So someone started moaning at me for 'body shaming' on Twitter yesterday for my rather good 'anorexic Carla Connor' observation. Who am I shaming in that situation!? Carla Connor is hot. Anorexic Carla Connor (aka Jasmine) also looks good. Settle down!
I don't mind body shaming, but I prefer IQ shaming, which luckily, I get to do shitloads of watching Celebrity Big Brother. Let's begin!
RECAP time. All these recycled housemates makes me want to recycle some of my old blog/podcast titles.
Ooh what was that moment between Stacy and Ray J? What's their history? Ooh, apparently her fight with Whitney was over him. Interesting!
Nicola McClean bum licking Spencer by saying he was a great housemate, but NOT Heidi! Or that's the way they cut it. She could have been talking to them both. Don't trust the edit!
James J: 'Footballers have got good banter.' Football commentators even more so, just open up the 'sling one up the back of her' files. Footballers do NOT have good banter. See Ched Evans audio/visual work for details.
James Jordan well rail-roaded Stacey to be 'edited out.' I love Heidi trying to get Jamie put up. No such luck.
Stacey didn't stay on that chair in the garden for long, she was inside by the time the live feed was on.
Bianca trying to get the dirt on Ray J and Stacey: subtle. Ray J: 'It was a tragic thing.' Some of the others seem genuinely concerned.
I feel like Spencer was trying to be quite genuine when he comforted Stacy but she got mad straight away. Spencer's all like: 'We had it worse in the basement.You weren't there, man.' Heidi's frosty manner doesn't help.
I can see why Stacy is annoyed, it's a bit much with the Ray J thing (whatever that is) then getting edited out. This negative first impression of her is what the other housemates will zoom in on, though. And being a black woman? She's fucked.
But still, she's not so much edited out as an airtime hog. Spencer saying the others aren't allowed to talk to her! Mean. What does 'edited out' even mean? You don't get edited out. People can still talk to you. It should just be called being 'beige hoodied.'
I am so sad that Austin has split from his husband! Aw. If Spencer and Heidi ever split, it's game over for love.
Stacy is crying in a chair and Spencer is just talking at her. OK, he is just trying to wind her up now.
I'm looking forward to Austin vs Spencer and Heidi, even though I like both sides. Austin, it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows on your series! I remember you calling Janice Dickinson a cunt and yelling at everyone. It was brilliant.
Spencer: 'I retired that personality' about stirring shit up, haha. Stacy is playing right into Spencer's hands. She's making it too easy for him. 'Sitting in a chair' gate. Heidi and Stacy are both being annoying. Just stop talking if you can't agree.
Coleen bragging about her boring singing career/ dead relatives. No one cares. But if you do, watch C5 at 10pm for more wailing.
Jamie is talking about his ex wife known racist and cunt Danielle Lloyd. Danielle didn't want him to talk about her. We already know who you are, Danielle, don't worry. Nothing he could say could possibly make you look worse, considering you're most famous for causing an international race row. Nicola: 'Marriage is marriage.' Yes, and it's even better if your footballer scummy husband doesn't cheat. Easier to keep the marriage together then, right?
Now the other housemates have to edit out another person. Ooh, I like the pop art bedding/ cushions. They all decided to edit out James C of GOT fame. Spencer is right, James C is not making a good reality star. I wonder how much he got paid? I like the fact he's pretending to sleep so he doesn't have to speak to Stacy. Maybe he does know how to play the game after all!
Calum Best's ears are freaking me out. He looks like a gargoyle. I just think 'spud head' every time I see him. Can't believe he used to be hot 20 years ago.
James Jordan trying to one up Coleen, but she came second on her series. He came third, I think.
I love all the cushions and everything, it's so cute, it looks like my bedroom! The DR is amazing as well.
The fight for beds begin. Edited outs should have to sleep on the floor. In the garden. Like Busey on the Celebrity Scrapheap.
Angie: 'Spygles, Speegles' about Speidi. I love this. She's onto them! Angie's got a built in alliance with Calum, plus Spencer and Heidi are one housemate, so Angie has the advantage. It's a numbers game! Plus, she writes a mean letter from home. Actually, scratch that, she doesn't.
Austin's horror at the thought Bianca thinks Spencer is nice. Ha. She did seem shitfaced, though.
Calum's diary rooms make a good insomnia cure. He is going to stick around for WAY too long. Hope his mum beats him.
Was Coleen being a cunt there at the end? Probably. I can't work out if I'm enjoying it yet, possibly because my ears are ringing and I can't see straight. Give me a couple of days to work it out!