Sunday, 8 June 2014

Big Brother 2014: I've got me fanny spray

Can't they show different highlights to the ones they show on BOTS? Surely another ten minutes of things worth happening must have happened in 24 hours. Cheapskates. Lazy fuckers. Also, why can't we have the three measly hours of live feed they gave us online during the worst CBB season ever (the one the bedwetter won)? So stupid. If someone with half a brain ran that show they could make fortunes.
I like Jale's pyjamas; shame she's such a dick. Helen's more than being 'stand offish', Slugsworth, she's coined a nickname for you that you will probably stick longer than 'Halfwit'. God, everyone is moaning already! STFU. Did you want to want to be in the Big Brother house or not?! Suck it up!
Pauline is stirring the pot most literally and metaphorically. Toya is using 'fanny spray' - watch out for thrush there. Someone had a yeast infection on Big Brother Canada; Toya could be next.
God, the first lot are being so nasty about the second lot! You were only in there a day earlier, you'd think they owned the place. Mark: 'There's no one I'm worried about being up against.' Hello Sezar/ Dustin. I hope you're wrong because you're really starting to get on my wick.
Danielle is so CLASSY, with her topless pics, sex chat phonelines and kiss and tells on Dexter. I have no problem with anyone doing topless modelling, but I have a major problem with someone being such a dried up sour-faced hypocrite.
Chris's VT is getting him into more trouble than Callum's! Poor sod. Talk about Lord of the Flies.
Pauline vs Jale is going to be a power struggle, and I've never liked Jale, and I've gone right off Pauline. It's like having two Carole's in the house.
Helen and Mark are also being prize arseholes. My opinions on people have changed so much in a couple of days, who knows what I'll be saying next week. Something equally nasty no doubt.
Why did Pauline choose Danielle to take for lunch? Why has Mark got sunglasses on? Why are Mark and Helen being rewarded twice? I think Christopher does have a point to be honest - Pauline should have chosen differently and also more strategically - ie. to make even more people like her.
I look less slobby than Danielle when I'm hanging out in my living room and she's a lingerie model? She is dog rough, and I wouldn't say that unless she was odious. You think on your second day in the house you'd put your fucking make up on at least. You're on telly! (Sexist)
WHAT CHRIS SAID WAS A JOKE! FFS how thick ARE you people?! Pauline is fucking LORDING it. This is a pure bitch fest.
Winston to Tamara: 'Come in with the Winsmeister' - I think I'd rather get in the bath with Dappy. Together Tamara and Winston they've got too many teeth. They're like velociraptors.
Danielle kiss of death to Jale: 'You're a really nice person.'
I like Toya's turn of phrase: 'You know what really got under my weave.' Pauline has made a big boo boo inviting Helen, Mark and Danielle into that room. She's gonna be up sooner rather than later.
Why aren't people calling Danielle out on her hate speech? They barely even raised an eyebrow. Oh, Marlon and Kimberly actually got up and walked off. Still; they should have said something. An opinion that denies people their civil rights is really worth challenging. Disappointing. Someone tell Christopher!
Oh, it's a classic shitstir task - lining them up in order of most attractive etc. Why is Pauline in control again? OVEREXPOSED!
Mark proud that he doesn't know what manipulative or obnoxious means, the thick twat. Did these people even go to school? Why is Matthew getting such a rum deal in this task?! Boo.
Pauline could throw some of the new housemates a bone, FFS. Why do the three who went to the lunch get to go to a party, too? Oh, to piss people off. I'm surprised she picked Matthew. Maybe she's feeling guilty about the box.
Oh Helen, are you really that STUPID about Chris! Do you not understand SARCASM? You thick piece of shit. Oh dear, so much hate already.
I like Jale's jumper as well. Is Jale my new fashion icon? I didn't like her red dress on launch night, though. I'm not insane.
I love watching people dance, it's the lols. Why has Ash got his sunglasses on at the dinner table? Manners! Douche alert. Matthew wants the power! I want Matthew to have the power.
Oh my God, people are getting DRUNK in the Big Brother house! Danielle: 'I'm not used to all that nonsense.' What, people enjoying themselves? No wonder this bitch has got a face like a wet weekend, she's never had a laugh in her life.
Anyway, a house full of pricks does make for good entertainment. But also high blood pressure. And it's only just begun. God help us.

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