Thursday, 27 June 2013

Big Brother 2013: This whole place is a pile of wank

Hello, Big Brother family. Here we are, clinging on for dear life whilst everyone around us wonders why we're still bothering. But they don't know what we know. We will take any old shit they throw at us and we will enjoy it!
Dexter's bedhead - mmm mmm! My boyfriend is asking me who I'd sleep with out of this and that housemate. The answer is pretty much Dexter against everyone. He hates this task.
Callum is 'drawn to Charlie'. He's combing her hair! Is that a friend thing or a romantic thing? Neither, really.
Twin(s) moaning about food! Well, I never. Who cast these dullards in the house? They have NOTHING about them! Argggghhhhhh!
Wolfy's lesbianism called into question by Detective Dan! Get your story straight, Wolfy! Talking to insects: fine. Underage sex: hell, no. Dan is an idiot; girls do go out and have sex at 14! Plenty of places serve drinks to younger girls all over the country. Dan is barking up the wrong tree here. Just because HE wasn't shagging around at 14, a lot of people ARE. He didn't even come out until he was x age, did he? See, Gina got served at 14! I think Dan is just bored and looking for something to do and it's just in his nature to pick at things endlessly.
It aint all bad in quarantine, they've got Loreal products.
Hair shaving! Always a winner. This is cruel. Why are they torturing the contestants this year?! I mean, I'm all for it in a way, but can't it be ones of my choosing?!
At least we'll be able to tell the twins apart now! One's got a shaved head and his bum crack out. The other is fatter. LOL, at last we're seeing some teeth from Jack! That was the first time the twins interested me; when I could see them as two individuals.
Ha, Jackie's bottled it! Who can blame her? I feel like she's going to walk at this rate. I hope they let the others out soon, it would be funny after the head shaving nonsense!
Big Brother is making an old lady cry. Nice.
Jemima couldn't have her head shaved 'in her business.' What business is that?
Callum is wearing some grotesque shorts that look like something my brother would have worn in the 90s.
My boyfriend is moaning that the task is going on too long. They do always milk them a bit too much. It's because they've spent on the props and they want to get their money's worth.
Get the meat! The twins need their meat sweats. They look like they're going dead slow on this task. 'Don't you dare drop the ice cream.' How come Dan gets to pick what food they get? It'll be all donuts and bacon.
Gina - the lager lout! They're singling her out; it could be a racist incident. Lager, lager, lager! I like it when Gina acts like a spoilt princess. 'You can piss off'. I like Big Brother telling her to sit back down!
Ha, Gina is calling for her lawyer. Better call Saul. It's like the Playboy twins or Heidi and Spencer are back in the house! I like it when people act like prima donnas and throw their weight around. 
Gina, don't tell them you're not going to get the shopping because of you. The twins are going to stick you in that jail yourself. The first interesting thing Daley has said is his suggestion to 'round Gina up like a sheep.'
God, is it not bad enough Gina has to go to jail but she has to wear Wolfy's poncho, too? I bet it stinks! Gina: 'I don't need to eat.' Ha.
Oh, Dexter, stop crawling to BB, it doesn't suit you.
I'm glad Gina is safe. She looked so shocked when she was saved. Dexter and Jemima looked sick!
I wish Jemima would piss off. Hopefully she will tomorrow. The sound of her voice is like nails down 5,000 blackboards.
Gina's got Callum's seal of approval: 'you're a good person.' Thanks for that! She was funny in the Diary Room. She has got a real soft side. Gina's team Dexter, too! Give sleaze a chance: save Dexter. Send Jemima and her knee high socks packing.

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