Tuesday, 14 January 2014

Celebrity Big Brother 2014: Is Aunt Mildred there, please?

SLOP! What is this, BBUS? Put 'em on PB&J. 'Bland grey slop', as if slop wasn't bad enough. Ha, Jim meant to press curry. I could eat neither curry nor slop. Or chick peas. Remember Rachel Rice used to be obsessed with chickpeas? What a winner.
The democracy monolith looks quite intergalactic, too. Is that back engineered from recycled Who Wants to Be a Millionaire voting pads? 
So Jim is deciding what all the other housemates do? Fair enough. He said he won't abuse the power and he seems trustworthy - ha.
Making tea out of old teabags is like smoking fag-butts. So Lee and Jasmine are openly snogging now. Casey should really just cut her loses and stop doing that screwface.
Ha, Jim chose Linda as most boring housemate! Good. Liz isn't boring anyway so she didn't deserve it.
Outside contact, blah. Jim smirking about Linda. He should just vote her for everything, biggest old bat, most annoying, most likely to be evicted next.
Linda isn't really watching paint dry, because her goggles are covered in paint. Lionel: 'She's such a lovely lady.' Incorrect.
OMG cigarettes or beauty products! I thought they'd want cigarettes more as they all smoke like chimneys. I don't smoke and I wouldn't mind not wearing make up so I wouldn't care either way.
Lee and Jasmine are finger-banging in the treehouse. Ah, now she's riding him in the living room. Lovely.
Fake nomination. At least some are voting for Lee now. Did Lee vote for himself! Did Jim pick that one? Lee DID vote for himself Tim from BBAU style! It didn't feel quite as impressive.
LOL to Lee saying 'don't shout at her' to Lionel for having a go at Jasmine like a drunk boyfriend in Wetherspoons. This is like I'm a Celebrity again - lipstick wars. It wasn't interesting then, either.
Such a boring show tonight. Lee: 'I looked at you and my stomach went zzzzzzzzzzz.' That's how I feel watching this fauxmance.
If Lionel farting is really a highlight, God help us.
Luisa has a 'beautiful punani.' Dappy better check and make sure. They should keep that 'democracy' machine going off all night.
LOL to Jim choosing Luisa and Lionel as the most annoying housemates. OMG I could not be in a room with clocks ticking. I would flip. I do not respond well to ticking. I can hear a ticking clock a mile off. I can hear a tap dripping from a house away. Even birds tweeting make me murderous. 
Does Luisa think they're really going to get into that room with champagne and chocolates? This has echoes of the Basshunter task. They should play some Basshunter into the room to add to the ambience.
Lionel is like a real old person taking a PPI call. Lee is with Ollie in the toilet now! Taps on or off?
I loved Luisa's jailbreak. Lionel: 'Chocolates please.' Rebels! Hilarious. Good on them!
Is BB going to chuck her out? I like it when people break the rules. There's nothing worse than a 'rule-booker', as they say on BBAU. Big Brother is being a wimp! Give her a warning! Send her to jail. Do not pass go.
They did a task like this on BBUS where someone got put in a room with an alarm going off every 9 minutes. Lionel can't sleep in that room without his orthopedic mattress. I like the pairing of these two, I think they're quite funny. I hope Luisa stays and Jasmine goes.
'Is Aunt Mildred there, please?' This is like a bad trip or a horror movie. Lionel: 'Go fuck yourself.' Couldn't have put it better myself.
So Liz got ZERO air time tonight. Does not bode well. Save Liz, let's get shot of Jasmine and hopefully Lee will go with her.

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