Mondays: Soap on a Mope

How can Eastenders get more viewers than Corrie? Seriously, lately it has been beyond painful. It is an ordeal watching it. Mind you, this is a nation that (allegedly) finds Horne and Corden funny, so there's no accounting for taste.
Enders! I thought they dragged out the Max and Stacey frown-fest long enough but this Ronnie/twitchy Danielle/Archie thing is interminable. It's like self harm for the brain. I HATE ARCHIE! Argh! He's awful! The storyline just makes me angry. No one on earth could be that much of a cunt, except maybe George Lamb. Ahem. I know he's only a character but he's just so irritating and bile-inducing: AND his radio show is shit (sorry, that joke was so bad even Ian Hyland in the News of the World would have balked at it).
Bad day at work? Why not depress yourself further and stare at Billy's green walls. Why not listen to Stacey's mum shrieking and not dying, no matter how hard you pray she will? Why not get screamed at by Bianca?
And if the relentless doom and gloom doesn't tickle your fancy, why not go for a bit of bona-fide boredom? Ah, here's Peggy's election campaign. Here's Patrick/ Chelsea/ Chelsea's boyfriend with the enormous sixhead. Where the fuck is Phil Mitchell? Even him giving Shirley one would be something (god, I AM desperate for storylines). They've even made Roxy boring (will she ever visit I-Beefa again?), and Christian hasn't been seen for weeks. perhaps he's off having some sterotypical gay fun somewhere. I wish we could watch (not all of it, admittedly).
Want some comedy? Try Corrie then because contrary to the script-writers misguided belief, Ian Beale, the Masoods and Heather are NOT FUNNY. AT ALL! Masala Queen? Just fuck off.
How about totty? Er... there IS NONE. Why am I watching this again? I swear off it every few months, but I just can't escape the E20 matrix. Argh! I'm stuck in Groundhog day, just like Danielle.
Corrie, on the other hand, has had some exceptionally good one liners lately. The writing has been top class (although Becky and Steve's wedding was a bit painful, and Becky overacted badly, but the restaurant scene the other night was really good). There are also lots of good new characters (although Luke Strong is killing my fond memories of Queer as Folk!) and good humourous storylines. I like David Platt's mate with the funny voice especially. It was also a masterstroke keeping Tony in, who is looking hotter by the day (I know, it's not right, but it feels it on occasion).
Minor gripes: what is the POINT in Liam's friend, the Lad Rags dude? He seems endlessly dull, is Tony going to off him or something? Also, what is the point in Liz's friend in the pub? And as for Dev's uncle: Jesus! There's definitely a bit of chaff knocking around, make no mistake.
Hold on, kebab boy just said Tesco, instead of Freshco! Has the subliminal advertising begun already?
PS: Klever kitchens guy makes me depressed.
PPS: I like Peter's child Simon, he's mega cute and looks like he should be in an Enid Blyton book. But don't tell anyone I said that. People will talk!

Eastenders: Once you start lying, keep lying

After the recent excitement of Ian's beard Eastenders hit a new low last week, followed by tonight's half hour of torture (lessened by my trusty Sky Plus).
Last week over-actors anonymous failed to sign up Roxy (and her nylon hair), Billy and the new post-obsessed family leaving us to cringe through a lot of interminable dialogue about nothing. This new asian family really are dreadful, not one personality between four of them. I mean, why? She's a nagging harpy. Plus she looks old enough to be his mum.
Bradley's (new, so I'm told) mum seems to have one eyebrow permanently stapled into the surprised position. She is also unpleasant to watch, as is chav child's dad (what happened to Bert? please don't come back). His storyline (whatever it is) is uninteresting. So uninteresting I fast forwarded it all.
Where the hell has Phil gone??? Come back! Sort it aht! Where's Ben? Did they lock him in a cupboard? Hopefully he'll come back hot.
Patrick- don't care. Fat girl- don't care. Call that a cliff-hanger??? Fuck me. Dig up Dennis. Please!
One good thing: I liked Sean Slaters advice to Peggy: 'Once you start lying, keep lying.' You don't get that sort of insight from a fortune-cookie.

Eastenders: Stellar!

Yay a good Eastenders at last. But haven't we waited long enough? And actually, it wasn't all good because there was some unbearable dross with Bert/ Patrick/ Wellard. Normally I forwards through those bits.
So when Ben staggered forwards saying 'can somebody help me?' it was quite harrowing. Bless that little nerd. Phil circling Stella round the pool table was very effective. You knew when she blamed Ian the game was up.
I LOVED it when Peggy said 'Make her pay.' That's the Mitchell way! Phil's acting was brilliant. I was willing him to mush her up with an iron bar. He went all purple! Hurrah. More evil Phil! Sack everyone else, just have Phil going psycho.
So did he push her? Course he did!