Seeing Gemma Collins ringing a bell does not make a good start to Big Brother for me. She looks even bigger than last time she was on Big Brother, and I'm not body shaming, I'm just stating a fact cos she's always going on about how much weight she's lost in the shitty magazines I read.
Imran is 'here to provide service with a smile.'
Deborah is appreciating people who sleep on the streets. 'I humbled myself.' Knocking her game up a gear, there.
Lotan 'doesn't see Ellie like that.' I don't care.
Chanelle, despite her surgery etc, feels more like an old skool Big Brother contestant to me. She's comforting in a way. That's how desperate things are. Chanelle is in my top four.
Kayleigh is talking to the GC about her beef with the bedwetter. I DON'T CARE. Marnie is scum. Crosby is scum. Kayleigh is scum. GC is scum. I could go on.
Ugh it's so annoying that Raph and Imran have to wait on these freaks.
Lotan is GRIM. Filth and not in a good way, just a vain, boring dimwit.
Shit, Tom talks just like Glyn 'I'm cooking an egg for the very first time'. I thought I was watching REAL Big Brother then. Mind you, he was a gorm as well.
Sukvinder is crying again. Why? Have the editors gone on strike as well as the viewers? 'Why are we always fighting?' Good question.
Oh they're moaning cos Sukvinder slept in the wrong bed. IDGAF.
OMG at Imran's pep talk! 'Did Martin Luther King give up? Did Malcolm Z give up? Did Nelson Mandela give up? No they fought. Mandela waited in prison for 25 years.'
I just switched off for about ten minutes (mentally, not literally) cos I was getting trolled by Joe supporters on Twitter (they exist!) and Gemma Collins was speaking. Now Kayleigh and Sukhvinder are arguing. Kayleigh: 'You're an absolute cunt.' I bet no one ever spoke to Malcolm X like that.
Marnie talking about Lewis shagging someone else. I DON'T CARE.
Gemma, his name is LOTAN not LEIGHTON. Dumb twat. I'm not blogging anything she says because she's irrelevant. Lotan is having to MASSAGE HER FEET. I would vomit.
PARTY. Ellie loves 'cocktail sausages' (insert Lotan joke here). I feel sorry for Raph for more reason than one, but it's so crap being the only gay in the Big Brother village as well.
Lotan, no one CARES about your ex girlfriend. Lotan: 'If there was a girl in here and I was over her, I could fall in love.' Ellie looks mournful.
Lotan made a video for his girlfriend before he went in there. What a knob. Is he gaming here? I think he's too stupid to be gaming but I think it's also gaming.
I also think he's mean to call Marnie beautiful in front of Ellie when he knows how she feels. As if he's got a chance with Marnie, and Marnie is rotten. That's how low down the food chain Lotan is.
Kieran counselling Lotan is the dumb leading the dumb.
Lotan is draaaaaaaiiiiined. Me too.
Something is happening with Sukhvinder swapping 'staff' but I forgot to care. This is going to make a great podcast. I'm sure it will be a really positive experience!
Sukhvinder chose Imran to be the new Deputy. Fix. I like it when Imran gives Kayleigh backchat.
Ellie's annoyed cos Lotan is mooning over Marnie. I don't blame her, really. But I also don't care.
Marnie is basically saying she wants to shag someone in the DR. Wasn't Lotan's willy insured for 12 million not 86 million?
Lotan is mansplaining to Ellie about how she should feel about a situation as she sits there bawling. Great TV.
The problem with this programme is we've never got to know the people, and most of the time, there's nothing to know. All we see are manufactured storylines.
Sukvinder and Imran calling Kayleigh a 'fucking ho'! OMG. 'She must have got it rough growing up.' Ouch! They went very 'street' for a second there. I can't really blame them for letting loose though! I'd be calling everyone every name under the sun in there.
All the time GC talks, I'm just looking at that rug, thinking how much I'd like it. Lotan would be great in bed? I guarantee you, he wouldn't.
This blog was sponsored by the phrase 'I don't care'.
Anyway, see you for the podcast tomorrow. Send reinforcements, we're gonna need 'em.