say much for this rabble).
Thea. Next. Steven Tyler might as well sit there and go 'oooooooooowwwwww!' because his comments are total dogshit.
Jacob. I HATE his style of oversinging. I think he is AWFUL. He would be crucified on our XFactor. It bugs me when they say he's so good, and there's just something so SMUG about him. UGH. Adam Lambert seems like he came from the future when I watch how regressive this dude is. In fact, how regressive this whole show has gone.
Talking of smug, up next is Lauren, who is the dictionary definition of precocious. She gets right on my wick as she obviously thinks she's the shit as well. Well, you aint. You're just shit. Stop wiggling your head around like the Churchill dog. JLo just said she looked great, and the little upstart didn't even say 'ta'.
I like Stefano, but he's just so AVERAGE. I expect him to go out every single week. Oh Lord, he's MURDERING 'Hello'. Really duff.
Wow, I just noticed JLo's blusher. Less is more, Jlo, less is more. NB. The other day I woke up with the song 'Jenny from the Block' stuck in my head, and it didn't go for at least half an hour. DON'T LIKE.
Gordon Ramsay is in he audience! Sexist, cheating cunt. Let's all applaud him.
Hayley. Who is she? I don't feel like I've even seen her before. What have they dressed her as? She looks like she's in a Robert Palmer video.
Randy just said 'yo' at the end of a sentence! *pine for Jessie*
I think Ryan Seacrest must miss the sexually-charged banter with Simon. Maybe he should start picking on/fucking Steve Tyler.
Scotty! OMG I hate him! ONE TRICK PONY. And it's a pony we'd put down in this country. His face makes me want to throw up, he looks like one of Harry Hill's creepy puppets.
Pia. Well at least she looks good, and this song is listenable. Hmm, maybe it isn't.
Ah, here he is, my lovely little beardy thing. Paul with the movie-star teeth. He always looks like he's a bit stoned. AND he's doing a good song! Ah, he really is a breath of fresh air on this show. He's 4REALZ! No doubt he'll be leaving any week soon.
And he said 'what's going on, yo?' Jessie times! I actually just turned UP my TV. That's unheard of whilst watching this. He's doing Tracks of My Tears. He makes me smile! He's got backing singers doing the high notes. I love it. He's wonderfully shambolic. He's got charisma. I think I'm falling for him a bit, even though he's not sexy.
Oh God, Naima died on her feet last week. I really want her to do well because she's quirky, but she's not very good. SORRY! (as Simon Cowell would say). Wow, those trousers are something else though. I like her bangles. Her dancing was mental. LOL they did a Harry Hill ending 'DANCINGINTHESTREETS!' That's the second time I've mentioned Harry Hill in one blog. HARRYHILL!
James. I feel like I should like him but I don't. I find him quite boring. His voice grates on me a bit, too.
So that's it. And I watched 2 hours of that in about 40 minutes. Score.
Just watched the results show in about ten. I will not comment on Stevie Wonder or Hulk Hogan. Casey's out! Curse of being on first, dog. He was actually one of the only decent ones. Well done America, you brainiacs. Ah, the judges used their wildcard on him. One save of the season! Better hope Paul don't get in that bottom two. Casey looked like he was going to have a heart attack. Aw, bless. How cute! That was mega cute. His parents are the cutest thing on the planet, too.
But that also means tonight was ALL FOR NOTHING.
BTW I'm going on my hols to Spain for a week now, so let me know if I miss anything good on TV.
Wednesday, 23 March 2011
Sky Living: Jade changed my life
Well, not mine, but maybe Jack Tweed's. Temporarily.
Sorry I'm a day late on this but I don't have Sky Living so I had to watch it round a friends (pft, as if I've got friends, I just got it on a torrent). Anyway, it's here now, the publicity machine keeps spinning, long after she's dead. There they all are, the mum, Jack, Jeff, all at war, but all united by their love of Jade and her massive gob. Could any tribute be as heartfelt as Russell Brand's sweet-but-weird eulogy to Jade in Booky Wook? Well, Jack Tweed's funeral poem comes a close second, but that goes without saying.
Max Clifford! How is that Asian murder-in-South-Africa suspect doing, Max? Who WOULD play Jade in the film of her life?
I like Jeff, he seems like the very definition of 'a nice guy', unlike Jack, an attractive plank with a serious personality disorder. I don't think it would be too harsh to say he's semi-retarded (except to people with genuine disabilities). His own mother would probably agree, and is partly responsible. Who could forget Jack's star turn on Big Brother, where the only thing he did of note was to call Shilpa Shetty a 'cunt' under the covers? Never forget!
This documentary has told me nothing I didn't know so far. I think it's a bit much for that person to say if she'd been treated earlier she'd have survived, you can't know that and it's not that helpful to say it (unless it's to make others seek treatment earlier).
Watching Jack trying to process his feelings of grief is like watching a toaster trying to perform open-heart surgery. An admirable struggle, but it's never going to really get off the ground. Bless.
That wedding was harrowing viewing at the time (I watched it after a long night that didn't end well). She was brave- and dare I say it- beautiful.
I think Jack Tweed did love Jade, he just doesn't really know how to process language or emotions. I do feel sorry for him, because no one should have to go through that at his age, or any age, ideally.
The funeral circus was stupid, but no worse than the Royal madness waiting for us next month. At least Jade meant something to some people, unlike that stilted pair of robots.
I don't blame Jeff for whipping the boys away and not subjecting him to that whole thing. He seems extremely sensible and quite wise, actually. I like the fact he's not selling the children down the river, although I understand why Jade did it, too.
It is sad Jack can't see the kids anymore, but he made his own bed, really, and I think Jeff has their best interests at heart. It must be hard for Jack who helped bring them up, but it's a very difficult situation, with several extenuating circumstances (one involving a golf club and a taxi driver).
Jesus, Jack's only 23 now. He's a baby. I do feel for Jade's mum because Jade was more of a mum to her than anything else. She must be lost without her.
It was nice seeing her friends too, and that they're keeping her memory alive. I hope I would be celebrated in death and not just moped over.
PS. Jeff is getting kind of hotter with old age, no?
This show made me pine for Big Brother. What is happening to the C5 bid? What have we got to look forward to in the summer? And more importantly, how am I going to get any traffic to my blog without it?
Sorry I'm a day late on this but I don't have Sky Living so I had to watch it round a friends (pft, as if I've got friends, I just got it on a torrent). Anyway, it's here now, the publicity machine keeps spinning, long after she's dead. There they all are, the mum, Jack, Jeff, all at war, but all united by their love of Jade and her massive gob. Could any tribute be as heartfelt as Russell Brand's sweet-but-weird eulogy to Jade in Booky Wook? Well, Jack Tweed's funeral poem comes a close second, but that goes without saying.
Max Clifford! How is that Asian murder-in-South-Africa suspect doing, Max? Who WOULD play Jade in the film of her life?
I like Jeff, he seems like the very definition of 'a nice guy', unlike Jack, an attractive plank with a serious personality disorder. I don't think it would be too harsh to say he's semi-retarded (except to people with genuine disabilities). His own mother would probably agree, and is partly responsible. Who could forget Jack's star turn on Big Brother, where the only thing he did of note was to call Shilpa Shetty a 'cunt' under the covers? Never forget!
This documentary has told me nothing I didn't know so far. I think it's a bit much for that person to say if she'd been treated earlier she'd have survived, you can't know that and it's not that helpful to say it (unless it's to make others seek treatment earlier).
Watching Jack trying to process his feelings of grief is like watching a toaster trying to perform open-heart surgery. An admirable struggle, but it's never going to really get off the ground. Bless.
That wedding was harrowing viewing at the time (I watched it after a long night that didn't end well). She was brave- and dare I say it- beautiful.
I think Jack Tweed did love Jade, he just doesn't really know how to process language or emotions. I do feel sorry for him, because no one should have to go through that at his age, or any age, ideally.
The funeral circus was stupid, but no worse than the Royal madness waiting for us next month. At least Jade meant something to some people, unlike that stilted pair of robots.
I don't blame Jeff for whipping the boys away and not subjecting him to that whole thing. He seems extremely sensible and quite wise, actually. I like the fact he's not selling the children down the river, although I understand why Jade did it, too.
It is sad Jack can't see the kids anymore, but he made his own bed, really, and I think Jeff has their best interests at heart. It must be hard for Jack who helped bring them up, but it's a very difficult situation, with several extenuating circumstances (one involving a golf club and a taxi driver).
Jesus, Jack's only 23 now. He's a baby. I do feel for Jade's mum because Jade was more of a mum to her than anything else. She must be lost without her.
It was nice seeing her friends too, and that they're keeping her memory alive. I hope I would be celebrated in death and not just moped over.
PS. Jeff is getting kind of hotter with old age, no?
This show made me pine for Big Brother. What is happening to the C5 bid? What have we got to look forward to in the summer? And more importantly, how am I going to get any traffic to my blog without it?
Wednesday, 16 March 2011
Love Thy Neighbour
Apologies for my lack of bloggage but there's bugger all on TV worth shouting about and everything I am watching is either on DVD or about ten years old. I will blog about those things anyway, but not yet.
And I'm blogging this three weeks too late. Silly, aren't I? Still, I'm doing my best! I meant to watch this but Thursday is pretty much the only night I leave the house, so forgive me.
This show sees a bunch of people competing to win a cottage in a village full of bigots (is the one in Midsummer Murders?)
I want to win that cottage, people can call me whatever they like, I'll just put barbed wire round the fence and set the dogs on them once I move in.
The first couple are - lesbians. I know, shocking stuff! OMG they've got a baby. How DID that happen? No doubt some rude cunt will ask them shortly.
'POLITICALLY CORRECT'! Check. I think you get desensitised living in London to just how pig ignorant people actually are.
Second 'contestant' is a topless model. Well, they'll probably prefer her to the lesbians.
I went to look at a village to live in at the weekend. I'm not sure I'm cut out for people being friendly in shops and nodding to you in the street. I prefer chicken bones and human bloodstains lining the pavements.
Someone was literally open-mouthed at the sight of the lesbians. It's like the Daily Mail has come to life. Now there's a thought.
Apparently you DON'T need a man and woman to make a kid, you toxic old bat. Stop saying 'a lot of people will think this...' when spouting your own hateful views. Oh, and mind your own fucking business an' all.
OMG those cunts in the forest begrudging them their IVF. WANKERS. The NHS! Fuck off, the NHS is there for everyone. Why are you against two people who love each other bringing a child they love into the world? WHY WHY WHY? OMG the old 'the child will get bullied' scenario. Why not RAISE YOUR CHILDREN NO TO TO BE HATEFUL LITTLE TOSSERS???? How about that, ignoramus features? Too difficult for you? Go read a book, you fucking prick.
'A lot of people I know...' Just say ME! I HATE GAYS! I HATE BLACK PEOPLE! Just fucking admit it! It's all over your crowy, sour faces.
How can that gay couple be so patient with people being like that to them? I'd stab them in the face. I'd raze their village to the ground, cackling.
The topless model has got no chance, because she's a bit brassy and they're too snooty. Wow, I haven't heard anyone use the word 'trollop' in about 15 years.
When that blonde woman had upset the 'life model' and made her swear, she enjoyed repeating the word 'fucking' a little too much for my liking.
LOL even after the model stomped off in a huff, only 77% voted for the lesbians to stay. Says a lot.
I shant be watching anymore of this. There's enough hate stored up in my heart to do me an injury. I need to go do yoga or summat.
PS. Stay tuned to me. I missed you a bit.
And I'm blogging this three weeks too late. Silly, aren't I? Still, I'm doing my best! I meant to watch this but Thursday is pretty much the only night I leave the house, so forgive me.
This show sees a bunch of people competing to win a cottage in a village full of bigots (is the one in Midsummer Murders?)
I want to win that cottage, people can call me whatever they like, I'll just put barbed wire round the fence and set the dogs on them once I move in.
The first couple are - lesbians. I know, shocking stuff! OMG they've got a baby. How DID that happen? No doubt some rude cunt will ask them shortly.
'POLITICALLY CORRECT'! Check. I think you get desensitised living in London to just how pig ignorant people actually are.
Second 'contestant' is a topless model. Well, they'll probably prefer her to the lesbians.
I went to look at a village to live in at the weekend. I'm not sure I'm cut out for people being friendly in shops and nodding to you in the street. I prefer chicken bones and human bloodstains lining the pavements.
Someone was literally open-mouthed at the sight of the lesbians. It's like the Daily Mail has come to life. Now there's a thought.
Apparently you DON'T need a man and woman to make a kid, you toxic old bat. Stop saying 'a lot of people will think this...' when spouting your own hateful views. Oh, and mind your own fucking business an' all.
OMG those cunts in the forest begrudging them their IVF. WANKERS. The NHS! Fuck off, the NHS is there for everyone. Why are you against two people who love each other bringing a child they love into the world? WHY WHY WHY? OMG the old 'the child will get bullied' scenario. Why not RAISE YOUR CHILDREN NO TO TO BE HATEFUL LITTLE TOSSERS???? How about that, ignoramus features? Too difficult for you? Go read a book, you fucking prick.
'A lot of people I know...' Just say ME! I HATE GAYS! I HATE BLACK PEOPLE! Just fucking admit it! It's all over your crowy, sour faces.
How can that gay couple be so patient with people being like that to them? I'd stab them in the face. I'd raze their village to the ground, cackling.
The topless model has got no chance, because she's a bit brassy and they're too snooty. Wow, I haven't heard anyone use the word 'trollop' in about 15 years.
When that blonde woman had upset the 'life model' and made her swear, she enjoyed repeating the word 'fucking' a little too much for my liking.
LOL even after the model stomped off in a huff, only 77% voted for the lesbians to stay. Says a lot.
I shant be watching anymore of this. There's enough hate stored up in my heart to do me an injury. I need to go do yoga or summat.
PS. Stay tuned to me. I missed you a bit.
Monday, 7 March 2011
American Idol: Blogging a dead horse
Got a spare six hours per week? Then why not get into past-its-best singing competition American Idol! Honestly, I've been slogging through these episodes for three days now. I wouldn't mind, but the singing is AWFUL. The songs are old fashioned, the judges are anodyne. JLo is so fluffy and banal she's now making Randy look like he's got teeth. She's the most repetitive judge since Louis 'kids will love them' Walsh. Steven (wooooooooooooo!) Tyler looks like he's waiting for Liv to come pick him up from the nursing home. Randy seems to be the only one who knows what he's talking about. RANDY, DAWG. I still want to lick his face.
I'm now watching the two-hour RESULTS show, results that would only take all of ten minutes for someone with brain-damage to read out. Ryan Seacrest performs this marvel in 120 minutes! No further comment is needed.
I like ONE of the boys, beardy bloke in the white suit (I'll take his name down later). The only girl I like (little goth geek thing) was the ONLY thing Jennifer Lopez saw fit to slag off, so I guess she's not getting through tonight. AMERICA.
Country dude with the deep voice makes me thank GOD (who doesn't exist) I wasn't born in the USA so I don't have to suffer the effrontery that is country music. We don't stand for that bullshit. Take your cattle and your straw and SHUT IT.
OMG that black girl that did Rhianna! It made nails down a blackboard sound like pan pipes. That girl with the dreds who they put in a yellow flamenco outfit! It's like they're about 15 years behind us for fashion and culture. Or the stylist is just really fucked in the head.
WTF is this talking heads bit about? FILLER! FILLER FILLER FILLER.
I kind of like this gobliny looking guy, too. So I guess he's not getting through, either.
There's no tension in this results show (so far) because even if they didn't make it, the judges have a certain amount of wildcards they can put through. So when people are being told they haven't made it, it's completely pointless. They should have kept that bit a secret and then maybe I'd have cared about the first 90 minutes of this excrement.
This bit where Ryan Seacrest tells us AGAIN what the judges said yesterday is TEDIOUS. It's like someone talking me through what I saw in Eastenders last night. I KNOW. I SAW IT. It was bad enough the first time.
Paul is the dude I like in the white suit with the roses. I also like ginger afro dude actually. Hope they both get through.
That falsetto bloke doesn't do much for me either, he's no Adam Lambert and they're selling him like he's amazing. That cutesy girl gets on my wick, too. You know the one. Long blonde hair. Smug.
Wild cards! This black girl is good. I like Stefano, too. Hope he gets in.
They're not even telling us how many wildcards they're putting through! Let me guess why. Cos they're making it up as they go along? Are they going to put all of them through? That would be some premium-grade flim flam.
Sod Giovanni! What about ginger afro kid? BAD IDOL.
My little goth is out! Boos. Why does dreadlock girl keep doing these dreadful songs (ah!) I like her but they're making her so old fashioned. Simon wouldn't have put up with this BS.
Yeah put Robbie through! He's my little goblin. He's got a really strong voice (yet he is murdering this Elton John song). Still miffed about ginger dude, though.
Whilst the judges deliberate let's listen to Jennifer Lopez's rubbish new single with... is that Brian Harvey? She's a bit old for all this frippery, in my opinion. She does look good, though. She's got a nice orange glow about her. Like she's been eating Ready Brek. Nice that she's hawking her wares whilst deciding on people's future, isn't it? Sensitive lady, our Jenny from the block (of gold).
The final ten looked so pleased to see Ashthon (her parents' spelling) get through. Positively thrilled!
Aw, Stefano. He's a sweetie. WOT, no Robbie? FAIL.
UGH. I'm left with a bad feeling in tummy. At least Simon was knowingly cruel. This is cruel pretending to be something else. And worse: it's not that entertaining. I await the US X Factor with curiosity (and expectation) and bile all stored up in my fingertips. I'm ready!
I'm now watching the two-hour RESULTS show, results that would only take all of ten minutes for someone with brain-damage to read out. Ryan Seacrest performs this marvel in 120 minutes! No further comment is needed.
I like ONE of the boys, beardy bloke in the white suit (I'll take his name down later). The only girl I like (little goth geek thing) was the ONLY thing Jennifer Lopez saw fit to slag off, so I guess she's not getting through tonight. AMERICA.
Country dude with the deep voice makes me thank GOD (who doesn't exist) I wasn't born in the USA so I don't have to suffer the effrontery that is country music. We don't stand for that bullshit. Take your cattle and your straw and SHUT IT.
OMG that black girl that did Rhianna! It made nails down a blackboard sound like pan pipes. That girl with the dreds who they put in a yellow flamenco outfit! It's like they're about 15 years behind us for fashion and culture. Or the stylist is just really fucked in the head.
WTF is this talking heads bit about? FILLER! FILLER FILLER FILLER.
I kind of like this gobliny looking guy, too. So I guess he's not getting through, either.
There's no tension in this results show (so far) because even if they didn't make it, the judges have a certain amount of wildcards they can put through. So when people are being told they haven't made it, it's completely pointless. They should have kept that bit a secret and then maybe I'd have cared about the first 90 minutes of this excrement.
This bit where Ryan Seacrest tells us AGAIN what the judges said yesterday is TEDIOUS. It's like someone talking me through what I saw in Eastenders last night. I KNOW. I SAW IT. It was bad enough the first time.
Paul is the dude I like in the white suit with the roses. I also like ginger afro dude actually. Hope they both get through.
That falsetto bloke doesn't do much for me either, he's no Adam Lambert and they're selling him like he's amazing. That cutesy girl gets on my wick, too. You know the one. Long blonde hair. Smug.
Wild cards! This black girl is good. I like Stefano, too. Hope he gets in.
They're not even telling us how many wildcards they're putting through! Let me guess why. Cos they're making it up as they go along? Are they going to put all of them through? That would be some premium-grade flim flam.
Sod Giovanni! What about ginger afro kid? BAD IDOL.
My little goth is out! Boos. Why does dreadlock girl keep doing these dreadful songs (ah!) I like her but they're making her so old fashioned. Simon wouldn't have put up with this BS.
Yeah put Robbie through! He's my little goblin. He's got a really strong voice (yet he is murdering this Elton John song). Still miffed about ginger dude, though.
Whilst the judges deliberate let's listen to Jennifer Lopez's rubbish new single with... is that Brian Harvey? She's a bit old for all this frippery, in my opinion. She does look good, though. She's got a nice orange glow about her. Like she's been eating Ready Brek. Nice that she's hawking her wares whilst deciding on people's future, isn't it? Sensitive lady, our Jenny from the block (of gold).
The final ten looked so pleased to see Ashthon (her parents' spelling) get through. Positively thrilled!
Aw, Stefano. He's a sweetie. WOT, no Robbie? FAIL.
UGH. I'm left with a bad feeling in tummy. At least Simon was knowingly cruel. This is cruel pretending to be something else. And worse: it's not that entertaining. I await the US X Factor with curiosity (and expectation) and bile all stored up in my fingertips. I'm ready!
Wednesday, 2 March 2011
Medium: A Eulogy
I've enjoyed Medium since day one, being an avid fan of Patricia Arquette ever since she stared in the best film of all time, True Romance. She's a rare breed; sexy but not threatening, cool, intelligent, and extremely likeable. She's also beautiful with lovely hair, and built like a real woman, which must be difficult to manage in Hollywood.
Medium was always a safe place to go- somehow warm and cosy, despite featuring gruesome murders every week. The safeness was in Allison's family unit, three fantastically-cast daughters, and her cynical-but-caring husband Joe Dubois. It's not too great a leap to say that their (fictional-ish) romantic set-up made me realise what was possible from a relationship- to have a partner who challenges you, but who is also your best friend. I'll miss their chats in bed, even if I do wonder why Allison always sleeps in those bloody pyjamas.
That's not to say I've always approved of Joe; he was casting doubts on Allison's psychic abilities for long after he should have just accepted that SHE IS RIGHT. But on the whole, their relationship was a thing of wonder and warmth, and I always envied it. They spoke to each other like real people do. The acting by all involved was excellent, but especially by the children, considering I can't stand children usually. Bridget is just like a mini adult.
I think it must be quite difficult to strike a balance with a drama about ghosts to not go too schlocky, but I think Medium managed it. That's not to say it didn't have it's quirky (OK, bonkers) moments. But on the whole, the ghosts were the least most important thing. I didn't even mind that most of the time you could guess what was going to happen at the end. I liked seeing her wake up again and again and again. I knew where I was with things then. Plus it's cool that the main character is female, and her husband just has to rub along with her life.
I remember thinking in the early days that Allison might have a bunk up with Lee Scanlon, the hunky detective, but she never did. I wasn't sure about his missus at first either, but apparently they're a good match (see the last series for confirmation). I will miss him. I will miss Devalos, too- even though he was an old cynic for way too long, as well. But mostly I'll miss Allison. She was one of the most realistic people on TV- even though I don't even believe in psychics! She was just cool and kind, and I would have liked her as a friend.
OK, so the last episode was a bit rubbish (I won't spoil it). But at least the series didn't get cancelled before they got to write one.
If you have a suggestion for something to fill the Medium-shaped hole, something warm and safe and predictable, but with a good heart, just let me know. Until then, I'll be watching Misfits (also ace).
Night, Allison. At least you can get a good night's kip, now.
Medium was always a safe place to go- somehow warm and cosy, despite featuring gruesome murders every week. The safeness was in Allison's family unit, three fantastically-cast daughters, and her cynical-but-caring husband Joe Dubois. It's not too great a leap to say that their (fictional-ish) romantic set-up made me realise what was possible from a relationship- to have a partner who challenges you, but who is also your best friend. I'll miss their chats in bed, even if I do wonder why Allison always sleeps in those bloody pyjamas.
That's not to say I've always approved of Joe; he was casting doubts on Allison's psychic abilities for long after he should have just accepted that SHE IS RIGHT. But on the whole, their relationship was a thing of wonder and warmth, and I always envied it. They spoke to each other like real people do. The acting by all involved was excellent, but especially by the children, considering I can't stand children usually. Bridget is just like a mini adult.
I think it must be quite difficult to strike a balance with a drama about ghosts to not go too schlocky, but I think Medium managed it. That's not to say it didn't have it's quirky (OK, bonkers) moments. But on the whole, the ghosts were the least most important thing. I didn't even mind that most of the time you could guess what was going to happen at the end. I liked seeing her wake up again and again and again. I knew where I was with things then. Plus it's cool that the main character is female, and her husband just has to rub along with her life.
I remember thinking in the early days that Allison might have a bunk up with Lee Scanlon, the hunky detective, but she never did. I wasn't sure about his missus at first either, but apparently they're a good match (see the last series for confirmation). I will miss him. I will miss Devalos, too- even though he was an old cynic for way too long, as well. But mostly I'll miss Allison. She was one of the most realistic people on TV- even though I don't even believe in psychics! She was just cool and kind, and I would have liked her as a friend.
OK, so the last episode was a bit rubbish (I won't spoil it). But at least the series didn't get cancelled before they got to write one.
If you have a suggestion for something to fill the Medium-shaped hole, something warm and safe and predictable, but with a good heart, just let me know. Until then, I'll be watching Misfits (also ace).
Night, Allison. At least you can get a good night's kip, now.
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