Hi there! Believe it or not, there's never been a Big Brother Canada but it began last night! So roll up, roll up for Chen-not, Fessie, and the Zingnot. OK so 'not' jokes is all I've got, but I'm getting over laryngitis, and worse, my boyfriend has got manyngitis.
This is starting really well.
From what I've heard it's going to be quite similar to Big Brother US, but hopefully not too similar. Will they have the same music, the stupid key thing, HOH? The same tired old tasks? I hope so!
The music is a bit synthy and the host is called Arisa Cox, which sounds like a prank call Bart Simpson does. She's more Sonia Kruger (BB Australia host) than Chenbot. It's shot all the same way. I wonder what generic stereotypes they'll have? This reminds me more of Big Brother Australia in a way - more cheery. The Have Not room looks alright and the house looks massive. The bedroom is like the BBUK bedroom. They are doing the key thing they do with the US one.
Warning; the following housemate synopsis compares them to both Uk and US housemates willy-nilly. If you haven't done your research, don't blame me.
Peter = Ian from BBUS. He's from Surrey, haha. He hates everyone - people who eat noisily and people who stand on escalators.Can't argue with that.
Kat reminds me of Natalie from Jessie's year. Alec is like Dan Gheesling.
Aneal - a Big Brother blogger! With a bowtie. I'm going to go out on a limb and say he might be gay.
Danielle - 'big personality' = big boobs. Bubbly. Well, we know what that means. Has dimples.
Suzette: Kinga. She works in a women's shelter.
Talla. Possibly fancies girls.
Jillian - looks like Talla. That's a bit confusing. Says she looks like Sandra Bullock? Notsomuch.
Andrew (and Pete his twin?) Are they going to do an Audrina/twin twist? He is looking for a showmance. Yawn!
AJ - lives with his parents. He's like someone off The Apprentice pretending he's a big shot. I really hope someone's got their strategy drawn in crayon on a piece of paper like Keith.
There's a lot of people in their mid thirties. That's promising. They are getting through them pretty fast.
The host seems nice and quite animated compared to Chenbot.
Liza. Something to do with sunbeds. My boyfriend said she looks rough. That's not very nice.
Tom. Firefighter. Thicko. Doesn't like 'flamboyant people'. Cue flaming homo.
Gary. He's going to good, one way or the other! Gok Wan gone feral. Someone threw glitter at him when he came down the stairs. Gary is so not a gay name. He looks like a pineapple.
Emmett. Do they have rednecks in Canada? He has a gay twin. Twin twist? Emmett and Toma are going to team up in the straight alliance.
Topaz. A dentist. I like it when it black people have blue eyes, it flies in the face of genetics.
What are those teeny bags they've got? Have they got all their stuff in there? Are they Tardises? Tardi? Tardy?
A twist! Shocking. A phone in the house. Don't answer it! It's never good news. I love the gay guys hating on each other already. I like the sofa, too. It seems like they're sponsored by the Canadian Very.
Suzette is a cackletopus. She's like a barrel with lips. You shouldn't have answered that phone. Big Brother sounds stern! I don't think Suzette understands her secret mission. Oh no, she does, she's just doing a cover up job. Oh Christ, SHE'S Head of Household? Ugh. This isn't good news. It's not good news for her either - target! LOL she nominated the straight alliance. Haha. Tom looks MAD. 'Save the boys' - zzz. It was obvious she'd target the boys. It was quite a bold move nominating those two, though.
We're doing the veto already? Bloody hell. I want Tom out! OMG IS IT THE ELECTRIC SHOCK SUITS? Fuck me! It's like six Tinkywinkys. Fuck me, Suzette looks like Violet from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Oh it's not electric shocks. It's popping balloons with a spiky belt. WTF.
This is the sort of task where you see who's willing to smash the shit out of each other. They are humping balloons. That's reasonably low budget.
Oh fuck, can't believe Tom won it. Boooo! Look at the veto! It looks like some bad superhero necklace. Thumbs down.
Second episode! Arisa looks like an oven-ready Mel B.
Suzette's got a letter from home... how long's she been gone, about a week? I'd be pissed off with Gary shaking glitter everywhere. Glitter is a bastard to get off you. 'Gary Glitter' lol. Aneal is a sneaky one! Do they have Gary Glitter in Canada? Let's hope not for the sake of the children. For those not in the know, Gary Glitter is a Uk popstar turned paedophile. Someone once said you know you've slept with me because you end up in a pool of glitter. But that was about 15 years ago.
The memory wall looks tacky as hell. Kat is coming off as a cow, I've seen people overplay their hand in the first few days and it never works out well: keep your head DOWN!
LOL to Suzette calling Kat a bully and toxic. I knew she'd be up because you saw her sitting on stools with Emmett at the start. Who's more toxic, Kat or the glitter?
This Slice channel sounds good. Ice and a slice!
Emmett, I think it might be time to get into the campaigning thing. Handcuff task! I've never seen this task before... how original. I wonder if there'll ever be one unique idea on this show?
Tom reminds me of Cappy from BBUS. And that's not a good thing.
Alec and Topaz got together quick! Must be true love, right? I like both of them, actually.
So a hundred Canadian grand is 64 grand sterling. I suppose with the car and stuff it's the same as ours. That Tom guy is SUCH a homophobe. I can't stand him.
I'm fairly unimpressed with the eviction stools. Is that the best Brick could come up with? How about some eviction thrones? 'Cat ladies first?' Oh, no sorry, 'Kat, ladies first.'
Looks like it's a sheep vote for Kat. The overthrow of the 'Ox and Ram' alliance was the usual flim flam.
Liza broke off from the sheep vote. She could be up for the chop for that. Not good to break out of the pen so early! Best to join the lemmings. Ah... my boyfriend thinks she did it to it pin it on someone else.
Danielle is like Amy from Marcellas's year. Talla can't even say one sentence, bless her.
Alec's eyebrows are mesmerising. It's time to put the Kat out etc. The Kat that got creamed. I think I'm done with Kat jokes now.
A very Canadian HOH is coming up. I reckon it's something to do with bears, but my boyfriend thinks it's crawling through maple syrup. I realise this is a racist as going on about tea and the bloody Queen.
I wonder if Suzette will ever win another Head of Household. I've seen one of these tasks before where they have to cling on to trees. Tree hungers. Are things about to get a little bit choppy? Sigh. At least it's endurance. I do like this show but it feels like a not-quite-as-good sequel to BBUS. It's so similar yet it all feels a bit 'own brand'.
Dan Gheesling is looking as greasy as usual. Aw, Dan. I think Arisa has said the word 'strategising' about 40 times this show. They must have interviewed him for all of three seconds. Evil genius AND master of the game? Oh, Dan. You'll always be Judas to me.