Celebrity Big Brother is a poor man's Big Brother but with them binning it this year, it adds an extra frisson to proceedings. Let's enjoy these crumbs.
The house looks weird, like a granny mansion. Not sure about the diary room chair. S'alright, I spose. I like the little snug.
Stephen Baldwin first in. I always get those Baldwins confused. I think I like this one though. I seem to remember seeing him a film called Threesome, it was quite sexy. Oh god, evangelical Christian! Watch him go garrity any second. Oh dear, he went the wrong way. Not a good start.
I don't know who Nicola T is. She doesn't look very pretty, though. That WAGS workout looks like something Charlie Brooker made up. A single with Coolio? Is it Skankster's Paradise?!
Alex Reid seems alright. I'm surprised Jordan is letting him go in. He got a booing! I like an underdog. Why are they booing him? Because he's not Peter 'dignified silence' Andre?
Stephanie Beacham! Martha, Ken in Corrie's bit of stuff! What is she doing in there? Why are they doing these weird videos telling you about the person? The person should introduce herself.
Ken should have gone on that barge. She looks like a pretty lady.
Lady Sovereign looks quite good. I like her side pony. Dizzee Rascal would be better but she's just as good (ish). She looks a bit like Mel C but I won't hold that against her.
Sisqo! Thong, thong, thong, thong, thong! My boyfriend says he's bi. I forgot Sisqo existed, and was not unhappy with that situation. Why is he singing? Put a thong in it. Funny he knew Lady Sovereign when no one else did.
I can't stand Dane Bowers. He's like Peter Andre meets Anthony Costa but with less personality (somehow). And he's fat. I find the whole 'we didn't have a fight thing' a bit suspicious, can the papers really make up the whole thing? I trust the News of the World! *snigger*
I don't know who Heidi Fleiss is but she looks like Chrissy Hynde had sex with a Tweenie. Hopefully she'll push Baldwin off the wagon.
Ooh Placebo on that Daybreakers advert!
Basshunter is a douche. Fact. Should be good value, though. He should be forced to call himself Basshunter at all times. His music makes Calvin Harris look like Vivaldi.
Ekaterina! I'm looking forward to seeing what she's like. She's cute. Hope she fucks Basshunter. She sounds English. She looks scared.
OMG I can't STAND Vinnie Jones. He's such a cunt. Surely being an actor requires you to be able to play roles OTHER THAN YOURSELF. Why can't we have Danny Dyer (AKA Johnny Rubbish) instead?
Ad break: That 'don't advertise your stuff to thieves' advert gets on my NERVES! It's like telling women not to wear short skirts or they'll get raped! Fuck off! It's the thieves fault, not ours, you tossers.
I liked the car thing, it was quite funny. At least they are all well acquainted now.
I think these housemates are quite good. At least some of them are famous. And I like Lady Sov's t-shirt. And I like Alex. You can't stop me.
Ah, it's good to see you again, BB. :-)