Are these our highlights; Julian smearing jam on his face? It's clear he doesn't give a shit if he goes, he's got his paycheck.
Hev prefered last week's face to face nominations; bet you did as everyone went for the easy targets. Did she really say 'ting'?
Fool me once! The Occasional Table is having a little cry because Damica didn't look after him when he got nommed. No, let's get real, he's upset because she doesn't fancy him and because she's playing him like a fucking fiddle. I think this girl is going to have a shock when she comes out of the house because he's got 4 million followers on Twitter and she's destroyed whatever egotistical image he had - she's probably destroyed his entire career. I always, always defend women from the usual 'prick tease' sexist bullshit. I think maybe that's just the way she is, and I think she can separate her emotions from her sexuality quite easily.
Julian, you don't need to campaign in the BB house. You campaign in the BBUS house. Is he actually bothered about being up? He hides it well.
I've voted to save Prince Lorenzo as I think he's most at risk and I'd love to see Coleen or Cheryl walk out the door.
Sitch must be at a low if he's confiding in Julian. Samantha just said to Prince she didn't nominate him. Rule break, rule break!
Julian: 'I suppose she said something interesting last Friday.' on Samantha Brick: lol. I love his interactions with Julie. He's right, Sitch and Ashley aren't used to girls saying no to them, so it will be a good life lesson.
Julian and Sitch in top two - holler! I think it did mean more to Julian than he let on, actually. And the Sitch has got a massive fanbase; I have no idea why, but there it is.
Shit, they're making them do pleas to stay in the house! This is BBUS style, too. I'm not really that fond of that bit, and they didn't put the phone line up straight after, so what's the point.
Why is Prince Lorenzo getting booed? He's not done anything bad in the house.
Flower task: just more hate shitstirring from BB. Danica is not coming out of this well, and Sitch is getting a big sympathy vote.
If I overheard Harvey slagging me off, I'd go out there and tell him what's what. Harvey and Ashley are both privileged, entitled little brats. They're just slut-shaming little knobs.
Friends do not share beds; double or otherwise. He's trying to force into bed with him! I don't sleep in beds with my male friends. Has this little Judo knob every even had a girlfriend before? How dare he treat her like that? She's got a boyfriend, she doesn't want to get into bed with you! He reminds me of Kirk Norcross; just this feeling of how he's entitled to any women he sets his mind on.
Sitch won't take no for an answer either. This is a show that's being sold as a 'what awful prick teases' episode, but what it should actually be sold at is the 'little boys who won't take no for an answer' episode.
I can see Princess Danica getting ideas!
Samantha is getting a tell off. Judo dickhead just said who he nominated, too. Ha, they called him up on it.
I couldn't give two shits about hot water! I didn't have a bath for the past two days because I had two days off work. Fuck hot water!
Ashley will not take no for an answer! He's trying to bully her into having sex with him. Can she take a restraining order out against him?
Why is Prince Lorenzo so upset about the boos? Has he never been booed before in his palaces (plural)? Seems like his ego's taken a hit.
LOL Cheryl went! On our screens for 5 years in Eastenders and still no one wants to look at her. Her eviction outfit is a lot nicer tonight. Evicted over someone we've never even heard of! I didn't see that coming. She was 25/1 to be evicted by the bookies; wish I'd put a tenner on her.
I'm not sorry to see her go; I found her dull and unfunny. I only wish it had been Coleen. I don't get the Loose Women vote; unless it's some OAPs who are old Noleen Sisters fans. WTF is a crunch! Vaginas aren't crunchy. They're squishy.
Hev: offed again. Oh well. Duf, duf, duf, duf, duf, duf, duf etc. The end.
Showing posts with label cheryl. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cheryl. Show all posts
Friday, 24 August 2012
Thursday, 23 August 2012
Celebrity Big Brother 2012: Do you think I give a fuck right now?
OMG just watched BBUS. It outclasses our BB times a billion. My heart races at all the twists and turns! It's just non stop adrenaline, lies and backstabbing, and those people don't get voted out; they go the distance! Amaze.
Meanwhile yesterday BBUK treated us to three and a half hours of complete rubbish, punctuated only by a few seconds of Jasmine's evil genius. You can see why Simon Cowell likes her; she sure knows how to deliver a one liner. On Nina on BOTS: 'I didn't even know she was still alive.'
Well, 'it's too early' wasn't a denial from Julie, was it? I think she is playing a game, but don't we like a gameplayer/planner these days?
It's not very good that they were allowed to talk 'off the record' on the way to the supermarket, was it? Another production fail. Julie, you've been caught out, just admit it, it's no sweat. You can like two people at the same time, it's no biggie.
Julie said 'situation' uhuhuhuhuhuh. I'm going off leopard print again. Julie and Rhian are like the before and after plastic surgery advert.
Jasmine didn't 'kick off' this morning, she asked you politely what was what, Julie. Don't milk it. I think my mum might have been right about Julie all along. Can we move on from this non 'storyline' now? It hardly matters anyway, Jasmine's gone now, sadly. What were the percentages? I still don't know.
Rhian can't wait to be reuinited with her phone *insert joke here*. Oh get on with it, all this piano and fading in and out is tedious.
Saying 'good luck both of you' is pointless; you might as well say 'good luck neither of you.'
I loved it when Jasmine told Harvey what was what. Tut tut tut! I hate Harvey coming over like a goody-goody when we all know. We all know.
I think we lost the smartest person in the house. It just so happened she was batshit crazy. Well at least we've got Rhian to provide the entertainment....zzzz.
Why are they all cooking right after an eviction? You think you'd be too pumped up to eat.
I'm going to have to fast foward through these nominations, because there's no way in hell I'm sitting through this again. Last night was absolutely ridiculous; should have been 60 second nominations; in out, the end. If they had a clue, I think they packed it in that suitcase full of 50 pound notes they gave Conor.
This is how quickly they should have done these nom noms last night.
Julian even admitted he was shallow! I suspected he was, but didn't think he'd admit it. It's a shame, as I want to get under his skin more.
Prince is nominating Hev. Good. I don't blame him for nominating Julian. Harvey doesn't approve of rinsing men, but he doesn't mind assaulting and cheating on women; whatever floats your boat, I guess.
I think Julian is a cold fish. But he's funny. He reminds me of Brian Dowling in that way, that he's got good quips, but there's not much about him.
Does Harvey have fans? I don't think him swapping with Sitch would be a fair swap. MTV music awards convo: I'd hate a man saying he was going to buy me a dress. I'll buy my own fucking dress, thanks and not have to suck the dick of someone I don't like.
Ashley is so pointless. What a boring housemate. Even his nominations were boring.
So Cheryl, The Situation, Coleen, Julian and Prince Lorenzo are up. I'm glad a load of the oldies are up; makes a change from it being all the young pretty girls. I'm glad the vote is quite split, but I'm worried Prince Lorenzo is going to go before we even get to know him. Prince Lorenzo is an animal activist, too, so us Moz fans should give him a chance.
I think Julie's tactic is just to tell everyone what they want to hear. Which is fine, until people start swapping stories, as happened at the supermarket.
Prince Lorenzo the human calculator is doing the math. LOL to The Situation opening the oven and going 'what the fuck's going on in here' as the chicken is billowing out smoke. My boyfriend said Jasmine probably turned it up to high just as she left.
I REALLY want Coleen to go. I do think she's right about Julie, actually, but I just don't like her. It feels like she's got a vendetta against Julie.
Does Julian call Sitch 'The Occasional Table' to his face? 'Irksome' - lovely word. And calling Samantha Brick common, too. I don't think she so much writes for the Mail as wrote one troll-y article for the Mail.
Why is Julie blowing smoke up Sitch's arse? 'She's got this situation at home.' No, that's someone else she's got at home. She's falling in love with the MTV music awards, FFS, not The Situation. Yeah you're just so right for each other because she's a gold-digger, and he's got the gold. If he wants to be rinsed; then yeah, go for it. But let's not pretend this is Chantel and Preston falling for each other (which they actually did, albeit briefly). This isn't even Jay and Louise. It's not love; it's a goddamn arms race.
Meanwhile yesterday BBUK treated us to three and a half hours of complete rubbish, punctuated only by a few seconds of Jasmine's evil genius. You can see why Simon Cowell likes her; she sure knows how to deliver a one liner. On Nina on BOTS: 'I didn't even know she was still alive.'
Well, 'it's too early' wasn't a denial from Julie, was it? I think she is playing a game, but don't we like a gameplayer/planner these days?
It's not very good that they were allowed to talk 'off the record' on the way to the supermarket, was it? Another production fail. Julie, you've been caught out, just admit it, it's no sweat. You can like two people at the same time, it's no biggie.
Julie said 'situation' uhuhuhuhuhuh. I'm going off leopard print again. Julie and Rhian are like the before and after plastic surgery advert.
Jasmine didn't 'kick off' this morning, she asked you politely what was what, Julie. Don't milk it. I think my mum might have been right about Julie all along. Can we move on from this non 'storyline' now? It hardly matters anyway, Jasmine's gone now, sadly. What were the percentages? I still don't know.
Rhian can't wait to be reuinited with her phone *insert joke here*. Oh get on with it, all this piano and fading in and out is tedious.
Saying 'good luck both of you' is pointless; you might as well say 'good luck neither of you.'
I loved it when Jasmine told Harvey what was what. Tut tut tut! I hate Harvey coming over like a goody-goody when we all know. We all know.
I think we lost the smartest person in the house. It just so happened she was batshit crazy. Well at least we've got Rhian to provide the entertainment....zzzz.
Why are they all cooking right after an eviction? You think you'd be too pumped up to eat.
I'm going to have to fast foward through these nominations, because there's no way in hell I'm sitting through this again. Last night was absolutely ridiculous; should have been 60 second nominations; in out, the end. If they had a clue, I think they packed it in that suitcase full of 50 pound notes they gave Conor.
This is how quickly they should have done these nom noms last night.
Julian even admitted he was shallow! I suspected he was, but didn't think he'd admit it. It's a shame, as I want to get under his skin more.
Prince is nominating Hev. Good. I don't blame him for nominating Julian. Harvey doesn't approve of rinsing men, but he doesn't mind assaulting and cheating on women; whatever floats your boat, I guess.
I think Julian is a cold fish. But he's funny. He reminds me of Brian Dowling in that way, that he's got good quips, but there's not much about him.
Does Harvey have fans? I don't think him swapping with Sitch would be a fair swap. MTV music awards convo: I'd hate a man saying he was going to buy me a dress. I'll buy my own fucking dress, thanks and not have to suck the dick of someone I don't like.
Ashley is so pointless. What a boring housemate. Even his nominations were boring.
So Cheryl, The Situation, Coleen, Julian and Prince Lorenzo are up. I'm glad a load of the oldies are up; makes a change from it being all the young pretty girls. I'm glad the vote is quite split, but I'm worried Prince Lorenzo is going to go before we even get to know him. Prince Lorenzo is an animal activist, too, so us Moz fans should give him a chance.
I think Julie's tactic is just to tell everyone what they want to hear. Which is fine, until people start swapping stories, as happened at the supermarket.
Prince Lorenzo the human calculator is doing the math. LOL to The Situation opening the oven and going 'what the fuck's going on in here' as the chicken is billowing out smoke. My boyfriend said Jasmine probably turned it up to high just as she left.
I REALLY want Coleen to go. I do think she's right about Julie, actually, but I just don't like her. It feels like she's got a vendetta against Julie.
Does Julian call Sitch 'The Occasional Table' to his face? 'Irksome' - lovely word. And calling Samantha Brick common, too. I don't think she so much writes for the Mail as wrote one troll-y article for the Mail.
Why is Julie blowing smoke up Sitch's arse? 'She's got this situation at home.' No, that's someone else she's got at home. She's falling in love with the MTV music awards, FFS, not The Situation. Yeah you're just so right for each other because she's a gold-digger, and he's got the gold. If he wants to be rinsed; then yeah, go for it. But let's not pretend this is Chantel and Preston falling for each other (which they actually did, albeit briefly). This isn't even Jay and Louise. It's not love; it's a goddamn arms race.
Celebrity Big Brother 2012: We're gonna struggle cos you can't add up, honey
So tonight's midweek eviction. Do I want to watch a complete nutcase on TV? Of course I do. Do I think it's fair that she doesn't really know she's a nutcase and she's going to come out to a complete boo-cophany? Not really. I think she needs to be handled with care. She could even be a suicide risk; and it's not the first time the BB experience has driven someone to despair *insert 'me every night' joke here*.
I'm not voting tonight. I cannot vote to save Jasmine, entertaining as she is. I just can't have that blood on my hands.
Careful what you say to Samantha, Martin! He's right though, bands do split up about money a lot. Gold! Etc. We know about band members earning different sorts of amounts, don't we, Morrissey?
Is Julie giving Jasmine enough rope to hang herself? Jasmine: 'the only people who matter are the ones that matter.' How many of them are there?
I don't think Julie sees you as a threat, Coleen. I think she just finds you boring and nosy.
Jasmine is right, we have seen all there is to see of Rhian. 'I've got more trouble to cause.' Interesting tact! Rhian is pretty, but there's nothing to her.
My boyfriend reckons Jasmine's going to stay. NO CHANCE. He said is Rhian would have stood up to her, she would stay. Doesn't matter what Jasmine does, she cannot stay. You can't act like that and be saved.
I feel like we're missing half the story with Ashley and Rhian; but I also don't give a fuck about that storyline, so never mind.
Samantha: 'Rhian is experienced.' What does that mean exactly? Ashley has nothing to worry about watching it back. They've not shown him.
So lovely of Jasmine to dismiss other women as tits and arse. Nice to talk about other women like that.
Jasmine, don't take on Jodie Marsh! Now that's a battle I'd like to witness.
Danica IS a player; there's no doubt about it. If people thought Lauren was bad doing the splits in front of Adam, they must be agog at the sight of Prince Lorenzo licking glitter off her finger.
LOL to Jasmine's own mum calling her own daughter a piranha. Hilarious. Rhian's friend seems very eloquent... dur. Brian bounced off her quite well, though.
This home truth task is just mean; it's going to kick off. OMG Julian summed Coleen up as 'overweight'. OUCH, I like it when Julie calls people 'lady.'
Julian's career... 'mediocre... over.' LOL.
How come only these four are doing this task? This is making me tense! That's going to cause some ripples. I don't think Julie could give a fuck what people said about her.
I am overweight, but I wouldn't like being called it on TV. I'd rather be called a bitch, or a cow, or annoying, even though all four are true.
I'm still not sure about Julian. I want to get under the surface, but he won't let us.
Aw Cheryl hid her appearance from her boyfriend for four months. The internet is great for non conventional/ social awkward people hooking up, and I include myself in that. My boyfriend and I didn't know what each other looked like for about four months before we saw pics of each other. Luckily, we're both uber-babes.
Julian: 'Cheryl is long-winded.' I like it when him and Julie have a bitch, at least it's funny.
If you're watching on Channel 5+1 or on Demand GO FUCK YOURSELF, I'm sick of hearing about it.
So what's the point in the task if they've just replaced it with a trolley dash? All that effort was basically for nothing. Nothing can beat Jedward's trolley dash.
I reckon Lidl banned BB for life after Jedward's the trolley dash. Do you think Jasmine has ever been in Morrisons before? Get the meat, get the meat! Get a CD or something. Yorkshires! That wouldn't be top of my list. It would be quite hard to spend 700 quid in one trolley full in Morrisons. Unless they got a crate of champagne. Oh shit, they've got two trolleys. Oh, they passed.
Do you think the checkout girl was an actress or a real employee? She could be in CBB this time next year.
Oh, shut up, Coleen! She needs someone to torment like Michael Masden.
No one cares when you're down in the gutter, got no friends, got no butter. STFU, Julie, I'd like to have see you do better. I couldn't give a shit about having no teabags, but I wouldn't eat a dry crumpet either.
Twosome! You normally only hear that word on Cheaters.
Jasmine's out. SHOCKER. Lighting a fag in the BB house, sweet. REBEL. They'll get fined for that. Harvey: 'you can't smoke in here.' Jasmine: 'do you think I give a fuck right now?' Mario 'dipping his biscuit in this hot salty tea' wouldn't approve; health and safety, Jasmine. Jasmine is a health and safety risk all of her own.
Yeah, coming out smoking is the coolest thing since Benedict stealing the chair. Hardcore! Flick your fag into the crowd, we won't miss 'em.
'Mummy, I want to smoke so I can look like Jasmine!' Dem bones is hot. It's like a Nightmare Before Christmas.
Happy to be out the house, my arse.
What is the fucking story with her son? Apart from having her as a mum?
Jasmine is coming across as disappointingly sane in her interview. She actually looked embarrassed when she saw herself telling Lorenzo to fuck off.
'You're making me uncomfortable.' 'I'm trying very hard to.' Just brilliant.
Jasmine: 'they're just skanky girls.' She looks so skanky it's unreal. It's all just so transparent and projection. I feel sorry for her, I really do.
Jasmine's got razors for cheekbones. And probably for fingernails, too. I still don't really know about Julie. I think she's hedging her bets.
Shame to see Jasmine go. Definitely the most interesting person in the house, the most honest, and the cruelest. I'll be interested to see the percentages.
Ah fuck, I wasn't going to blog the live feed, but it's live noms! Gah. OK, I'll do it super quick.
Are all noms going to be live from now on then? I'm not sure I like that, I like some noms on the sly.
Is Julian putting the chicken on straight after the eviction? I think someone nominated Deana for that heinous crime.
I hope it's two nominations and not one, but the speed this live feed is going, it's highly doubtful.
Ah, they are doing nominations in private. What's Julian's prob with Sitch? 'He seems a bit dense and his body looks like a bag of spanners.' LOL.
'I've an awful feeling the Prince has got something contagious - dullness.' Mega. Superfunny noms. So 'the Occasional Table' is the official name for Sitch now? Even BB's given up. They should start flashing that up on the screen when he speaks.
Hurry up Julie, we aint got all night! They should be passing each other in that DR corridor like on BBUS.
Interesting Julie nominated the Prince, too. Collusion with Julian? He doesn't 'fit in' - is that a good enough reason? Sounds a bit 'princeist' to me. Her reasons for nominating him were crap. Just get it over with. Got it, get it, good. Now f-off. NEXT! How the fuck are we going to fit in all the nominations when Julie's been nominating one person for ten minutes? This is ridiculous. Are they going to force her to nominate someone else instead?
God, I'm getting really fucked off with this. This Big Brother woman needs shooting. It's LIVE TV. Get Brian Dowling in. I'll give you a clue for your next one, Julie, she's a loose woman. Chubby cheeks. Annoying. Next! Enough already.
Martin, please get on with it, FFS. I'm running out of patience. I'm glad Martin nominated Coleen. I'd like to see her go. Martin defending Samantha Brick! Julian's Daily Mail rant clearly hasn't reached his ears. Jesus, this Big Brother bitch is making him expand on his nominations, too. Are they scrapping BOTS? Always a silver lining, I suppose. What's Martin's beef with Rhian? She seems utterly inoffensive. She just thinks you're Reggie Kray, that's why. She's probably saw the Saskia incident, too. You got form, Kemp.
Heather's wardrobe needs a sort out. I suggest a burning. She's nomming 'the occasional table.' Boo. OMG WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? STFU. Sack this Big Brother, immediately. Evict her! Hev/ Cheryl's second nomination was Samantha. She's friends with Coleen isn't she, in the Harridan harem. There's no way we're going to get through all these nominations. It should have been two minute nominations, in and out. Jesus, whoever is in charge in this show is thick as fuckery. Is it that little toffee-nosed girl who does the tasks? Why is Cheryl getting bird tweets over her noms?
Why is there so much flim flam in between, people sitting around chatting and making food? Why can't they make this show fucking PROPERLY. I've been doing a podcast for a week and it's better run than this fucking bullshit.
Hold up, Julian's chicken isn't cooked properly, so he's thrown it away? Just put it back in for a bit longer, FFS. They've just had a break: the next person is not even in the DR ready to nominate. I nominate Julian for cooking a chicken improperly. JESUS H CHRIST.
And then the show just ENDS. It just ENDS. And now I have to blog the start of BOTS to find out who's up, I'm being FORCED to watch BOTS when I want to do my podcast and scream instead. How am I going to fit all this nonsense into 30 minutes? I bet you I can do it better than CBB can fit a few nominations into an hour.
I bet Emma's sweating now because her show' is fucked and she can only work from an autocue.
Nina Miskov on the PANEL AGAIN. Where is Victor? I was listening to couch potatoes and Victor is banned from BOTS for 'legal reasons'; anyone know what went on? I don't really give a shit what he did, these panels are whack. Luke Marsden, OK. But 90% of the guests are just so boring. The BB radio shows Couch Potatoes and the Big Brother Gossip show are a zillion times more entertaining and honest than this whitewashed bullshit. It's actually sickening.
I don't even want to watch this BOTS, I want to do my podcast! And they're not even mentioning the shambolic nomination fuck up. Oh Jesus, the other person on the panel is that frog from Atomic Kitten.
Who cares about Jasmine right now, what THE FUCK IS HAPPENING WITH THE NOMINATIONS?
Douchery!
OMG. Are they seriously showing us the same nominations again? We've not got brain damage. Why do they treat us like this? Why do we allow it?! My boyfriend just said 'we could have watched The Lord of the Rings' in this amount of time. I don't know which I'd like least. Emma's come as a fruit salad.
Interesting that Coleen and Julie both nominated each other second. We're not that stupid.
I think this blog is going to end up longer than my dissertation, which was about Eastenders, incidentally. Yeah, Eastenders! And now I'm a magazine editor. Take that, system. *looks at pay-packet and cries*
My boyfriend is laughing because Emma said she was going to give it Jasmine and she's not giving her a thing. Can you give me the nomination results so I can fuck off and do my podcast? My spirit is broken. I want to watch Beavis and Butthead. I need some light relief.
Sorry I just zoned out for like 20 minutes and made a crisp sandwich. I have to give props to Nina M having buggered off and Jasmine going 'I didn't even know she was still alive.' Quality one liner. Her comment about violence was good, too. Ooh and the 'sucking titties' comment at the end, too. Jasmine says she lies sucking titties herself! And STILL we don't know who's up. What an absolute farce.
So my 'co-host' and I are going to do a podcast now so check it out - it will either be the best or worst thing ever. We've had over 150 plays so far, it's pretty amazing, and we've got a BBUS podcast too, if you're watching that, which no one is, except my friend JOTV.
So if you have a mad urge to hear my voice, it should be up in the next hour: http://www.spreaker.com/user/lightupvm
Thanks a lot if you do have a listen. Perhaps wait until tomorrow, because this shit has gone on longer than Enter the Void. Preesh!
I'm not voting tonight. I cannot vote to save Jasmine, entertaining as she is. I just can't have that blood on my hands.
Careful what you say to Samantha, Martin! He's right though, bands do split up about money a lot. Gold! Etc. We know about band members earning different sorts of amounts, don't we, Morrissey?
Is Julie giving Jasmine enough rope to hang herself? Jasmine: 'the only people who matter are the ones that matter.' How many of them are there?
I don't think Julie sees you as a threat, Coleen. I think she just finds you boring and nosy.
Jasmine is right, we have seen all there is to see of Rhian. 'I've got more trouble to cause.' Interesting tact! Rhian is pretty, but there's nothing to her.
My boyfriend reckons Jasmine's going to stay. NO CHANCE. He said is Rhian would have stood up to her, she would stay. Doesn't matter what Jasmine does, she cannot stay. You can't act like that and be saved.
I feel like we're missing half the story with Ashley and Rhian; but I also don't give a fuck about that storyline, so never mind.
Samantha: 'Rhian is experienced.' What does that mean exactly? Ashley has nothing to worry about watching it back. They've not shown him.
So lovely of Jasmine to dismiss other women as tits and arse. Nice to talk about other women like that.
Jasmine, don't take on Jodie Marsh! Now that's a battle I'd like to witness.
Danica IS a player; there's no doubt about it. If people thought Lauren was bad doing the splits in front of Adam, they must be agog at the sight of Prince Lorenzo licking glitter off her finger.
LOL to Jasmine's own mum calling her own daughter a piranha. Hilarious. Rhian's friend seems very eloquent... dur. Brian bounced off her quite well, though.
This home truth task is just mean; it's going to kick off. OMG Julian summed Coleen up as 'overweight'. OUCH, I like it when Julie calls people 'lady.'
Julian's career... 'mediocre... over.' LOL.
How come only these four are doing this task? This is making me tense! That's going to cause some ripples. I don't think Julie could give a fuck what people said about her.
I am overweight, but I wouldn't like being called it on TV. I'd rather be called a bitch, or a cow, or annoying, even though all four are true.
I'm still not sure about Julian. I want to get under the surface, but he won't let us.
Aw Cheryl hid her appearance from her boyfriend for four months. The internet is great for non conventional/ social awkward people hooking up, and I include myself in that. My boyfriend and I didn't know what each other looked like for about four months before we saw pics of each other. Luckily, we're both uber-babes.
Julian: 'Cheryl is long-winded.' I like it when him and Julie have a bitch, at least it's funny.
If you're watching on Channel 5+1 or on Demand GO FUCK YOURSELF, I'm sick of hearing about it.
So what's the point in the task if they've just replaced it with a trolley dash? All that effort was basically for nothing. Nothing can beat Jedward's trolley dash.
I reckon Lidl banned BB for life after Jedward's the trolley dash. Do you think Jasmine has ever been in Morrisons before? Get the meat, get the meat! Get a CD or something. Yorkshires! That wouldn't be top of my list. It would be quite hard to spend 700 quid in one trolley full in Morrisons. Unless they got a crate of champagne. Oh shit, they've got two trolleys. Oh, they passed.
Do you think the checkout girl was an actress or a real employee? She could be in CBB this time next year.
Oh, shut up, Coleen! She needs someone to torment like Michael Masden.
No one cares when you're down in the gutter, got no friends, got no butter. STFU, Julie, I'd like to have see you do better. I couldn't give a shit about having no teabags, but I wouldn't eat a dry crumpet either.
Twosome! You normally only hear that word on Cheaters.
Jasmine's out. SHOCKER. Lighting a fag in the BB house, sweet. REBEL. They'll get fined for that. Harvey: 'you can't smoke in here.' Jasmine: 'do you think I give a fuck right now?' Mario 'dipping his biscuit in this hot salty tea' wouldn't approve; health and safety, Jasmine. Jasmine is a health and safety risk all of her own.
Yeah, coming out smoking is the coolest thing since Benedict stealing the chair. Hardcore! Flick your fag into the crowd, we won't miss 'em.
'Mummy, I want to smoke so I can look like Jasmine!' Dem bones is hot. It's like a Nightmare Before Christmas.
Happy to be out the house, my arse.
What is the fucking story with her son? Apart from having her as a mum?
Jasmine is coming across as disappointingly sane in her interview. She actually looked embarrassed when she saw herself telling Lorenzo to fuck off.
'You're making me uncomfortable.' 'I'm trying very hard to.' Just brilliant.
Jasmine: 'they're just skanky girls.' She looks so skanky it's unreal. It's all just so transparent and projection. I feel sorry for her, I really do.
Jasmine's got razors for cheekbones. And probably for fingernails, too. I still don't really know about Julie. I think she's hedging her bets.
Shame to see Jasmine go. Definitely the most interesting person in the house, the most honest, and the cruelest. I'll be interested to see the percentages.
Ah fuck, I wasn't going to blog the live feed, but it's live noms! Gah. OK, I'll do it super quick.
Are all noms going to be live from now on then? I'm not sure I like that, I like some noms on the sly.
Is Julian putting the chicken on straight after the eviction? I think someone nominated Deana for that heinous crime.
I hope it's two nominations and not one, but the speed this live feed is going, it's highly doubtful.
Ah, they are doing nominations in private. What's Julian's prob with Sitch? 'He seems a bit dense and his body looks like a bag of spanners.' LOL.
'I've an awful feeling the Prince has got something contagious - dullness.' Mega. Superfunny noms. So 'the Occasional Table' is the official name for Sitch now? Even BB's given up. They should start flashing that up on the screen when he speaks.
Hurry up Julie, we aint got all night! They should be passing each other in that DR corridor like on BBUS.
Interesting Julie nominated the Prince, too. Collusion with Julian? He doesn't 'fit in' - is that a good enough reason? Sounds a bit 'princeist' to me. Her reasons for nominating him were crap. Just get it over with. Got it, get it, good. Now f-off. NEXT! How the fuck are we going to fit in all the nominations when Julie's been nominating one person for ten minutes? This is ridiculous. Are they going to force her to nominate someone else instead?
God, I'm getting really fucked off with this. This Big Brother woman needs shooting. It's LIVE TV. Get Brian Dowling in. I'll give you a clue for your next one, Julie, she's a loose woman. Chubby cheeks. Annoying. Next! Enough already.
Martin, please get on with it, FFS. I'm running out of patience. I'm glad Martin nominated Coleen. I'd like to see her go. Martin defending Samantha Brick! Julian's Daily Mail rant clearly hasn't reached his ears. Jesus, this Big Brother bitch is making him expand on his nominations, too. Are they scrapping BOTS? Always a silver lining, I suppose. What's Martin's beef with Rhian? She seems utterly inoffensive. She just thinks you're Reggie Kray, that's why. She's probably saw the Saskia incident, too. You got form, Kemp.
Heather's wardrobe needs a sort out. I suggest a burning. She's nomming 'the occasional table.' Boo. OMG WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? STFU. Sack this Big Brother, immediately. Evict her! Hev/ Cheryl's second nomination was Samantha. She's friends with Coleen isn't she, in the Harridan harem. There's no way we're going to get through all these nominations. It should have been two minute nominations, in and out. Jesus, whoever is in charge in this show is thick as fuckery. Is it that little toffee-nosed girl who does the tasks? Why is Cheryl getting bird tweets over her noms?
Why is there so much flim flam in between, people sitting around chatting and making food? Why can't they make this show fucking PROPERLY. I've been doing a podcast for a week and it's better run than this fucking bullshit.
Hold up, Julian's chicken isn't cooked properly, so he's thrown it away? Just put it back in for a bit longer, FFS. They've just had a break: the next person is not even in the DR ready to nominate. I nominate Julian for cooking a chicken improperly. JESUS H CHRIST.
And then the show just ENDS. It just ENDS. And now I have to blog the start of BOTS to find out who's up, I'm being FORCED to watch BOTS when I want to do my podcast and scream instead. How am I going to fit all this nonsense into 30 minutes? I bet you I can do it better than CBB can fit a few nominations into an hour.
I bet Emma's sweating now because her show' is fucked and she can only work from an autocue.
Nina Miskov on the PANEL AGAIN. Where is Victor? I was listening to couch potatoes and Victor is banned from BOTS for 'legal reasons'; anyone know what went on? I don't really give a shit what he did, these panels are whack. Luke Marsden, OK. But 90% of the guests are just so boring. The BB radio shows Couch Potatoes and the Big Brother Gossip show are a zillion times more entertaining and honest than this whitewashed bullshit. It's actually sickening.
I don't even want to watch this BOTS, I want to do my podcast! And they're not even mentioning the shambolic nomination fuck up. Oh Jesus, the other person on the panel is that frog from Atomic Kitten.
Who cares about Jasmine right now, what THE FUCK IS HAPPENING WITH THE NOMINATIONS?
Douchery!
OMG. Are they seriously showing us the same nominations again? We've not got brain damage. Why do they treat us like this? Why do we allow it?! My boyfriend just said 'we could have watched The Lord of the Rings' in this amount of time. I don't know which I'd like least. Emma's come as a fruit salad.
Interesting that Coleen and Julie both nominated each other second. We're not that stupid.
I think this blog is going to end up longer than my dissertation, which was about Eastenders, incidentally. Yeah, Eastenders! And now I'm a magazine editor. Take that, system. *looks at pay-packet and cries*
My boyfriend is laughing because Emma said she was going to give it Jasmine and she's not giving her a thing. Can you give me the nomination results so I can fuck off and do my podcast? My spirit is broken. I want to watch Beavis and Butthead. I need some light relief.
Sorry I just zoned out for like 20 minutes and made a crisp sandwich. I have to give props to Nina M having buggered off and Jasmine going 'I didn't even know she was still alive.' Quality one liner. Her comment about violence was good, too. Ooh and the 'sucking titties' comment at the end, too. Jasmine says she lies sucking titties herself! And STILL we don't know who's up. What an absolute farce.
So my 'co-host' and I are going to do a podcast now so check it out - it will either be the best or worst thing ever. We've had over 150 plays so far, it's pretty amazing, and we've got a BBUS podcast too, if you're watching that, which no one is, except my friend JOTV.
So if you have a mad urge to hear my voice, it should be up in the next hour: http://www.spreaker.com/user/lightupvm
Thanks a lot if you do have a listen. Perhaps wait until tomorrow, because this shit has gone on longer than Enter the Void. Preesh!
Tuesday, 21 August 2012
Celebrity Big Brother 2012: How's the patient?
I'm enjoying CBB much more than I did BB and I never normally say that. 'Civillian' BB is what it's all about for me, but that was soured this year by poor casting (except the obvious, who were evicted early).
Who's was that cough?! Whoever it was; stop smoking now.
So this task means they just have to keep eating? That doesn't sound too horrendous.
Jasmine is doing her usual emotional-blackmail-i've-been-a-bitch-but-i-love-you crap.
What is with that pen? It looks like a dildo! They could write down nom stuff with that. Aw, Sitch doesn't know how to spell 'pounds'. It doesn't matter; he won't have any left when Danica's done with him.
Julian to Sitch: 'how's the patient?' about Jasmine. Jasmine is the only girl on the planet Sitch won't hook up with. Does she win an accolade for that? Oh Rhian, woman up. Stick up for yourself.
Jasmine blaming the Big Brother house on her mood swings. What does she normally blame it on? Class A's?
Julie has got some tales. I like her attitude, she's just very down to earth.
Humilitard! They nicked this shit from BBUSA. In BBUSA last week Frank had to wear a 'spiritard'. I have no idea what that is, but it was a rather unflattering shade of lilac.
Looks like Harvey's feeling a bit lycra-mose. Tut-tut-tut (at my own joke)! Do you know where Harvey's from? Battersea, apparently. They have a good car boot sale there.
She's all class, isn't she, Hev, talking about last resort things she'd wipe her arse on. Who in Martin Kemp's house is using Tena lady? Oh, my boyfriend said he meant a ten pound note. You can't do that to the Queen. What would Sara say? Who could afford to? My boyfriend and I lost a ten pound note behind the back of our fireplace about 6 months ago, and have tried to retrieve it with a coat hanger, a hoover, a poker. We can't afford to wipe our arse on that shit. It haunts us!
Julie's right, Coleen did relish sticking a pie in her face. They've got Jasmine on the 2p machine, or as Ben Shephard calls it, 'The Tipping Point.'
Why DOES Coleen hate Julie so much? That will be her downfall as Julie is coming over well. Maybe Julie is fake, or maybe she's just older and wants an easy life, but either way, she's coming across alright.
Julian: 'I think he's more of an 'occasional table' than a Situation.' JC is upset he's not a 'bruv', lol.
That swan Julie and Julian are riding looks like the ones they used to have at Alton Towers. Ha, they're seething with jealousy at Sitch's megabucks in the bank.
Trashing a hotel room is probably the best task to do EVER.That's proper soap meets rock and roll.
Good on Alesha Dixon for telling Harvey to sling his hook and take his shit and go. Classy girl. You're right; you did lie to God. What he did was horrid. Cheating in marriage is gross. No, cheating in any relationship is gross, but what's the point in getting married and doing it? So Jasmine says as long as you've not got babies it's OK to cheat? This bitch is WARPED.
I'm not saying I've never cheated: I have. But I wouldn't again. And I won't lie to God about that shit. And not just because he doesn't exist.
Who's was that cough?! Whoever it was; stop smoking now.
So this task means they just have to keep eating? That doesn't sound too horrendous.
Jasmine is doing her usual emotional-blackmail-i've-been-a-bitch-but-i-love-you crap.
What is with that pen? It looks like a dildo! They could write down nom stuff with that. Aw, Sitch doesn't know how to spell 'pounds'. It doesn't matter; he won't have any left when Danica's done with him.
Julian to Sitch: 'how's the patient?' about Jasmine. Jasmine is the only girl on the planet Sitch won't hook up with. Does she win an accolade for that? Oh Rhian, woman up. Stick up for yourself.
Jasmine blaming the Big Brother house on her mood swings. What does she normally blame it on? Class A's?
Julie has got some tales. I like her attitude, she's just very down to earth.
Humilitard! They nicked this shit from BBUSA. In BBUSA last week Frank had to wear a 'spiritard'. I have no idea what that is, but it was a rather unflattering shade of lilac.
Looks like Harvey's feeling a bit lycra-mose. Tut-tut-tut (at my own joke)! Do you know where Harvey's from? Battersea, apparently. They have a good car boot sale there.
She's all class, isn't she, Hev, talking about last resort things she'd wipe her arse on. Who in Martin Kemp's house is using Tena lady? Oh, my boyfriend said he meant a ten pound note. You can't do that to the Queen. What would Sara say? Who could afford to? My boyfriend and I lost a ten pound note behind the back of our fireplace about 6 months ago, and have tried to retrieve it with a coat hanger, a hoover, a poker. We can't afford to wipe our arse on that shit. It haunts us!
Julie's right, Coleen did relish sticking a pie in her face. They've got Jasmine on the 2p machine, or as Ben Shephard calls it, 'The Tipping Point.'
Why DOES Coleen hate Julie so much? That will be her downfall as Julie is coming over well. Maybe Julie is fake, or maybe she's just older and wants an easy life, but either way, she's coming across alright.
Julian: 'I think he's more of an 'occasional table' than a Situation.' JC is upset he's not a 'bruv', lol.
That swan Julie and Julian are riding looks like the ones they used to have at Alton Towers. Ha, they're seething with jealousy at Sitch's megabucks in the bank.
Trashing a hotel room is probably the best task to do EVER.That's proper soap meets rock and roll.
Good on Alesha Dixon for telling Harvey to sling his hook and take his shit and go. Classy girl. You're right; you did lie to God. What he did was horrid. Cheating in marriage is gross. No, cheating in any relationship is gross, but what's the point in getting married and doing it? So Jasmine says as long as you've not got babies it's OK to cheat? This bitch is WARPED.
I'm not saying I've never cheated: I have. But I wouldn't again. And I won't lie to God about that shit. And not just because he doesn't exist.
Monday, 20 August 2012
Celebrity Big Brother 2012: Booze gun
I think The Situation should be renamed 'The Deadwood'. He's dull as fuck so far.
Jasmine doesn't have friends, she has hostages. Even a conversation starting with a compliment ends in a row.
I don't remember Ashley saying he fancied Rhian. Is he cuddling a teddy in the DR chair? Is he 12? He thinks she does like him but she's worried about how she'll come across as a person. No, she just doesn't fancy you, because you look 12. Anyone who has to say 'I'm a nice guy' is always a bad 'un.
Why is Julie up Jasmine's arse so much? Absolutely adorable?! I've seen more adorable rottweilers who've just chewed a baby to death. Now, IS Julie playing a game? How could anyone like Jasmine? She's made out of 50% spite and 50% malice.
I hate silky bedsheets too. I bought some once in a fit of Stringfellow-pique and I ended up sliding out of bed and knocking my drink over. Never again.
Jasmine, don't tell a journalist you're gagged. Who's gagged her: Simon Cowell or Crazy Town dude?
Jasmine doesn't need to say 'are we having a positive or negative day' like Bea. It's 100% negative all the way.
Danica just said rinse *Beavis and Butthead laugh*.
That Situation task is hard! I couldn't even remember the list of things. He's doing really well - I'll take back the deadwood comment for now, but he did have to be forced into action. Is Sitch giving Martin some Lynx? I like the way Sitch mixes with the old folk, he doesn't seem to just hang round the young ladies.
Eh heh, where can I get me a booze gun! They're all drinking in the day so no wonder Jasmine's gonna kick off. She's a viper when she's sober.
Rhian looks hot in that bikini in the DR chair. Ashley strikes me as a little fuckwad.
Fucking hell, man, has Harvey only just realised Martin was in Eastenders. Does he not remember Matthew Rose going down for Saskia's murder? The car crash? Where was he? Oh, probably out doing an assault.
Julian, you shouldn't have to explain your own jokes. Julian explaining 'The Situation' name story was funny. Not sure I want to stay at the White Swallow. This smut talk does get old after a while.
I can't work out who's thicker; Harvey or Ashley.
Why doesn't Samantha defend Rhian if she's 'older' and can handle it? I'd fucking say something to that Skeletor-cunt-rag-of-doom.
People are speaking to Jasmine in a way she wouldn't normally accept! You're a fucking bitch, no one has said nearly enough to you. You're patronising, hypocritical and cruel. I think she might be the most deranged Big Brother contestant of all time, and that's saying something. I'm not sure she's mentally fit to be in there.
That Ashley guy is such a knob, he's like a mini Kirk Norcross. Someone doesn't fancy him so he's being a little prick. Harvey dealt with that situation well. 'Piss off.' Uh oh, Rhian told Jasmine the truth and she doesn't like it so she immediately walks off.
Jasmine is just the school bully. She was the school bully on Make me a Supermodel and she's still the school bully because she's got insecurity running through her veins, and a black stone where her heart should be.
Why is Jasmine getting involved in Rhian and Ashley's 'situation'? Led him on?! What the FUCK has it got to do with her. Jasmine is more EVIL that Bea. She's definitely the biggest Big Brother bitch of all time. Hats off to her; people that psycho should be in some sort of institute.
Jasmine is now trying to intimidate someone. Brick: speak up! Speak the fuck up, you fucking fencesitter, you're worse than H from Steps and Jermaine combined.
How can Julie bother sympathising with that troll? She should be shunned. She started on Danica, now she's started on Rhian. What's the common denominator? Oh, they're both prettier and younger than her.
Can you imagine being inside Jasmine's head? She came to hang out with 'real celebrities' like Julie and Cheryl? Except they're (past-it) actresses. You're just a fucking professional reality tv superbitch.
There's more chance of the Queen whipping off her mask and revealing her lizard genes than Jasmine winning this show. Her odds must be 1000/1.
Prince Lorenzo's face when she forced him to give her a hug pretty much summed things up. Er... keep Jasmine in!
Jasmine doesn't have friends, she has hostages. Even a conversation starting with a compliment ends in a row.
I don't remember Ashley saying he fancied Rhian. Is he cuddling a teddy in the DR chair? Is he 12? He thinks she does like him but she's worried about how she'll come across as a person. No, she just doesn't fancy you, because you look 12. Anyone who has to say 'I'm a nice guy' is always a bad 'un.
Why is Julie up Jasmine's arse so much? Absolutely adorable?! I've seen more adorable rottweilers who've just chewed a baby to death. Now, IS Julie playing a game? How could anyone like Jasmine? She's made out of 50% spite and 50% malice.
I hate silky bedsheets too. I bought some once in a fit of Stringfellow-pique and I ended up sliding out of bed and knocking my drink over. Never again.
Jasmine, don't tell a journalist you're gagged. Who's gagged her: Simon Cowell or Crazy Town dude?
Jasmine doesn't need to say 'are we having a positive or negative day' like Bea. It's 100% negative all the way.
Danica just said rinse *Beavis and Butthead laugh*.
That Situation task is hard! I couldn't even remember the list of things. He's doing really well - I'll take back the deadwood comment for now, but he did have to be forced into action. Is Sitch giving Martin some Lynx? I like the way Sitch mixes with the old folk, he doesn't seem to just hang round the young ladies.
Eh heh, where can I get me a booze gun! They're all drinking in the day so no wonder Jasmine's gonna kick off. She's a viper when she's sober.
Rhian looks hot in that bikini in the DR chair. Ashley strikes me as a little fuckwad.
Fucking hell, man, has Harvey only just realised Martin was in Eastenders. Does he not remember Matthew Rose going down for Saskia's murder? The car crash? Where was he? Oh, probably out doing an assault.
Julian, you shouldn't have to explain your own jokes. Julian explaining 'The Situation' name story was funny. Not sure I want to stay at the White Swallow. This smut talk does get old after a while.
I can't work out who's thicker; Harvey or Ashley.
Why doesn't Samantha defend Rhian if she's 'older' and can handle it? I'd fucking say something to that Skeletor-cunt-rag-of-doom.
People are speaking to Jasmine in a way she wouldn't normally accept! You're a fucking bitch, no one has said nearly enough to you. You're patronising, hypocritical and cruel. I think she might be the most deranged Big Brother contestant of all time, and that's saying something. I'm not sure she's mentally fit to be in there.
That Ashley guy is such a knob, he's like a mini Kirk Norcross. Someone doesn't fancy him so he's being a little prick. Harvey dealt with that situation well. 'Piss off.' Uh oh, Rhian told Jasmine the truth and she doesn't like it so she immediately walks off.
Jasmine is just the school bully. She was the school bully on Make me a Supermodel and she's still the school bully because she's got insecurity running through her veins, and a black stone where her heart should be.
Why is Jasmine getting involved in Rhian and Ashley's 'situation'? Led him on?! What the FUCK has it got to do with her. Jasmine is more EVIL that Bea. She's definitely the biggest Big Brother bitch of all time. Hats off to her; people that psycho should be in some sort of institute.
Jasmine is now trying to intimidate someone. Brick: speak up! Speak the fuck up, you fucking fencesitter, you're worse than H from Steps and Jermaine combined.
How can Julie bother sympathising with that troll? She should be shunned. She started on Danica, now she's started on Rhian. What's the common denominator? Oh, they're both prettier and younger than her.
Can you imagine being inside Jasmine's head? She came to hang out with 'real celebrities' like Julie and Cheryl? Except they're (past-it) actresses. You're just a fucking professional reality tv superbitch.
There's more chance of the Queen whipping off her mask and revealing her lizard genes than Jasmine winning this show. Her odds must be 1000/1.
Prince Lorenzo's face when she forced him to give her a hug pretty much summed things up. Er... keep Jasmine in!
Sunday, 19 August 2012
Celebrity Big Brother 2012: You are fucking indestructable
Why are Prince Lorenzo and Martin doubting nominating Jasminge. The fact Jasmine had to 'try to be nice to people' says it all. It's an effort for her to be polite because her natural status is full-on Beelzebub mode.
Jasmine 'god help the people who voted for me' whilst Damica is in the room. That's a threat, right?
Jasmine has poison running through her veins, not blood. 'You parents must be so proud of you' - I read on Digital Spy today that Damica's mum is dead. I wish someone would stand up to her. Will SOMEONE not stand up to the girl? She's being a bully! Fuck me, man, I wish I was in that house, I'd fucking tell that little starfucker what's what. Jasmine's parents must be SO PROUD OF HER fucking Simon Cowell, some cunt from Crazy Town, and then a big old meth addiction. They must be SO SO PROUD. Daughter of the year, or what? If only we could all be more like Jasmine, I think the world would be a veritable utopia.
They should take Jasmine into the DR and give her a warning. Danica could win this show off the back of this. It's definitely helping her popularity, as she's acting in a very classy way in the face of an utter scumbag.
If I had to vote two people out at the mo, it would be Heather for being a dull embarrassment, and Judo boy for not saying one word. Completely pointless so far.
So this is another task where they make fun of their 'careers' right? I liked Danica just taking her clothes off; proves she's not been cowed by Jasmine just yet. Harvey's rap was hilarious. 'Tut, tut, tut!' Martin Kemp's was like a piece of performing art.
The Situation's nickname explained at last. Wasn't really worth the wait.
It's interesting that Coleen said about Julie what I thought initially. But I don't believe she's fake: I like her. Coleen is just dull, she's just like someone's annoying mum.
Sea-gulliable! You can't pick and choose what animal you come back as after you die. NB: You just rot.
I'm glad Jasmine overheard Danica saying her mum was dead and I think it's no coincidence Danica said it within her earshot, though. I'm surprised Jasmine didn't laugh and go 'no wonder you're a fucking slag then.' I wouldn't put it past her.
Jasmine's apology had a bit of a double-edge to it. 'If you had a mum, you would have been stopped.' Even her apology was all about her. It's also like 'I've made these mistakes so you don't have to.' Patronising troll. She's worse than Louise Mensch.
How the fuck did Ashley win that task!? He's got no 'tut tut tut'! Boo.
All Rhian has to do is keep her mouth shut and it's a done deal this week.
The Situation is such a smoothie. I don't think Danica is a lost cause yet, he could bring her round, just give her his gold card and she'll give him a wave on Skype.
Jasmine's got no friends? How could that be? *snigger* Jasmine is shit-stirring Danica again; just a bit more slyly. I want to see someone take her on before her arse goes out that door. Then I never want to see her again.
Jasmine 'god help the people who voted for me' whilst Damica is in the room. That's a threat, right?
Jasmine has poison running through her veins, not blood. 'You parents must be so proud of you' - I read on Digital Spy today that Damica's mum is dead. I wish someone would stand up to her. Will SOMEONE not stand up to the girl? She's being a bully! Fuck me, man, I wish I was in that house, I'd fucking tell that little starfucker what's what. Jasmine's parents must be SO PROUD OF HER fucking Simon Cowell, some cunt from Crazy Town, and then a big old meth addiction. They must be SO SO PROUD. Daughter of the year, or what? If only we could all be more like Jasmine, I think the world would be a veritable utopia.
They should take Jasmine into the DR and give her a warning. Danica could win this show off the back of this. It's definitely helping her popularity, as she's acting in a very classy way in the face of an utter scumbag.
If I had to vote two people out at the mo, it would be Heather for being a dull embarrassment, and Judo boy for not saying one word. Completely pointless so far.
So this is another task where they make fun of their 'careers' right? I liked Danica just taking her clothes off; proves she's not been cowed by Jasmine just yet. Harvey's rap was hilarious. 'Tut, tut, tut!' Martin Kemp's was like a piece of performing art.
The Situation's nickname explained at last. Wasn't really worth the wait.
It's interesting that Coleen said about Julie what I thought initially. But I don't believe she's fake: I like her. Coleen is just dull, she's just like someone's annoying mum.
Sea-gulliable! You can't pick and choose what animal you come back as after you die. NB: You just rot.
I'm glad Jasmine overheard Danica saying her mum was dead and I think it's no coincidence Danica said it within her earshot, though. I'm surprised Jasmine didn't laugh and go 'no wonder you're a fucking slag then.' I wouldn't put it past her.
Jasmine's apology had a bit of a double-edge to it. 'If you had a mum, you would have been stopped.' Even her apology was all about her. It's also like 'I've made these mistakes so you don't have to.' Patronising troll. She's worse than Louise Mensch.
How the fuck did Ashley win that task!? He's got no 'tut tut tut'! Boo.
All Rhian has to do is keep her mouth shut and it's a done deal this week.
The Situation is such a smoothie. I don't think Danica is a lost cause yet, he could bring her round, just give her his gold card and she'll give him a wave on Skype.
Jasmine's got no friends? How could that be? *snigger* Jasmine is shit-stirring Danica again; just a bit more slyly. I want to see someone take her on before her arse goes out that door. Then I never want to see her again.
Saturday, 18 August 2012
Celebrity Big Brother 2012: Fuck off, you prick
Janine's master plan fell apart quite spectacularly last night; leaving Danica nicely off the hook. She thought she had all her ducks in a row and she didn't. Now she's going to star in her own morality popularity contest: and lose to Vermin's cyber dolly. Can't wait! At least Danica is honest about her business. How much do you think Jasmine got for a walk-on role as Simon Cowell's beard? You admitted your gagged from talking about it, so you don't get gagged for nothing. Fucking dickwad.
Heather stop buttkissing Julie Goodyear. Julie is a genuinely funny woman; I hope she stays for the long haul.
Jasmine is basically bullying Damica. So she'd do topless modelling? Jasmine is the biggest fucking hypocrite in that house. 'She's selling the idea of it...' Selling the idea of it is BETTER THAN GETTING YOUR BOOBS OUT. Either way it's all part of the same fucking THING. The men are happily paying; if they're stupid enough to pay, let the motherfuckers pay. Jasmine's idea of 'morality' is whatever she doesn't do. You're a former crackhead, celebrity fucker and I hope Damica finds her balls and gives it back to that cunt. She's got enough ammo.
Jasmine is just a woman who hates other women, simple as that. I did have a giggle when John Mcruick said she looked about 85.
Samantha Brick: princess for the day. I hope her husband doesn't find out, he'll be busting that door down with a shotgun in about 15 seconds flat.
Jasmine is psychic: she can feel it kicking off. Cos she started it.
I like seeing The Situation vulnerable! He's smitten. Who knows how she feels? But there could be more shoes on the way, and that's the main thing.
Harvey's nomination for Damica was particularly despicable. What is a 'real celebrity' these days? You're no better than an internet troll. Another morality lesson from a one-hit wonder, two-dime fucking criminal. Damica should bite back at him too and not go 'it's Ok.' It's not OK to be spoken to like that.
What is the deal with Jasmine and her boring son? Anyone would think she's the first person to have ever pushed a baby out of her fanny. It was your choice to have that baby; it's not my problem, meth face.
Jasmine is ready to BLOW. I don't really see why Rhian is on the block, she's seems utterly inoffensive.
Don't you get it that the missing your family thing is just a cop out vote! They're trying to be kind to you.
Jasmine is getting exactly what she deserves. I had her card marked from day one. BOO WOO. She needs to go get some intensive therapy; she's completely nuts. She's just damaged goods.
Prince Lorenzo shouldn't feel embarrassed - nominating is the name of the fucking game! Never seen BB before?
Jasmine: 'I've tried so hard to work on my character defaults.' Must try harder. I want Julie to give me a motherly hug. She's got a really nice, warm way with people.
WHY is Rhian up? She just seems like a normal, nice girl. It is just a 'slut-shaming' vote, IMO.
Have you noticed that it's only skinny people who drink full fat coke, and fat people drink diet coke?
Jasime is such a manipulative cunt. You can't win with that bitch. Damica was being totally cool with her and trying to make amends. Jasmine has got persecution syndrome. She's completely unhinged.
Jasmine: 'I'm stunned that prostitute lasted longer than me.' SHE'S NOT A FUCKING PROSTITUTE. Even Samantha Brick looked uncomfortable about that. Put a wish list up, I bet not one person would buy you a fucking sausage, you evil cow. Here's what I wish for you; GET OFF MY SCREEN. And leave the country. But I do hope she survives the noms. ;0
BTW Exitainment now has it's own spin off radio show with a co-host that's 25% funnier than me, so have a listen if you want. You can hear the Northampton accent I'm trying to shake off, plus my Lauren-style annoying laugh. I'd listening to the launch show ep, as we were a bit drunk the second time.
Heather stop buttkissing Julie Goodyear. Julie is a genuinely funny woman; I hope she stays for the long haul.
Jasmine is basically bullying Damica. So she'd do topless modelling? Jasmine is the biggest fucking hypocrite in that house. 'She's selling the idea of it...' Selling the idea of it is BETTER THAN GETTING YOUR BOOBS OUT. Either way it's all part of the same fucking THING. The men are happily paying; if they're stupid enough to pay, let the motherfuckers pay. Jasmine's idea of 'morality' is whatever she doesn't do. You're a former crackhead, celebrity fucker and I hope Damica finds her balls and gives it back to that cunt. She's got enough ammo.
Jasmine is just a woman who hates other women, simple as that. I did have a giggle when John Mcruick said she looked about 85.
Samantha Brick: princess for the day. I hope her husband doesn't find out, he'll be busting that door down with a shotgun in about 15 seconds flat.
Jasmine is psychic: she can feel it kicking off. Cos she started it.
I like seeing The Situation vulnerable! He's smitten. Who knows how she feels? But there could be more shoes on the way, and that's the main thing.
Harvey's nomination for Damica was particularly despicable. What is a 'real celebrity' these days? You're no better than an internet troll. Another morality lesson from a one-hit wonder, two-dime fucking criminal. Damica should bite back at him too and not go 'it's Ok.' It's not OK to be spoken to like that.
What is the deal with Jasmine and her boring son? Anyone would think she's the first person to have ever pushed a baby out of her fanny. It was your choice to have that baby; it's not my problem, meth face.
Jasmine is ready to BLOW. I don't really see why Rhian is on the block, she's seems utterly inoffensive.
Don't you get it that the missing your family thing is just a cop out vote! They're trying to be kind to you.
Jasmine is getting exactly what she deserves. I had her card marked from day one. BOO WOO. She needs to go get some intensive therapy; she's completely nuts. She's just damaged goods.
Prince Lorenzo shouldn't feel embarrassed - nominating is the name of the fucking game! Never seen BB before?
Jasmine: 'I've tried so hard to work on my character defaults.' Must try harder. I want Julie to give me a motherly hug. She's got a really nice, warm way with people.
WHY is Rhian up? She just seems like a normal, nice girl. It is just a 'slut-shaming' vote, IMO.
Have you noticed that it's only skinny people who drink full fat coke, and fat people drink diet coke?
Jasime is such a manipulative cunt. You can't win with that bitch. Damica was being totally cool with her and trying to make amends. Jasmine has got persecution syndrome. She's completely unhinged.
Jasmine: 'I'm stunned that prostitute lasted longer than me.' SHE'S NOT A FUCKING PROSTITUTE. Even Samantha Brick looked uncomfortable about that. Put a wish list up, I bet not one person would buy you a fucking sausage, you evil cow. Here's what I wish for you; GET OFF MY SCREEN. And leave the country. But I do hope she survives the noms. ;0
BTW Exitainment now has it's own spin off radio show with a co-host that's 25% funnier than me, so have a listen if you want. You can hear the Northampton accent I'm trying to shake off, plus my Lauren-style annoying laugh. I'd listening to the launch show ep, as we were a bit drunk the second time.
Friday, 17 August 2012
Celebrity Big Brother 2012: Live nominations
So I watched about 20 minutes of Jersey Shore earlier for 'research purposes'. It's all shot through a weird lens and the men are all neon brown and bouffanted. Someone punched The Situation in the face. Hopefully we can recreate that moment tonight. Someone else said 'the girls can't be bringing men back to the house. They're girls.' I don't think I'll be watching any more of that.
Gliss shampoo? You get that in the pound shop and it's not even much cop, it's not even as good as Timotei. I don't think Julie is so much brave as broke.
Prince Lorenzo's pet food shop. Do the Italians have a Royal family? Coleen on Harvey: 'he knows everything.' Er...
Danica's got a nice personality when you've got 5 million dollars in the bank. If you're a pauper, she'll spit on you. Shoes or no shoes? That's what it all amounts to with her.
LOL to Julie's family taking a ten quid trip to Australia and never being seen again. Mind you, ten quid, that's a good offer. I'd be tempted to go cuddle a koala for that money. I can't believe I actually like Julie Goodyear. I always thought she was a real diva, but she's actually quite motherly and gives good advice.
Jasmine is keeping it cute and keeping it mute on the Simon Cowell situation. He's obviously paid her off. Is that a ring she's wearing? *insert Julian Clary joke here'. Jasmine: 'the truth will come out out in the end.' Yes, out of the closet.
Danica's got The Situation under the thumb already.
Julie on Russell Brand: 'I think he needs a bath.' She's got more one liners than Julian. This Russell Brand story is AMAZING. White soiled boxers. Dirty peacock! I bet you a million quid Jasmine fucked him. Rhian's been with him, too. LOL. I guess those old Big Mouth ties are well and truly cut. Poor old Russ. Quite funny, though.
Why does Heather/Cheryl have her hair like that?! She's a fashion apocalypse. Julie needs to sort her out.
Julian: 'I'm sure Big Brother will provide lubricant.' They will, but it will be Morrisons value lubricant.
This task should set the cat amongst the (dirty) pigeons. The housemate's secrets.
Is Harvey's: 'I held a knife to my girlfriend's throat.'?
I don't think Jasmine is quite pulling off those sunglasses.
'Out of context' is the strap line for this year's Big Brother's. LOL to The Situation saying 'I have made a sex tape but I don't remember telling anybody.'
Cheryl is getting well pissed off being passed from 'using her body to make money' to 'making a sex tape.' Now we're imagining Coleen making a sex tape with Shane Ritchie. Eww.
Out of context; I think Samantha Brick is too ugly for TV. Out of context! Can I just say anything and say 'out of context' afterwards? You're all cunts! Out of context!
Martin and Julie are both funny. Lots of laughs in the house at the moment.
The Situation has got some SERIOUS double standards going on. He makes money from sex and his body, too! He just makes a lot more than her. But he's ugly. So he's lucky.
I have an Amazon wish list of things I want online. But I just buy myself things off it when I eventually scrape the money together. I don't even like wedding lists. You shouldn't ask anyone for gifts, ever.
Look at them all turning on Danica! Rhian is a topless model who 'sexted' Vernon, what's the difference? Those men know what they're buying.
Let's get Danica's list up and buy her the cheapest thing off it like when you go to a wedding. One spoon for you. Oh no, give it to Jasmine for her massive shitstir.
Danica has NOT DONE ANYTHING WRONG! Fucking hell man, talk about stab a girl in the back. If men are stupid enough to buy her things, let them fucking buy the stupid shoes. Julian: the voice of reason, 'he's hardly the Virgin Mary himself.'
Coleen's sitting in the judgement - sorry, smoking - corner. They should put Amanda Platell or Jan Moir in that house, that would be amazing.
Jasmine: 'so there was rinsing guys.' LOL. Rinsing IS a word, what about rinsing your hair out, dumbass?
The Situation seems like a pussycat. He's still got a hard of for Danica. STOP STIRRING, Jasmine. I know exactly what that girl is made off. 9 carat gold evil. What's it got to do with you, keep your plastic snout out. She's like the Lydia of the house, but a lot less likeable.
Julie and Julian, the great dames in the boudoir. 'Fifty quid an episode, it was like we'd won the fucking lottery.' Wicked.
Jasmine, that tension between you and Danica has been up. 'Her shit aint gonna wash with you'? What has anything to do with her life got to do with you? Piss off. Everyone's gotta earn a few quid haven't they? Don't tell me you slept with Simon Cowell because you particularly like grey jumpers, you fucking hypocrite. He obvious paid you off, so STFU.
Ooh, live nominations! Well it's obvious they're all going to go after Danica. It's all going to be 'I can't do it, I can't do it.' Is it face to face, or just live from the DR?
Oh at least someone's sorted Cheryl's hair out. Rhian looks like a rouged duck.
Martin Kemp is so smoooooooooooooooooth. My boyfriend thinks he's a master game player. I'm not so sure. I think he's just a dude.
Samantha Brick would be an easy nomination, I think. You can blame it on external factors.
Did they just say they have one nomination? Just nominate the person to the left of you. Are you idiots? Work it out! They've done it in series gone by (remember when Aaron threw it, LOL).
Why is it only one nomination? I've never seen one nomination before.
Those envelopes look a bit cheap and nasty. Did they go to those cheap five star stationers you always have at work?
Ooh I wonder who Jasmine has nominated? Surprise surprise! Moral values! What a cow. How dare you push your 'morals' on someone else. You have no fucking morals! I remember you on that show. You were cruel. Proper, proper cruel.
Interesting that Julie nominated Coleen. Screwface. Harvey's nominating Danica. Jasmine's obviously been in his ear.
Julian is nominating The Situation for disrespecting women. 'So there we have it.'
Coleen nominated Rhian: perhaps she's a fan of Family Fortunes.
YES! Prince Lorenzo nominated Jasmine. That son thing was total BS. He's seen through her shit.
WTF Rhian is nominating Martin! Talk about a throwaway vote. He's giving her the steely blue eyes. Hide the ashtrays!
Ashley is nominating Lorenzo. Ashley is either very dull or he's getting a bad edit. The vote has been very split so far.
Cheryl is nominating Rhian. Family Fortunes again, presumably.
Martin nommed Jasmie because she needs to go see her boy. They shouldn't be allowed to nominate for that reason.
Samantha, didn't you judge Rhian beforehand by writing about her in an article, hamster face?
Pow, Damica hit back at Jasmine. Is it them two up?
The Situation nommed Coleen. LOL to Coleen going 'I don't miss my family.' The kid vote is a cop out.
Jasmine looks really pissed off. Well if you go in there and act like Lady Muck moralising and putting other women down, that's what you get. I know I slag people off in my blog, but I hold zero moral high ground. We're all just idiots on a planet.
So up for nomination is Rhian and Jasmine. Jasmine will go! Ha ha. Damica must be laughing her head off. Why you got your shades on, dickhead? Sun aint out, is it? Enjoying yourself on your moral high ground are you? It can be quite a lonely place; just ask Samantha Brick.
Jasmine didn't expect it. Course you didn't because you thought you were pulling the strings, didn't you? 'I put so much time and effort in...' What? Being nice to someone?
Jasmine, don't cry and smoke at the same time, you'll put your fag out.
Coleen: 'don't nominate me for an easy reason.' So you'd prefer it if someone said you were an indomitable old bat? As if.
That was quite entertaining but when's the eviction? Bring it!
Gliss shampoo? You get that in the pound shop and it's not even much cop, it's not even as good as Timotei. I don't think Julie is so much brave as broke.
Prince Lorenzo's pet food shop. Do the Italians have a Royal family? Coleen on Harvey: 'he knows everything.' Er...
Danica's got a nice personality when you've got 5 million dollars in the bank. If you're a pauper, she'll spit on you. Shoes or no shoes? That's what it all amounts to with her.
LOL to Julie's family taking a ten quid trip to Australia and never being seen again. Mind you, ten quid, that's a good offer. I'd be tempted to go cuddle a koala for that money. I can't believe I actually like Julie Goodyear. I always thought she was a real diva, but she's actually quite motherly and gives good advice.
Jasmine is keeping it cute and keeping it mute on the Simon Cowell situation. He's obviously paid her off. Is that a ring she's wearing? *insert Julian Clary joke here'. Jasmine: 'the truth will come out out in the end.' Yes, out of the closet.
Danica's got The Situation under the thumb already.
Julie on Russell Brand: 'I think he needs a bath.' She's got more one liners than Julian. This Russell Brand story is AMAZING. White soiled boxers. Dirty peacock! I bet you a million quid Jasmine fucked him. Rhian's been with him, too. LOL. I guess those old Big Mouth ties are well and truly cut. Poor old Russ. Quite funny, though.
Why does Heather/Cheryl have her hair like that?! She's a fashion apocalypse. Julie needs to sort her out.
Julian: 'I'm sure Big Brother will provide lubricant.' They will, but it will be Morrisons value lubricant.
This task should set the cat amongst the (dirty) pigeons. The housemate's secrets.
Is Harvey's: 'I held a knife to my girlfriend's throat.'?
I don't think Jasmine is quite pulling off those sunglasses.
'Out of context' is the strap line for this year's Big Brother's. LOL to The Situation saying 'I have made a sex tape but I don't remember telling anybody.'
Cheryl is getting well pissed off being passed from 'using her body to make money' to 'making a sex tape.' Now we're imagining Coleen making a sex tape with Shane Ritchie. Eww.
Out of context; I think Samantha Brick is too ugly for TV. Out of context! Can I just say anything and say 'out of context' afterwards? You're all cunts! Out of context!
Martin and Julie are both funny. Lots of laughs in the house at the moment.
The Situation has got some SERIOUS double standards going on. He makes money from sex and his body, too! He just makes a lot more than her. But he's ugly. So he's lucky.
I have an Amazon wish list of things I want online. But I just buy myself things off it when I eventually scrape the money together. I don't even like wedding lists. You shouldn't ask anyone for gifts, ever.
Look at them all turning on Danica! Rhian is a topless model who 'sexted' Vernon, what's the difference? Those men know what they're buying.
Let's get Danica's list up and buy her the cheapest thing off it like when you go to a wedding. One spoon for you. Oh no, give it to Jasmine for her massive shitstir.
Danica has NOT DONE ANYTHING WRONG! Fucking hell man, talk about stab a girl in the back. If men are stupid enough to buy her things, let them fucking buy the stupid shoes. Julian: the voice of reason, 'he's hardly the Virgin Mary himself.'
Coleen's sitting in the judgement - sorry, smoking - corner. They should put Amanda Platell or Jan Moir in that house, that would be amazing.
Jasmine: 'so there was rinsing guys.' LOL. Rinsing IS a word, what about rinsing your hair out, dumbass?
The Situation seems like a pussycat. He's still got a hard of for Danica. STOP STIRRING, Jasmine. I know exactly what that girl is made off. 9 carat gold evil. What's it got to do with you, keep your plastic snout out. She's like the Lydia of the house, but a lot less likeable.
Julie and Julian, the great dames in the boudoir. 'Fifty quid an episode, it was like we'd won the fucking lottery.' Wicked.
Jasmine, that tension between you and Danica has been up. 'Her shit aint gonna wash with you'? What has anything to do with her life got to do with you? Piss off. Everyone's gotta earn a few quid haven't they? Don't tell me you slept with Simon Cowell because you particularly like grey jumpers, you fucking hypocrite. He obvious paid you off, so STFU.
Ooh, live nominations! Well it's obvious they're all going to go after Danica. It's all going to be 'I can't do it, I can't do it.' Is it face to face, or just live from the DR?
Oh at least someone's sorted Cheryl's hair out. Rhian looks like a rouged duck.
Martin Kemp is so smoooooooooooooooooth. My boyfriend thinks he's a master game player. I'm not so sure. I think he's just a dude.
Samantha Brick would be an easy nomination, I think. You can blame it on external factors.
Did they just say they have one nomination? Just nominate the person to the left of you. Are you idiots? Work it out! They've done it in series gone by (remember when Aaron threw it, LOL).
Why is it only one nomination? I've never seen one nomination before.
Those envelopes look a bit cheap and nasty. Did they go to those cheap five star stationers you always have at work?
Ooh I wonder who Jasmine has nominated? Surprise surprise! Moral values! What a cow. How dare you push your 'morals' on someone else. You have no fucking morals! I remember you on that show. You were cruel. Proper, proper cruel.
Interesting that Julie nominated Coleen. Screwface. Harvey's nominating Danica. Jasmine's obviously been in his ear.
Julian is nominating The Situation for disrespecting women. 'So there we have it.'
Coleen nominated Rhian: perhaps she's a fan of Family Fortunes.
YES! Prince Lorenzo nominated Jasmine. That son thing was total BS. He's seen through her shit.
WTF Rhian is nominating Martin! Talk about a throwaway vote. He's giving her the steely blue eyes. Hide the ashtrays!
Ashley is nominating Lorenzo. Ashley is either very dull or he's getting a bad edit. The vote has been very split so far.
Cheryl is nominating Rhian. Family Fortunes again, presumably.
Martin nommed Jasmie because she needs to go see her boy. They shouldn't be allowed to nominate for that reason.
Samantha, didn't you judge Rhian beforehand by writing about her in an article, hamster face?
Pow, Damica hit back at Jasmine. Is it them two up?
The Situation nommed Coleen. LOL to Coleen going 'I don't miss my family.' The kid vote is a cop out.
Jasmine looks really pissed off. Well if you go in there and act like Lady Muck moralising and putting other women down, that's what you get. I know I slag people off in my blog, but I hold zero moral high ground. We're all just idiots on a planet.
So up for nomination is Rhian and Jasmine. Jasmine will go! Ha ha. Damica must be laughing her head off. Why you got your shades on, dickhead? Sun aint out, is it? Enjoying yourself on your moral high ground are you? It can be quite a lonely place; just ask Samantha Brick.
Jasmine didn't expect it. Course you didn't because you thought you were pulling the strings, didn't you? 'I put so much time and effort in...' What? Being nice to someone?
Jasmine, don't cry and smoke at the same time, you'll put your fag out.
Coleen: 'don't nominate me for an easy reason.' So you'd prefer it if someone said you were an indomitable old bat? As if.
That was quite entertaining but when's the eviction? Bring it!
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