You might be surprised to learn that this po-faced feminist worked at a plastic surgery clinic for just under a year about six or seven years ago (I won't say which one, and then I wont get sued!). It was a funny time in my life, as I kind of gave up on writing a bit and decided to train to be a counsellor whilst working four days a week as a bookings co-ordinator. I dropped out of my counselling diploma when I realised I couldn't even own up to my own myriad of problems, let alone deal with other peoples. The main thing I remember then saying to me is, 'why do you always hide being that notebook?' The writing was on the wall.
Plastic surgery was a means to an end, but an interesting ride. I enjoyed seeing people come in and go out bruised, and the receptionist there, who was absolutely lovely, had taken full advantage of all the 'freebies'. She had the botox, the lips, the boobs. Yeah, I could have had free plastic surgery. But I didn't!
This programme starts with boobs being manhandled on an operating table, a sight I could see any time I wanted. We worked in a small 6-bed hospital, and I was allowed to watch the boob jobs, in fact on my first day I was taken into theatre and saw a women on a slab like a piece of meat. I'm anti surgery anyway, but that would put you off for life. My colleague went to watch a tummy tuck one day. I refused.
What those few months taught me is that plastic surgery is just about selling a product. They sell, sell, sell and then every morning, they do the 'redos'. Not happy with your face? Come in and we'll fix it. Not what you wanted? We'll give you a freebie. You're not a person- you're putty. And the surgeons have a complete God complex.
My job was to take phonecalls and keep track of the breast implants, lap bands and stomach balloons. The death rate of people dying from gastric band surgery is very high, but I think they readily admit that. By the time you get that big, you're desperate. I'm glad I didn't have to sell the surgery. Well, I wouldn't have been able to. I've never been a salesperson, and I wouldn't encourage someone to mutilate themselves for money. Even I have some standards. I get the feeling Robert Webb (narrating this programme) would be less picky.
Ha, 80% of the staff have had treatments! I'm not at all surprised. Thank god I got out when I did!
So some guy called 'Magoo' who smokes 50 a day is having botox. The surgeon looks permanently surprised. Why do people like the botox look, it's gross! It's revolting to not be able to smile or frown. What are we, robots?
What industry is Magoo in, I wonder? I think he's either a used-car salesman or a TV psychic. There is something particularly odious about men having it. Women have been subjugated for years by the beauty industry. You'd have thought men would have considered themselves lucky to be out of it, not keen to jump on board.
With the hair transplants, I think men need to act whilst they've still got some, if you go from bald to Bon Jovi overnight, people are going to smell a rat. Just look at Brian Molko.
I know some of these surgeons, no names mentioned. One used to shout at me quite a lot. I used to have to make him a cup of tea and he'd get mad. These surgenus are like celebs doing the circuit. Why are they called Mr and not Dr, you might ask? There was a reason for that, but I can't remember it. Still, it's a bit fishy, innit?
I hate the thought of 19-year-old girls mutilating themselves. They should be forced to read 'The Beauty Myth' by Naomi Wolf before they sign the consent form.
Ugh I just saw someone chiselling someone's nose off. OMG! Gross. I just looked up at a BAD moment.
Hmm, they did have a bit of a dig at Transform at the end. A loyalty card? Oh dear. What if you die of gastric band surgery? Can your family get a facelift with your points? It's a slippery slope, isn't it?
I don't miss the plastic surgery business. But it was a fun ride. You just need to know when to get off.
Showing posts with label boobs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label boobs. Show all posts
Thursday, 2 June 2011
Sunday, 3 May 2009
BBC3: Kirsten's Topless Ambition
You may NOT remember children's TV presenter Kirsten O' Brien from the broom cupboard (that must have been after the Schofield/ Crane/ Anstis golden era) or Smart, the art show WITHOUT that creepy guy in it (no, not Tony Hart, Neil Buchanan- and yes, I did have to look up his name).
Having watched many of her contempories speed past her on the career ladder (except Mark Speight who sadly wound up dead), she wondered if a route to moving to the next step could be to get her boobs out. Great. What a good example to the next generation.
She offended me within the first five seconds by refering to her breasts as 'norks' and then 'puppies'. Blergh.
Aw, she wants to be Cat Deeley, Mylene Klass or Fearne Cotton. Personally, I want to shoot the three of them. But hold on, I don't remember them getting their bits out (and I'm sure I would have). Oh, they did bikini shoots in FHM. That could have just been a coincidence, though.
Christ, Kirsten's stand up comedy must be pretty dire if that was her best joke. It was sad when she went out on the street to see if anyone recognised her and no one did. I would have, peculiarly. But I probably wouldn't have been able to name her.
What kind of person calls their breasts knockers?! I don't even like the word 'tits'.
Kirsten went to meet her friend presenter Angelica Bell (who I'd never heard of, but she did look vaguely familiar- although, less so than Kirsten) who modelled for FHM and then got a job on the One Show. From what I've seen, pretty much anyone can get a job on the One Show, it's bloody awful!
Angelica said she was so flattered that they wanted her to do it, 'I thought i'd never be in a men's mag, who would think I'm sexy?' For God's sake, they have any old boot-faced nobody from Big Brother in them; it's not about sexy, it's about 'let's see who we can get to take their clothes off for cash!' Like in casting couch pornos, basically. If you think that says anything about your own sexual worth, I pity you. She said 'it's not hurting anyone, it's not harming anyone' but actually, as a children's television presenter, it is. It's saying the sum of your parts is your body, not your presenting skills, and it puts women back. Ant and Dec didn't strip off to get gigs. They just worked hard. Kirsten did make this point later, to be fair, but then she said, it doesn't occur for blokes but for women..' but doesn't she understand the reason WHY that is? Because it's the EASY option to just be that bit of fluff, that airhead on a magazine. It's easy for men to put us in that box, espeically when we're so keen to get inside it ourselves. It's also tragic. I only ever wanted to be brainy.
I found it interesting what the agent she went to see said about 'dressing for where you want to be, not for where you are.' That's a fair point. And he was right; as she is still working in kid's TV it could damage her career greatly to go down the sexy route.
It was weird when she went to Zoo and met some glamour model who just introduced herself with her boobs out and made no attempt to cover herself up. What a weird alternative universe.
I was amused when she went to see a 'stylist to the stars' who said he just saw her 'as some twat from the broom cupboard.' URGH, then he told her she needed to bare her soul (ie. spill the beans on the Mark Speight drug/suicide tragedy) 'not in a tacky way, but in a Grazia way'. Gross! I'm glad she said she wasn't willing to do that (even if it wasn't directly to his face) He said 'thats the way we use the media.' No. That's the way the media uses YOU. Then he told her very matter-of-factly, 'men are not going to wank over you.' Good. That should be the best news she's had all day.
She went to Front magazine (no, me neither) who said they catered for the more emo-girls-with-their-jugs-out market. How very alternative! The offices looked full of the biggest losers of all time; blokes who could only dream of losing their virginity once they move out of their mum's.
Next Kirsten went to Anthea Turner's (insert mention of OK/ chocolate bar here) mansion to ask her about getting her kit of for Tatler (I must have wiped that particular image from my brain). It doesn't really matter if it's Tatler or Nuts, it only takes one look at your boobs, doesn't it. But then Anthea's boobs were covered by a snake (insert joke about Grant Bovey here). Anthea advised her not to do it.
Kirsten's next stop was Hooters, where they look for girls 'with a bubbly personality'. So they'd employ someone who was a size 16, yeah? Don't make me laugh. I doubt if those shorts go much higher than a 12. Oh God, then she went to see Peter Stringfellow. Fuck me. His definition of sexy appears to be two-tone hair. He told her to go be the new Carol Vorderman as she wasn't sexy! I don't think Stringfellow was saying that you can't be funny and sexy (look at me for example..!) I think he was saying Kirsten isn't funny and sexy.
It was sad when she went to FHM and he basically said they weren't interested and she got her polaroids out. He said 'you're borderline, you have an acceptable face.' Charming! Then she said 'it's good to hear.' No it isn't! Even I thought it was harsh and he wasn't saying it to me.
So in the end, she decided not to do it (mainly because no one wanted her to). Maybe she can be the new Natalie Cassidy, or Alesha Dixon, doing frilly little documentaries about body image for BBC3. Oh.
Having watched many of her contempories speed past her on the career ladder (except Mark Speight who sadly wound up dead), she wondered if a route to moving to the next step could be to get her boobs out. Great. What a good example to the next generation.
She offended me within the first five seconds by refering to her breasts as 'norks' and then 'puppies'. Blergh.
Aw, she wants to be Cat Deeley, Mylene Klass or Fearne Cotton. Personally, I want to shoot the three of them. But hold on, I don't remember them getting their bits out (and I'm sure I would have). Oh, they did bikini shoots in FHM. That could have just been a coincidence, though.
Christ, Kirsten's stand up comedy must be pretty dire if that was her best joke. It was sad when she went out on the street to see if anyone recognised her and no one did. I would have, peculiarly. But I probably wouldn't have been able to name her.
What kind of person calls their breasts knockers?! I don't even like the word 'tits'.
Kirsten went to meet her friend presenter Angelica Bell (who I'd never heard of, but she did look vaguely familiar- although, less so than Kirsten) who modelled for FHM and then got a job on the One Show. From what I've seen, pretty much anyone can get a job on the One Show, it's bloody awful!
Angelica said she was so flattered that they wanted her to do it, 'I thought i'd never be in a men's mag, who would think I'm sexy?' For God's sake, they have any old boot-faced nobody from Big Brother in them; it's not about sexy, it's about 'let's see who we can get to take their clothes off for cash!' Like in casting couch pornos, basically. If you think that says anything about your own sexual worth, I pity you. She said 'it's not hurting anyone, it's not harming anyone' but actually, as a children's television presenter, it is. It's saying the sum of your parts is your body, not your presenting skills, and it puts women back. Ant and Dec didn't strip off to get gigs. They just worked hard. Kirsten did make this point later, to be fair, but then she said, it doesn't occur for blokes but for women..' but doesn't she understand the reason WHY that is? Because it's the EASY option to just be that bit of fluff, that airhead on a magazine. It's easy for men to put us in that box, espeically when we're so keen to get inside it ourselves. It's also tragic. I only ever wanted to be brainy.
I found it interesting what the agent she went to see said about 'dressing for where you want to be, not for where you are.' That's a fair point. And he was right; as she is still working in kid's TV it could damage her career greatly to go down the sexy route.
It was weird when she went to Zoo and met some glamour model who just introduced herself with her boobs out and made no attempt to cover herself up. What a weird alternative universe.
I was amused when she went to see a 'stylist to the stars' who said he just saw her 'as some twat from the broom cupboard.' URGH, then he told her she needed to bare her soul (ie. spill the beans on the Mark Speight drug/suicide tragedy) 'not in a tacky way, but in a Grazia way'. Gross! I'm glad she said she wasn't willing to do that (even if it wasn't directly to his face) He said 'thats the way we use the media.' No. That's the way the media uses YOU. Then he told her very matter-of-factly, 'men are not going to wank over you.' Good. That should be the best news she's had all day.
She went to Front magazine (no, me neither) who said they catered for the more emo-girls-with-their-jugs-out market. How very alternative! The offices looked full of the biggest losers of all time; blokes who could only dream of losing their virginity once they move out of their mum's.
Next Kirsten went to Anthea Turner's (insert mention of OK/ chocolate bar here) mansion to ask her about getting her kit of for Tatler (I must have wiped that particular image from my brain). It doesn't really matter if it's Tatler or Nuts, it only takes one look at your boobs, doesn't it. But then Anthea's boobs were covered by a snake (insert joke about Grant Bovey here). Anthea advised her not to do it.
Kirsten's next stop was Hooters, where they look for girls 'with a bubbly personality'. So they'd employ someone who was a size 16, yeah? Don't make me laugh. I doubt if those shorts go much higher than a 12. Oh God, then she went to see Peter Stringfellow. Fuck me. His definition of sexy appears to be two-tone hair. He told her to go be the new Carol Vorderman as she wasn't sexy! I don't think Stringfellow was saying that you can't be funny and sexy (look at me for example..!) I think he was saying Kirsten isn't funny and sexy.
It was sad when she went to FHM and he basically said they weren't interested and she got her polaroids out. He said 'you're borderline, you have an acceptable face.' Charming! Then she said 'it's good to hear.' No it isn't! Even I thought it was harsh and he wasn't saying it to me.
So in the end, she decided not to do it (mainly because no one wanted her to). Maybe she can be the new Natalie Cassidy, or Alesha Dixon, doing frilly little documentaries about body image for BBC3. Oh.
Wednesday, 1 April 2009
The Sex Education Show vs Pornography (Weds)
It was the men's turn for ritual humiliation last night, and after complaining about the fannies the day before, I have to say, the willies weren't much to look at either. Why can't our sexual organs be a bit... sexier?
There was also a bit about sex toys yesterday. The presenter acted like she's never seen a gag or a dildo before. How ridiculous to say a guy can't compete with a vibrator! I find the human attached to the end of a penis to be be quite useful for, you know, going out and getting me a bag of chips after. Oh, and you know, the odd conversation.
Tonight they looked at if 'the porn star look' affects how 'normal' women look. Fearndia Cotwink (I haven't learnt her name yet) went to meet some very unrepresentative women who spend a grand a month on hair extensions and said things about 'pleasing my man'. After that FC decided to have a 'porn star makeover' which involved fake tan, falsh nails and so on (it was more of a WAG makeover). Then she went 'do I feel sexy, no I feel like a slag.' Nice! What a great word to put into teenager's heads, hearty congratulations. One thing you aint is a feminist. But you did look like a drag queen. Personally I don't care if other women want to look 'glam' or 'natural'- what's it got to do with sex, really? Not much. It's just about judging women, as ever. She said 'do you like what the porn look says about you?' but it's not a 'porn look'; some women just like dressing up, like the Snog, Marry, Avoid lot. If people judge you on that, I say fuck 'em.
The condom class was quite useful; why hasn't something better been invented by now? They're pretty rubbish aren't they? All that effort and squeaky latex; urgh. I'd rather not bother. It seems like they rip really easily, too! I think someone needs to sort this out; possibily in the Dragon's Den.
The porn star she interviewed said he does 'gay for pay'; but how does he get a hard on? Would viagra do it? I don't get it. Oh... my boyfriend explained it to me. You can go gay for pay... but only if you fancy it a bit.
There was also a bit about sex toys yesterday. The presenter acted like she's never seen a gag or a dildo before. How ridiculous to say a guy can't compete with a vibrator! I find the human attached to the end of a penis to be be quite useful for, you know, going out and getting me a bag of chips after. Oh, and you know, the odd conversation.
Tonight they looked at if 'the porn star look' affects how 'normal' women look. Fearndia Cotwink (I haven't learnt her name yet) went to meet some very unrepresentative women who spend a grand a month on hair extensions and said things about 'pleasing my man'. After that FC decided to have a 'porn star makeover' which involved fake tan, falsh nails and so on (it was more of a WAG makeover). Then she went 'do I feel sexy, no I feel like a slag.' Nice! What a great word to put into teenager's heads, hearty congratulations. One thing you aint is a feminist. But you did look like a drag queen. Personally I don't care if other women want to look 'glam' or 'natural'- what's it got to do with sex, really? Not much. It's just about judging women, as ever. She said 'do you like what the porn look says about you?' but it's not a 'porn look'; some women just like dressing up, like the Snog, Marry, Avoid lot. If people judge you on that, I say fuck 'em.
The condom class was quite useful; why hasn't something better been invented by now? They're pretty rubbish aren't they? All that effort and squeaky latex; urgh. I'd rather not bother. It seems like they rip really easily, too! I think someone needs to sort this out; possibily in the Dragon's Den.
The porn star she interviewed said he does 'gay for pay'; but how does he get a hard on? Would viagra do it? I don't get it. Oh... my boyfriend explained it to me. You can go gay for pay... but only if you fancy it a bit.
Monday, 30 March 2009
The Sex Educations Show vs Pornography
I never saw this last series but I heard it was quite good, so here we go. Apparently a third of all children learn about sex through porn. Urgh! How awful. The average teenager watches 90 minutes of porn per WEEK! Wow. That's a lot.
There is something disturbing about hearing a child say 'anal, vaginal and oral sex'. But then, so there should be.
I remember my friend and I finding a grotty old porno with the pages stuck together in a car park; which seems so cliched a way to find out about porn it almost seems made up. I remember we had pay-per-view porn in my house when I was about 13 (I lived with all men) and being a bit disgusted but mainly uninterested by it. Looking back; it was as tame as could be.
Haha, 50% of all internet traffic relates to porn (best put more sex words in my tags, see my hits rise!) and 90% of all children have viewed porn accidentally. That's actually horrible. I am so glad the internet wasn't even invented when I was a child. I actually left the house on occasion.
My sex education at school was absolutely pathetic; I doubt if we had more than one lesson on it. My mum wasn't very helpful either; and when my first boyfriend suggested we had sex I ran away and put about 15 layers of clothing on for the next time I saw him; I had never even considered such a thing. I guess it's that concentrated loss of innocence which is the horrible thing about children and porn; and just how little porn illustrates how (adult) lovers actually relate to each other as humans.
Wow, those women were BRAVE who got naked to show kids what 'real' bodies looked like. It is actually quite shocking that society (ie. the media) shows such an unrealistic portrayal of what womens bodies look like that it has to be pointed out that 'look- this is normal'. Just think about that for a minute! How damaging that is to adults, let alone children. It's actually sick. Hold on, how come we didn't get to see naked male bodies too? Swizz! Sad to hear girls say they want to be thin; I never wanted to be thin. Just not fat! Haha.
Hmm, interesting that the presenter looked for porn online and found some child porn 'within minutes' just from a basic search. I have looked for porn before (come on, who hasn't?!) and have never found porn of that kind, and would presume (and hope!) such a thing would be very difficult to find.
The faces of the parents watching the porn was hilarious. I think the past couple of generations are quite unique in that children know how to use computers and often parents don't, so parents just aren't clued up on what is available out there and kids get away with murder.
How weird that the boys all liked the plastic boobs and said they looked nice and firm. Firm is not a good thing for boobs to be! Boobs should be squashy! Then the girls said boys wanted their boobs to be hard! Hard??? No, that's penises, not boobs! Tragic, really.
God, it makes me realise just how straight I am when forced to stare into another woman's fanny. Even so, I don't think they should give girls tips on how to shave just because blokes like them bald. Once you grow up, you find not every bloke models his ideal woman on something from The Sun (thank god). Hearing the girls saying they wanted to shave to 'impress the boys' was just depressing. I just never had that mentality; of wanting to impress or fit in in any way shape or form. As for boys 'getting grossed out' by fanny; if you're grossed out by it, you're probably gay.
So all mobile phones come with a lock to stop kids looking at porn. Great. I bet it takes the average 14-year-old about 10 seconds to crack that online. If old grannies like me can do torrents and so on, then I don't think breaking into an IPhone is really beyond the capabilities of a horny teenager.
This show was good, but the presenter was really fucking annoying, like the mutant offspring of Fearne Cotton and Claudia Winkleman. And you don't need me to tell you how bad that is.
Another one tomorrow! This could be a busy week in Exitainmentville.
There is something disturbing about hearing a child say 'anal, vaginal and oral sex'. But then, so there should be.
I remember my friend and I finding a grotty old porno with the pages stuck together in a car park; which seems so cliched a way to find out about porn it almost seems made up. I remember we had pay-per-view porn in my house when I was about 13 (I lived with all men) and being a bit disgusted but mainly uninterested by it. Looking back; it was as tame as could be.
Haha, 50% of all internet traffic relates to porn (best put more sex words in my tags, see my hits rise!) and 90% of all children have viewed porn accidentally. That's actually horrible. I am so glad the internet wasn't even invented when I was a child. I actually left the house on occasion.
My sex education at school was absolutely pathetic; I doubt if we had more than one lesson on it. My mum wasn't very helpful either; and when my first boyfriend suggested we had sex I ran away and put about 15 layers of clothing on for the next time I saw him; I had never even considered such a thing. I guess it's that concentrated loss of innocence which is the horrible thing about children and porn; and just how little porn illustrates how (adult) lovers actually relate to each other as humans.
Wow, those women were BRAVE who got naked to show kids what 'real' bodies looked like. It is actually quite shocking that society (ie. the media) shows such an unrealistic portrayal of what womens bodies look like that it has to be pointed out that 'look- this is normal'. Just think about that for a minute! How damaging that is to adults, let alone children. It's actually sick. Hold on, how come we didn't get to see naked male bodies too? Swizz! Sad to hear girls say they want to be thin; I never wanted to be thin. Just not fat! Haha.
Hmm, interesting that the presenter looked for porn online and found some child porn 'within minutes' just from a basic search. I have looked for porn before (come on, who hasn't?!) and have never found porn of that kind, and would presume (and hope!) such a thing would be very difficult to find.
The faces of the parents watching the porn was hilarious. I think the past couple of generations are quite unique in that children know how to use computers and often parents don't, so parents just aren't clued up on what is available out there and kids get away with murder.
How weird that the boys all liked the plastic boobs and said they looked nice and firm. Firm is not a good thing for boobs to be! Boobs should be squashy! Then the girls said boys wanted their boobs to be hard! Hard??? No, that's penises, not boobs! Tragic, really.
God, it makes me realise just how straight I am when forced to stare into another woman's fanny. Even so, I don't think they should give girls tips on how to shave just because blokes like them bald. Once you grow up, you find not every bloke models his ideal woman on something from The Sun (thank god). Hearing the girls saying they wanted to shave to 'impress the boys' was just depressing. I just never had that mentality; of wanting to impress or fit in in any way shape or form. As for boys 'getting grossed out' by fanny; if you're grossed out by it, you're probably gay.
So all mobile phones come with a lock to stop kids looking at porn. Great. I bet it takes the average 14-year-old about 10 seconds to crack that online. If old grannies like me can do torrents and so on, then I don't think breaking into an IPhone is really beyond the capabilities of a horny teenager.
This show was good, but the presenter was really fucking annoying, like the mutant offspring of Fearne Cotton and Claudia Winkleman. And you don't need me to tell you how bad that is.
Another one tomorrow! This could be a busy week in Exitainmentville.
Wednesday, 4 February 2009
Documentary: The World's Most Enhanced Woman and Me
Is this a new series of this, or a repeat? Mark Dolan (i.e. the male Dawn Porter) this week goes to find the women who has deformed herself most grotesquely with boob jobs. I was going to blog this last week when he did the world's cleverest child but it was kind of boring. Give me Dawn having an orgy any day. And I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way.
Anyway, this week Fauxis Theroux went to meet women with HUGE boobs. These women made Jordan look like Keira Knightley. I thought this had gone out of fashion, too, but apparently there are still a few mega-freaks out there.
I thought it was interesting to find out 'why', why indeed? Men, money, insecurity?
The first woman he met showed him her old four-and-a-half litre implants, which looked exactly like the kind of bags you take home from the fair with a goldfish in. Nice. It leaked into her body and made her brain swell up. Yummy!
He didn't seem to learn much from the first woman he met; he just seemed to be objectifying her. Hmm. Then he went to meet a big boob fan (i.e. a sleaze). This led him to a woman called Minka who had a stupid amount of cleavage and yorkshire terriers.
Minka had 4 litre breasts and a tiny waist. Each one weighs the equivalent of 4 bags of sugar and they were four times bigger than her head. As Placebo once said, 'there's no escaping gravity.'
Her manager 'Woody' called her 'a commodity' and said 'have you ever seen an Asian that looks like that?' Charmed, I'm sure!
The sad part was, she actually wanted to be a tennis player, but her 'manager' (who also stars with her in the films) decided on another future for her. Sucking his cock and disfiguring herself.
How she can play tennis with those boobs, I have no idea. Mark Dolan stood there looking disgusted, but that was about it.
Next Mark went to Brazil to meet Shayla Hershey who was having an operation to become the most enhanced woman in the world. She doesn't do porn or go topless, she's more of a Jordan figure (without the glamour start in life). Her boobs are so big, she is bent over with a bad back. Great. It was weird watching her jiggling her boobs for photos in the shopping mall. Even Jordan isn't that shameless.
It turned out her boyfriend persuaded her to have the breast implants. Oh dear. It was actually quite disturbing when she was posing for pics straight after her operation; something wasn't right in her head. She didn't seem very happy, did she?
I like it when my blog is about something naughty. Watch my hits go up as disappointed men find my blog instead of enormo-jug action.
Anyway, this week Fauxis Theroux went to meet women with HUGE boobs. These women made Jordan look like Keira Knightley. I thought this had gone out of fashion, too, but apparently there are still a few mega-freaks out there.
I thought it was interesting to find out 'why', why indeed? Men, money, insecurity?
The first woman he met showed him her old four-and-a-half litre implants, which looked exactly like the kind of bags you take home from the fair with a goldfish in. Nice. It leaked into her body and made her brain swell up. Yummy!
He didn't seem to learn much from the first woman he met; he just seemed to be objectifying her. Hmm. Then he went to meet a big boob fan (i.e. a sleaze). This led him to a woman called Minka who had a stupid amount of cleavage and yorkshire terriers.
Minka had 4 litre breasts and a tiny waist. Each one weighs the equivalent of 4 bags of sugar and they were four times bigger than her head. As Placebo once said, 'there's no escaping gravity.'
Her manager 'Woody' called her 'a commodity' and said 'have you ever seen an Asian that looks like that?' Charmed, I'm sure!
The sad part was, she actually wanted to be a tennis player, but her 'manager' (who also stars with her in the films) decided on another future for her. Sucking his cock and disfiguring herself.
How she can play tennis with those boobs, I have no idea. Mark Dolan stood there looking disgusted, but that was about it.
Next Mark went to Brazil to meet Shayla Hershey who was having an operation to become the most enhanced woman in the world. She doesn't do porn or go topless, she's more of a Jordan figure (without the glamour start in life). Her boobs are so big, she is bent over with a bad back. Great. It was weird watching her jiggling her boobs for photos in the shopping mall. Even Jordan isn't that shameless.
It turned out her boyfriend persuaded her to have the breast implants. Oh dear. It was actually quite disturbing when she was posing for pics straight after her operation; something wasn't right in her head. She didn't seem very happy, did she?
I like it when my blog is about something naughty. Watch my hits go up as disappointed men find my blog instead of enormo-jug action.
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