Big Brother 11: Watch out for cornflakes

My boyf is already bored of BB. Appreciate it! It's our last one. I do agree though that the engineering of storylines so early on is tiring. I wish they'd let them bed in a bit.
Mario does seem to like Sunshiiiiiiiine. Why?
Apparently John James is favourite to win! WTF.
They didn't put Steve in because he snores, folks. That's just an added bonus.
I want to see Mario's clown painting. It sounds DEEP, dude. You can't stop growing old, Mario. Brian Molko taught us that.
Steve! Blew him up and then set a dog on him. Glorious war. Ben: 'your mother must have just been beside herself.' LOL. Why has Ben got his tongue so far up Steve's arse? I think it's a bit patronising. What choice does he have but to live and go on with life?
I don't think I've ever seen any of those girls speak to Sunshine. I have heard them say shit about her late into the night though. It's weird that the girls are the ones staying up this year. I don't think I've ever seen that before.
I'd rather be Lady Gargoyle than Fiancee. Fiancee is always spewing bile, backed up by her little impy henchman. That's Govan and Shabby both talked about nominations so far.
Corin and Nathan are flying so far under the radar, they're burrowing underground.
Ben liasing with the common people! Discussing sandwiches and Corrie. I like it.
I can feel a Shabby strop coming on! She's gonna Veruca Salt you up. Do you not understand English, Shabby? You broke the rules. Now if you don't like it, you know where the door is.
I'm surprised the It girls (Fiancee, Ife & Keeva) put up with Shabby 'what can I say, I get a lot of poontang' and her bullshit. She's one spoilt cunt. Go sit on the naughty step. Imagine if Shabby had her legs blown off? No, let's imagine her having her head blown off. It's more fun.
OMG Is Fiancee serious? She fancies Nathan? He looks like a shrivelled up Noel Gallagher (who looks like a shrivelled up Liam Gallagher). With a bit of Jack Branning icing. Blergh. Behold him lying starfish-style in the garden, his hairy chest exposed. Yuck.
Shabby: 'I'm such a fucking bell-end'. A fitting epitaph, I'm sure you'll agree. She's writing this blog for me. She didn't confess that essentially she fingered Steve. Her confession was very self-serving.
Why is John always frowning? Oh, because he's thick as pig shit.
Why do they need to wear the safety glasses for the brain freeze task? Just to make them look silly! I thought Nathan might win it. He looks competitive.
When is Dave going to start speaking in tongues? Before or after his eviction?
Govan reminds me of Gok Wan; 100% insincere. Fiancee is just a spiteful dullard.
Ben; here's why Shabby won't speak to you; you're too common for her! Not rich enough!
Are those diary room wings made out of Fiancee's hair extensions? Acrylic afternoons indeed.
Is John James chatting up Josie? I thought he just stood and waiting for the Sheilas to come to him. Do you think he's going to get to touch up his highlights in the house?
That's so cruel that BB won't give them earplugs! I would smother Steve in his sleep. I couldn't sleep in that room. They must be barred from the nest too.
My boyfriend has decided Govan talks like Vicky Pollard. He certainly talks enough bullshit.
Right, I'm off to get intoxicated on the holy ghost.

Big Brother 11: John James, so dumb they named him twice

Obviously we already know Mario passed the task; and it would have been mental torture to throw him out after all that. Still, I've seen bigger miscarriages of justice on BB.
Here's the problem with Sunshine. She doesn't 'know herself', as Ashleeeeen used to say. Her personality is contrived, therefore you can't relate to her.
Nathan has only said one line in four days, and they got subtitled. I see why they're not showing much of him, he needs his own full-time translator.
Steve's snoring is grotesque. It's a good reason to nominate him without seeming like an arse though.
Ben has dabbled with blokes! Aw he doesn't fancy Mario, though. Sob. How could he like Fiancee more? She's a zzz factory.
I watched a bit of this quiz task on the live feed and Mario was actually replying back to the tree. It was so obvious! Mario is hamming it up too much. He needs to work on his faux-crying.
John James is so desperate to win its unreal, cobber. So much of what he says is unbridled bullshit.
Is Sunshine wearing that outfit/ lipstick for a joke?
I don't think I'd like to eat anything John cooked. He doesn't even know how to grate cheese. I don't think Mario could even fuck it up more, that pizza looks so gross. Mario's messing up of the task was fun; at least he got to trash something at last. I would have wrecked the joint.
It was quite a lark seeing John James get screwed. 'I don't eat cooking!' He's a gold-plated div. I think he might be inspired casting.
PIZZA RESISTANCE! Nice.
Mario: 'I wouldn't go in there because I've just had a big shit.' Class.
John laughing at the mess in the kitchen was good. I warmed to him then. The others still eating the dregs! Desperate.
Mario swore on Steve's life! Just as deadly as a roadside bomb. Sunshine is always trying to out him. I wish she'd wrap up.
This mole task thing ended up with people just voting for who they wanted to get evicted. Which was bad news for Sunshine. Unless they all just copied each other. But good news for Mario. Hurrah.
Why DID everyone vote Sunshine? Just because she's annoying, I guess. If I was in that house I'd be sure to vote for her first nominations, in the assurance I would survive the cut.
Sunshine is too earnest. I haven't got the measure of Govan yet but I think he might be a shit-stirrer.
Nice to see Mario out of the mole hole. He needs to get over the Ben thing though.
Shabby and Govan's conversation might as well have been subtitled with 'vote Sunshine out'. Subtle it wasn't.

Big Brother 11: Pure slamming

I watched some more live feed tonight and saw Mario going through murders carrying out his tasks! It's really mental torture for him. Naughty BB.
Sunshine, stop grilling Mario, you arsehole. I feel so sorry for him. He looks shattered, pasty, sad... it's just not fair.
Task: they didn't look like they were putting their clothes on very fast to me. I'd have been quicker.
Mario giving Ben a sly pat. Aw. He's born to lose at the moment. No love for the mole.
Look at John James, with his diamanté earrings glinting in the sun. Why would you say on TV you're a 30-second man? Pure slamming! Lovely.
Not many girls in Australia like giving blowjobs, or just to the 30-second man? He finds it demeaning! His personality is demeaning. I couldn't work out if he was serious or not.
OMG they've permitted Dave access to the Bible! This is bullshit. If he can get 'possessed' by God, why does he need to read it? Boo to religion.
Dave, you might as well say 'what goes around comes around'; it's quicker.
Handwash-gate. Zzz. Fiancee getting bugged by Sunshine; inevitable.
Mario's 'poker face' whilst stealing those fags was one of pure panic.
'Mario, show me how to use the toilet'- fuck off Sunshine. 'Why were you in your room?' Is he not allowed to go in his own room now? Maybe he wanted to get away from your Lady Gargoyle mush.
Shabby's idea of winding the other housemates up seems deranged, given she's in a popularity contest. Still, good news for Mario.

Big Brother 11: Big-titted pig

Previously on Exitainment! I only like Mario. End.
Looking at Corin, Ife, Steve, Dave and John makes me want to lose the will to live.
Look at Ben in his silk gown! He's working those wings. I do still like Ben, too. But as a character, not a friend.
Why has Fiancee got comedy glasses on? Sunshine is grating a bit. Cloudy, more like.
Who's cooking the food on that table in the sky? I don't think I'd want to eat up there. I'd feel unsettled.
That task was hard! The phrases were stupid. Word association: Spice girls... prostitutes.. hookers. I could say more, but I'm a feminist. Ha.
Shopping list. 'Let's do the alcohol first.' I see.
Fiancee doesn't know the difference between being a beautician and a vegan. You don't get a packet of fake nails for every pack of tofu Sunshine eats. Not exactly very understanding to others beliefs.
If there was a woman in there with 8 kids by various different fathers; woe betide! Steve is just a massive chav.
Fiancee is getting on my wick. Thanks for giving Shabby your seal of approval 'despite how she looks'. Never mind she's a massive cunt. As are you.
Nathan is getting the Hira edit. I'm guessing he's just a dullard. I see he's just calling Mario 'mole.' Let's just call him 'eyebrow'. Govan is straight? No fucking way. Not possible.
Hair straightener-gate could not have been more dull. Fiancee is vapid.
Shabby and Ife are in the kitchen. Where's Dodgy?
'Let's get fucked on carbs and potatoes'! That's pretty much my motto.
The Tree of Temptation has got a bit of Charlie Brooker about him. Poor Mario! He can't even get a good night's sleep.
Why does everyone look so stooped in that diary room chair?! Sit up straight.
STEVE! Nice snoring. Big-titted pig indeed.
Aw Mario has little boy pants on. Cute. I think I'm falling for him. Squeaky door! Come on, chicken, you can do it.
I don't like that brand of bread Mario is putting in the pool! DROWN IT. This is tense. MARIO you're my hero. HE MUST STAY.

Big Brother 11: Holes dug by little moles

I like the way they're whizzing through what happened yesterday. Keep it snappy. I picked through the live feed last night and saw Ife and Caoimhe (I need to think of a nickname for her fast) slagging off Sunshine, saying she doesn't look like Lady Gaga. Yes she does. A Gaga/Kate Walsh hybrid. I also learnt that Ben was Raef from The Apprentice's butler on Celebrity Come Dine With Me. Fame, fame, fatal fame.
Fiancee has been hit on twice already. It's hard being good-looking.
John James is annoying in every way; the voice, the highlights, the attitude. Rack off. He's my odds-on favourite to say something racist.
Ben is still giving good value for money; 'If you were French or German we may have a problem'. I just like hearing him talk, he's so gloriously posh.
I could see Josie and monobrow dude getting it on. They're on about the same social scale.
Did Steve just say he had a 'computer knee'? Like Plankton's computer wife in Spongebob Squarepants.
The mole hole is kind of cool. At least he'll get a good night's sleep in there. Mario is so desperate to be in there it hurts. But I really respected him on the live feed last night; the boy's got guts. It's scary to think he's only in there by chance, as he seems so much more intriguing than... er, all the others.
Steve is getting on my wick already. He's going to be the old Mario/ Carole/ Vinnie Jones of the group who no one will want to throw out because of his disability.
Dave is going to be BAD. Dave and Steve are going to be a force (of cunts) to be reckoned with.
Sunshine... medical... tinkerbell... fairy dust. OK.
Corin. Common. Ooh, dead husband and now with a girl. Quite interesting.
Let's guess what Shabby's real name is. Tabitha? Veronica? Philomena?
Aw, Mario had his heart ripped out at Christmas! Perhaps someone thought it was a pressie.
Josie. Why are you there?
Fiancee saying she's not stupid. Defensive!
Ben: it's easy to not work the 9-5 when your parents live in a castle.
JohnJames: PRICK.
I liked the way Mario went for the task so quick, he was straight into those drawers, no messing about.
Ben is seriously paranoid about being booed. He needs to get a grip. And put some trousers on.
OMG Mario is gay! I never knew. I had considered it but my gaydar is fucked. There's his heart dashed against the rocks once more. Ben looked offended, rather unfairly. He's uber-camp.
Mario wrote SO MANY things on that ball. His handwriting was absolutely meticulous. The things he wrote were really clever. It's such a relief to have someone with a brain in the house.
Mario: 'what am I going to do as a mole? Dig up the garden?' LOL. The mole nose looks like a penis. It's unnerving.
Mario's throwing was brilliant- that's like me trying to get a balled-up crisp packet in the bin. Go Mario! Crawl, crawl, crawl!
They didn't even show Ife take her wig off so you might think she shaved her head and no one mentioned it.
So they didn't show the bitching. Obviously doesn't fit into the agenda yet. But it will, and it must.
Woah look at tomorrow's task! Looks like they spent a couple of quid at last. Well done, BB. Just starve them and spend the money on electric shocks.