Big Brother 13: Smurf wars

Green and blue equals groo.
Shev sticking the knife in about Adam and Lauren. Poisonous troll. Let them dry hump. It's better than Puke and Ashleigh's wet hump. I do feel it's all going to end in tears for Adam. Sad face.
No use crying over drunk milk, Shev. Why isn't Becky crying and making a scene about being forced to wear that disgusting green onesie? She looks like that mound the Telletubbies live on.
Lauren: 'Shev's getting on my last nerve.' She's nicked that expression from Danielle on BBUSA (Season 3, I believe).
Control of the bathroom: like I could give a shit. Duck off. Sara ruined the task. I hope they're going to mentally torture her like they would if Deana had done that. But of course they won't. You didn't WIN, Conor. You LOST like the little Tim Henman scrotumclot you are. I'm glad Adam had a little dig at him. Come on Adam, get your claws out, show us what you're really made of.
Territorial pissings! I so want to see Caroline go soon. Will anyone ever nominate it?
They've got an outside toilet right? So I wouldn't be bothered about losing the bathroom. You can wash in the sink. I hate having showers anyway, they're an affront to humanity. Having water coming at you at that speed first thing in the morning is like being machine-gunned clean. Baths all the way, please.
I like the fact Sara is sitting on the allotted blue side of the DR chair. What a suck-ass she is. Kaftans?! WTF.
'Fuck off you knob, get a life. 'Who's Arron talking to, a mirror? Is he calling OTHER people moody? He's like the world's sulkiest teenager who's dad's just confiscated his Nintendo DS.
I actually feel sorry for these people, there's so little to them. If they had a braincell it would be lonely. If they had a heart it would be bargaining to be sold via Cash Converters to the Tin Man. Deana isn't getting much of an edit, is she? I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. All this 'save Deana' thing leaves me cold. Deana has been badly wronged in that house but it doesn't make her an interesting housemate. I don't find her in the least bit interesting. So, she had a go at someone earlier this week. Great; but it's not enough, really. I still DO think people should save her (what's the alternative?); but I won't be voting this week. If it was a vote to evict, I would have voted about ten times for Conor. I still think it's disgusting that Deana has no idea what Conor said about her. If I came out and heard that, I'd go and chuck a brick through his window.
Ha, this task looks more like it. Which housemate made this bitchy remark about you? Cue fireworks. ARE they going to play Deana Conor's quote? Go on! Lauren getting called out for 'complaining bitterly' about the lack of ketchup. Hilarious.
They played 'she has a split personality and she's fake' as Conor's quote about Deana. Missing a trick here, aren't we? Look how angry she was about it! Wait until she hears the truth. It's a fucking whitewash. Jokes.
Scott: 'I'm going to max up the bitchiness.' Sweet.
I'm glad Deana called Conor out. Look how smug he looks. I so want to wipe that look off his face. He's unintelligible and unintelligent. Please, please, please let me get what I want.
That green in the main bedroom is too much; snot green. I'd rather be on B Block.
Lauren seems to have issues with fags and food. My boyfriend is going mad about the way Caroline is eating those crisps. He gets really mad at me for eating crisps noisily too, but eating crisps is one of my greatest pleasures; I'm with Caroline on this one.
Why DOES Caroline like Conor so much? What does she see in him? What does he see in her? Why don't they get off with each other if they like each other so much? *covers mind's eye*
Don't say sorry for breaking the rules and getting your team a punishment, will you, Ashleigh, you dimlo? These people have never learnt basic English, let alone basic manners.
Luke: 'this is what hell must be like.' So is the smoking area still communal? This task isn't very hardcore. It's not exactly rich side/poor side is it? I remember Kate Lawler and Spencer Matthews canoodling through those bars. Well, looking at each other.
Lauren pointing out the age difference between her and Adam. A seven year age difference is nothing - grow up. What is Lauren eating? Looks like butter off a knife. I kind of want Lauren and Adam to get together; I like the meeting of the mean streets to Jersey, it would make a good film. Of course, they don't have black people in Jersey; and I'm not casting aspersions; my ex-boyfriend was from there so I'm virtually the tourist board.
I knew Lauren was going to go outside and bitch. Sigh. Get Conor out, etc! 

Big Brother 13: This is like some hospice situation

I found something really cool today, which was linked from Digital Spy, basically a radio interview with Benedict, and the radio show is an American BB fansite (mainly concentrating on BBUSA but also on BBUK). The interview with Benedict was about 1.30hr long and after that there was some interesting gossip about the upcoming BBUSA. The interview with Benedict was talking about all behind the scenes stuff and really in depth about the process, and his life, and was very interesting indeed. It was like how BOTS should be if it wasn't produced by absolute chimps. It made me pine for how BB could be; psychological, analytical, intelligent. BOTS at the moment makes the days when Dermot jumped from foot to foot like the world's oldest schoolboy seem like the Today show. Let's not even remember the glorious Big Mouth days. I wonder if you can download the old Big Mouths? I'd pay to watch those again. Anyway, this podcast was intelligent discussion about reality tv! I'd forgotten it was possible because BB is so dumbed down. Here's the link to the podcasts if you want a listen, I highly recommend it if my word counts for anything. Also it's funny to hear Americans talking about our Big Brother... like why would they be interested in ours when they have the best reality TV show on the planet? I'm just imagining Ashleigh being interviewed for an hour and a half. No, can't do it. 'What's a microphone?'  
Becky, how can you be too fat to wear trousers? Trousers are essential wearing for fat people; they stop your thighs rubbing together. 'I don't want to burn any calories!' Why not?
If only this was a 'hospice situation', Shev - then we could look forward to you and your lobotomised chumps dying each week instead of yapping crap in the corner of my room. 
Also on that radio show they were saying about how in the US they've just unveiled the new house and they were going 'who gives a shit about the house?' It's so true that for so long the focus has been on the wrong thing in reality shows; tasks, engineered storylines, etc. Who cares what the couch is like; casting is everything, and that's the giant fuck up they've made this year. I like the fact they were taking it quite seriously on the podcast, as if it were current affairs or sport or something. That's what Big Brother needs, gravitas!
I'm not even watching this task. I hate the tasks on BBUK. Now on BBUSA it's a different story. They're more of a Hollywood production and the results affect whether the housemate stays or goes.
LOL to Katy Perry on that advert saying 'thank you for believing in my weirdness.' Weird people don't declare themselves weird, numbnuts. They just behave in a way that makes you avoid them for a few years until you see them walking down the street with a trolley full of shopping bags.
Has anything happened in this show tonight? Blue, green... whatevs. I hate them all equally. Well, not equally.
Ashleigh, your skin looks grey, you look like you need a vitamin tablet, not a fucking cigarette. What's up Shev's arse? I think I might hate her more than anyone in the house (bar Conor) because she actually pretends she's a nice person. Newsflash: she's a fucking cow.
I can't even get excited about a task where they rate their popularity/ looks etc. I've seen it so many times before.
Luke A ISN'T less attractive than Caroline. But he CAN be bitchy. Caroline actually OWNS a hairbrush? Her slagging off Adam for being thick; this dumb bitch went to private school and she didn't even learn basic manners!
How come Luke S and Ashleigh are still allowed to snog etc? There should be barbed wire between the rooms. It would be an effective contraception.
Why is Conor such a hateful person? How does he see himself I wonder? I bet he doesn't even know how utterly poisonous he is. 'Out of character' my arse. The way he was speaking to Caroline was vile. Arron's like a rogue green pea in the sludgy blue pot.
Don't leave Adam's group hug hanging. Oh, OK then. I love the fact that Adam finds the Big Brother house more abhorrent than gangs or prison. I can see why. LOL to Adam suddenly fancying Lauren. He's really got cabin fever. Do you think she'd go for it? And what would they say in Jersey?

Big Brother 13: He hasn't gone right inside

Day 28. Fucking hell, it feels like it's been about 300 years. Even Marcus Bentley sounds war-torn.
So I know there's four up: Deana, Becky, Arron and Conor. If ONLY it was vote to evict and a double eviction. Would be sooooo sweet. As it is, who knows what will happen? I don't think Deana will go: the rest are vulnerable, but I will be disappointed not to see Conor pick up a chair and make his exit.
How's this for a revelation: I don't really mind Scott's hair. Yay, Scott nominated Caveman Conor. Nominations are all over the place as expected. LOL to Big Brother basically stitching up Arron over boring statuegate.
Yes, Caroline, your hair has a lot of 'flair and character' *buys her intensive conditioner for Christmas*.
Ashleigh doing 'girl talk' about her and Luke's undercover action is gross. She's not a slut in any way, and anyone saying she is is a cretin, but bragging about it is juvenile and tragic. It's not a romance, it's a bit of gossip.
Conor's 'tactile means he's got tactics' is beneath even commenting on, because even I don't think he's that thick. Caroline's digging out Adam again. Watch your mouth, Worzel! Wouldn't want to accidentally do a hate crime, would you?
Is Caroline really nominating Lauren for being a stirrer? Hilarious. Caroline, your impression of Adam needs some work. Perhaps BB has got some boot polish they can give you? Seems like your sort of humour.
I thought Ashleigh was looking rough in the DR but I thought she'd just not done her make up again (meow!)
Ooh Becky nominated Conor! Interesting. Sounds like he's being even more of a douche than we're even seeing.
Watching Conor get told he'd been nominated was DELICIOUS. Warm feelings inside. 'I'm not fucking worried.' YOU SHOULD BE, YOU SCUMBAG.
'Becky's a skiniving bastard.' And you're criminally stupid. Arron: 'two faced bastards.' What do you expect, they've got to nominate someone! You wouldn't mind if it was someone else.
Conor: 'I can read people.' He's right about Sara's personality, though. 'I don't even think Scott's human.' That's called homophobia. 'Maybe I could use her' about his 'friend' Caroline. Oh, this charming man.
I sooooo want Arron AND Conor to go! LOL to Scott finally turning on Arron. Thought he fancied him. Well, there's a fine line between love and hate. Is Scott drunk or has he just lost it? Arron threatening Scott. 'Shit's about to get real.' No, shit is re-al already.
Happy, happy house! Benedict and Lydia must be thrilled to be out. 'Pouring things down the sink is disgusting'. Not if it's a massive bag of cocaine and the LAPD come knocking. WTF is a rapscallion?! Ooh, apparently it's a rogue. Scott's gone bananas. I love a good TV meltdown, though.
To be fair to Ashleigh, I think she deals with Caroline quite well. In any sane world they'd hate each other.
God, Luke, Lauren and Adam are sooooooo boring. Don't get me wrong; NICE. But who wants nice housemates? Scott FTW (bet you didn't see that coming) for using 'rapscallion' and starting the most stupid row I've seen so far. But I haven't forgotten his past misdemeanors. And if a new housemate arrives, I'm supporting them, even if they're a foxhunting sexist right-wing Christian. It would still beat this lot.

Big Brother 13: I couldn't give two hoots

Oh shut up Shev and Becky - like you don't want to win it. Everyone wants to win it. I'm glad Scott is onto Luke S. I don't know if he can bring him down with the thicky crew, though.They need Lydia's scheme trails to sort that problem out.
Theo/Sebastian-gate was really silly. Why is Arron so protective over a statue? I have a life-size lamp of Venus de Milo and we call it 'Our Lady'. It is probably the first thing I'd save in a fire. Well, cats first, then that.
Oh, Arron. What a twat you are. Sara is putting him off.God, there's literally nothing to comment on. No one actually has conversations anymore. Shev is so chronically annoying. She's got zero substance.
I like the fact they're gunging Ashleigh on pretty much the only day she's put make up on. Outside world contact! God, why do I bother even saying it? That ship has long sailed. Eww, gunge on the DR chair *OCD*. Why would Ashleigh be upset that she was gunged? Who gives a shit? There's some hammy acting going on. As if Shev is really that scared of clowns. It's all just a façade. There's no storyline so they're having to engineer one.
Loving Arron's 'just been exploded' look. If only. How gullible is Shev? Can they make Conor look like he's just been punched in the face and raped with a hairbrush, please? This might be the most stupid task ever.
They should deffo have gaffer taped up Luke's mouth. I couldn't be gaffer taped up like that. I'd get claustrophobic and panic. Also, it wouldn't suit me, a bit like those electric shock outfits.
No one would say 'it's not worth it' - they'd force Shev to do it at knifepoint. This is the most boring Big Brother yet because it's a non-story focusing on a non-character. Shev is so fucking thick she doesn't even realise what's happened.
Arron's chat up technique needs a little work. Him and Sara never did have that talk, did they?
I'm thrilled that Scott is pulling away from Caroline. Very smart move. Caroline: 'Conor's one of my best friends.' Idiot move. It was inevitable that their friendship would end as it was built on pure poison.
Cigarette wars: boring. Ashleigh: 'Lauren's a fucking weirdo.' No, you're a fucking sad sack. Lauren's quite normal and you're an insecure bag of slop.
Did Conor just say 'I hope everyone goes up'? Be careful what you wish for, you disgusting thick pig.
Luke S: 'they could take a shit on the table and still be in here.' Well, we know that from last year. Who'd have thought this year could be any more vile? Send the defibrillator. This show is flat-lining fast.

Big Brother 13: The lowest of the low

Good evening. Looks like Becky's the new dog to kick. Oh well, suits me fine. They're all as bad as each other and the 'outsiders' need a break, even though all my favourite outsiders have already gone.
Fuck off Becky, giving it 'who is she?' in the DR. Don't make me pine for years when there were actually decent contestants. 'Shev is old enough to be my mother.' Really? I don't think so.
Becky doesn't give two shits. That's why she's bawling. Sara is saying sorry to you, you idiot. Take it in the spirit it's intended. 'I'm 19!' What does this even mean? Excuse me for being an idiot, I'm 19? At 19 I was doing my degree and had written two novels! STFU. At 18 you can legally do ANYTHING. You're an adult. You don't hear Harry Styles going 'but I'm 17!' before he gets into bed with all those older laydeeeeez, do you? Shev to Becky: 'you're bubbly.' Yes, about 18 stone of bubbly.
This desperate plea for airtime - sorry, 'romantic picnic' - is beyond comment. What does Luke see in her? A friend of mine said Luke S does have his good side, and it's true, given a different set of friends maybe he'd come over a bit better in the house... I mean, he does have half a braincell. But even so, he is still ultimately a douchebag of the highest order and his showmance is about as believable as that alien landing in that woman's back garden on Beadle's About* (*old person's reference).
I'm actually feeling embarrassed for Arron every time he speaks now. What a sad, sad character. 'Smoking hot birds'. What a little prick. He's going to be so embarrassed when he grows up a bit and he watches this back.
Cooking task... zzz. BB isn't trying to shit stir the Lauren, Ashleigh and Luke situation, is he? I think Luke said 'crisps' about 1,000 times. I like crisps, much more than the next girl, but it's not that exciting.
It would be better if Lauren couldn't see who was cooking what and had to choose blind. I don't think she'll dare choose Luke S. And she didn't. I'm glad Luke and Lauren have seen through Luke S being nice to them. He's such a gameplayer.
I'd rather have money than flowers, too. Luke S is trying to tie Deana up in knots. She gave her his opinion. He doesn't like it. Deana: say it to him about the fake relationship! You'll instantly become my favourite housemate.
Look at Becky shit-stirring; what a horrible person. She'd do anything to 'get in with the gang.' Scott is actually showing he's got balls a bit lately, refusing to rat on Deana. Good on him.
Ashleigh: Deana is right about your relationship; it is the lowest of the low. No feelings, just sex, patronising and desperation.
GO DEANA! At last, someone gets off the fence. 'Your fake relationship is disgusting'. Wicked. Luke S's body language was brilliant. Yeah we will see when you get out! He'll drop that rat-faced little thicko faster than Becky dropped Deana after that 'favourite housemate' challenge. It's not ideal to start a row right before nominations, but at least someone's speaking the truth at last.
What is Caroline TALKING about? Yes, Deana, play down the fact you're successful to fit in with the thickos; they've already got rid of the two most 'famous' people in the house.
This show is soooo boring right now. It needs a kick up the arse right now. Sort it out this week, please.

Big Brother 13: Remember the Reebok pumps?

So I've read about Conor now, and was pleased to see that people were as disgusted with him as me. 1,000 complaints to Ofcom and they still don't listen. My boyfriend said, 'the producers complete misjudged the situation' and he's quite right. I can't even look at Conor on my screen, and any attempt they make to have him being humorous sticks in my craw. It's like putting a clown's nose on Ian Huntley and going 'well it might have happened the way he said it and he loves his mum'. And don't even come to me going 'how can you compare a child killer to a reality TV show contestant' - easily! It's that kind of misogynistic hate speech that tells twisted men who hate women that speaking to women like that is OK. As for their statement saying it was 'out of character' - one, I don't think it is, and two, so if I accidentally beat someone to death but I'd had a bad day so it was 'out of character', is that OK? Not throwing Conor out on his ear has basically said, 'it's fine to talk about women as if they're pieces of meat to be raped and punched.' Nice work, Channel 5!  
Deana has shown her teeth a couple of times now; if she wants to get my vote she's going to have to take it up a notch or 700. Why is she concerned about Becky being fat? Health reasons... kiss my arse. It's got fuck all to do with her. Haha, I knew that annoyed Becky. Becky should bring out a diet book called 'well, you might die tomorrow.' Plus you might as well never read a newspaper, never learn about history, and never get a job. Mightdietomorrowlol!
I quite liked that conversation between Luke A and Becky as it was human and not about 'game'. Reebok pumps! I thought Becky seemed reasonably interested and didn't ask too many silly questions. So much has been made of the 'sides' in the house that it's hard to not see them as a mass of evil or a mass of fencesitters. More scenes like this please, so we can actually decide if we like any of these boring bastards after all.
Why is Lydia talking to people like that! You can't have it both ways; boasting about being in magazines, and then getting touchy about Michelle Heaton. I thought Michelle Heaton was a psychotic cow - ASL clearly has a type (but Lydia is still a step up from that orange Bridezilla).
Arron: 'girls just throw themselves at me.' Grow up, little boy. His pathetic trying to fuck Sara cos there's nothing else going on in the house is the very bottom of the barrel-scrape of showmances - it makes Ashleigh and Luke look like Tom Cruise and Katie... oh.
Ah I could almost shed a tear hearing Lydia go on about the 'DR'. Send her out to BBUSA, she would be the new Janelle or Rachel 'no one comes between me and my man'. That country knows how to appreciate a feisty, ball-busting female.
Why is Arron being so nice to Deana? It's ALMOST like he's been told to. Luckily, she sees right through it. I hope Lydia does come back like a bad penny.
Adam must wonder what on earth is going on, seeing all his friends walk out the door each week.
Conor: 'that's what I wanted.' Do you know what I wanted? You thrown out on your ear, you disgusting ignorant pig-faced unintelligible cunt. Adam's not the gorilla: you are. Conor and Arron make the Jungle Cats look like Hello Kitty and Monkichini.
Scott, your proper response to that punishment should have been 'really sorry you lost the table, guys.' not 'it's only a fucking table'. Rude little oik. Still, at least the boys are pissed off about it.
Conor's looking very annoyed! Let's hope he doesn't have an 'out of character' episode again soon. In actuality an 'out of character' episode for Conor would be stringing a sentence together.
I've seen loads of people speaking to people I never normally see them speaking to tonight; makes you wonder just how much we're missing without live feed.
Oh, Sara, are you really getting that desperate now? Literally you've done NOTHING in that house since you had a crying fit about the Royal Family. Arron is handling himself so beautifully right now. Proper catch, he is - he makes Justin Beiber look grown up.
Arron is saying it in a really stupid way but he's actually right, Scott should have said sorry. I think Scott just said the word 'table' about 500 times. Gay blokes don't care about table football. The end.
Luke: 'Lydia guided us.' Yes, she did. Just the wrong way unfortunately.
The mean girls are now digging Becky's grave. Hope they got a big spade. They're completely right about her, of course.
Oh god, just stop TALKING Shev. It's just words but they aren't interesting. 'We don't know each other in here' - well you've lived there a fucking month with nothing to do, try talking to people, you absolute bell-end.
Looks like there's going to be a few people up for eviction next week as there's so much hatred going in so many different directions. I hate everyone so I don't mind who goes. I'd like to see Conor vs Caroline but I can't see it happening. The idiot nation would still probably save Conor cos he's cute or something, ignoring the fact he's got a hitler haircut and finds rape talk a right laff.
Becky: 'I'm 19.' Oh, boo hoo. I'm 32 and I'm having to watch this crap. There's not one clever, funny or interesting person left in that house, so I just have to sit here, full of bile, for the next few weeks until they ship in some fucking Made in Chelsea rejects, Leandro Penna and Paul Danan. Now that's something to moan about.

Big Brother 13: Here's to rapists and racists

Sup! I'm back from Ibiza, burnt and realising I'm too old for holidays in Ibiza. I missed blogging and my cats!
So I just watched all of this week's BBs in one go: no mean feat.
I'm not in the least bit surprised that Lydia and Deana are up; and Lydia will go tonight. It's sad to see her go under as she's more entertaining than every other one of those people put together. Big Brother has fucked it up so bad this year. I've seen some editorial suicide in my time but this really takes the cake. They are letting the lunatics run the asylum. I hope their viewing figures are going through the floor.
Anyway, rather than just rehashing episodes you've long forgotten, I'm just going to do exactly that, but via my thoughts on each housemate.
Conor: the standout moment of the week was Conor saying he'd like to rape Deana with a hairbrush and knock her out. I sincerely hope there was a huge outrage over this - I was absolutely appalled. I'm disgusted that BB didn't throw him out for it, and there was no sign of him getting a formal warning for that revolting behaviour. The man makes Jay McCray look like Brian Sewell. Seriously; is that acceptable language to use about women? The way the group was treating Deana towards the early part of the week WAS bullying. That epilator thing had undertones of real animosity. Lydia, however, was not being bullied, but I enjoyed her insistence that she was. Even so, Big Brother had the perfect opportunity to put Conor up and right a massive wrong this week. But as usual they sat back and did nothing - pathetic. No, worse than pathetic: damaging. He was 'angry': I suggest he go be angry outside then. Deana still doesn't even know what he said: it should be played to the group. They'd still probably back him, though, revolting bunch that they are. If this man says one more aggressively misogynistic thing, please can he be removed? Or do we really not care anymore?
Caroline: all she does is say cunty things and then say 'sorry'. I hate her guts and can't wait to see her get thrown to the wolves. Her calling Adam a 'gorilla' was disgraceful and she fully deserved her formal warning. But where was Conor's formal warning? I didn't believe either of their 'apologies'. They're both utterly odious - I hope their parents are utterly ashamed with what they've 'raised'.
Ashleigh: the thicko act was embarrassing when Jade did it, ten years later it wears thinner than that dress Ashleeeeeen wore about 6 years ago when they put her in that secret house and she had a mini-meltdown because she had to upset one of three strangers. I actually feel embarrassed for how stupid Ashleigh is, and how insecure she is around Lauren. There's nothing about her; and I think she's starting to realise it herself. It must be terrifying to be so shallow. I pity her. Turning to Conor for help really does indicate serious levels of misjudgement.
Luke S: I'd have love to see him go up this week. Sadly it wasn't to be.
Luke A: His fencesitting is actually becoming criminal. When Deana was pleading to him for help and he told her to leave it, I thought, 'you're just as bad as them.' That quote about sitting back and doing nothing has never rung truer.
Adam: His fencesitting is almost as bad as the outright evil of Caroline and when she called him up on it (when she called him conformist, which is true), he looked visibly irked. I really want him to show his teeth.  If he does, he could win it.
Becky: a waste of air. Her proudly admitting to know nothing about Nazis was an embarrassment to our country, and I have no national pride whatsoever. She's of the 'proud to be thick' generation and everyone who voted her in must be looking at last month's phonebill and sobbing.
Sara: ------------
Lydia: a superb housemate who will be kicked out tonight. Her narcissism, persecution complex, and plotting make for great entertainment. She's so sharp in some ways and so silly in others. She honestly can't understand why people would nominate her. I'll miss her black hoodie, cocoon quilt and darting eyes. I'm glad she got to gunge them fuckers.
Shev: so overdone I don't think she even has a personality anymore, she's just an arm waving and a mouth moving.
Scott: vile. No redeeming features.
Deana: dark echoes of Jade Goody and Shilpa Shetty in her appalling treatment earlier in the week. I neither like or dislike her, I just find her so wishy washy, but she absolutely does not deserve the appalling treatment she gets from the men in that house. The mob mentality was hard to watch.
Lauren: a spineless crybaby, yet perfectly harmless. She neither adds nor takes from the house, yet the amount she winds people up is intriguing. The girls jealousy of her seems weird.
Arron: What a mistake keeping this angry little boy in. He's an embarrassment with a nasty temper and I could see him getting thrown out, too.
All I can think of is the amount of hate there's going to be for people like Caroline when they do finally leave because never has there been such a one-sided house before. BB - please put everyone up so we can vote and have our say. These people can't be trusted to evict the right people.
The task wasn't bad, but I'm fed up of all these eating tasks. It's not I'm a Celebrity. I'd also have had more respect for Lauren/ Lukes if they'd pushed the button and just been selfish for once. Taking it for the team is dull.
Oh sorry I can't really laugh at Conor's japes in the DR since HE THREATENED TO RAPE SOMEONE WITH A HAIRBRUSH AND KNOCK THEM OUT. How can that be overlooked? How? Am I operating in some alternative universe?
Ashleigh has just been WAITING for this opportunity to have a go at Lauren. Lauren is in the right, she did give up more of her fags than others. 'You're not even a proper smoker.' What do you have to do to qualify; is there a special badge, or is it judged on the amount of black phlegm you cough up in a morning? Hey, that could be a task.
Deana is so drippy! How could anyone save her over Lydia? I will never understand this show. Never!
'There's an elephant in the room'. Camera pans to Becky. I'd say it's cruel, but what else is she good for? She's ruined this show in so many ways.
There's no suspense because it's so obvious Lydia will go. I wasn't even up to date enough to vote! What a boring show this will be without Lydia. Losing Benedict and Lydia in two weeks is unrecoverable-from, in my opinion. Big Brother; you should have stepped in. You're going to get the show you deserve; a house-filled with people who don't know chickens come from eggs and talk about women like they're nothing. Oh, and the odd racist. BTW, how come Emily got chucked out for a stupid-but-not-hateful 'ni**a' and Alexandra got chucked out for 'pow pow pow' but grown man Conor doesn't get thrown out for making sexual threats against women? It's shaming, it really is. It makes everything the Daily Mail has ever said about this show look quite near the money.
Are they covering up the boos as Lydia leaves? Lydia looks great as usual. I would rather watch a show with evictees Chris, Benedict and Lydia in than these jokers. I have never felt this much hatred towards contestants in a BB house. I need someone to love in there so much!
Also: fuck off Brian Dowling. He's being really harsh on Lydia. I hope you're going to take Conor to task when he comes out. Lydia has done fuck all; a bit of plotting and scheming and entertaining in a game show; burn the witch! Idiot, Dowling. Your show would be dead without people like her. He should have offered her more support in the face of that crowd. He gets it wrong more often than not these days.
I like the way Lydia is just stoically ignoring the braindead crowd. Meatheads and morons, the lot of them.
I really like Andy Scott Lee! He's a cutie. Brian sounded surprised ASL was sticking with her; they're in a relationship; he'd be a pretty rubbish boyfriend if he was going to dump her over some unfair editing on a TV show. Yes, I'm calling out the editing.
I know who I'd want on my side in a fight; Lydia all the way. She's loyal and smart. The fact she's lambasted for that says nothing about her and everything about the google-eyed drones who watch this show.
Now I'm going to go on Digital Spy/ Twitter and there better be fucking OUTCRY over this whole Conor business. I wondered why they put him in; now we know. To get on the front pages of the paper when he attacks someone. Nice.

Big Brother 13: Chair lifted

If you didn't watch BOTS last night, you missed Luke wiping up his spunk off Ashleigh with what appeared to be his dirty underpants. Delightful! Helen and Paul were too coy to even kiss in there. How ten years changes the landscape.
Chairs gone? At least they'll have a good area of space to dance for Ashleigh's birthday.
Ashleigh: hates Benedict, loves sex on TV. Surely this is what Benedict was advocating! She's got more in common than they think. Except Benedict gets paid. Don't think I'm letting the disgusting Luke off the hook; the way he's using Ashleigh basically as a cum rag is vile. She'll be thrown away as fast, as well.
The ugly (inside) sisters are conspiring. I knew Ashleigh would be gloating about it today. It's horrible when you overhear people having sex. You shouldn't put people through that. Oh it's OK, Ashleigh, you've got the seal of approval from the vacant hags to your face. Just wait and see what they say about you behind your back. 'I could see us having a relationship' says Ashleigh of the throw(up)mance.
There's nothing happening in this episode, is there?
If Shev and Conor are really Ashleigh's BEST FRIENDS I feel sorry for her. Oh, she's only 21. You can forgive her her idiocy a bit. A bit.
I'm finding it really hard to write this blog, you know. I have no enthusiasm for any of these people or anything they do. I need someone to champion; to love. I had to fast forward the bit with Conor and Shev in the DR because they both make me feel physically sick. Honestly, I'd rather watch the football than this shit at the moment, and I HATE FOOTBALL.
Where's Lauren? As predicted, we've not seen ONE FRAME of her tonight. What a fucking pointless waste of time keeping her in. This house needs new blood: badly. And saying that in week 3 is quite worrying.
Ashleigh's dirty blonde hair wasn't nice and her dirty brown hair isn't nice. She looks plain. Lydia's deflated. Luke A's deflated. Adam's nothingy. I feel like Lydia does.
Nominations tell-off again. Lydia's getting MAD. I know how she feels.
I HATE the way Shev talks to people, she's an absolute disgrace. Having a go at people for the 'tone': look at the way she fucking talks to people! She talks to people like they're a piece of crap. She thinks she's always right. At least Lydia is entertaining; Shev is just a mouth, but nothing of interest ever comes out of it.
Lydia having to kowtow to Conor makes me sick. She's worth about 100 of him. He looks like Frankenstein's monster and he's less intelligent.
Shev's got good legs, I'll give her that much. Lauren looks good, too. Good looks don't really make for great entertainment, though, do they?
This is how pissed off I am with BB. I started watching BB late and I honestly just switched it off to watch the PENALTIES in the football. But don't worry; I haven't lost my mind; I haven't watched any other bit of it and I'm rooting for Italy so I don't have to watch loads of football in Ibiza on my holiday which starts tomorrow, ha. I really want to see misogynistic thickos Wayne Rooney or Ashley Cole fuck it up and become national hate figures for something insignificant as opposed to their constant reprehensible behaviour which is apparently a-OK. Which women-hating tosser is up first? Let's see: oh, I don't mind Stephen Gerrard, he actually seems like one of the 'OK' ones, but I thought that about Peter Crouch once. Miss, Rooney, you pug-faced little prick. Oh noes. I don't know who Ashley Young is, but he missed. Our goalie looks about 12. Where's David Seaman? That's the last time I was forced to watch football: about 15 years ago.
YES! Ashley Cole missed. Haha! That's what you get for being a money-loving, women-hating DICK and I can't even STAND Cheryl Cole. Still, she must be thrilled. Commentator: 'the courage of these boys to step up and take a penalty'. Yes, what courage. They get paid £100,000 a week. Don't make me laugh. These idiots are really worth all that cash, aren't they? The sight of John Terry's miserable face is enough to lift even the hardest heart (ie. mine). At least I'm not going to have to see the England flag everywhere in Spain now. Hope they show some Wimbledon instead.
Just turned BB back on and they're shrieking and singing out of tune to Justin Beiber. They don't know how to edit this show anymore, do they? They edit arguments down to a minute, and stuff it with more filler than a Iceland chicken.
I think Ashleigh's going to pull the plug on the Egyptian party. Oh Shev, stop trying to be a saint. We've all seen what you're really like. Why are only Shev and Lauren at her party? Oh Luke A is there, too. Zzzzzzzz.
Mmm, that cake looks nice.
I wish Ashleigh had opened that card and it had a message from her family in saying 'we've disowned you because of your behaviour on TV.' Shev: 'I was raving at 4.' God, she talks some crap.
Oh Ashleigh; is that really your idea of a 'gentleman'? Dear oh dear.
I'm honestly not sure if I'm going to carry on watching, and I've not felt like this in 13 years of Big Brother. I just can't cope with the injustice of Benedict not being there and ten or more others who don't deserve to be there. I'm going away for five days so I won't be blogging until the weekend. I should be looking forward to the BB marathon when I get back, but I'm not: it feels like drudgery. I do this for a laugh and it's not a laugh right now. Can they turn it around? Can you save Lydia, as it's obvious she'll be up? But I don't think all of Justin Beiber's Twitter followers combined could save her, let alone ASL's.
See you next weekend! With sunburn, and possibly alcohol poisoning. Adios... for now!

Big Brother 13: I don't know if Luke's noticed that I despise him

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Big Brother 13: Sorry about the curry.

Ooh it's going to be a tense one tonight! The tide seems to have been turning for Benedict, and it looks more like 50/50. Although I think people are more passionate about saving Benedict than Lauren; and I hope they're not swayed by her tears. I think Benedict could have the Freddie factor. I hope, anyway. Benedict's come with a Lego hat on. The boos and cheers seem quite split for him and Lauren.
I like it when they aren't allowed to talk about nominations, because then they get in trouble when they do, and then BB can fix the voting and put 'baddies' up for eviction. But I do quite like the noms chat, too.
I HATE the way Caroline giggles like a little fucking simpleton whenever she's in trouble. She's got no fucking tact. That's so insensitive laughing like that when you've just hurt someone's feelings. YEAH to Benedict for tearing a strip off her. Caught out!
STFU up, Ashleigh, you absolute scrotum. I can virtually hear the phone ringing off the hook to save Benedict as these spiteful little cunts gang up on him. At least Becky's seen what Caroline's made of now (shit) and hopefully she'll be up next week. LOL at Brian's jokes about Caroline's hair. Why is Lauren talking like a little girl? Grow the fuck up. And do it at home, please. The boo crowd are out in force tonight. Have they got their pitchforks with them?
Lauren's mum: 'they both need to stay!' She's not quite got the hang of this, has she? Brian: I'm not watching it on +1, can you give it a rest? I'm not lobotomised. Even the way Caroline apologises is offensive. If she was a perfume, she'd be called Odious.
Why are they showing all this filler masterclass bullshit when we all know there was a huge ruck in the house yesterday? The producers are soooooo fucking clueless. I watched Benedict's porno today! His face was a picture. Has Caroline ever had sex before? I can only imagine how stuck up she is in bed. She probably does it with her knickers on. Why is Caroline wrinkling her nose at the word 'vagina'? She's like a 5 year old. Scott, don't pretend you've had sex either. I don't think this is really helping Benedict's case as it just makes him seem a bit creepy.
Boo hoo, someone messed with Luke's protein shake. I'm glad they showed that after the votes closed. Arron is SUCH a bad liar. I think Luke's going to turn into the Incredible Hulk.
'No one would want to inflict hatred' says Saint Caroline. She looks like a YETI. LOL they think Deana did it. Benedict, you crafty sod.
The stupid comment Deana made about periods was just a flippant comment. Lydia acted like a fucking banshee nutcases. Why are these people so scared of their own bodily functions, their vaginas, sex? It's actually a sad indictment of the repression of women in this country.
Lydia has gone too far this time, she's being an absolute fucking prick. It's funny when people accuse you of playing 'mind games' when they're actually a psychopath. However, what they didn't show there, but did show on BOTS was Shev also completely overreacting over it too. I'm seriously done with them now - complete knobs. More filler with this model crap. Let's just find out who's out.
Benedict's OUT. I'm fucking livid about this result. I seriously feel like stopping watching, because I can't actually stand anyone in there. Completely the wrong result. At least he admitted about the curry so Deana won't be blamed - nice parting shot.
I liked his chair exit. Would have been better if he'd thrown it onto the crowd, knocked out a couple of numbskulls and and increased the IQ of the nation. So I just looked on Digital Spy in the break and Caroline called Benedict a 'fucking wanker' as he walked out the door. Guess she DID know the word for that after all. I absolutely hate her guts. She's rotten to the core. I can't actually write what I'd like to do to her on here because I'll probably get my blog shut down. ARGH I'm so pissed off. I bet you a million pounds we don't see 5 minutes of Lauren next week. Just wait.
Benedict would have voted Caroline and Ashleigh. FFS we needed him in there. He really shot himself in the foot with that masturbation crap, didn't he. And it pisses me off that they keep going on about it; that's not all he was about. Oh yeah, I forgot Benedict had his vote grabbed off him, too. What a joke. The only person I like in that house now is Adam, and he does NOTHING. Lydia is entertaining but the second she gets put up, she's gone.
Why on earth would they get in trouble because Benedict took the chair? That was one of the coolest eviction exits ever. Fucking little babies, boo hoo, he broke the rules. Why are they so bothered about it? And then Conor THREATENING to hit him at the wrap party! Is that acceptable? OK with that are you Big Brother? Pow pow pow.
Arseholes, the lot of them. This is the earliest EVER that Big Brother has jumped the shark. I don't even feel like blogging anymore. Seriously, fuck every one of you that voted for Lauren. I bet you're the same donkeys who voted for Denise Welch to win. Utter gits.
Toodlepip.