Save Spencer and Heidi! I've phoned twice, I think that's my limit. So today my 'research' found that Spencer was touting a sex tape of Heidi and one of those twins Denise Welch sexually assaulted last year when they split up. That's true love, right? It's probably why she got back with him, just to shut him up.
My boyfriend wants Frankie out and thinks people might forget to vote for him. Plus it would serve him right for thinking he's so popular he'll stay in. I'm not so sure, I'm pretty sure Paula's a goner.
Crowd are chanting 'get Paula out'. That will be good for her mental illness. Drop her out!
The thing with Heidi and Spencer is they've threatened shit, but they've not done anything except be a bit frigid and controlling. They were even bigging up Toadfish yesterday. Where's our super villians? Toadfish probably thinks that's gonna win him the show. Which goes to show how little he knows.
Shit-stir task! I love the shit-stir tasks. And Heidi gets to pick on Lacey. Gunge is a bit 80s, though.
Razor on Gillian covered in gunk: 'like her face when she got out of the Range Rover.' Gillian was quite a good sport about that. Razor hasn't bugged me as much as I thought he was going to so far.
Is Paula actually helping out on this task? Or just piously telling Heidi's she's got everything wrong?
What did Paula do in Take That's last video? Make the tea?
'If you said you fell in a ditch, she'd say she fell off a cliff.' Paula: 'I don't even know what that means.' Get a sense of humour, you miserable cow. ALL of them have said similar things about Paula. Negative?! Fucking hell, she should know. Get her out! Paula got a bigger boo after that. She's got her coat on, so she's obviously ready to roll. I wanted to see what dirt they said about Heidi and Spencer in that task.
Vote beg. Will Heidi and Spencer even do it? Rylan: 'say something about horses.' Heidi and Spencer: the jetlag defence. I'm surprised they even bothered. Spencer didn't get a word in edgeways.
Paula looks nice with a bit of slap on.
The first thing out of Sam's mouth this week and he says 'trollop'. Should have kept that mouth shut, you sexist dick.
It's grannies bathtime; mind the gap. Don't worry, I'm an equal opportunities hater; Razor is more grotesque than all of them. Paula is being a bit aggressive with that bottle. Seal off the area.
What is Rylan squirting at people? Crisp and dry?
Gillian's non-blowjob account is about as realistic as Paula's 'swerved to avoid a deer' story.He had pancreatic problems and he undid his trousers? WTF. Lacey: 'so what if you did.' LOL. 'We can't lie, everyone's done it.' Speak for yourself! That made me laugh. I would like to have seen a close up on Heidi's face when she said that.
Yeah let that trollop Sam push the button. Fail, fail, fail! They passed! See Razor's tattoo? 'To dare is to do.'
Can I just make my position on onesies clear? They are vile. They suit no one. They are babygros for adults. We will look back and laugh at all those who ever zipped themselves into one. Not even skinny people look good in them. Here ends the onesie speech.
Paula: 'you're a jockey, what the hell do you know?' What 'career' does Paula have? Tabloid nutcase.
Rylan's hair looks AWFUL. It's too black. I'd like to see his ginger roots.
Spencer in the Diary Room: 'I wouldn't want to hang out with us, either.' Ha. Hold on, what about the jetlag? Have they still got it? Did they change their mind overnight?
Kevin Bacon would be good in CBB. I think he costs a bit too much, though.
What the fuck is with these Neighbours adverts with Toadfish in? It's like brainwashing!
If you're watching on Channel 5 plus 1, go fuck yourself.
Paula's got something for Heidi. Is it the stash? Why is Spencer always wearing teacher fleeces? Heidi is giving Paula a bracelet that's 'divine love from God and everything like that.' Cool. This is like Alcoholics Anonymous or something. It will be a shame to break up this party.
WTF is a karate license? Which colour belt is that? She's quite threatening! Hide the knives.
Frankie on Rylan on X Factor: 'another fucking dickhead putting it on.' Charming! Frankie needs to work on his 'reassurance'. He's really upset him! Ha. Drop me out, Rylan. Pull yourself together.
Notice how Frankie's getting a bad edit now the voting has closed? Skulduggery!
LOL to Razor telling it like it is, 'so you've upset him'. A bit of straight talk doesn't go awry in that house. Rylan: 'it was just a tired cry - I just needed five minutes.' Rylan's looking pasty.
Rylan to Paula: 'you keep me sane.' Enough said.
Natalie Cassidy: get off my screen or I'll get my mascara out. What's going on with her fringe? Honestly, she was on The Wright Stuff this week, too. The only place I want to see Natalie Cassidy is on Very Important People and I think they've cancelled that show (boo). A Natalie Cassidy advert followed by an advert about tackling 'soapscum'. These jokes write themselves.
Brian: 'I'm actually quite excited.' Don't go overboard. 'Get Paula out.' There's nothing wrong with her ears, is there.
Why has she come out in John McCruick's hat? Diet Coke! It is a bit of a shame she's gone considering how much deadwood there is in the house, but I suppose it's to be expected and at least it wasn't the terrible twosome. That was the shortest time before an ad break ever. It's like watching US TV.
Is that Brian's earpiece we can hear? That could be interesting! How does he concentrate with that in his ear? Notice it was all the dullards who voted Paula out.
The crowd shouting 'who are ya?' Charming! Is that it for Paula's interview? That was about three seconds. 'Off, off, off, off!' We're a charming bunch, you can see why Alex Jones hates us all. Why does Paula hate Frankie so much?
Paula looks livid watching her best bits. Start blaming the editing!
This twist is going to be good because everyone's going to be slagging them off when they're in the 'bedsit'. God save the Queen! LOL and they get immunity next week! Hilarious. I'm looking forward to seeing the new basement. What does that house smell like?!
LOL to Spencer dismissing Heidi's strategy. So what was the twist going to be if Spencer and Heidi weren't saved? FIX, etc. Do you think they had a Paula-style basement set up too? No. I think it will the be like the 'crypt'; TV gold, except this WILL be TV gold. Could do with some live feed now!