And so the X Factor finals begin. Dermot looked quite hot, even with a slightly Hitler-esque side parting. First on was Kimberley, looking like Marylin Monroe after 10 pints. Simon appeared to be having a hot flush for the first quarter of an hour of the show; either that or he'd hoovered up a sackful of cocaine before the opening credits. Next was Andy, who had clearly been practising smouldering in front of a mirror, but was let down by his comedy eyebrow movements and helmet hair. Futureproof had on their future-proof jackets, but failed to dazzle. Beverley had on a wig. Leon was absoloutely dreadful, like a manic puppet but still looked hot as hell. Emily looked like she'd been dressed in the dark by Kelly Osbourne. Also, cheer the fuck up!
Same Difference: does the world need another Steps? This is a rhetorical question. They're a pair of gonks, aren't they? Dead-dad surprised me by being the best of the night but still managed to shoehorn her dead dad into conversation three times in one thirty second intro clip. Alisha was dullsville, but I didn't think Daniel aka Clicky Nark was as bad as they said, despite having the cold dead eyes of a fish.
I was hoping people had left the thorns in the roses they chucked at Rhydian.
(No) Hope were alright vocally, except they look like a bunch of town centre bacardi-breezer swilling hussies.
Sharon is still the best of the judges, Louis is a weasel, Dannii is pointless, and Simon rocks, coke-binge or not.
It was a travesty Kimberley went, she was fun if nothing else. Alisha is kinda boring. I enjoyed Kimberley going 'oh fuck' after her performance and Sharon stomping off in a huff. Bring on the drama!