Big Brother 10: I feel like Jesus Christ

Marcus has got his camo-gear on! Bring on the war.
I have been bingeing on live feed the last two days, and Marcus is a broken man. His Noirinanny has collapsed and even all the chat about the Matrix/ computer games and the 'Big Brother brain' aren't going to get him off the hook (t.m. Maxwell RIP).
I like Siavash and Noirin sneaking around; it's making them more interesting. I like the fact they are blatantly enjoying it; it's quite interesting to watch someone throw caution to the wind in such a cavalier way, especially after Siavash so carefully stage-managed his image up to that point.
I don't like the way Tom has kind of staked a claim on Noirin without hardly ever having spoke to her. Going to Siavash 'I bet you were talking about me' was pathetic, get over yourself.
OMG Sophie and Kris had sex! WTF did she admit that for? I'm shocked! It must have been pretty crappy.
Marcus and Tom's conversation was VERY interesting on the live feed; Marcus is SO deluded it's almost unreal. Tom actually gave it to him good; and Marcus was totally on the back-foot. Tom called him out really well. Can't believe he called him a pervy weirdo and creepy; that was spot on.
OMG again, I can't BELIEVE Noirin said she liked Tom after all that? Is she fucking psychotic? You can't steal someone's boyfriend, then say you fancy someone else more, that is outrageous! I was on her side up until that point. Why is she saying that stuff on TV? Now I understand why she's worried she's hated; she's pushed her luck big time! She does treat men like a prize; and that's not right. And then as soon as they are into her; bye bye. She is audacious. I almost still admire it. She makes Makosi look like Samanda.
Poor Siavash; he's a lamb to the slaughter. Noirin is crazy! At least it's an interesting storyline though; it's like Hollyoaks. Noirin comparing herself to Jesus Christ was amazing; that girl has got some balls. Look at her, sacrificing herself for the good of the house (and her ego).
Freddie's not getting much of an edit since Bea castrated him.
Noirin's obsession with her exes is pathetic. She only likes them because they're unobtainable too.
Then Noirin dumped Siavash! Eek. His girlfriend must be doing cartwheels; I love it. Then straight after she stuck it to Marcus. That girl has got front! She's foolhardy but brave.
Noirin: friend! Friend! Friend! Who needs friends with her around? She's off her fucking head. yet still I don't hate her. It must be horrible to be so flaky, and to not know what you want like that. She actually has no need to apologise to Marcus. As for Siavash... well.
PS: why was she dressed like a Stepford wife tonight?
PPS: can't wait for Marcus and Siavash to lock horns tomorrow.

Big Brother 10: It aint Colditz, mate

The eviction cancelled! Boo. This Friday night isn't working out the way I wanted it to, in more ways than one. Davina's Scottish accent was worse than mine.
Hira, David and Tom; the most pointless housemates in history? I liked it at the start when Marcus didn't boast about the Great Escape, it was nice.
I like the fact the Siavash/ Noirin thing is going on right under other people's noses, even though it came out of nowhere. It's something new for BB, we've a relationship like that before in the house. It's amazing that they have kept it secret so far, and even more so because of Marcus, and the red herring Tom. You couldn't write it, really. Do I give a damn about Siavash's girlfriend? No. Has he ruined his 'gameplan'? Utterly! Does Noirin fancy him? I don't have a clue! She is an enigma. I like it though, I like the fact she's got everyone running around after her. It's fun!
It's funny that everyone in the house has mentioned leaving lately; Rodrigo, Sophie, Tom. No one cares about being punished, just look at Marcus yesterday.
I love it when BB is angry and reads back to people their misdemeanors and things they've said. It's funny as fuck. Marcus can basically do what he likes in that place. Oh no, now Davina said what I said. I hate it when that happens.
I think Marcus is my current favourite housemate. Is that weird? He's out-buffooning Freddie, and has the best one liners. Go to jail, do not pass go, do not collect £200.
Aw it was cute when Noirin was under the brolly talking to Marcus. I like her hoodie, even though she's welded to it. I even bought a tribute hoodie, but it smells of monster munch.
I've gone off Freddie at the moment; Bea gets on my nerves and I don't like him slavering over her.
So does Noirin like her ex or what? I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her! Still don't find her particularly flirty though, and the whole 'she's a prick-tease' thing is tedious beyond words.
Urgh, Bono!
God I hate Tom, he's just awful! He's got muscles in place of a personality. And no, Davina, I don't really give two fucks what Kenneth or Karly think about anything, they're a pair of parasitic cunts.
Noirin and her bloody 'friends'! Is she snogging all of them? Haha, Charlie being get called out as a shitstirrer. He IS a shitstirrer! Fuck you, Lisa, you do care what the outside world thinks, more than anything else.
I watched the snogs on the live feed, and there was loads more excitement than that, BB let Marcus out of jail at one point when they were snogging! It was tense!
Kenny interview: who cares! He's a dick. Ooh he almost said 'such a little thing makes a big difference'. Why won't you change and be nice, Kenny?
Terry Christian; class hate! Haha, he called him thick, lol. And the psychologist called him a sociopath! This is a character assassination. Admittedly he asked for it, but why is he putting himself up for it? Why is Davina interviewing him anyway? He should be relegated to BBLB and the Lambster like all other BB rejects/walkers.
Well done Karly, you are simply worth dinner and a dress or two. You have accepted your lot in life. What a happy ending. Bleed that fucker dry.
I feel jibbed tonight. But still glad Marcus survived. I want to see the carnage.

Big Brother 10: I didn't come to this show to be called a cunt

I'd gone off Bea a bit but as soon as Lisa said 'I don't trust her' I changed my mind. She wants someone 'spiritual who plays the guitar'. Urgh. I couldn't think of anything worse.
I have no clue who or what Stavros Flatley is, so I doubt if Charlie knows, as what he does know wouldn't fill up a colouring book.
Hmm, what stupid shit has Karly done in the past? Shall we take a guess *porno*? Sophie going 'aww' at Kenneth's tales of making girls wait outside the gym for him. Retard.
Another Charlie/Rodrigo fight edited to make no sense. Zzzz. I watched a fair bit of live feed last night and Charlie trying to unauthentically matchmake Rodrigo and and the pig-thick David was just pathetic. Charlie's got it bad, make no mistake about it.
Hmm, this kebab task reminds me of something... ooh, the ice cream task! They really need to take a leaf out of Big Brother's book and ship in some rave juice. These tasks are unimaginative. Ooh, Charlie showing off. Great. Rodrigo looks under 12 with his shirt off, and that disturbs me.
Hira and Tom aren't getting much of an edit (because they're dull as fuck, I presume).
Urgh, Bea lecturing Kenneth on going out and having fun on £30 worth of cider was as patronising as him with his crocodile shoes bragging about buying Karly's latest sweatshop trinket. Yeah Bea, he's going to love hovering over a shit-filled portaloo whilst listening to some sub-par Jules Holland-style 'world' music whilst necking magic mushrooms with you, Freddie and Moonraker. I'll take the champagne and coke, if that's really the choice. Odious all round.
Anyone would think Bea was a supermodel the way she says Freddie's not her type. She looks 40, and a bit froggy, let's be honest, now.
Christ, Hira and Charlie crushing terrorism singlehandedly made Bruno's trip to Afghanistan look both wise and educational.
Karly asking BB for her contraceptive pills was inspired, and getting Kenneth to fetch them, even more so. I wonder if Karly or BB plotted it? I mean, it's not that hard to just go to the chemist, is it? And contraceptives aren't something women forget in a hurry, as a rule. It's not quite like Kenneth asking for condoms as you do have to continue taking the pill even if you're not having sex for it to carry on working. But even so, it's bloody funny.
'I could have any girl in the world I want'- does he really believe that? Does he REALLY? He makes that 'comprende' dude of yesteryear look well balanced. What does Kenneth try and convince himself he is instead of human? The terminator? Half-man, half-twat?
I saw some of this Siavash/ Noirin thing kick off last night, and was genuinely shocked. Siavash admitted he fancied her! What will Marcus say??? She will be the undoing of Siavash, mark my words. His poor girlfriend, watching her boyfriend fall into Noirin's flytrap/ hoodie-hole!
It was quite cheeky of Siavash to try and pull Noirin when the attention is all on Tom. This explains why Siavash always puts himself out for Noirin when she offers him little loyalty back.
God, Marcus coming in was cringy. It's actually frightening! Is Tom calling an Irish person a leperachaun racist?
God, Freddie is so creepy in bed, mmming and ahhing.
Marcus's controlling tactics are actually frightening to watch; especially on TV. Can you imagine what he's like behind closed doors. Noirin: 'can I just go talk to the diary room?' Does she need his permission now?! Marcus HAS to back off. He really has to.
Has something happened between Noirin and Siavash? He seems to be hinting at it. Noirin is going to get gang-raped in that house at this rate (and Davina will say she asked for it). Oh my god, she was even calling herself stupid in the diary room! Marcus will be checking how long her skirt is next and scrubbing her make-up off before deleting her parents number from her phone. She sure knows how to push his buttons!
David, you have about as much chance with Rodrigo as Marcus does with Noirin. Forget it, mate.
Are Siavash and Noirin going to have the first affair in the Big Brother house? How can they have an affair, she is not Marcus's belonging! Even I'm falling for it!
Bye bye to your hopes of winning now, Siavash. You're just another victim of the Noirin-virus.
Marcus is going to smash that place UP!

Big Brother 10: Big Brother is disappointed in you

Kenneth! Said Sophie is thick, fat and has cellulite and all women are worth is dinner and a dress or two. How do you like THAT, Kris, sonny Jim? Even Karly doesn't deserve this cockspank on her arm. As for those shoes and that shirt; being ostentatiously tacky, is still tacky. Why IS he cracking onto other women on TV? Does he have that little respect for his own girlfriend? I'd rather go and be talked through each and every one of Marcus's action figures followed by a fumble by the gas fire at his mum's house thansit in the VI-TWAT area with Kenneth and his alleged 'bodyguards'. Talking of Marcus, his domination of Noirin is pretty much complete. He refused to say it was OK for Noirin to get off with Tom... and she listened!
I like seeing old new housemates all grumpy about the new ones. I admire Bea for not doing the task, but I understand the ones who want to do it as well. It's just all the new housemates except her are idiots. Kenneth is so loathsome I actually want him to stay. David the last Dinosaur is so unspeakably dumb that he looks like someone invented him for a bad comedy sketch (Horne and Corden, are you guilty?) Hira is not even getting an edit, she's so pointless. And Tom is the house scapegoat, because allegedly he's good looking. Even for Northampton, he's a mingaloid. The last thing we need is a cut-price Jason/junglecat from yesteryear.
At least Bea is a bit fiesty. No one said a word when she took Kenny on. She wound him up quite nicely.
Aw, Kenny had his very own pow-pow-pow moment. Is he going to get his homies to fuck Bea up?! Pop a cap in her ass! What kind of idiot says they can't deal with problems themselves and have to get someone else to do it? Glad Charlie kept that line of conversation going. Liked him defending Karly, too.
Kenneth: 'I'm not even used to people criticising me'- well get used to it when you leave the house, you prick. Was Bea hamming it up a bit? I feel like she was, to be honest. But I like the fact she uses words of more than three syllables, so it's half and half.
Please let me get past Kenneth's bodyguards to shake his hand! What's he famous for again? Oh.
Why is Lisa kissing his arse? He's absolutely tragic.
I liked the nominations chat, it was funny. I like it when they break the rules. Lisa, for all of her appearances, is always the first to kowtow to Big Brother (as Marcus later pointed out). I DON'T like BB not showing people nominating, it's crap.
I WISH Charlie and Lisa were up but unfortunately it's not going to be that easy.
Should Kenneth have been kicked out for his comments? Yes. Alex *powpowpow* didn't do much worse. Is he sorry? I doubt it. Big Brother is disappointed in him! Big deal.
I liked Marcus' evil glee at annoying BB. Surely Kenneth must go this week! I found Bea a little sanctimonious at the end, to be honest. Well done, you did the right thing, there's no medal for it though.
Lisa's indignation at being nominated is probably the richest thing I've ever heard, even richer than Kenneth's vile shoes. Everyone up for noms except her and Rodrigo. Boo.

Big Brother 10: I Dinnae Ken(neth)

Let's cull Karly! Noirin's hoodie is innocent. Hello, it's Davina, please dial carefully, and not like a spazz because you can't really be trusted with that phone, can you?
Don't disrespect the furniture! Listen to Lisa carping 'I'm not to blame': what a sucker. And calling Rex a male chauvinist pig. She can talk. At least Rex was entertaining.
Why was Freddie complaining his suit wasn't working?! He's a masochist. Noirin was crying! God Lisa is so PATHETIC! Rex is brill! I liked his torturing them. Sadistic bastard! I'll never forget 'I'll swap you for Scrabble'- the finest scriptwriter in the world couldn't write that shit.
Charlie's prize; am I right they offered him anything in the world and he asked for a McDonalds? Class!
It was rubbish when Freddie refused the prize; don't martyrise yourself, Freddie. Karly could probably have had a billion fags! Idiot. Still, she only needs 'em til tonight. I'd ask for a day trip out, or to have my boyfriend shipped in for an hour for a conjugal visit. Funny that Rodrigo asked for a letter from his family and Siavash asked for cheese n onion crisps. I think Sophie's is the best thing, though, to see her dog. That would be amazing in there, I bet.
OMG look how many crisps Siavash got, that's a SACK full! He'd be my new best friend. Haha, BB don't give them a lighter! That would be the ultimate in funny. Marcus saved the day! Lisa'll still nominate him next week. Desperate hags, so easily pleased.
Who's clothes was Charlie wearing? Kat Slater's? That fight was rubbish. RODRIGO, DON'T DISRESPECT THE FURNITURE! Honestly, the hypocrisy. Mind you, why was there cooking oil in the bedroom anyway? Rodrigo takes the piss. That's domestic violence! If Marcus did that, it'd be bye bye. But Rodrigo can get away with murder cos he's pretty. Crisp n Dry! D'ya want fries with that?
OMG Karly's going to get the boot just as her boyfriend is going in! What's the frequency, Kenneth? How funny that he's going in just as she's leaving. He's not what I expected her boyfriend to be like. They don't seem very compatible. How weird. Damn, I want to see them interact now. Waving his money round... he's obviously got a small dick.
Bea is 24 going on 40. She looks alright though. I like her dress. Maybe she'll fuck Freddie?
David is going to annoy either Charlie or Rodrigo. My boyfriend said 'Bruno meets Matalan'.
Hira- hybrid accent- argh.
Tom looks boring, I thought they were going to bring in a young fit guy for Sophie or Noirin to fight over. He's like another jungle cat. I feel a little disappointed by these housemates. Karly's boyfriend was the money shot, really, and that's all going to be a damp squib shortly.
I don't like the fact the new housemates know their names (i.e. they've been watching), it gets on my nerves.
If I was Karly and that was my boyfriend I'd be like, 'right, you're coming with me!'
Yay, they are showing the house in the background now on the eviction show. I don't really care about Karly's interview. I just want to see what the new housemates are like. She actually seemed quite nice, though, oddly.
Hi I'm Hira. How do I open a door? God, she's not going to get this task. Karly's boyfriend at least understands sentences, I suspect. I'm not sure I understand it, fully, though, are they allowed to coerce others to vote? Argh, she's thick, she's getting on my nerves already. I don't want the new housemates to put Freddie up. Grr. How annoying.
That worked well, didn't it? She doesn't even know what a hamper is. Urgh, that Tom guy is so ugly. I feel anti-climatic. It's like Suzy getting the golden ticket all over again.