Sunday, 22 April 2012

The Voice: Giving it both battles

Was out last night so missed the battle rounds- catching up on it now though. Ah they've let Holly and Reggie out of the dungeon. That must be nice for them. I don't mind Reggie that much now, I think Fearne Cotton was dragging him down previously. Don't get me wrong, he's still dull as dishwater.
Just when you thought things couldn't get anymore Welsh, Tom Jones has drafted in Cerys Matthews to help him. What's she going to advise, go on a rubbish reality show and get off with a dead-in-the-water soap star? Road raaaaaaaaaaage!
I'm every woman - spare us, Wills. Even Whitney's had enough of this one. I think the black girl is better by an inch but they were both good. Will someone tell Jessie to stop bobbing her head and singing along. It's like when the guitarist sings when he's not supposed to. Cringeworthy. These two second boys sound really similar. I think the one without the hat who looks like dannii minogue's ex has the edge but they're both pretty good. They're putting on a good performance, too. oh they sent my one home. Boo.
I'm finding it hard to judge who's better in this Tom Jones/Elvis shout off because I don't like Tom Jones, Elvis or shouting. Same goes for the next song that the bald girl sang. It just sounds like a fucking racket. Uh oh they've pitched Bo against Morgan Spurlock. She's gotta win!!! He's so overdone. She's beautiful. Do the right thing, Danny. Bo is something special. I'm actually nervous! Yes! He chose Bo. I'm so happy. She has real talent - I just love her.
So we're giving Chris Brown the BBC seal of approval by forcing the acts (against their will) to sing one of his blood-spattered dance numbers. I'm guessing the guy who threw his toys out of the pram will be going home. I see Jessie J is singing along her support of domestic violence. I better not ever see that bitch calling herself a feminist. Fucking thicko.
I though the two who did Rhianna would be better than they were. I think it's a bit style over substance there.
Sorry I got some dinner at that point so lost it a bit but heard 'soul on a pole'. I don't get the fuss about those two but it could be because I cant stand Heard it through the Grapevine. I'd rather listen to the sound of my own throat being cut and listening to the blood dribble out and my last raspy choking breaths.
OK, onto tonight's show. This turgid version of Beat It has got Jessie J's tasteless fingers all over it. Couldn't care less who won that one. This Lady Gaga song is too shrill.
Oh fucking hell, it's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife. This one with the glasses is singing with a faux American accent. I'm surprised Jessie J isn't the mentor. My boyfriend just walked in and said, 'What's this, a noteless off?' It does sound flat, but I can't work out which one is flat. Oh, the other one has a much nicer voice. She deserved to go through.
This Emmy girl is being a bit cocky... she'll probably go home. Stop intimidating Chris Fountain/Deano from Eastenders. Boyfriend: 'what is this, Cunt Academy?' I think he's been working on that one in the kitchen.
Chris Fountain looks like a rabbit in the headlights. It looks like someone's just dragged him in off the street. He's giving up on notes halfway through, not 'giving each note it's due respect' as some idiot said earlier. Bo Bruce is going to eat everyone in this category alive. That girl pulled a screwface when Jessie J said about the kiss and looked smug when Danny said she was further down the line. She looked proper sour when she got sent home. Serves her right. Having said that I can't believe they did put Alex through, he was fucking useless.
Peewee Herman is now doing 'I want to dance with somebody.' Why? Nobody knows. This is U-Glee. They seemed to only sing for about 10 seconds. Did they have to edit the acts down to make room for all Jessie J's posturing and wiffle-waffle.
My boyfriend just said of the male half of this appalling couple, 'Is that Justin Lee Collins fused with Wagbo?' I think he should write this blog for me. Especially today, as I've spent at least 5% of the day puking my guts up. Wagbo and co plus other old woman was rubbish. Next!
OMG I hate this Kids song soooooo much! It's completely tuneless. Robbie Williams and Kylie combined: smug central. I hope she goes through. It seems like this show has been chopped to bits tonight. They're not editing it very well at all.
My boyfriend on Jessie J: 'The only have one woman on the panel so why did they pick the most uninteresting one on the planet? Stop wiggling your shoulders and fuck off and die.' She seems to rub him up the wrong way, a little. I can't imagine why.
Indie and Pixie were giving the other girl the stink-eye when she was singing really well. I thought they were a bit off last time so they'd better be careful. Becky is much, much better than them. I like her voice. The others are off and they look cross. I liked Becky's screwed up face when Jessie was making her decision.
Yay, so glad she won over the Heathers.
The guy is better than the girl singing this Kings of Leon song. He's got a funny neck, though.
Oh, lawks this next two are going to do Firework. Even Katy Perry can't sing this fucker. They both sound off. This song is really hard to sing. I tried it on karaoke. Has anyone on earth ever sang this song on key? It's like aural torture. I bet Russell Brand is glad he doesn't have to pretend to like it anymore.
I don't think anyone should take on Kelly Jones's raspy old voice. It's the only thing the little Welsh prick has got going for him. I'm all Voiced out now. I watched two episodes of The Voice US today, too. Christina and her acrylic hair and the lovely Cee Lo makes me pine for better judges. Even the buffoonery of Adam Levine is more fun than William's nonsense speak.
Battle, battle, battle! Bo Bruce FTW. You know it makes sense.

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