Monday, 18 January 2010

Celebrity Big Brother 7: Slave to the vibe

Wow, Sov, your 'fanbase' sounds loud tonight. 'Get Sov out!' They must be keen to hear one of your delightful ditties.
Water bottle fun! Oh the Lord is playful today. Can we get rid of this fucking doofus yet, please?
Vinnie takes 'control freak' to scary fucking levels. Surely he can't still be favourite to win? He's so unreservedly unpleasant. I'd be sulking in Sov's place, I think.
Another good task today! The karaoke/ record player/ catfood task! They are pulling the props out this year! I have seen years where the tasks have been so useless; I feel like this bunch don't deserve such good tasks.
Has Sisqo seriously never heard 'living on a prayer' before? Hold on, why is Baldwin sitting on the side for this task? God moves in mysterious ways.
Bowers covered in custard! LOL. Sisqo knows NO SONGS whatsoever. Vinnie's not going to like all that food being wasted! He'll be scraping it up later and hoarding it from Sov.
I liked Sisqo saying 'that guy owes me money actually'. OMG how does Sisqo know this Another level song?! Dame Bowers! I knew you wouldn't let us down!
The puking/ retching was amusing. Sisqo is going to be in trubs!
Although Sov is extremely selfish; I blame her parents. I used to just wash up only my own stuff because I was a selfish little bitch too; sometimes you have to be shown how to be a caring, sharing sort of a person (normally it takes a functional relationship, as opposed to a dysfunctional family); and the way to do that is the lead by example and kindness, not by ostracising someone and telling them off. Steph called Sov 'a despicable non-entity!'. Not very classy. Remember this in future days, voters.
Oh god, Smoke-Gate: the return. They are ALL making my blood boil!
Oh Sov, you had some really good friends in that house in Sisqo and Basshunter. You should pin back your lugholes (tm. Jeremy Kyle) and listen to those boys.
Sov: 'i'm not cleaning a toilet'. Well, who do you expect to clean your shit up after you, you lazy fucking cunt? Everyone goes poo poo and pee pee! Why should someone else have to do it?
Slave to the vibe! Not just as good as Slave to the Wage by Placebo. Come on Dane, take this ho (!) down.
Baldwin and Vinnie are both duplicitous because they smarm up to her whilst stabbing her in the back in private. At least Dame told her to her face that she was rude and obnoxious. He didn't exactly 'destroy her' as promised, though. It was more of a mild maligning.
Eau de Kat! The malady lingers on.
Steph has clocked that Baldwin is 'game-planning' as the idiot contestants normally say. She's not wrong.
Baldwin sounded like he was on some nature documentary eyeing up the various talents of Alex.
The half-time talk was weird.
Stephanie's hair-piece reminds me of something a chav would buy from the 99p store and wear on the Jeremy Kyle show (second mention of the night). Oh Alex, please give it up with the 'morals of teenage society' bullshit. You're THIRTY FOUR.
Urgh Steph is so up herself! How do you think people survive who don't know how to make a meal? Very easily, they live on toast, crisps and chocolate, you stupid idiot. Have you never heard of the working classes?
Haha Dame vs Sov was tragic! I'm surprised no one pulled out 'my dad's bigger than your dad'. Vinnie sits peering at the manual! Enabler!
That's not a hamper, it's a shoe box. Jesus was soon forgotten in the scrum for the Daddies sauce. Aw, Alex had to pretend not to be more excited by mustard than the Bible.
OK so there's a key in the box; is anyone going to have a look for a keyhole? Anyone? Thought not.
Jonas is such an exhibitionist! He looked like a kid who forgot his PE kit in that outfit. I don't think I'd be that happy about him wandering around like that, but he's just looking for attention, so why give him it?!
Stephanie's face when Sov got evicted. This means NOTHING about how we feel about you, love.
Yay Sov heckled the crowd right back! That's exactly what I'd do. Sov, you came across like an utter cockspank in that interview. I didn't expect anything less. Your finest moment was sitting in a drawer. Well done.
At least I don't have to write the word 'Sov' anymore.
Speed noms! I'll do speed blogging of it.
Alex: anti-american- Sisqo! No love for the Dame! (Translation: he sees both as threats)
Dame: Ivana impression! Stevie B- STFU.
I like them adding up the noms as they go along. It helps me.
Ivana: Jonas naked hate (no hate for naked Alex). Stephen's getting a couple. Good!
Jonas: Revenge! Ivana in the loo! Disturbing Basshunter's poo-poo/ wank-fest. He doesn't like Sisqo either. Sisqo is ace!
Nicola: Stephen (thank fuck, can we get rid of him now!) Ivana: faffer!
All foreigners in the top three so far! Racist!
Sisqo: Ivana- bossy! Alex: bullying Stephen?! How about Vinnie bullying Alex?!!!
Stephanie: Stephen: camp! Ivana! OMG! I thought they were BFFs! Take that knife with you, I think Myleene Klass wants it back.
Stephen: Nicola T... that ship has sailed, Steve B. Dame Bowers. Nooooo. Not our Dame. Stephen's noms were the funniest.
Vinnie: please nominate yourself. Sisqo! Why all the hate for Sisqo? Threat! Threat! Threat! Alex. Aw, poor Alex.
All foreign eviction! Despite all my Steve B bashing, I'd like to see Ivana go as she's pointless. At least loony tunes gives us some good footage. Unfortunately, I think it will be our Lord and Saviour, Mr. Stephen Baldwin.

4 comments:

Monique said...

Erm Sisqo wasn't singing the Another Level song. The reason he (and practically every black person in the world) knows the words to 'Freak Me' is because it was a super R&B hit in 1992 by the American group 'Silk'.

It is an iconic legendary song, listen to the original. Another Level did not do it justice at all.

lightupvirginmary said...

sorry, my knowledge of 1992 American R&B is a bit rusty! ;-0

Monique said...

Lol, i'm so sorry!!!! I totally attacked you yesterday. I'm calm now, i was just so fed up with BB;s lack of research!!!!

First of all they had Sisqo down as a 1 hit wonder (although his 1ast solo album went 6x platinum spawning 4 hit singles, and his 2nd solo album went platinum. Not including his work with Dru Hill)

Then they have the cheek to suggest that he was singing the lyrics to Another level (no offence to dane bowers and co) but they took an AMAZING song turned into some drivel. And the whole of the Uk congratulates them for sampling someone elses song, BADLY!!

Anyway vent over, your blog is really good. Very well written, found it quite witty.


P.S I'm some sad loser, the only reason my 90's R&B trivia is up there is because i'm the youngest in a very musical family. 80/90's was the best for music. They do not make it like that anymore.

lightupvirginmary said...

Hey you should be proud of your music knowledge. If it was 1995 Britpop, I'd have a few words to say about any inconsistencies too!
If we're going to get angry about things the BB producers have done wrong it's going to be a LONG list! The live feed thing drives me mental!
Thanks for reading... I can take a bit of abuse- I dish out enough! :-)