Ooh it's a secret eviction. I like seeing the housemates all asleep. Old skool!
Emma making jokes about us hating the new housemates. Hmm.
These housemates are so orange-ist. Poor Morph feels boring already. Ha, Morph and Rebecca are forming a support group of Kieran's cast offs.
Rebecca immediately reporting back to Kieran. What a snitch. Kieran acting like he has some secret with Morph. 'She's my mate's ex girlfriend.' So what. Why did you sleep with her then!
Woah, look how much make up Morph is putting on! It's concealer, not Ronseal.
Why is Rebecca's arm in a sling? Probably from all that stirring.
The soundproofing must be good in the house. Emma's shrill as ever outside and still they don't wake up.
Kieran has been summoned to the 'den of dilemma.' Big Brother is putting him on a date with Savannah and making Isabelle (Morph) wait on them. No shit. He's trying to frame it as being respectful. Wrong answer. Lol at Chanelle: 'They said you're a waiter, doesn't mean you're a good one.' Ha.
Kieran likes a girl who gets dirty. Or pisses on him. I like the fact Isabelle is openly sulking. Quite funny.
I loved Isabelle drenching him in suncream. 'I'm not gonna bite.' He looked SO ANGRY. He's acting so affronted she's there. It's not your house, Kieran. You're not paying rent.
Ha, them asking Kieran what noises Rebecca makes in bed. Bet Chanelle goes WAAAAA.
Tom about Raph: 'He does my head in... boring twat.' The people's housemate, everyone. Raph is upset they're always talking about sex. 'It's not that interesting.' That depends who you're doing it with.
Kieran has made Morph cry. He's ruining her experience by alienating her. Poor thing. She thought 'it would be funny' being with Kieran in the house. I don't know why.
Raph, Deborah and Chanelle playing word association. Lotan: attention seeking. Joe: mean. Isabelle: misunderstood. This is a fun game for all the family.
Lotan thinks Hannah's leaving. Tom on Joe: 'Everyone loves a geezer.' Only if it's Danny Dyer. Otherwise, fack off, you muggy cunt.
Ha, both the new girls are finding it awkward. I actually don't mind either of the new girls. 'Don't mind' is faint praise, though.
Lotan has been called to the den of dilemma. He can hear mean tweets about Ellie or about himself. Please let it be one of mine.
Lotan chose his own. Ellie is crying as if he's a saint. He's just vain and wants to hear his own name. Ha, Ellie has to read them aloud to him.
Lotan 'no one comments if a dog barks at the moon, but if the dog barks back, it'll make the moon faint.' That's Gaz's tattoo of the week sorted. Lotan makes David Brent look profound. Even Ryan Ruckledge is dissing Lotan. Zing.
I can't be bothered to write down the rest of this crap. They are banishing themselves from the party. Oh well.
Lotan: 'I don't speak for everyone.' Makes a change. The other housemates are being martyrs and not having the party.
Rebecca and Lotan are slagging off Deborah for putting mushrooms in the food? And they were slagging off the sisters to the newbies as soon as they came in.
The other housemates enjoying secretly watching Rebecca and the sisters arguing, ha.
Lotan: 'How can that bitch - and I use that word openly...' about Hannah. This guy is a pure cunt. What did she even do? Exist?
Oh the housemates have realised it's an eviction. Boring. I wanna see them tipped out in their dressing gowns.
The sisters calling Lotan 'an ignorant bastard', ha. Ooh, the sisters are slagging off Ellie for leaving her knickers around and Raph laughed.
It's not two faced to talk about someone behind their back in the Big Brother house. I'm sure you've done it, Ellie.
Ooh, the sisters are taking some names! Bring it! Ellie saying 'true colours are showing.' No comment. STFU Ellie, you're irrelevant. 'Life's too short to clean your knickers up.' Really? Tell that to Stephanie Davies.
I love Deborah not apologising to Ellie. Deborah to Ellie: 'You don't have to say everything you think.' Ha.
That chocolate fountain is going to waste. Oh my God, Lotan and Tom are sticking their faces in it.
The sisters are giving Isabelle a pep talk. Good! Get her on side.
Whenever one side is having fun, the other side bitches. Mind you, this is boring. Has Charlotte defected from the exiles? Would anyone notice?
Crowd are chanting 'Get Joe out!' Whoop. Some people are shouting 'get Rebecca out' and Lotan said 'shut up.' Ha. I wouldn't mind Rebecca or Joe going, but ideally Joe.
Ooh, I just noticed Emma actually looks nice. I prefer the slick down hair to the bouffant. Her red pantsuit is nice, too.
Eviction time! 'Get Joe out!' Woo. Omg it's Rebecca. I hate Rebecca, but how does Rebecca go over Joe? Really. Pure sexism. Sigh. Mind you, at least we can wave goodbye to her built in storyline. She looks like she's wearing a bit of old wallpaper.
Rebecca: 'I was a little bit ready to leave.' Well, your roots need doing already. Annoying that Joe outlasted her.
Oh I forgot to blog that whole interview because I couldn't care less. What's next to look forward to on Big Brother? Oh I know, BB19.
Pod on Saturday! If Big Brother is gonna fuck with the days, so can we. Retaliation!