Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Documentary: I woke up gay

Sorry I missed The Voice, I was mucking about on rollercoasters at Alton Towers. Revolving chairs and then some; super fun. Such a great weekend.
Yay, another BBC3 documentary! Strap in for some of the good shit. I've read about this story so I'm really looking forward to this. I've also been enjoying The Undateables which is heartbreaking. I hardly think the blonde girl in the 2nd episode was undateable though, just because she was in a wheelchair. She was really pretty and lovely. Let's not go overboard. Some of the cases are very sad, though. But I believe there's someone out there for everyone. I'm a romantic!
Anyway, I digress. Back to the matter at hand. I love the idea of this story, it would make a good film, but it's real. I love things like this that call into question the very idea of 'self', I just find it so, so interesting, as I'm so entrenched in myself and who I am and my personality. I've always been so sure of myself, that to be so dramatically changed would be so weird.
A freak accident made Chris gay. How does THAT happen?! I've never heard of anything like it. He did a wonky forward roll down a hill and had a stroke that turned him gay. Scientists said it was impossible. But he should know whether he was gay or not before! It's an interesting take on it, though.
I love the thought of his old self watching this programme in horror. It's like when someone loses their memory and has to rediscover their personality and they don't like their old one or their old friends or anything.
It's obvious his brain got rewired from the stroke. I believe him. I don't think he was always gay. Weird unexplainable things do happen; look at people who have an organ transplant and start liking chicken nuggets or speaking Spanish.
Oh, he DOES have memory loss. This explains the complete change of personality, then. It must be hard for his friends and family to have a 'new' Chris. Must be sad to lose your memory like that. I have a bad memory. But not that bad.
I like the fact he refers to 'old Chris liking motorbikes, I really don't care anymore.' It's like 'old Chris' is some annoying relative he's chained to.
How weird watching him have those photos developed and not even recognising himself. 'I look chavvy'; how funny! It's like he doesn't even like his old self. He did look like the type of person you'd avoid on a cheap package holiday before.
It's sad that he's not close to his mum anymore. It must have been hard for her to see her son completely change personality, but how can she stop loving him? It's still him. Or is it? I suppose it's like a death of 'old Chris'. But either way, he's still her son. I wonder if it's because of the personality change or the sexuality change? Both, I suppose.
Children shouldn't have to write letters to parents asking them to live up to their fucking responsibilities. It makes me so angry. What part of being a parent don't these people get? Aren't you meant to be a parent no matter what? Thank fuck I'm never having kids but I seriously treat my cats better than some people treat their kids. It's disgraceful.
I thought his boyfriend's dismissal of the situation was quite patronising. I guess it's hard for him to prove he was never closeted if he can't remember. But I believe him. My boyfriend said maybe the stroke gave him to freedom to 'be gay' but maybe his new personality WAS just gay. I don't know, it's a headfuck. Does he even have to justify himself? I think I would in his situation.
That's sad that he lost his friends as they didn't have anything in common anymore. I've seen that before in memory loss cases.
How does this scientific test involving a joystick and listening to Wires by Athlete determine you're gay? I liked the scientist referring to the stroke as a 'neurological insult'. I also liked the boyfriend worrying another stroke might turn him 'straight' again!
I like this guy Chris. He knows his own mind. His mum would surely know if he was gay before, or his brothers. Could he be bisexual? It's not even been mentioned as a possibility. I know people who've 'changed' sexuality, so to speak, ie. a female friend in a straight relationship for many years who's been gay for about ten years and doesn't identify as bi. I also know bi people in 'straight' relationships and vice versa, so it's not always black and white. Bi invisibility!
Could you be so strongly in denial about your sexuality that you fuck millions of girls? I suppose you could. But I believe he believes he was not gay before. Therefore he was not gay before.
I think it's a good idea to track down an ex and find out what she thinks. But even they could only guess, I think, because who knows what goes on in people's heads? But it would be an educated guess, at least.
There's more to the human mind than we know. If you bang that frontal lobe the wrong way, it can turn you into a psychopath. I read about one guy who had an accident and became addicted to porn and gambling. Plus we only use 5% of our brains. We don't understand everything; just ask David Icke.
It must be weird for that ex girlfriend that he doesn't remember that stuff. But I can barely remember some of my exes. I didn't think she was very helpful!
I like that guy he met who had a stroke and went from a builder to an artist. He was cool! His art was nuts, his whole house was covered. It's like some part of his brain has been unlocked. I liked him not remembering getting his tattoos. I want to unlock a weird bit of my brain. Not a bad bit, though. You have to be be careful with that Pandora's box, just ask the Big Brother USA contestants.
I can't fucking BELIEVE his mum didn't reply to his letter! Oh sorry, did you prefer your old homophobic son? I know I'm exaggerating for dramatic effect there, but come on. He's your son! He's alive! Wake up before you regret it. Seriously, anyone who says 'blood is thicker than water' is thicker than pigshit. Blood don't mean dick. It's loyalty that counts.
I found this documentary absolutely fascinating. It's like when someone gets Alzheimers, where does their 'old' self go? Does it lie in wait? Is it annihilated? What is 'identity'? It's almost something close to spirituality, as loathe as I am to use that word. Do we go on? And if we do, what will it look like? Who'd have thought BBC3 could bring up all these questions? Good stuff!

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