Welcome. I'm poorly and grumpy so I won't be sparing the rod tonight. WTF is this round up thing? I have been watching it, you cunt. Get on with the show. Oh I see, nothing's happening!
Heidi fantasising about pimping out Kat! Saucy.
Thought Vinnie would end up as host. Poor Dame Bowers worrying about having his top off. Not much democracy on show there.
Seems Sisqo's not so keen on the man-thong. Sexist. He looked very dejected, bless him.
Should have forced Dame into the mankini! He wasn't very gracious towards Sisqo afterwards, either!
The hunk off was fun. Vinnie took to those hosting duties with all the panache of a primary school play rehearsal. How does he learn his lines? Sov wanted Sisqo's bling! 'Last and least'- Alex! Bless him.
Dame Bowers didn't even look that fat after all that. I think he's got self esteem issues. It's like wearing a sarong at the beach, it just makes you wonder what you're hiding under it. I liked his pink vest.
Jonas has got balls! He had it all on display! Stephanie was having a good old look.
Could have had a bit of a closer look at Sisqo's bits and bobs. His body looked quite good! I think Sov's got her eye on him.
Baldwin does poetry too! Gosh. God, Sisqo's singing is dire! I feel sorry for Alex; everything he does falls flat! Vinnie's gunning for him and he's making himself look like a mean little man.
Interim. Is there one person on the planet who enjoys 8 out of 10 cats? The team captains, Billy Mitchell, and a man so bland I bet his own mother has forgotten what he looks like, are so consistently unfunny it is actually offensive to watch. How Jimmy Carr can preside over it when he once hosted the brilliant Your Face or Mine? is beyond me. Add the brilliant raconteurs Bradley from Eastenders, a woman I've never seen before, Claudia Winkleman and Jamelia and it really is an utter cunt sandwich. The fact they are axing Big Brother whilst even spending money on the set for this bullshit proves that the people at Channel 4 are not just thick, but proudly thick. Wallowing in unfunny thick. Anyway, back to Davina.
So the new housemate is another old person; great. We need a tranny or something, or a Muslim or someone angry and psychotic to stir shit up. Not another old dear.
All Ivana is going to do is have a plastic surgery face-off with Stephanie. What's up with her ears? She looks like she's been hanging dumbells off her earlobes.
Kat's 'no one can blame me cos I'm stuck in a house with you' was a bit lame when she got in bed with him shortly after. No one forced her to do that. And I really didn't want to say that about her, but take responsibility for your actions, come on. If you REALLY have a boyfriend you care for, you'd be behaving differently. She does seem drunk, though. She sends out some MIXED signals. It's not really helping her image any. Basshunter's going to get burned, baby. Still, to all the pricks on Twitter calling her a slut (both men and women): you're virgins, right? That's the only way you can even begin to stand on ceremony.
Dear oh dear; that rabbit ventriloquist act looked terrible! Dame Bowers; too ashamed to sing with his own voice on telly; this guy is really born to lose. Kylie called, she thinks you're a chump.
Ivana's entrance was quite good. Does this mean we get to ditch Sov? Sov! Sov, where are you!
Tonight new housemate: epic fail. Bring on the 'victions.