Big Brother 11: You got the look

Had a little sift through the live feed last night and fast forwarded any time Govan or Shabby was on. It works fairly well. I wish Mario, Ben, Sunshine, Nathan, Steve and Dave stayed up a bit later. Keever and Ife's conversational topics are somewhat lightweight.
John James has got ripped jeans on. They're probably fashionable in Australia. God, the look, the look, the look! STFU. If you don't like me, don't look at me. Personally, I'd rather have gum on my shoes than John James in my house. 'At the end of the day.. I don't really care. She's ugly.' Classic schoolboy bullying tactics. Why does John James fancy Corin? He must be used to those leathery faces because of all the sunshine down under, mate. She looks like the scrapings off of David Dickinson's vanity table.
LAMINATOR. Begone. John James gave him a look like he was a piece of shit. Oh, he is.
Eww, Rachael being so vile to Ben. Ben is worth 75 of her. It's sad seeing Mario pawing at Ben and Ben pawing at Rachael. Mcdaddy swerve-on! Ben just pretended not to notice the implications of that conversation. Saved by the bogey.
Sunshine looks kinda cute today. Her lipstick is good. I think I'm in love with Ben a bit. He's got a very strange face but he's just so dignified. Marylebone indeed.
Racheal (sorry, FIANCEE) DOES actually have that look on her face all the time, like she's above it all. But even so. You'd have thought she'd murdered Stefan Dennis and hung him off the Sydney Harbour bridge the way John James is going on.
Why don't they ever show Steve or Nathan?! It's rubbish. I probably don't like them, but I'd like some more evidence to go on.
Oh god, not eating tasks. BB is meant to be the trendsetter of reality shows; not leeching off stale I'm a Celebrity ideas.
Josie is kind of cool, I think she's slowly turning into a class act. She never gets involved in the bitching. I think she's cute, too. It's not her fault she's pear-shaped. Her being sick in that bucket was funny (especially after I just called her classy).
Fiancee; you've got zero chance of changing John's opinion of you. Plus, why fancy someone just because they are good looking? His personality is loathsome.
WHAT ABOUT THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE JOHN JAMES YOU REPETITIVE STRAIN INJURY OF A MAN?
You should be glad he leaves the room when you walk in, Rachael. He's a nasty, poisonous bastard. I'd go up to him and tell him to go fuck himself.
That sucks when you're slagging someone off who's in the same room. We've all done it.
Shabby in Nuts with her tits out! Let's guess the headline. 'Not too Shabby?' Lordy. How DARE John James get angry about that, it's none of his fucking business. He is unnerving, he should be on a warning. He puts me on edge.
Good on Corin for speaking out. Don't fucking apologise to him. Shabby: 'I hope someone's speaking out';- why don't you go and fucking speak out? It could save your contrived little arse.
It's a bit rich John James telling people how to make money when he's living off a fucking inheritance. It's none of his business what reason people are in there for, what they do to make money, what they do with their own bodies. Have you ever seen John James have a go at a man in the house? Noooooo! Just the women! Woman-hating misogynistic cunt. Why is he so angry at everything? Did he get his ickle heart broken once? Boo hoo! Tosser. He doesn't want a blowjob in case it degrades you, he'd prefer you slit your wrists to get away from his instead.
Come on Nathan! Get your one line in: 'you've got feelings and stuff'. Brilliant.
Uh oh! Ben- all boys together! The fumble cats. Washer women indeed! Don't back someone up just because he's got a penis. OMG sexism united. And lesbianist too. Feminism is not a dirty word! They were just standing up for their friends. He called Shabby volatile- what does he think John James is? Timid? Mario trying to turn Ben gay at the end of that conversation was funny; it just might work after several weeks. I still love Ben, only slightly less than I used to.
John James: 'guys are different, they just don't bitch.' ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?! *speechless*
There's so many people in the wrong here, I barely know where to start. Evict them ALL!

Big Brother 11: First blood

I saw them get called for nominations on the live feed and Shabby actually cheered. Let's see if she'll be cheering afterwards (clue: she won't).
Mario is in the closet. Bless. Corin does look sun-damaged (ie. 40). She seems quite nice, though.
Verruca talk! Are they trying to evoke the spirit of Jade? Sunshine isn't exactly going to have the streets lined with chavs when she drops dead. I don't think David Cameron would give a word of appreciation either.
Sunshine is really abrupt! Can't she take a joke? She's so fucking po-faced, dreary, joyless. Woah, check out Ben's hair. That is a fantastic comb-over. It reminds me of Rex's ice-cream do. STOP WHINING, SUNSHINE.
I watched a bunch of live feed today as I was off work and it was just hours and hours of Govan shit-stirring. I really don't want to hear his voice any more. Big Brother should tape up his gob for a task. I do agree with him that Sunshine acts hard done by. Still, I think I'd rather be stuck in a lift with Sunshine than him.
I see Big Brother is giving them the washing tablets I've got; £1.25 from Somerfield. Score.
I seriously think John James fancies Josie. He goes a bit coy around her. I think she thinks he's out of her league.
Govan spouts bullshit at about 15 words per second. I'm just mentally switching off now.
Mario wringing his hands whilst perving over Ben is slightly disturbing. Nathan just said his one line per show.
Dave; oh dear oh dear. If your opinion is against same sex marriage, then fucking spit out what your problem is. Don't backtrack and shy away saying it's controversial whilst sitting next to Mario. Arsehole. You've got about as much chance of winning this as I have.
Nominations! At last. Finally we get to see where the loyalties lie. Ben's cake shorts rule, btw. Ooh, they are counting the nominations for us. Normally I have to try and work it out. It's like Deal or No Deal when they put up the past offers. I don't blame Ben for nomming Sunshine over Verruca Gate #2. Keever's nominations seemed pretty agreeable. Corin's voice made me glad she's generally not getting shown. I'm surprised Dave didn't nominate Mario for being a fag.
Ife nominating Steve; a waste of a vote. But why did she vote him? She was being coy. I reckon she don't want to look at his metal legs no more.
John James either HATES Fiancee or is in love with her, he was sticking it to her so bad last night. He's got some serious issues with women.
Josie nominated Dave for being a homophobe. Good. I like Josie more lately.
Nathan nominated Ben! Classist. I'm not surprised he doesn't give a shit about you, you look like a (half) shaved chimp.
Wow, these nominations are endless. Shabby is wack. Whack. Wack. Whatever. Shabby, man, she's such an urchin. She blows my mind with her maverick ways. LOL to Steve calling her fake. Correct.
I wonder who will go home this week? I think it might be Shabby. I could imagine her inspiring more motivation in voters than Sunshine.
Onion gate. It really does makes me want to cry. Ben discussing 'dobbing' was hilarious. The way he talks is so great.
Govan: 'can I just finish?' NO! STFU! Vicky Pollard on speed is not an acceptable role model. He's such a prink. He gets off on confrontation. When John James started bitching about Fiancee on the live feed, Govan was virtually jumping up and down with joy. Wrong 'un. Please stop giving him such a long edit, he's really off-putting.
Argh look at Sunshine's FACE. Listen to her voice! WHINE WHINE WHINE. SHUT UP.
Ah, here's the short version of what I saw. John hates Fiancee because she's not into him! Simple. She wouldn't inspire so much rage otherwise. He's deeply misogynistic. I'm scared Josie is going to end up with her heart broken.
OK, here's my plan: let's take Govan and Sunshine down to the river, tape them together, put them in a bag, and see if they float. They don't? Whoops.

Big Brother 11: Launch Night (before your very eyes)

I was 19 years old when Big Brother first started; almost a child. My twenties just finished, and aptly, Big Brother is folding now, too. It's time to move onto adult things. It's time to grow up.
Ha, fuck that! I read an interview in Heat where Davina said 'never say never' about moving to a different channel to present BB, which made me feel oddly hopeful. Five must be scouting for it. They aren't afraid to churn out a tired old formula; they show Home and Away every day.
So here it is, our last stand. Let's meet our new friends and enemies. I am watching this on the PLUS ONE! Unacceptable, I know.
What's all this about 80 people or so waiting to be picked? Doesn't that guarantee a few duds? Couldn't they pick 12 decent people themselves?
It's weird seeing the house in daylight! BB launches should take place under the cover of darkness.
Ooh the house looks really nice. I like the swirliness of the walls and the bedroom looks really plush. ZOLTAR. PARROT. Ooh, look at the whirlpool and the nest. The nest looks super comfy. They've spent a few quid on it this year. Why have they made the tree of temptation into a chest of drawers, but they are still calling it the tree of temptation? They should call it the chest of coercion. The diary room chair is pretty but too small. I prefer the ones where they can have a pile up in it.
1st in. Josie. Mrs. Justin Lee Collins. 25? She looks frumpy. She looks like she's wearing her mum's dress. I said to my boyfriend 'is that dress unflattering or has she got a huge arse?' and he said 'both'.
2nd. Steve, one of those soldiers the BB producers mawkishly recruited. Looks like England fan. Did he just say he had eight kids? 'What you see is what you get'. Well, in that case, can I have my money back? He's just Mario with a limp.
I don't understand this format. Is the live crowd not being shown the footage of the housemates going in (because the new housemates aren't allowed to see it?) I'd feel pretty jibbed if I'd gone down for that.
I don't get this 81 people thing at all. If they're already chosen, what's the point? There better be a twist, but BB just probably just got confused. I HATE the fact they all know each other, it's not 'quite nice'; Davina. it's rubbish. The whole point is WE watch them getting to know each other, idiot. The producers still don't fucking know their arse from their elbow.
Ben. 'Welcome to my lair'. AT LAST a good housemate. DOSS PAD. Mannequins! Is he 4 realz? He's got to be gay. 'Some sort of prison designed by Boy George'! Boy George has had the inspiration, anyway. My boyfriend said 'he obviously had that written down weeks ago'. Who cares? I LIKE BEN. BEN FTW. Mind you, his competition is dreadful so far.
Next: Rachael. I said 'Fiona Lewis' and my boyfriend said 'Feyonce' so I'll leave you to work that one out. She just seems like a dullard.
That fairground music does not have the required gravitas. Next in Nathan. Jack Branning on the Slim Fast diet. A lad's lad. I look forward to him missing the World Cup. Are we going to get anyone good looking in there?
Ad break! Cheryl Cole and that lipgloss advert. There's not a lip gloss on the planet you could bite on your lips and not come away with it on your teeth, you lying harpy. I recognise all this advert music, that car music and that hair gel advert. Peculiar.
The house isn't in the same place as normal, is it? I see trees, I see grass.
Next: Dave. Oh God, not more Christians. Heavenly intoxication and bliss bashes; sounds like a gay hardcore night. BOO to the God botherer.
Caohme. (I think I misspelt this) She looks cool in her sunglasses. Urgh, I don't like these names I can't spell and that you pronounce differently. She seems like more of a normal person and not an airhead. She's quite attractive.
Govan. Gay? I liked the way he said 'funny'. He seems quite sweet but I think he could go either way; he'll either be dead cool or a total nightmare.
I like the carpet. I like all the house. The Davina wallpaper is a nice touch, too. Shame about the housemates.
Shabby is in next. I thought she was a bloke. She's a Kitten type. I preferred her when I thought she was a boy. She's a lesbian. SHOCKING. (as Dr Drew would say). Oh God, I'm getting shades of Shabnam. And that's not a good thing. Just pure fakery.
Next: Ife! My friend saw someone with a bag that was masquerading as Miffy the bunny rabbit and called it 'Iffy'. That's a good joke. I wonder who she's not going to get on with. FIANCEE, is my bet. Borin'. Ben looked how I felt.
John. Looks like a boil-in-the-bag boyband member. Australian. Does he like Neighbours? His clothes look BRAND NEW. Zzzz.
Sunshiiiiiiiiiine! She looks like Lady Gaga crossed with Kate Walsh. Beware the person who says they like having intellectual conversations. She was trying overly hard to be kooky but there's something I like about her. It was weird the way she just sat down and shook hands with people, like she didn't know where to put herself.
Corin is next. FJORDAN. Corin/Fjordan is really ORANGE. I couldn't hear anything she said because they obviously fucked up the mikes and all you could hear was Davina going 'does anyone have a tissue?' Corin could have said she was a child molester for all I know.
Adverts. IAN WRIGHT WRIGHT WRIGHT! God this football thing is INTERMINABLE. DROP DEAD ALL WHO SAIL IN IT!
Last time they picked a housemate at random we got that dreary old cunt Suzie, so not holding out much hope for this wildcard. Mini Mario! He looks very happy at least. I like him, he looks geeky and green. Mario can't read! Aw, I want to see his entrance video.
There was literally an advert break about 10 seconds ago. GUESS WHAT CUNTS NOT EVERYONE LIKES FOOTBALL! DIE. Oh and now for a perfume ad. That's OK then. I don't think I want to smell like Fergie. The smell of the crack den! YUM.
The first night tasks really suck shit. Davina's jokes are dreadful. It feels arduous. Yet still we cling.
I don't think the people they've chosen are as good as last year. We just have to hope the interesting people don't get binned first. Stay tuned.

Little Miss Sunshine

Another rainy day, another film, so yesterday's download was Little Miss Sunshine.
It was entertaining with lovely moving music and a likeable cast. Olive, the little girl was really cute, and a god actress. I especially liked the mute teenage boy but don’t tell anyone. I’m not a pervert, honest.
All in all it was very watchable, but not as groundbreaking as I’d hoped from all the hoo-ha about it. It was pretty clichéd in parts with quite generic characters in some ways.
I also found the scene at the end where the little girl dances slightly dubious and although I got it, it just feels like it’s been done before (see Napoleon Dynamite).
I don’t know, no films are satisfying me these days! I feel hard to please.
PS. My film reviews are so lame. I just don't feel as passionately about films as music.