A day late again thanks to my freeview being spannered. What with Corrie being cancelled due to shoot-em-up horrors, and Eastenders peculiarly deciding to focus on Pat and Peggy's sex life and Liam's maths homework, TV has been a pretty barren place. 'This res-oom-ey don't add up!' They should have glossed over that one, not put it in the re-cap. WHY did Adam have to go because he was ill? I don't get it. There's more to that than meets the eye.
What was the connection between the David Beckham football academy and art? I've not a clue. I hate that guy Tim, the farmer dude with his straightened hair. I think he fancies that blonde girl, the Not-Zoe. His attitude to the artists stank. At least pretend to give a shit if you don't want to herd sheep all your life. They were both well trying to get rid of the dowdy little Kirsty.
What a surprise that Zoe's parents are both 'professional artists'! Indulged. Poor Emma (ie. Tina from Corrie before the Prozac kicked in) having to manage her.
Tim is useless! He think he's so much better than the others and he just came off like a kiss-ass.
Kirsty was at least spectacularly hopeless with the artist.
Tim is such a sexist prick! He ought to put the hair straighteners down and stick them up his arse.
Oops I stopped paying attention for the actual task because I got all aerated about finding misspelt tagged pictures of my school days on Facebook. Thank you slack Facebook privacy settings.
SACK TIM. I don't know what he's done wrong, but it must have been something. There; used 'eloquent' incorrectly in a sentence.
Not-Zoe went. Boo. I didn't pay attention but I don't think she deserved to go. I was gripped by this the first couple of weeks and now I'm indifferent. Davina; we need you.
Showing posts with label junior apprentice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label junior apprentice. Show all posts
Wednesday, 2 June 2010
Thursday, 27 May 2010
Junior Apprentice: I want to be the girl with the most cake
Hello, angelic fruitcakes. I'll start blogging about something other than The Apprentice soon; i.e Big Brother. I also have a shiny new netbook so no excuse for lacklustre bloggies now I've got a digital clutch.
Cupcakes. No matter how pretty you make them, they still make you fat. Can't believe Rhys is 17! He looks like an amoeba. I can't believe they are all either 16 or 17, they look like they range from pre-pubescent to middle-aged.
Give Zoe an arsenic cupcake. I think the key to success is make the designs as simple as possible. It's not easy to write on a cake. Especially if you've only just learned to write.
Those 'love' cakes look cheapy! At least the 'fashion' cakes look like they haven't been made my a visually-impaired chimpanzee. Although I don't think they're going to shift any of the 'marry me' ones. If someone proposed to me via cupcake I'd be straight on the phone to Gillian McKeith.
'Instinct cupcakes' doesn't exactly roll off the tongue, does it? I don't think instinct tastes that good. It feels a bit sweaty to me.
Rhys's team have got to win! Their cupcakes look a zillion times nicer than the others.
Challenging! Gotta love the office speak. The key issues are 'your cupcakes are shit'.
Did Alan really just sack Adam for having a cold?! You can't do that. I'd hate to get pregnant under that sort of regime. WTF!
Alan sounded like Terry Tibbs when he went, 'What were your prices?'
Can't believe Rhys's team lost. Zoe's going to be noshing off Richard Branson before you can say 'Rimmel'.
Talking of inappropriate sexual remarks, if Rhys has ever had sex, I'm in line for a knighthood. And if he's had sex by the time he's 25, I'll give you one.
The Not-Zoe blonde girl looks like she's had her hair cut with a lawnmower. Beardy farmer bloke gets on my tits, he is always setting up someone else to go whilst doing fuck all.
Not-Zoe wants to be 'grafted' into a good businesswoman. Jordan's plastic surgeon could probably arrange it.
Rhys, you're a very special man. When you finally fit into that suit, there's a job waiting for you at the Carphone Warehouse.
Cupcakes. No matter how pretty you make them, they still make you fat. Can't believe Rhys is 17! He looks like an amoeba. I can't believe they are all either 16 or 17, they look like they range from pre-pubescent to middle-aged.
Give Zoe an arsenic cupcake. I think the key to success is make the designs as simple as possible. It's not easy to write on a cake. Especially if you've only just learned to write.
Those 'love' cakes look cheapy! At least the 'fashion' cakes look like they haven't been made my a visually-impaired chimpanzee. Although I don't think they're going to shift any of the 'marry me' ones. If someone proposed to me via cupcake I'd be straight on the phone to Gillian McKeith.
'Instinct cupcakes' doesn't exactly roll off the tongue, does it? I don't think instinct tastes that good. It feels a bit sweaty to me.
Rhys's team have got to win! Their cupcakes look a zillion times nicer than the others.
Challenging! Gotta love the office speak. The key issues are 'your cupcakes are shit'.
Did Alan really just sack Adam for having a cold?! You can't do that. I'd hate to get pregnant under that sort of regime. WTF!
Alan sounded like Terry Tibbs when he went, 'What were your prices?'
Can't believe Rhys's team lost. Zoe's going to be noshing off Richard Branson before you can say 'Rimmel'.
Talking of inappropriate sexual remarks, if Rhys has ever had sex, I'm in line for a knighthood. And if he's had sex by the time he's 25, I'll give you one.
The Not-Zoe blonde girl looks like she's had her hair cut with a lawnmower. Beardy farmer bloke gets on my tits, he is always setting up someone else to go whilst doing fuck all.
Not-Zoe wants to be 'grafted' into a good businesswoman. Jordan's plastic surgeon could probably arrange it.
Rhys, you're a very special man. When you finally fit into that suit, there's a job waiting for you at the Carphone Warehouse.
Thursday, 20 May 2010
Junior Apprentice (Don't stop the beat)
I'm a day late with this because I forgot to put it in my plan-argh yesterday. Sowwee. AND I saw who got the boot on Digital Spy.
Cheese puns should have stopped at 'grated'.
Mudshoot (chute?) City Farm sounds like something out of a depressing film. Camping. I gave up camping after my tent got trampled at V. Sleeping on a crate under a tinfoil blankee once was enough for me. Let me never set foot in another Millets again.
My camping invention would be a sound-proof bubble with a telly in it: aka my house.
Is Brighton home to 'festival going enthusiasts'? It's certainly home to some genetically modified seagulls.
Why do these children want to go to meetings and sell things? It's not right. It's creepy. Also, some of them look like tiny children, and some look like adults. It's unsettling.
Their ideas are peculiar- you can see they've never been to a festival. I went to one when I was 14. Rock n roll. What IS that cardboard thing? They have overcomplicated things.
My boyfriend has just suggested 'Shower in a bag' which is actually a human-sized face-wipe costing a tenner. I like it. That's copyrighted, by the way.
That cardboard thing is a monstrosity. It looks both cheapo and pointless. The sledge thing is duff. You might as well just use a regular sledge, they're only about about a fiver (in fact you can probably get them for about 99p in the summer).
It's Sugar time. How can something so sweet look so sour?
I've been to that tree top walkway in Kew Gardens and it was RUBBISH! Kew Gardens is BORING. There's no animals. I'd rather go to the zoo. Or to Alton Towers. Or to Florida.
One of the girls is allegedly 16 but looks like an extra-depressed Tina off Corrie and about 25. There's a dowdy little mouse one but it's really all about Zoe with the lips. She's a teenage Terminator.
Don't kick out the little wide boy! He's sweet. There's tons of dead wood and duff characters. I don't like it when they kick out my faves. Ditch the worsties! I think Alan likes him.
Alan: 'you wasn't a good team leader'. And that wasn't very good English.
Ooh, he pointed this week! Glad he didn't get rid of Adam. I think Hibah was a scapegoat a bit. But sometimes you just gotta bleat.
Cheese puns should have stopped at 'grated'.
Mudshoot (chute?) City Farm sounds like something out of a depressing film. Camping. I gave up camping after my tent got trampled at V. Sleeping on a crate under a tinfoil blankee once was enough for me. Let me never set foot in another Millets again.
My camping invention would be a sound-proof bubble with a telly in it: aka my house.
Is Brighton home to 'festival going enthusiasts'? It's certainly home to some genetically modified seagulls.
Why do these children want to go to meetings and sell things? It's not right. It's creepy. Also, some of them look like tiny children, and some look like adults. It's unsettling.
Their ideas are peculiar- you can see they've never been to a festival. I went to one when I was 14. Rock n roll. What IS that cardboard thing? They have overcomplicated things.
My boyfriend has just suggested 'Shower in a bag' which is actually a human-sized face-wipe costing a tenner. I like it. That's copyrighted, by the way.
That cardboard thing is a monstrosity. It looks both cheapo and pointless. The sledge thing is duff. You might as well just use a regular sledge, they're only about about a fiver (in fact you can probably get them for about 99p in the summer).
It's Sugar time. How can something so sweet look so sour?
I've been to that tree top walkway in Kew Gardens and it was RUBBISH! Kew Gardens is BORING. There's no animals. I'd rather go to the zoo. Or to Alton Towers. Or to Florida.
One of the girls is allegedly 16 but looks like an extra-depressed Tina off Corrie and about 25. There's a dowdy little mouse one but it's really all about Zoe with the lips. She's a teenage Terminator.
Don't kick out the little wide boy! He's sweet. There's tons of dead wood and duff characters. I don't like it when they kick out my faves. Ditch the worsties! I think Alan likes him.
Alan: 'you wasn't a good team leader'. And that wasn't very good English.
Ooh, he pointed this week! Glad he didn't get rid of Adam. I think Hibah was a scapegoat a bit. But sometimes you just gotta bleat.
Wednesday, 12 May 2010
Junior Apprentice: Kid B minus
LORD SOME SUGAR ON ME! S Club Sugar. Allowed back on telly now the election BS is over. Shouting at children! He's the new Supernanny. Supernappy!
'I am ruthless in business' says a 12 year old. What business? Bullying? Stealing pocket money? The rent-a-quote bit at the start is just as laboured from a virgin's mouth, but more creepy.
What do they win? An internship at Amstrad? A Nintendo Wii? Probably a tangerine and a pair of socks, knowing our Alan.
They should do this show with a Young Alan Sugar (tm) played by Danny Dyer (he didn't write that column, alright?! ALRIGHT????) I see they've got a younger Margaret. Oh no, it's that hard faced football woman.
Don't start your spiel with talk of 'humping potatoes', Alan! They are only wee bairns.
Is he going to bring up the babies if the kids all start banging each other in the house? It's fairly unlikely though, they're all ugly as sin. And Arjun's chat up line was 'I love maths.' bless him.
There's some Peaches Geldof type with an undercut who clearly had her stall funded by daddy. Nice red lipstick, though.
Team names! INSTINCT. Revolution (said in Russell Brand style). Jordan looks like a spotty Andy Murray. I hope he's good at tennis.
Apparently 'no one wants to do a deal with an ugly person'. Who's going to tell Alan? Aw, he's not ugly, he's just well worn, like an old carpet.
Task: selling cheese! How long did it take them to think of that? Who's producing this shit, Alex James? What's their 'treat' gonna be, a year's supply of Low Low?
Adam is a Darren Miller wide-boy type.
The new Margaret (Karren) can't even spell her own name, so I don't hold out much hope for her as a mentor. Oh they're not mentors, just 'aides'. Just nosy old goats, more like. She needs to practice her eyebrow raising.
'Quick! We need to sell this cheese' the boys suddenly realise at about 5pm. Meanwhile Daddy's Girl Zoe has an abunance of confidence and sells like a motherfucker. She's a cocky cunt though and so not a team player. She's got to be an only child. I wonder what her pony is called?
Cheese glorious cheese! Man up and sell the cheese. Here's a tip: Don't tell your customer 'we just need to get rid of it'! VIVA LA REVOLUTION.
DON'T FUCK WITH ZOE. She will rip your fucking head off.
Andy Murray started talking all posh when he went in the boardroom. His little nemisis was trying to dig him out (I'll call him Henman).
The boardroom; makes blue eyes extra blue, especially when Alan makes them cry. He's lording it up!
The girls (well, Zoe) won. Deep fried pig's ear; what sort of treat is that?! It makes my diet look sophisticated.
Rhys is going home, I guarantee it. He's snivelled his way through this first episode. He looks like a choir boy playing dress-up in his dad's shirt. Send him to the naughty step!
'Wind is my least favourite weather type' said the sheep farmer Tim (and the only one who looks like he's even hit puberty). Alan doesn't want to know about the elements! He wants profit!
I like Adam! He's a cheeky little wide boy. Him FTW.
The boardroom bit drags on longer than the dire action movie 2012. You could cut it in half and I'd still be pissy about it.
Alan didn't do the pointing when he said 'you're fired'! I'd feel cheated without that, it's like going on Deal or No Deal and it being Love Week and you don't get the red boxes, but a pink box and made to dress up like Cupid. WRONG.
This was EXACTLY like watching the normal Apprentice except you couldn't fancy any of them. Better than I expected. Next up: Junior Babestation.
'I am ruthless in business' says a 12 year old. What business? Bullying? Stealing pocket money? The rent-a-quote bit at the start is just as laboured from a virgin's mouth, but more creepy.
What do they win? An internship at Amstrad? A Nintendo Wii? Probably a tangerine and a pair of socks, knowing our Alan.
They should do this show with a Young Alan Sugar (tm) played by Danny Dyer (he didn't write that column, alright?! ALRIGHT????) I see they've got a younger Margaret. Oh no, it's that hard faced football woman.
Don't start your spiel with talk of 'humping potatoes', Alan! They are only wee bairns.
Is he going to bring up the babies if the kids all start banging each other in the house? It's fairly unlikely though, they're all ugly as sin. And Arjun's chat up line was 'I love maths.' bless him.
There's some Peaches Geldof type with an undercut who clearly had her stall funded by daddy. Nice red lipstick, though.
Team names! INSTINCT. Revolution (said in Russell Brand style). Jordan looks like a spotty Andy Murray. I hope he's good at tennis.
Apparently 'no one wants to do a deal with an ugly person'. Who's going to tell Alan? Aw, he's not ugly, he's just well worn, like an old carpet.
Task: selling cheese! How long did it take them to think of that? Who's producing this shit, Alex James? What's their 'treat' gonna be, a year's supply of Low Low?
Adam is a Darren Miller wide-boy type.
The new Margaret (Karren) can't even spell her own name, so I don't hold out much hope for her as a mentor. Oh they're not mentors, just 'aides'. Just nosy old goats, more like. She needs to practice her eyebrow raising.
'Quick! We need to sell this cheese' the boys suddenly realise at about 5pm. Meanwhile Daddy's Girl Zoe has an abunance of confidence and sells like a motherfucker. She's a cocky cunt though and so not a team player. She's got to be an only child. I wonder what her pony is called?
Cheese glorious cheese! Man up and sell the cheese. Here's a tip: Don't tell your customer 'we just need to get rid of it'! VIVA LA REVOLUTION.
DON'T FUCK WITH ZOE. She will rip your fucking head off.
Andy Murray started talking all posh when he went in the boardroom. His little nemisis was trying to dig him out (I'll call him Henman).
The boardroom; makes blue eyes extra blue, especially when Alan makes them cry. He's lording it up!
The girls (well, Zoe) won. Deep fried pig's ear; what sort of treat is that?! It makes my diet look sophisticated.
Rhys is going home, I guarantee it. He's snivelled his way through this first episode. He looks like a choir boy playing dress-up in his dad's shirt. Send him to the naughty step!
'Wind is my least favourite weather type' said the sheep farmer Tim (and the only one who looks like he's even hit puberty). Alan doesn't want to know about the elements! He wants profit!
I like Adam! He's a cheeky little wide boy. Him FTW.
The boardroom bit drags on longer than the dire action movie 2012. You could cut it in half and I'd still be pissy about it.
Alan didn't do the pointing when he said 'you're fired'! I'd feel cheated without that, it's like going on Deal or No Deal and it being Love Week and you don't get the red boxes, but a pink box and made to dress up like Cupid. WRONG.
This was EXACTLY like watching the normal Apprentice except you couldn't fancy any of them. Better than I expected. Next up: Junior Babestation.
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