Boobs, bums and botox

You might be surprised to learn that this po-faced feminist worked at a plastic surgery clinic for just under a year about six or seven years ago (I won't say which one, and then I wont get sued!). It was a funny time in my life, as I kind of gave up on writing a bit and decided to train to be a counsellor whilst working four days a week as a bookings co-ordinator. I dropped out of my counselling diploma when I realised I couldn't even own up to my own myriad of problems, let alone deal with other peoples. The main thing I remember then saying to me is, 'why do you always hide being that notebook?' The writing was on the wall.
Plastic surgery was a means to an end, but an interesting ride. I enjoyed seeing people come in and go out bruised, and the receptionist there, who was absolutely lovely, had taken full advantage of all the 'freebies'. She had the botox, the lips, the boobs. Yeah, I could have had free plastic surgery. But I didn't!
This programme starts with boobs being manhandled on an operating table, a sight I could see any time I wanted. We worked in a small 6-bed hospital, and I was allowed to watch the boob jobs, in fact on my first day I was taken into theatre and saw a women on a slab like a piece of meat. I'm anti surgery anyway, but that would put you off for life. My colleague went to watch a tummy tuck one day. I refused.
What those few months taught me is that plastic surgery is just about selling a product. They sell, sell, sell and then every morning, they do the 'redos'. Not happy with your face? Come in and we'll fix it. Not what you wanted? We'll give you a freebie. You're not a person- you're putty. And the surgeons have a complete God complex.
My job was to take phonecalls and keep track of the breast implants, lap bands and stomach balloons. The death rate of people dying from gastric band surgery is very high, but I think they readily admit that. By the time you get that big, you're desperate. I'm glad I didn't have to sell the surgery. Well, I wouldn't have been able to. I've never been a salesperson, and I wouldn't encourage someone to mutilate themselves for money. Even I have some standards. I get the feeling Robert Webb (narrating this programme) would be less picky.
Ha, 80% of the staff have had treatments! I'm not at all surprised. Thank god I got out when I did!
So some guy called 'Magoo' who smokes 50 a day is having botox. The surgeon looks permanently surprised. Why do people like the botox look, it's gross! It's revolting to not be able to smile or frown. What are we, robots?
What industry is Magoo in, I wonder? I think he's either a used-car salesman or a TV psychic. There is something particularly odious about men having it. Women have been subjugated for years by the beauty industry. You'd have thought men would have considered themselves lucky to be out of it, not keen to jump on board.
With the hair transplants, I think men need to act whilst they've still got some, if you go from bald to Bon Jovi overnight, people are going to smell a rat. Just look at Brian Molko.
I know some of these surgeons, no names mentioned. One used to shout at me quite a lot. I used to have to make him a cup of tea and he'd get mad. These surgenus are like celebs doing the circuit. Why are they called Mr and not Dr, you might ask? There was a reason for that, but I can't remember it. Still, it's a bit fishy, innit?
I hate the thought of 19-year-old girls mutilating themselves. They should be forced to read 'The Beauty Myth' by Naomi Wolf before they sign the consent form.
Ugh I just saw someone chiselling someone's nose off. OMG! Gross. I just looked up at a BAD moment.
Hmm, they did have a bit of a dig at Transform at the end. A loyalty card? Oh dear. What if you die of gastric band surgery? Can your family get a facelift with your points? It's a slippery slope, isn't it?
I don't miss the plastic surgery business. But it was a fun ride. You just need to know when to get off.

Leslie Ash: Face to Face

I used to work for a cosmetic surgery chain, and every single day the first op was a repair job. Not a repair of someone's wrinkly face, or saggy boobs, but of the surgeon's botched last job, a redo. It was treated as casually as can be (as were issues of hygene and privacy, on my first day there I was shown a woman on the operating table getting her boobs cut open, and I don't think she had much of a say in it). I could have got cut-price plastic surgery, had I wanted it. I could think of few things I want less.
Never has there been a harsher lesson in vanity than for Leslie Ash. Utterly disfigured and mocked and all because of a freebie lip job (and also allegedly beaten by her husband, then hospitalised and nearly paralysed, but that's another story). I thought she came across as a very honest and emotional person in this documentary. You could see how much it was affecting her at times. It must be so horrific to be basically deformed by your own hand and for everyone to be so unsympathetic. I felt sorry for her, and I liked her.
At the fake botox party how rude was that woman saying 'my dad told me I was going to come back looking like Leslie Ash' (to Leslie Ash!) I thought she took that quite well. It is mad anyone (i.e. not a doctor) can inject cosmetic fillers; that is just plain wrong.
The guy Barrie who had plastic injected into his face and his nose nearly dropped off didn't look too bad now, but it looked horrific at the time. It must be awful to be quite vain anyway and to be that unlucky.
That injectable boob job looked quite good. I bet they deflate quite rapidly though. It'd be rubbish if you were having sex and that happened.
I can't believe someone let Leslie Ash inject their lips. Madness! That's got to be bad luck, at the very least.
Fuck me, Toyah Wilcox's facelift looked good. That would tempt even me. God, turkey neck! I'm so looking forward to getting old. Remind me not to go clothes shopping with Toyah, though, her bare-faced telling Leslie Ash she was beautiful was scarily convincing.
So, would I ever have botox? No. I have this other great solution; a fringe!
But would I say never to plastic surgery, like when I'm 50? Even though I'm a hardened feminist and believe it's what's inside that counts and all that bullshit, do I totally rule it out?
No way! Besides, in the future it'll be all painless and foolproof and stuff. Shit, I keep forgetting the future isn't light-years away- it's nearly here! (so why haven't they invented flying cars yet!?)