Monday, 20 August 2012

Celebrity Big Brother 2012: Booze gun

I think The Situation should be renamed 'The Deadwood'. He's dull as fuck so far.
Jasmine doesn't have friends, she has hostages. Even a conversation starting with a compliment ends in a row.
I don't remember Ashley saying he fancied Rhian. Is he cuddling a teddy in the DR chair? Is he 12? He thinks she does like him but she's worried about how she'll come across as a person. No, she just doesn't fancy you, because you look 12. Anyone who has to say 'I'm a nice guy' is always a bad 'un.
Why is Julie up Jasmine's arse so much? Absolutely adorable?!  I've seen more adorable rottweilers who've just chewed a baby to death. Now, IS Julie playing a game? How could anyone like Jasmine? She's made out of 50% spite and 50% malice.
I hate silky bedsheets too. I bought some once in a fit of Stringfellow-pique and I ended up sliding out of bed and knocking my drink over. Never again.
Jasmine, don't tell a journalist you're gagged. Who's gagged her: Simon Cowell or Crazy Town dude?
Jasmine doesn't need to say 'are we having a positive or negative day' like Bea. It's 100% negative all the way.
Danica just said rinse *Beavis and Butthead laugh*.
That Situation task is hard! I couldn't even remember the list of things. He's doing really well - I'll take back the deadwood comment for now, but he did have to be forced into action. Is Sitch giving Martin some Lynx? I like the way Sitch mixes with the old folk, he doesn't seem to just hang round the young ladies.
Eh heh, where can I get me a booze gun! They're all drinking in the day so no wonder Jasmine's gonna kick off. She's a viper when she's sober.
Rhian looks hot in that bikini in the DR chair. Ashley strikes me as a little fuckwad.
Fucking hell, man, has Harvey only just realised Martin was in Eastenders. Does he not remember Matthew Rose going down for Saskia's murder? The car crash? Where was he? Oh, probably out doing an assault.
Julian, you shouldn't have to explain your own jokes. Julian explaining 'The Situation' name story was funny. Not sure I want to stay at the White Swallow. This smut talk does get old after a while.
I can't work out who's thicker; Harvey or Ashley.
Why doesn't Samantha defend Rhian if she's 'older' and can handle it? I'd fucking say something to that Skeletor-cunt-rag-of-doom.
People are speaking to Jasmine in a way she wouldn't normally accept! You're a fucking bitch, no one has said nearly enough to you. You're patronising, hypocritical and cruel. I think she might be the most deranged Big Brother contestant of all time, and that's saying something. I'm not sure she's mentally fit to be in there.
That Ashley guy is such a knob, he's like a mini Kirk Norcross. Someone doesn't fancy him so he's being a little prick. Harvey dealt with that situation well. 'Piss off.' Uh oh, Rhian told Jasmine the truth and she doesn't like it so she immediately walks off.
Jasmine is just the school bully. She was the school bully on Make me a Supermodel and she's still the school bully because she's got insecurity running through her veins, and a black stone where her heart should be.
Why is Jasmine getting involved in Rhian and Ashley's 'situation'? Led him on?! What the FUCK has it got to do with her. Jasmine is more EVIL that Bea. She's definitely the biggest Big Brother bitch of all time. Hats off to her; people that psycho should be in some sort of institute.
Jasmine is now trying to intimidate someone. Brick: speak up! Speak the fuck up, you fucking fencesitter, you're worse than H from Steps and Jermaine combined.
How can Julie bother sympathising with that troll? She should be shunned. She started on Danica, now she's started on Rhian. What's the common denominator? Oh, they're both prettier and younger than her.
Can you imagine being inside Jasmine's head? She came to hang out with 'real celebrities' like Julie and Cheryl? Except they're (past-it) actresses. You're just a fucking professional reality tv superbitch.
There's more chance of the Queen whipping off her mask and revealing her lizard genes than Jasmine winning this show. Her odds must be 1000/1.
Prince Lorenzo's face when she forced him to give her a hug pretty much summed things up. Er... keep Jasmine in! 

1 comment:

Tim said...


That is the best description ever :-)

I'm having so many problems posting this comment I'm beginning to believe I am a fucking robot!