I don't even like Hell's Kitchen but I've got reality TV withdrawals. I couldn't face Dumped. I have no clue about food or chefs. Gordon Ramsay frightens me. This new guy just seems like a power-hungry menace. I quite like Angus-coke-n-hookers-Deaton though.
Why didn't MPW shake Brian Dowling's hand? Was he worried about catching the gay? He shook racist wife-beater Jim Davidson's hand quick enough (and had his tongue up his bum later as well). I didn't like the way he treated the coke-headed WAG either. 'Are you a member of Densa?' I bet he'd practiced that one in front of the mirror. Misogynist! Can you imagine if your boss at work called you thick? Lawsuit!
So then they served up pig's trotter stuffed with a gland. Yum! Who's gland? I resented Lee Ryan (of Blue) telling me what fois gras was. I know what it is! Piss off. They also served pigeon. What next, rat?
Next they served up something that looked like a granny's shawl. It was actually a pig's stomach lining! Mmm mmm! What would Morrissey say?
The kitchen assistant guy Matthew was rude as fuck. Matthew, you're a rude cunt! 'I'll send you down like a sack of shit.' You are a sack of shit and you're serving up shit, mate. See, I'm allowed to answer back to you! Ner! Bully. Misogynist!
I was pleased to see Jim Davidson suffering and feeling unwell. Brian Dowling looked like he'd ran into a botox needle. There were some other people but I didn't know or care who they were.
The show dragged on with the last half an hour consisting of snobby pricks abusing the chef. There was some drunk/drugged posh woman who got chucked out and some posh guy who spelt out a swear word. Do people really do that?
Oh my God, I completely lost interest in the end. An hour and a half is too long, that's like as long as a film, but a film with ex boybanders and footballers in it! I don't think I'll watch this again. My search to fill the Big Brother-shaped hole continues...