Does the fun never start on a Monday night? Without even Britains Next Top Model to inject a touch of glamour into the Monday evening schedule, we are left with the daily grind of the soaps (well, and Curb Your Enthusiasm nicked off the internet, but I can't review that, it reviews itself by being genius).
So, Corrie. David nearly killed Bethany with E. Not that I'd know about such things, but I'd IMAGINE ecstasy tastes pretty horrible, and not sugary or anything. I'd guess it would be quite hard to swallow. Just a hunch, like. Can't believe evil David didn't even call an ambulance! Or even tell them once she got ill! Motherfucker! I'd fucking garotte him if I was Sarah Louise. Gail: it's time to kill the devil child. Everyone acted quite well I thought. It was quite moving.
Bethany's E'd up acting left a lot to be desired. she needs to go to gurning school. She couldn't even act 'having a fit' so she had to do it off camera. Hardly a young Drew Barrymore, is she? God, David is so ugly. When will he go upstairs and come down a handsome hunk? WHEN?
I liked Dev getting dissed. Give Dev a proper storyline! He's AMAAAAAAAZZZZZZIIIIIING.
Jack and Vera and that... I don't even know his name. Every time they come on the screen, I fast forward. Tyrone. His girlfriend. Fast forward. BORING.
Eastenders is even more barrel-scrapingly shit-wank: this whole Deano (what's with the quiff and the stupid jacket), Chelsea (Bethany would out-act this bitch) and the ginger teddy bear story is really draaaaaaggggging on. Parklife is ageing before our very eyes. Denise looks twenty years younger than him. Teddy bear flushing Deano's head down the loo. How very Phil vs Ian Beale. Not exactly Johnny Allen is it?
The only story of any real interest is Phil face-in-the-cake Mitchell and his super-red face. GET OUTTA MY PUB. God, I hate Ben. Again, he can't ACT. I know they are children but that Miller kid (you know, the cute one) was a good actor. Chesney is Corrie is a good actor. So what's with all these stiffs?
I am intrigued by the Cindy/ Ian high jinks, but mildly confused by it. I thought I saw her on the front of the soap spoiler, so is she coming back or what? Who knows? How EVIL is Lucy Beale now? What a charmless reason to get yourself sterilised if ever there was one.
PS. I love the Stedford bank!