Thursday 26 January 2012

Celebrity Big Brother 2012: I bet they don't have peas in America

Rather a sad end to Big Brother for me as I'm watching this episode alone and I'm going on a three day conference starting tomorrow, so I don't know if I'm even going to SEE Big Brother, let alone get to blog it. It's really bad timing. I'm taking my netbook with me, so I'll do my best to hook it up somehow, and watch it, even if it's the dead of night. But if there's no Belkin I'm screwed. And if I don't see it, it's HARD trying to avoid the result all weekend, even when you're stranded in a conference centre in the West Midlands. I remember trying to avoid finding out Pete had won that year, and having to close my eyes all the way home on the tube from Reading Festival. Should have just stayed home and watched BB. Plus, if I don't see it on Friday in the early hours, by the time I write my blog on Sunday, no one will give a damn! I've got to wrap it up though. It's my duty. I'll do my best, OK? Wish me luck.
Anyway, let's get onto Denise's persecution complex. Nah, even I can't be bothered.
Is Frankie deliberately not getting the joke about 'doing lines'? Poor lamb. Does everyone love Frankie now? I don't. I still think he's a sexist little turd. But he's 18. Even I was an idiot at 18. Even you were! I don't think my hair was quite that bad, though.
All Nicola's dresses look the same. But every single one she tried on was nicer than the one she did choose! I don't mind Nicola, though. I like her just cos everyone else hates her.
I love this game they're playing, it's like Outburst. We always play that round my friend Adam's house but he's played it about 7 billion times and knows all the answers. The housemates seem to be spectacularly bad at this task. See, this is why Adam needs to go in the Big Brother house instead. Michael: 'Imagine! A night without trout.' He's always got the one-liners. Nicola's mad with Frankie. Whoops, I forgot to care, each side is so morally corrupt.
Frankie and Michael comparing the twins' looks in the hot tub. Chivalrous!
Denise is feeling old! Yeah, have a calculated cry in the Diary Room, that might get a few votes. Hey, why not get your boobs out, that might cheer no one up?
I like Romeo saying 'it was all on top' because my boyfriend says that. He also says, 'under the cosh', which I enjoy.
Michael was a little mean when he was saying he'd rather have sex with Gareth than Denise. Fair comment, though. Personally, I'd rather have sex with Michael than either of them.
The myth of Denise's 'own talkshow' in the UK continues! Please show them an episode of Loose Women and burst that bubble! I bet Michael will Youtube it in the hotel tomorrow night. He's going to get a surprise.
Michael and the twins are obsessed with winning, but that's just the way Americans are made, you can't resent them for it.
Interesting to see the twins scared when Nicola got booed. If they showed their vulnerability, it might do them a favour, although I prefer them emotionless. I liked them reassuring themselves that 'Frankie got booed, too'.
I thought it was interesting on BOTS when Romeo said he wanted people to see him how he really is, not how he was in So Solid Crew, and I think he achieved that. Who could have a bad word to say about him? Except that guy he stabbed, obv. Luckily, if you're a man and you stab someone (allegedly) or rape them (Tyson) or punch them (Brown, Gazza, et al) you get a second chance (let's laugh at that hilarious rapist in The Hangover 2!). If you're a woman, you barely get a first chance. If you're a good looking woman, a woman with a brain, a woman with an opinion, a woman who's funny, a woman who has sex (!) or a woman who likes a bit of an argument... God help you, we will stamp on you and we will boo our little lungs out to put you back in your place! But hey, that's the patriarchy. We're used to it.
LOL to Michael and the twins saying they don't care about winning! Hilarious. Denise's 'die hard fans'... who ARE they?! Who has actually clicked on her face and voted for her? I doubt if even Carol McGiffin has stopped shagging her toyboy for two seconds to bother (and why would she?!)
Denise stunned by the twins confidence/ arrogance. Gareth: 'I'm upset the twins want to win.' I thought you were a SPORTSMAN? Oooh, Denise and Gareth really want to win, too, don't they? Interesting. They've got the knives out, they're just less obvious, an unfortunately, it fools people.
Michael's roots are showing! Time for a touch up. I feel like Frankie's had that same jumper on for about a week now.
I'm loving the twins calling themselves 'humble'. What's the opposite of humble? It's true what they said about people dismissing them as blonde bimbos at first though, because even I, feminist nag extraordinaire, did the same. Because 99% of the time the glamour models in the house have been people like Orlaith, Imogen, Georgia; empty vessels with perky boobs and a lobotomy. So I apologise for judging the twins on that previous bad experience. But blame the Big Brother producers.
OMG - Frankie, naked! Do people really find him sexy? He looks like he's already got a beer belly to me. Aren't indie boys meant to be all cheekbones and ribs? That's how I like my indie boys.
Anyway, I'll miss this lot tomorrow. And I'll miss you lot, too. People actually seem to be reading my blog at the moment - weird. I'll try and fill the gap until we meet to slag off strangers again.
Good luck for the final. Save the Yanks! Vote for the twins and give that baying, thick, sexist, ugly mob something to really boo about. I'm counting on you!

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