It would be easy to mock Stacey Dooley, I guess, if you're a snob. I still don't know quite where she emerged from, and I looked it up once. She's a young woman with a thick accent (she sounds Cockney but I remember from an old episode about extremists that she's from Luton, which is near my home town of doom). But I like her documentaries and the way she interviews people. She seems genuinely interested in finding out about the underbelly of life, be it drugs, extremism, or tonight's topic. There's just something about her I like. My mum always says we're all from one of six tribes (some Bible crap, I think) and I feel like Stacey Dooley is from my tribe. It's partly the Midlands thing, partly the way she looks, I just feel an affinity with her. Her documentaries are very watchable. Who could forget the drug that gives you crocodile skin? I don't think I've ever seen a man look more high, or closer to death. It was fascinating. And Stacey Dooley didn't give him Louis Theroux side eye or Nick Broomfield impassiveness. She treated him like a fellow human.
Every 30 seconds police receive a 999 call about domestic violence. Domestic violence is a subject I had face to face experience with as a child and I care more about pretty passionately. We had our fair share of 999 calls ourselves and it wasn't much fun. It wasn't much fun watching my mum get her skull cracked open, I must say. In fact, it fucked me up royally.
This documentary focuses on young women in violent relationships. I can't imagine ever being in a controlling or violent relationship, but that's as a direct result of my own experience; I just wouldn't put up with that for a minute. Still, I understand very well how women get sucked into these relationships and how controlling boyfriends/ husbands operate. I've seen it happen to my friends, despite me begging them to leave. It's not until you're in that relationship or that environment that you understand the hold those relationships have on you. These men grind you down until you don't know what your own personality is anymore.
This poor woman is having her door fixed because her thug boyfriend has kicked it in while pregnant. Every door in my house as a child had a hole in it from a fist from the men I grew up with. Violence is one thing, but living under the threat of violence is another, and is just as bad (well, almost).
'During holidays and major sporting events 999 calls increase.' Just think about that. Women get battered because their idiot husband's team loses. That's a reality. Doesn't that terrify you? It scares the shit out of me. Imagine scaring the hell out of the person you love, harming the person you love. The scary part is when children witness this horror, or have to live with it on an ongoing basis. It's just incredibly cruel. But women are too scared to go, or don't have a place to go that's safe.
One in four women suffer from domestic violence and two women die a week. Two women die a week and it really feels like no one gives a fuck.
Stacey is visiting a refuge. One of the scariest scenes in The Fall was when that abusive husband found his wife in the refuge. That's my worst fucking nightmare, all those vulnerable women and an animal like that finds them (and yes, I know it's not real). I support Refuge because probably the scariest thing I can imagine is a
woman leaving her violent partner and being turned away because there's
nowhere for her to go. That's when men kill women. That's the riskiest time to be a woman.
I wish women knew better the warning signs of these psycho men; and these charming romantic types are the worst, these fuckers who buy clothes for you. I wouldn't put up with anyone jealous as that's a sign. There are so many tiny signs, but like Stacey says, they seem flattering at first. But it's not flattering if you look at it from the perspective of that man would treat ANY woman that way, so how are you special? Any woman would be treated like his own personal property.
It's so wrong that women lose their children because of abusive men, and because they can't figure out a way out. They are being punished twice, and for what? Stacey said, 'people might seem you're picking your abusive relationship over your baby.' But it's not like a domestic violence victim is making a sane and sensible choice. They aren't seeing things straight because they have had their heads screwed up by these controlling bastards.
These injunctions are good that stop men from even coming near their victims or they get five years in prison. Stacey is following the guy giving out the injunctions to these fucking arseholes now. I couldn't look at them myself.
I was disappointed that we had to have the obligatory 'women are violent too' mention, which is such a minuscule issue it's not even worth mentioning, except to make men feel better about all the women they murder. I hate that they fudge the issue like that! The show is called 'Beaten by my boyfriend.' And even now MEN on Twitter are telling me how women are violent, too. Well, they weren't in my house. It was just the men. The men with the tempers and the men with the baseball bats and the men with the brute fucking force. It just said nine out of ten attacks are by men and still men whine
'what about women who beat men up?' It's my female friends who have abusive dads, not abusive mums. I just wish these men would shut the fuck up. I'd be ashamed if I
was a man. I wouldn't be arguing with women about the statistics. I'd
be trying to work out why the fuck men were doing it. Why should I cry for that one man getting beaten up for every nine women? Fuck him. I don't care about him, I really don't, and if that sounds harsh, then tough. I guess my experiences made me that way. Honestly, it makes me fucking furious. Are there refuges full of hundreds of terrified men, all across the country? No, there aren't! So shut up. Stick your statistics, because I don't care. I care about women getting battered in front of their children and killed for daring to leave their boyfriend.
Why DO men do this to women? Why do they think they have the right to treat women like this? I just don't get it. Women just have to stop dying. Men have to stop killing us. Claire's law is really important but it's not enough. It's terrible that funding for refuges are being cut. It's a death sentence to women. But like the Tories fucking give a shit. What's a few dead women to them? I liked Stacey sticking it to Teresa May. I liked her question of 'what would you like to say to these girls?' a if an MP cares.
I'm glad Stacey went to a place where abusers get rehabilitated because I do believe - in fact, I know - that men can be rehabilitated but a massive part of that is actually waking up and realising what the fuck you've done. I've seen it happen. And I've seen it not happen. And these boneheaded straw man arguments of 'well women do it, too' doesn't help either side. It's just another way to put women in their place along with bashing in their front doors - and their skulls.
Showing posts with label domestic violence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label domestic violence. Show all posts
Wednesday, 25 March 2015
Monday, 2 April 2012
Rant: Chris Brown is Number 1 in the UK. Pleased with yourselves?
I have to write this blog because I am so fucking incensed and if I don’t get it out I might have to go outside and scream. Chris Brown’s latest song is number one in the UK which can only mean the idiots are out in force. I am honestly ashamed of my country, as if there’s ever been much to be proud of. This is it’s lowest point. After he beat the shit out of Rhianna, we banned him from the UK. No doubt now we’ll be rolling out the red carpet (as they did at the Grammys, which he gloated about) for the pop-prick scumbag. Every time I see his face it makes me want to smash my TV screen/ computer (but even I don’t do that because inanimate objects are worth something… more than women, apparently).
For every accolade you give this guy, another woman is suffering in silence. Another woman or young girl gets the message that it’s OK to be hit, and a guy gets the message that if you do hit a woman, give it a year, and it will all be forgotten. Hit the bitch. Do it.
And don’t accuse me of saying people can’t change. I know more than most that people can. People can change after they’ve taken a long hard look at their life and repented. But I’ve never once seen this piece of shit say sorry, all I’ve seen is his self-aggrandising, gloating and general aggression and bullying.
Maybe if he considered giving a slice (no, all) of the profits of his single to Refuge or Women’s Aid (or the American equivalent) we could imagine he’d taken one single step on the road to retribution. This joker isn’t even on the path to it. I don’t think he knows it exists.
The most disgusting thing about the whole sorry tale is that people (and specifically) women are defending him. I got into an argument with someone claiming to be a foster mother on Digital Spy defending him and saying ‘Rhianna probably provoked him.’ That woman is presumably fostering children from abusive backgrounds and proudly says she’s buying them the Chris Brown record. Talk about out of the frying pan and into the fire.
And it’s not like these comments are even 50/50. I’d say about 70% are defending this man and calling me crazy. Has the world gone completely insane? I was called a troll for standing up for women’s rights. Are women just too scared to speak up? It's like trying to talk sense into a hamster or a box of cereal these people are so willfully stupid.
Someone else said, ‘who are we to judge?’ Sentient humans, that’s who. I can look at the picture of Rhianna’s battered face after he threw her out of a car and judge quite easily, thank you very much. It’s not very difficult at all.
Others are saying, ‘What's his past got to do with his ‘talent’? Well I haven't seen Gary Glitter on TV lately, have you? Or is punching women more acceptable than abusing children? Well, that goes without saying, we’re just women, and we push those buttons and we ask for it, don’t we? Just ask Dennis Waterman.
‘Your personal life has nothing to do with your job’ – really? Tell that to doctors who sleep with patients, teachers who sleep with their pupils. It’s worse if you’re famous in a way because it doesn’t just affect you, the whole world is being given the message: ‘violence is OK’.
The people on Digital Spy (which should be renamed Digital Spite) are so pig thick, they can’t see what’s in front of their own faces. So I’m bitter and I should get a life. I’m stupid. Funny, because it’s that sort of language that’s how the whole thing starts, isn’t it?
Some other dickhead said ‘it takes two to tango’. I’ve never heard of a tango being done in the front of a moving car and ending with one person being chucked out of it and left with black eyes, and a swollen face, have you? Never seen that one on Strictly yet. Maybe next year.
The defence that ‘well Rhianna has forgiven him’ is paper-thin. Rhianna can do whatever she likes, including be an appalling example if she wants, that’s up to her and she’s young and from what I’ve seen in interviews, quite stupid. I’m not going to victim-blame. Whether she has forgiven him is neither here nor there. He should be made an example of. He should never be let on a TV screen or a stage ever again.
But 300 women a day are being turned away from refuges because of Tory cuts and they have to go home and face their 'Chris Brown' because they don't have Rhianna's money or status. She has set an appalling example by ever even speaking to him again, in my opinion, but that’s up to her. But think of those other women who plucked up the courage to leave, possibly with their kids, and got sent away from that refuge. Sent back home to that man. No wonder two women are dying at their partner’s hand a week: David Cameron is virtually beating them to death himself.
If you want to see what society is really like, click here. But they’ll probably lock that topic or delete my posts soon. Because women should just put up and shut up. Give Chris Brown another gong. Do a collaboration with him. Fucking disgusting.
PS: I listened to the song. It’s rubbish.
For every accolade you give this guy, another woman is suffering in silence. Another woman or young girl gets the message that it’s OK to be hit, and a guy gets the message that if you do hit a woman, give it a year, and it will all be forgotten. Hit the bitch. Do it.
And don’t accuse me of saying people can’t change. I know more than most that people can. People can change after they’ve taken a long hard look at their life and repented. But I’ve never once seen this piece of shit say sorry, all I’ve seen is his self-aggrandising, gloating and general aggression and bullying.
Maybe if he considered giving a slice (no, all) of the profits of his single to Refuge or Women’s Aid (or the American equivalent) we could imagine he’d taken one single step on the road to retribution. This joker isn’t even on the path to it. I don’t think he knows it exists.
The most disgusting thing about the whole sorry tale is that people (and specifically) women are defending him. I got into an argument with someone claiming to be a foster mother on Digital Spy defending him and saying ‘Rhianna probably provoked him.’ That woman is presumably fostering children from abusive backgrounds and proudly says she’s buying them the Chris Brown record. Talk about out of the frying pan and into the fire.
And it’s not like these comments are even 50/50. I’d say about 70% are defending this man and calling me crazy. Has the world gone completely insane? I was called a troll for standing up for women’s rights. Are women just too scared to speak up? It's like trying to talk sense into a hamster or a box of cereal these people are so willfully stupid.
Someone else said, ‘who are we to judge?’ Sentient humans, that’s who. I can look at the picture of Rhianna’s battered face after he threw her out of a car and judge quite easily, thank you very much. It’s not very difficult at all.
Others are saying, ‘What's his past got to do with his ‘talent’? Well I haven't seen Gary Glitter on TV lately, have you? Or is punching women more acceptable than abusing children? Well, that goes without saying, we’re just women, and we push those buttons and we ask for it, don’t we? Just ask Dennis Waterman.
‘Your personal life has nothing to do with your job’ – really? Tell that to doctors who sleep with patients, teachers who sleep with their pupils. It’s worse if you’re famous in a way because it doesn’t just affect you, the whole world is being given the message: ‘violence is OK’.
The people on Digital Spy (which should be renamed Digital Spite) are so pig thick, they can’t see what’s in front of their own faces. So I’m bitter and I should get a life. I’m stupid. Funny, because it’s that sort of language that’s how the whole thing starts, isn’t it?
Some other dickhead said ‘it takes two to tango’. I’ve never heard of a tango being done in the front of a moving car and ending with one person being chucked out of it and left with black eyes, and a swollen face, have you? Never seen that one on Strictly yet. Maybe next year.
The defence that ‘well Rhianna has forgiven him’ is paper-thin. Rhianna can do whatever she likes, including be an appalling example if she wants, that’s up to her and she’s young and from what I’ve seen in interviews, quite stupid. I’m not going to victim-blame. Whether she has forgiven him is neither here nor there. He should be made an example of. He should never be let on a TV screen or a stage ever again.
But 300 women a day are being turned away from refuges because of Tory cuts and they have to go home and face their 'Chris Brown' because they don't have Rhianna's money or status. She has set an appalling example by ever even speaking to him again, in my opinion, but that’s up to her. But think of those other women who plucked up the courage to leave, possibly with their kids, and got sent away from that refuge. Sent back home to that man. No wonder two women are dying at their partner’s hand a week: David Cameron is virtually beating them to death himself.
If you want to see what society is really like, click here. But they’ll probably lock that topic or delete my posts soon. Because women should just put up and shut up. Give Chris Brown another gong. Do a collaboration with him. Fucking disgusting.
PS: I listened to the song. It’s rubbish.
Thursday, 25 November 2010
Documentary: Alesha Dixon: Don't Hit My Mum
Yes, please don't hit my mum Alesha, she's done nothing to you! Here, beautifully inane Alesha Dixon discusses domestic violence. This is going to be a bit of a minefield for me, both because of the involvement of Alesha, and the subject matter. It's going to get a little personal. But here goes.
One of the children at the very start of this documentary said 'he threw her down the stairs; and for that reason I'll never forgive him.' I understand that sentiment. The thought of all the children out there having to witness that sort of stuff feels horrific. How can parents do that to their children, do that in front of their children? They just don't give a shit. That's the long and short of it.
Alesha's mum's boyfriend beat her up when Alesha was 8. Mine happened when I was 11.
It is a horrible feeling to feel powerless; but it's worse to see your mother powerless. Especially when she has the choice to walk, but she won't. That's the worst part. I do blame my mum for not leaving sooner, and I don't apologise for that. There's a point where a victim needs to gather themselves up for the sake of the children. Once she left everyone was like 'your mum has abandoned you' and I just thought 'good. why on earth didn't she leave three years ago?' It was the smartest move she ever made. I told her a million times to go before that.
Alesha, bless her, hasn't really got the gravitas to tackle this subject with any sort of feeling. She even makes horrific violence seem mildly boring.
It was interesting what she was saying about 'not having a say' in how you were raised; I think that's an important point; once you're an adult you DO have a say. You can choose to separate yourself from violent family members, or situations that are bad for you. I spent my entire teenage years waiting for the next blow up. I am proud that I live in a safe space now. I am reluctant to get dragged down by it all again. 'Victims' have to do the right thing by themselves- and blood isn't thicker than water, especially when you've seen it splashed over the pavement.
Alesha says she feels sorry for her mum, but it sounds like her mum is over it. It's the same for me, my mum couldn't give a shit about what happened, but that stuff scarred me for life. It's different for children; you're developing, and that rips a hole in you.
One girl talked about how she tried to get in the middle of the violence and he carried on hitting her mum like she wasn't there. I remember so vividly trying to get my dad off my mum, and he just didn't even even register I was there. We also ran to our neighbour on that day.
It was interesting to hear the girl talk about picking up with her dad again after 13 years; I don't speak to my dad, and I've noticed myself feeling increasingly guilty about it. But I've always thought; if a stranger did that to your mum, would you ever forgive them? So what's the difference? I always come back to that thought. I will never have children- but if I did, I could never do that to them. Don't you just want to protect them? I just can't make sense of it.
Alesha says 'you should always question why someone acts a certain way, especially if it's a violent way'. But should you? I don't care what drove him to it; he shouldn't ever have done that, and especially not in front of me. I'm not interested in the reasons behind it. It's just thuggery. If that's too hardline, then whatever. It's just an excuse; you have a free choice on how to behave.
It's interesting when you realise your 'role models' are deeply fucked up. But it's also completely annihilating.
The conversation about how witnessing violence at a young age affects the brain was interesting. I 'only' saw one incident of extreme violence; I dread to think how my brain would have been affected if I'd seen that over and over.
The psychologist said the effect of witnessing violence makes you constantly frightened, and that's definitely how I felt as a teenager, constantly on edge.
Wow, Alesha Dixon is quite stunning. Bless her, she's trying.
Ah- Alesha visited a domestic violence incident with the police between a male couple! I've been discussing this with another friend today, so that's interesting. Apparently 11% of domestic violence victims are men. They don't seem to be the ones getting murdered, though. Eek, they played a really scary 999 call with a guy going crazy. DV is no joke. Look at how many men kill their partners (and whole families, if they're a real special case) per year- it's terrifying, and it's largely ignored. Oh, another one. It's just too commonplace.
I can't stress enough for women to leave, for kids to speak out, for men to THINK just think about what you are doing.
OMG! This guy used to make the mum say who she loved more out of him or her daughter and force her to say him! FUCKED.
My mum used to say over and over 'he would never lay a finger on you' as if that made everything OK. I don't think she had a clue what that situation actually did to me; she still doesn't really get it; although she gets it a lot more than she used to, because I forced her to.
I was interested when Alesha talked to a perpetrator at the end; and I do believe men can change- they do. I used to not think that, but I've grown up a bit. Once a wifebeater, always a wifebeater, I did believe that. But I don't now. But even if you can change, it doesn't make what you did in the past forgiveable. It doesn't change what you did. Wow, Alesha is really nodding, it's like a fucking Churchill advert.
I'm not sure about teaching kids about DV in school. Can you teach someone not to be a sadistic bastard? No, I'm wrong actually, it can't hurt, can it. Maybe it never occurred to someone not to be like that.
Footnote: Do you know how I met my best friend twelve or thirteen years ago? Her mum was in a shelter, running away from her dad, very similar situation to mine, and put a pin in a map, and hit Northampton, where I grew up. Unlucky for them, maybe, but lucky for me. It's funny how things turn out.
OK, back to the telly.
One of the children at the very start of this documentary said 'he threw her down the stairs; and for that reason I'll never forgive him.' I understand that sentiment. The thought of all the children out there having to witness that sort of stuff feels horrific. How can parents do that to their children, do that in front of their children? They just don't give a shit. That's the long and short of it.
Alesha's mum's boyfriend beat her up when Alesha was 8. Mine happened when I was 11.
It is a horrible feeling to feel powerless; but it's worse to see your mother powerless. Especially when she has the choice to walk, but she won't. That's the worst part. I do blame my mum for not leaving sooner, and I don't apologise for that. There's a point where a victim needs to gather themselves up for the sake of the children. Once she left everyone was like 'your mum has abandoned you' and I just thought 'good. why on earth didn't she leave three years ago?' It was the smartest move she ever made. I told her a million times to go before that.
Alesha, bless her, hasn't really got the gravitas to tackle this subject with any sort of feeling. She even makes horrific violence seem mildly boring.
It was interesting what she was saying about 'not having a say' in how you were raised; I think that's an important point; once you're an adult you DO have a say. You can choose to separate yourself from violent family members, or situations that are bad for you. I spent my entire teenage years waiting for the next blow up. I am proud that I live in a safe space now. I am reluctant to get dragged down by it all again. 'Victims' have to do the right thing by themselves- and blood isn't thicker than water, especially when you've seen it splashed over the pavement.
Alesha says she feels sorry for her mum, but it sounds like her mum is over it. It's the same for me, my mum couldn't give a shit about what happened, but that stuff scarred me for life. It's different for children; you're developing, and that rips a hole in you.
One girl talked about how she tried to get in the middle of the violence and he carried on hitting her mum like she wasn't there. I remember so vividly trying to get my dad off my mum, and he just didn't even even register I was there. We also ran to our neighbour on that day.
It was interesting to hear the girl talk about picking up with her dad again after 13 years; I don't speak to my dad, and I've noticed myself feeling increasingly guilty about it. But I've always thought; if a stranger did that to your mum, would you ever forgive them? So what's the difference? I always come back to that thought. I will never have children- but if I did, I could never do that to them. Don't you just want to protect them? I just can't make sense of it.
Alesha says 'you should always question why someone acts a certain way, especially if it's a violent way'. But should you? I don't care what drove him to it; he shouldn't ever have done that, and especially not in front of me. I'm not interested in the reasons behind it. It's just thuggery. If that's too hardline, then whatever. It's just an excuse; you have a free choice on how to behave.
It's interesting when you realise your 'role models' are deeply fucked up. But it's also completely annihilating.
The conversation about how witnessing violence at a young age affects the brain was interesting. I 'only' saw one incident of extreme violence; I dread to think how my brain would have been affected if I'd seen that over and over.
The psychologist said the effect of witnessing violence makes you constantly frightened, and that's definitely how I felt as a teenager, constantly on edge.
Wow, Alesha Dixon is quite stunning. Bless her, she's trying.
Ah- Alesha visited a domestic violence incident with the police between a male couple! I've been discussing this with another friend today, so that's interesting. Apparently 11% of domestic violence victims are men. They don't seem to be the ones getting murdered, though. Eek, they played a really scary 999 call with a guy going crazy. DV is no joke. Look at how many men kill their partners (and whole families, if they're a real special case) per year- it's terrifying, and it's largely ignored. Oh, another one. It's just too commonplace.
I can't stress enough for women to leave, for kids to speak out, for men to THINK just think about what you are doing.
OMG! This guy used to make the mum say who she loved more out of him or her daughter and force her to say him! FUCKED.
My mum used to say over and over 'he would never lay a finger on you' as if that made everything OK. I don't think she had a clue what that situation actually did to me; she still doesn't really get it; although she gets it a lot more than she used to, because I forced her to.
I was interested when Alesha talked to a perpetrator at the end; and I do believe men can change- they do. I used to not think that, but I've grown up a bit. Once a wifebeater, always a wifebeater, I did believe that. But I don't now. But even if you can change, it doesn't make what you did in the past forgiveable. It doesn't change what you did. Wow, Alesha is really nodding, it's like a fucking Churchill advert.
I'm not sure about teaching kids about DV in school. Can you teach someone not to be a sadistic bastard? No, I'm wrong actually, it can't hurt, can it. Maybe it never occurred to someone not to be like that.
Footnote: Do you know how I met my best friend twelve or thirteen years ago? Her mum was in a shelter, running away from her dad, very similar situation to mine, and put a pin in a map, and hit Northampton, where I grew up. Unlucky for them, maybe, but lucky for me. It's funny how things turn out.
OK, back to the telly.
Wednesday, 24 March 2010
Women: Activists
I wont even comment on the 'Women: Mothers' programme as it was so pathetic and limp. Shame; this series started well. Hopefully 'Activists' has got a bit more oomph.
I've been to the London Feminist Network conference and I found it very disappointing. It said nothing to me about my life, in so many ways. I don't care about objectification; I mean, I do, but not much. I care about violence against women and equal rights/ pay, not about prostitution, porn or glamour modelling. A friend of mine is a psychologist who also does pole dancing for fun. Partly thanks to Object, she can't do it any more, because a new law has arrived that labels her 'a sex worker' so she cannot legally work in the criminal justice system (she works in a prison) and do that. She's basically had to give up her fall-back for money. That's not freedom; it's oppression. Women-on-women oppression.
Who is portraying women as sexual objects? Magazines certainly do, but that doesn't make ME a sexual object. I like being a sexual being. I like some porn, and I like being objectified sometimes. Horrifying, I know. I am 100% a feminist. These are not issues for me. Domestic violence is an issue. Rape is an issue. Abortion is an issue. Not being able to walk down the street at night is an issue. The rest just feels like window dressing. And I'm not stupid, I understand how Page 3 dehumanises women, I understand how Nuts magazine dehumanises women. But do you socialise with 13-year-old Sun readers? Idiots will always be idiots. You can't make morons intelligent.
I understand what Fin in this programme was saying about the rage; I am enraged by sexism everywhere. But I enjoy being enraged. I enjoy being intelligent enough to see why something is sexist when someone else might not even question it. Knowledge is power. It's better to be oppressed than ignorant.
Two women a week killed by their male partner; that is something worth shouting about, worth raging against. Someone calling up for 'a prostitute like a pizza'? I'm not bothered.
I do hate sexist language; bird, slut, slag; it's all the same thing, something a woman can be called, but a man can't. I even hate 'hen' party with it's vision of twittering women. But what is the point of them reading ads for porn lines in the back of a magazine and complaining about it? It's like going to Wales and moaning that it's raining. I don't agree that men who watch porn see all women as 'slags'. Men compartmentalise sex; they can turn that off and on again; and guess what; so can women.
Oh god, the feminist songs! Spare me. This doesn't do much for our image. 'Po-faced' is levelled at us a lot; and this is why. A man reading The Star on the tube is clearly an idiot; let him get on with it. Does it really affect you? Getting angry about that is like getting angry at a park bench; in fact the park bench is probably more well-read.
Another friend of mine is a member of Object, and friends with Sandrine, but when I challenged her on the views she didn't seem to have the answers to why objectification is bad, just that it was bad. But if you're going to stand up for something, why not stand up for battered women, for rape victims? Glamour models and porn stars are making money. It's their choice, the majority of the time (except for in cases of trafficking etc- and that in itself is violence and rape, so why separate it) so why take that choice from women?
Music videos are soft porn. Movie stars encourage girls to starve themselves by being so thin. The way to arm yourself against this is to teach your children some morality; some common sense. There SHOULD be more curvy women in magazines. But there's not. So don't read magazines. You don't need that handbag or that diet plan. Any intelligent person realises this at about age 16. There is so much alternative media out there now. You don't have to feel so oppressed by this stuff. I don't listen to pop music or watch pop videos any more. You don't have to. Just put something else on. I agree in freedom of expression for all; even the brain-dead. If you get angry about everything, you can't even function anymore. And I'm angry about MOST things.
Oh wow, they just mentioned abortion! Surely abortion should be the NUMBER ONE subject for any feminist, the number one priority; a women's right to choose. It's so intrinsically important. There are people out there that want to force you to give birth against your will. All this other stuff is just a diversion.
The 'bin the bunny' thing against Playboy is just stupid; it makes people laugh at us as feminists, because people see it as frippery. And it is. The Girls of the Playboy Mansion TV show makes me feel sick; but so what. I used to have a Playboy pencil case when I was a teenager; so what? It didn't 'programme me to accept degradation and pornography in later life'- it just kept my pencils in check. It's just a logo, a picture. It can't hurt us unless we let it.
I agree that stereotypes of men and women have a lot to answer for; and the media enforce that. But men and women also enforce that. If you choose a different way; it's not that difficult to live like it. In fact, it's very easy.
I recognise loads of people from the feminist conference; the thought of 'feminist comedy' I found quite frightening, I must admit. It's weird seeing the footage from that conference because I was there, and it was well-meaning, but some of the speakers were just plain dull, and there was a real lack of humour (except for the feminist comedy, which I avoided, obviously). I hate to be such a downer, but I went there with expectations, and I came out feeling non-plussed, and that's surely not the aim of an event like that. I think it needed an injection of charisma. Some of these feminists are dare I say it; a bit sappy. And then the others are a bit... militant. I want a bit of humour and panache.
I agreed with the girl who said it can be lonely being a feminist. I'm always confused by my female friends who aren't feminists. How can you NOT care about your own sex, your own rights? It seems bizarre.
I thought the interviewer asking that feminist why she paints her nails was fucking stupid. Heaven forbid a feminist wants to look pretty.
Oh my god, there's no rape crisis centre in London! The whole of London! Now that's something to get upset about. That's disgusting. Rape IS legal in this country, it really is. Then afterwards; see you later, love.
I'm glad they touched (very briefly) on feminists having conflicting views; we're not one homogeneous mass, and no one should enforce their views onto others. I AM a feminist; and I have just as much right to call myself one as anyone else.
These documentaries are 15 minutes too long. I was getting very antsy towards the end.
Is this wave of feminism gathering momentum? Not really. Apathy rules. But you can make a change in your own life; with your own opinion, but explaining things very simply to people. And it does make a difference.
I got groped and almost robbed on the bus today. It's hard being a woman. But I'd still rather be one than a man.
I've been to the London Feminist Network conference and I found it very disappointing. It said nothing to me about my life, in so many ways. I don't care about objectification; I mean, I do, but not much. I care about violence against women and equal rights/ pay, not about prostitution, porn or glamour modelling. A friend of mine is a psychologist who also does pole dancing for fun. Partly thanks to Object, she can't do it any more, because a new law has arrived that labels her 'a sex worker' so she cannot legally work in the criminal justice system (she works in a prison) and do that. She's basically had to give up her fall-back for money. That's not freedom; it's oppression. Women-on-women oppression.
Who is portraying women as sexual objects? Magazines certainly do, but that doesn't make ME a sexual object. I like being a sexual being. I like some porn, and I like being objectified sometimes. Horrifying, I know. I am 100% a feminist. These are not issues for me. Domestic violence is an issue. Rape is an issue. Abortion is an issue. Not being able to walk down the street at night is an issue. The rest just feels like window dressing. And I'm not stupid, I understand how Page 3 dehumanises women, I understand how Nuts magazine dehumanises women. But do you socialise with 13-year-old Sun readers? Idiots will always be idiots. You can't make morons intelligent.
I understand what Fin in this programme was saying about the rage; I am enraged by sexism everywhere. But I enjoy being enraged. I enjoy being intelligent enough to see why something is sexist when someone else might not even question it. Knowledge is power. It's better to be oppressed than ignorant.
Two women a week killed by their male partner; that is something worth shouting about, worth raging against. Someone calling up for 'a prostitute like a pizza'? I'm not bothered.
I do hate sexist language; bird, slut, slag; it's all the same thing, something a woman can be called, but a man can't. I even hate 'hen' party with it's vision of twittering women. But what is the point of them reading ads for porn lines in the back of a magazine and complaining about it? It's like going to Wales and moaning that it's raining. I don't agree that men who watch porn see all women as 'slags'. Men compartmentalise sex; they can turn that off and on again; and guess what; so can women.
Oh god, the feminist songs! Spare me. This doesn't do much for our image. 'Po-faced' is levelled at us a lot; and this is why. A man reading The Star on the tube is clearly an idiot; let him get on with it. Does it really affect you? Getting angry about that is like getting angry at a park bench; in fact the park bench is probably more well-read.
Another friend of mine is a member of Object, and friends with Sandrine, but when I challenged her on the views she didn't seem to have the answers to why objectification is bad, just that it was bad. But if you're going to stand up for something, why not stand up for battered women, for rape victims? Glamour models and porn stars are making money. It's their choice, the majority of the time (except for in cases of trafficking etc- and that in itself is violence and rape, so why separate it) so why take that choice from women?
Music videos are soft porn. Movie stars encourage girls to starve themselves by being so thin. The way to arm yourself against this is to teach your children some morality; some common sense. There SHOULD be more curvy women in magazines. But there's not. So don't read magazines. You don't need that handbag or that diet plan. Any intelligent person realises this at about age 16. There is so much alternative media out there now. You don't have to feel so oppressed by this stuff. I don't listen to pop music or watch pop videos any more. You don't have to. Just put something else on. I agree in freedom of expression for all; even the brain-dead. If you get angry about everything, you can't even function anymore. And I'm angry about MOST things.
Oh wow, they just mentioned abortion! Surely abortion should be the NUMBER ONE subject for any feminist, the number one priority; a women's right to choose. It's so intrinsically important. There are people out there that want to force you to give birth against your will. All this other stuff is just a diversion.
The 'bin the bunny' thing against Playboy is just stupid; it makes people laugh at us as feminists, because people see it as frippery. And it is. The Girls of the Playboy Mansion TV show makes me feel sick; but so what. I used to have a Playboy pencil case when I was a teenager; so what? It didn't 'programme me to accept degradation and pornography in later life'- it just kept my pencils in check. It's just a logo, a picture. It can't hurt us unless we let it.
I agree that stereotypes of men and women have a lot to answer for; and the media enforce that. But men and women also enforce that. If you choose a different way; it's not that difficult to live like it. In fact, it's very easy.
I recognise loads of people from the feminist conference; the thought of 'feminist comedy' I found quite frightening, I must admit. It's weird seeing the footage from that conference because I was there, and it was well-meaning, but some of the speakers were just plain dull, and there was a real lack of humour (except for the feminist comedy, which I avoided, obviously). I hate to be such a downer, but I went there with expectations, and I came out feeling non-plussed, and that's surely not the aim of an event like that. I think it needed an injection of charisma. Some of these feminists are dare I say it; a bit sappy. And then the others are a bit... militant. I want a bit of humour and panache.
I agreed with the girl who said it can be lonely being a feminist. I'm always confused by my female friends who aren't feminists. How can you NOT care about your own sex, your own rights? It seems bizarre.
I thought the interviewer asking that feminist why she paints her nails was fucking stupid. Heaven forbid a feminist wants to look pretty.
Oh my god, there's no rape crisis centre in London! The whole of London! Now that's something to get upset about. That's disgusting. Rape IS legal in this country, it really is. Then afterwards; see you later, love.
I'm glad they touched (very briefly) on feminists having conflicting views; we're not one homogeneous mass, and no one should enforce their views onto others. I AM a feminist; and I have just as much right to call myself one as anyone else.
These documentaries are 15 minutes too long. I was getting very antsy towards the end.
Is this wave of feminism gathering momentum? Not really. Apathy rules. But you can make a change in your own life; with your own opinion, but explaining things very simply to people. And it does make a difference.
I got groped and almost robbed on the bus today. It's hard being a woman. But I'd still rather be one than a man.
Wednesday, 4 March 2009
Rihanna: Here's your chance to be a role model
You can't have failed to read the story of pop singer Rhianna beaten up by her boyfriend Chris Brown (I can sing you a bit of Umbrella, but him, not so sure- perhaps that was part of the problem) whilst en route to the Grammys.
The story took several twists and turns. Firstly I found it shocking that the story even broke in the first place; you can only imagine how much of this stuff goes on and is carefully brushed under the (red) carpet? The fact this even scratched our radar proved it was something very bad indeed. Once the pictures leaked, it was unthinkable that she would take him back; why would she? A successful, independant pop star, greatly admired by people with you know, no taste in music, but don't hold that against her.
There was a positive moment when her dad spoke up and said 'At some point, she will speak out. I hope she will stand up for women all over the world.' My heart soared when he said that; I really hoped that would be the case. I looked forward to that.
And then...
'Role model' has always struck me as a horrible phrase; who would want to be one? When The One Show robots asked Moz if he has a responsibility to his fans, he replied, 'I have a responsibility to no one.' And thank God.
But the life of a pop show-pony is different. Rhianna (and Chris Brown) produce music for teenagers. It is all about appearance (because there genuinely is nothing underneath). It is image, image, image; if you look right, and can be marketed correctly, it doesn't matter how you sound. Look at the way Britney's meltdown has been all but erased, even though it's still written all over her face. If they say it enough times, maybe we'll believe she's that sweet little girl again, and not picture the hospital stretcher and the dilated pupils and the headshaving. Oh and don't mention the children, she sure loves those little boys.
In the rock/indie world, this kind of behaviour adds to your kudos. But the pop world is a different machine. The Simon Cowells and Pete Watermans want these people wrapped in plastic, saying the right thing. Domestic violence? That's an issue not conducive with the glitz and the glam- the lie.
Chris Brown is beneath contempt. I refuse to believe he could claw his way back into any sort of career; he has got to be finished (please don't let this statement come back to haunt me). Wife-beating is about one rung more sales-friendly as kiddy- fiddling, I'd hope. But Rhianna? She has the opportunity now for something amazing, something to be proud of, and that is to be a good example to every 18-year-old girl getting slapped around by her boyfriend, or any married woman getting regular beatings. If Jade Goody can really make thousands of women go and get a smear test, then Rhianna could make at least a few young women in awe of her look twice at their relationship, look twice at their face and realise they want it to stay pretty. They might think, 'if Rhianna can leave, so can I.' She needs to stand up and make a statement, and not just a verbal one, but one with her actions.
If she gets back with Chris Brown, what kind of message is that sending out? That even with all her money and success, she can't do any better. So God help women trapped in poverty being abused, or women so ground down that they can't see a way out. Because if even Rhianna's advisors, her PR machine, and apparently close family can't stop her going back, then what hope is there for the average women who you know, loves him, and he's nice 95% of the time, right, and he's so sorry afterwards (these things are cliches because they are true).
I don't believe what I read anyway, so hopefully it's not the case. But if it is, she could end up doing more unintentional harm to women than that thick fucking pig of a boyfriend of hers. And it may seem anti-feminist, and like I'm blaming the victim; I'm not. Because this is about women. But too many women have dropped the charges, only to see this man they love coming at them with a knife next time, or turning up with a shotgun, or murdering their kids, or their mum, or their new boyfriend, or the whole bloody lot.
I do believe that occasionally abusers who want to can change. But they can't change overnight. And they have to realise what they've done is abhorrent, not just be told it. And they have to be genuinely sorry; wait for a lot of time to pass, and in the vast majority of cases, to not be with that person they hurt anymore. Because those dynamics in that relationship have changed forever.
A story on Digtal Spy today says, 'Rihanna's father Ronald Fenty recently insisted that he would support his daughter's decision to rekindle the romance.' That's not a romance. It's a crime scene.
The story took several twists and turns. Firstly I found it shocking that the story even broke in the first place; you can only imagine how much of this stuff goes on and is carefully brushed under the (red) carpet? The fact this even scratched our radar proved it was something very bad indeed. Once the pictures leaked, it was unthinkable that she would take him back; why would she? A successful, independant pop star, greatly admired by people with you know, no taste in music, but don't hold that against her.
There was a positive moment when her dad spoke up and said 'At some point, she will speak out. I hope she will stand up for women all over the world.' My heart soared when he said that; I really hoped that would be the case. I looked forward to that.
And then...
'Role model' has always struck me as a horrible phrase; who would want to be one? When The One Show robots asked Moz if he has a responsibility to his fans, he replied, 'I have a responsibility to no one.' And thank God.
But the life of a pop show-pony is different. Rhianna (and Chris Brown) produce music for teenagers. It is all about appearance (because there genuinely is nothing underneath). It is image, image, image; if you look right, and can be marketed correctly, it doesn't matter how you sound. Look at the way Britney's meltdown has been all but erased, even though it's still written all over her face. If they say it enough times, maybe we'll believe she's that sweet little girl again, and not picture the hospital stretcher and the dilated pupils and the headshaving. Oh and don't mention the children, she sure loves those little boys.
In the rock/indie world, this kind of behaviour adds to your kudos. But the pop world is a different machine. The Simon Cowells and Pete Watermans want these people wrapped in plastic, saying the right thing. Domestic violence? That's an issue not conducive with the glitz and the glam- the lie.
Chris Brown is beneath contempt. I refuse to believe he could claw his way back into any sort of career; he has got to be finished (please don't let this statement come back to haunt me). Wife-beating is about one rung more sales-friendly as kiddy- fiddling, I'd hope. But Rhianna? She has the opportunity now for something amazing, something to be proud of, and that is to be a good example to every 18-year-old girl getting slapped around by her boyfriend, or any married woman getting regular beatings. If Jade Goody can really make thousands of women go and get a smear test, then Rhianna could make at least a few young women in awe of her look twice at their relationship, look twice at their face and realise they want it to stay pretty. They might think, 'if Rhianna can leave, so can I.' She needs to stand up and make a statement, and not just a verbal one, but one with her actions.
If she gets back with Chris Brown, what kind of message is that sending out? That even with all her money and success, she can't do any better. So God help women trapped in poverty being abused, or women so ground down that they can't see a way out. Because if even Rhianna's advisors, her PR machine, and apparently close family can't stop her going back, then what hope is there for the average women who you know, loves him, and he's nice 95% of the time, right, and he's so sorry afterwards (these things are cliches because they are true).
I don't believe what I read anyway, so hopefully it's not the case. But if it is, she could end up doing more unintentional harm to women than that thick fucking pig of a boyfriend of hers. And it may seem anti-feminist, and like I'm blaming the victim; I'm not. Because this is about women. But too many women have dropped the charges, only to see this man they love coming at them with a knife next time, or turning up with a shotgun, or murdering their kids, or their mum, or their new boyfriend, or the whole bloody lot.
I do believe that occasionally abusers who want to can change. But they can't change overnight. And they have to realise what they've done is abhorrent, not just be told it. And they have to be genuinely sorry; wait for a lot of time to pass, and in the vast majority of cases, to not be with that person they hurt anymore. Because those dynamics in that relationship have changed forever.
A story on Digtal Spy today says, 'Rihanna's father Ronald Fenty recently insisted that he would support his daughter's decision to rekindle the romance.' That's not a romance. It's a crime scene.
Tuesday, 29 July 2008
The Daily Mail: 'Go soft on the wives who kill in cold blood'
Today's Headline: 'Women who kill their abusive partners in cold blood could escape a murder conviction if they prove they feared more violence. In cases where the husband kills, the existing 'partial defence' of provocation if a wife was having an affair was scrapped altogether.'
Just look at that language and marvel. 'In cold blood'. Do battered women EVER kill in cold blood? Do they plot, plan, premeditate? Or do they, in extremely rare cases, after years and years of abuse, one day, quite understandably, say enough is enough?
Look at Charlize Theron's mother. She got off, and quite rightly, it wasn't cold blood, it was an answer back, a fucking full stop. You can tell by the way Charlize talks about her mother exactly how they both suffered. It was no loss for that man to be off the planet. Let's face it, the full stop is normally the wife getting killed (two a week), not the abusive husband, so forgive me if I don't shed a tear for any of those bastards.
The second part is also curious, as if women are being let loose to kill men, whilst men won't even have the right to kill their cheating harpie wives anymore. As if it's some sort of trade off, as if the two scenarios are even fit to share the same page.
These are GOOD LAWS, not bad, you stupid wankers. I wish these women could walk away but so often they can't. And I'd rather the men died than they did. And that's that.
Just look at that language and marvel. 'In cold blood'. Do battered women EVER kill in cold blood? Do they plot, plan, premeditate? Or do they, in extremely rare cases, after years and years of abuse, one day, quite understandably, say enough is enough?
Look at Charlize Theron's mother. She got off, and quite rightly, it wasn't cold blood, it was an answer back, a fucking full stop. You can tell by the way Charlize talks about her mother exactly how they both suffered. It was no loss for that man to be off the planet. Let's face it, the full stop is normally the wife getting killed (two a week), not the abusive husband, so forgive me if I don't shed a tear for any of those bastards.
The second part is also curious, as if women are being let loose to kill men, whilst men won't even have the right to kill their cheating harpie wives anymore. As if it's some sort of trade off, as if the two scenarios are even fit to share the same page.
These are GOOD LAWS, not bad, you stupid wankers. I wish these women could walk away but so often they can't. And I'd rather the men died than they did. And that's that.
Thursday, 23 August 2007
Domestic Violence: Apparently Acceptable
On Monday I read in the paper about an 'executive' who beat his wife, slashed her with a knife for not making his sandwiches and then burnt her on the back with an iron because she hadn't ironed his shirt. He told the police she was a self-harmer. That's like Jackass style self-harming to iron your own back, isn't it?
This 25-year-old guy, who claimed he 'couldn't remember doing it' and who earns £90,000 a year was given a £2000 fine and the judge said as she'd left him, he was unlikely to do it again. Yeah, until he meets his next wife.
Today I read about a DOCTOR who punched his wife 24 times. He earns £100,000 a year. His punishment? He had to pay her £500 compensation. Five hundred pounds. The magistrate said this caring GP had no previous convictions and was of 'good character'.
Here's an experiment. Go up to stranger in the street and slash them with a knife. Beat someone to a pulp. Burn them, literally brand them for life. You will be rightly jailed.
But if you 'love' the person you do it to, it's OK. It's perfectly acceptable. This harks back to years gone by when women had to obey and just get raped and beaten by their husbands and had to take it. It wasn't even illegal. I thought we'd moved on.
What sort of magistrate decides a wife-beater has a good character? What sort of character must that judge have to make that call? The sort that is a fucking wife-beating and/ or kiddy-fiddler himself (because they don't like sending perverts down either). That's why they do nothing about violence against women and children, because they ALL have a hand in it. That's the only explanation I can think of. It's either that or women's lives are just considered worthless. Women's pain is just considered a by-product of marriage.
Two women a week are killed by their partner in England and Wales. The message these 'sentences' spell out is that it's tough shit. Some years back they changed the system so the police could press charges against abusive husbands without the wife's consent. This was a positive step as too many wives were too scared to come forward. But what the fuck is the point if magistrates who are so devoid from reality and emotion think a beating from the man you love is worth about five hundred quid?
This 25-year-old guy, who claimed he 'couldn't remember doing it' and who earns £90,000 a year was given a £2000 fine and the judge said as she'd left him, he was unlikely to do it again. Yeah, until he meets his next wife.
Today I read about a DOCTOR who punched his wife 24 times. He earns £100,000 a year. His punishment? He had to pay her £500 compensation. Five hundred pounds. The magistrate said this caring GP had no previous convictions and was of 'good character'.
Here's an experiment. Go up to stranger in the street and slash them with a knife. Beat someone to a pulp. Burn them, literally brand them for life. You will be rightly jailed.
But if you 'love' the person you do it to, it's OK. It's perfectly acceptable. This harks back to years gone by when women had to obey and just get raped and beaten by their husbands and had to take it. It wasn't even illegal. I thought we'd moved on.
What sort of magistrate decides a wife-beater has a good character? What sort of character must that judge have to make that call? The sort that is a fucking wife-beating and/ or kiddy-fiddler himself (because they don't like sending perverts down either). That's why they do nothing about violence against women and children, because they ALL have a hand in it. That's the only explanation I can think of. It's either that or women's lives are just considered worthless. Women's pain is just considered a by-product of marriage.
Two women a week are killed by their partner in England and Wales. The message these 'sentences' spell out is that it's tough shit. Some years back they changed the system so the police could press charges against abusive husbands without the wife's consent. This was a positive step as too many wives were too scared to come forward. But what the fuck is the point if magistrates who are so devoid from reality and emotion think a beating from the man you love is worth about five hundred quid?
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