Saturday 9 July 2011

Big Brother USA: Season 13 begins

The best show on TV is back, treading old ground, coming up with new twists, and generally being AMAZING. It feels so weird to watch an episode that is actually happening NOW as we watched so many previous seasons all in a row. It's very exciting for us Big Brother geeks.
Chenbot is in charge as usual, wearing something vile, and talking about it all as if it has some sort of national importance.
The 'twist' this year is that they're working in pairs again (which is a bit rubbish) but the good part is when a pair gets nominated, they have to campaign against each other to get the other one evicted, so they aren't working as a team any more. Should be interesting with some of the housemates being couples...
It's too early to judge the new housemates yet, and I'm not sure of all the names, although I've got a soft spot for virgin motorbike boy already. Rawk dude is getting on my nerves, and I like the southern accent of one of the model women types.
America also voted three couples from previous series' back into the house. Now, America, we need a word, which one of you idiots voted Jeff and Jordan back in? Talk about the most boring couple on earth. She's dumpy and thick, and he's smug and condescending. He talks to her like she's a three-year-old. It was bad enough when she won it last time, why are you giving them another crack of it? They're insipid! We could have had the greatest player of all time, Dan, or the devilish Dr. Will (although Mike Boogie and Memphis would be too high a price to pay for them, Dan and Will should be on their own team of master manipulators.)
Getting Rachel and Brendon back is obviously brilliant; Rachel is one of the best reality show contestants ever. She gets people's backs up brilliantly. I love her laugh! I actually really like her, but she's already jumping the Nikki Grahame shark by re-doing her old phrases ('no one comes between me and my man!) Regurgitating your old shtick never really works. She looks like crap, this year, too, I wondered if there was a lighting issue in the diary room, but my boyfriend scoffed at this. Brendon is a bozo. How long before someone mentions the sexting?
Evil Dick will of course be the one to bring it up. Evil Dick looks like he's spent the past few years drinking heavily, his face is proper bloated, and Danielle looks like she's been smoking crack. What was she thinking with the black hair? She looks fucking dreadful. I mean she looked anorexic before but now she looks deathly. I think she's got some serious issues. And are we really meant to believe her and her dad haven't spoken in three years? Come on now, we're not that fucking stupid.
I can't wait for so many things about this Big Brother, to see the new HOH room, to hear Evil Dick's stupid heavy metal theme tune, see Brenchel soppily encouraging each other in tasks, to (hopefully) watch Jeff and Jordan implode. I know there'll be some amazing twists. And I'm looking forward to finding out about the newbies, too.
I also love the way they just bring oldies back all the time, they just aren't afraid to just give you the same old shit you saw last year. But thank god Jessie didn't get in this time!
Rachel is first head of house, which is crucial, as her and Brendon and Dick and Danielle are bound to be massive targets. They need to team up as they're all strong players, and annihilate the newbies, fast, or they're going to be back out before you know it.
Now, who wants to see my Head of Household room?

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