Well, I've been meaning to watch this for two weeks now after a hearty recommendation from my best friend and a gushing review on The Culture Show. Which leaves me asking, can I have those two hours of my life back? And can I trust either of these sources for information EVER AGAIN?
The first hour of this film was so boring it made my three-hour round trip to the vet on Saturday seem like a free weekend in Las Vegas. I was hopeful it might pick up after that as I'd been told it was so scary it would make me jump (repeatedly) and was so good at the end that Mark Kermode off The Culture Show was moved to tears. I was prepared with a cushion to hide behind and everything. Instead it was just another hour of tedium, with a mild feeling of depression at the end. No jumping. No thrills. I've been more scared watching Most Haunted Live.
I should have known really, as it was by the same director as Pan's Labyrinth which promised to be magical and instead was dreary and wrist-slashing. The Orphanage promised to be frightening and was instead dreary, cliched and slower than Jade Goody. And why were those kids terrorising her anyway? Surely they were her buddies at the orphanage? Also, the last thing she did to her boy was whack him one, so I think the finger of suspicion probably could have swung her way a bit more.
I like my horror films to be REALLY scary... not gory, but to at least get your heart beating. To at least make you care. This was just an unsettling mix of creepiness, mild gore, and the very worst of things, sentimentality. This film was ten million times less frightening, original or interesting as the most basic of scaries like The Ring or even bloody Final Destination (which is brilliant!). I don't think I would have been remotely scared by this even as a child.
What I don't get is... why did this get such good reviews? Am I missing some vital bit of my brain? Or do I just have the most basic of attention spans?
Whichever way you look at it, I'm right, and if you like this, you're wrong.
10 comments:
Well this is just what the proverbial Doctor metaphorically ordered. I'd only heard good things about this, came to the conclusion there were so many who said they liked it because they thought they should, and I thought to myself, "There MUST be someone out there who doesn't." So thank you, I can stop wondering now. I myself shan't be going to see it, as I thought Pan's Labyrinth was overrated too.
First up, it's not by the same director as Pan's Labyrinth. The director of Pan's Labyrinth was merely a producer on this. El Orfanato, as you will see from my review of last week, is by first-time director JA Bayona.
I liked it a lot. And I know FOR A FACT that I'm right and you're wrong.
I think a lot of people have been doing this film a huge disservice calling it a "horror film". It's not a horror film: it doesn't make you jump and it doesn't show any gory deaths.
What it does have is a fab twist (that Shamalayaman who did Sixth Sense could learn a thing or two about twists from this) at the end. It's a slow boiler, for sure, but I thought the characters were engaging enough that I didn't mind the slow ride.
chris stokes... I'm happy you agreed with me without even seeing it- I think more people should take a leaf out of your book! :-)
Red, I think you're right, it had been sold to me as a nerve jangling horror and wasnt. The twist did nothing for me.
Asterisk- my boyfriend told me the director thing so I blame him. I didn't do my research! NB. he hated this film too.
No research, you say? I thought maybe it was that your attention had wandered even before the opening credits had finished...
;-)
Anything Kermode likes is bound to be violent and mawkish crap. There are critics you should check for the inverse of what they say, and he's number one on that list.
Well I wasn't going to be seeing it anyway, of that I'd made my mind up. Without seeing it I can't agree with you, I was merely expressing relief that not everyone was raving about it. I was getting bored of all that raving. But you're right, people should take a leaf out of my book :)
I agree with Red, it's a subtle and handsome film with a great twist at the end. Not every 'horror' film has to be a gorefest, chucking buckets of blood at the screen. Maybe the advertising is doing it a dis-service, but then again it IS scary and suspenseful with a ghostly element, so what would you call it? Sure it is slow, but it builds up the tension beautifully.
This film has definitely been overhyped. Friends actually warned me against watching it alone, what bollocks. Hype aside, I thought it was a decent enough movie that's just been hideously mislabeled. My main gripe, however, is HOW that boy couldn't be heard after being locked in. Surely he'd cry for help at some point, and the sound could've easily reached the parents considering they (unknowingly) heard him fall to his death a few days later. I kinda liked the film, but at the same time I could drive a truck through that hole.
- JOTV
this film has sparked more debate than anything ever! HOW??? It was rubbish! :-)
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