It's Monday night again, a night filled with America's Next top Model, downloaded Curb Your Enthusiasm and of course, a soap triple whammy. No need to turn your brain on whatsoever. Hurrah.
I was quite looking forward to Todd and his rosy cheeks returning, but unfortunately he'd put on about three stone and turned up shoehorned into a tank top, looking like a bloated Will Young. But then he took his top off and didn't look as fat as his face suggested. He's one of those fat face/ thin body people. I'm the other way round, as you know.
He also appeared to have had a complete personality change. I preferred him moody. Moody and skinny, like all the best men.
Hmm. I liked the bit at the end where Sarah went outside and screamed. I feel like doing that a lot.
So onto Enders, where Jane got shot. Her just-got-shot acting was enough to put you off your dinner. Shot or the rest of your life with Ian? Hmm, it's a close one. I liked Ian's beard though. It was an improvement. Is that wrong?
I can't work out which is the more satanic of the Beale offspring: Lucy, Stephen, Peter or Bobby. I think maybe Bobby, he looks a bit like Liz Hurley's giant devil child. Does Lucy not care about Jane at all? She is one hard bitch. I wouldn't cross her. She's keeping it gangsta!
I liked Ian's use of the word 'socking' instead of fucking. I might start slipping that into conversation. I thought Ian's acting was quite good, or maybe it was just that Stephen's was godawful. Stephen would be out-acted by Max's guinea-pig hugging, spontaneously-singing daughter any day of the week.
'She could have been in Harrods or Pound Stretcher, she still would have died.' said Ian of Cindy. They have funny names for hospitals in New Zealand, don't they?
The end was quite touching with Ian crying because he'd run out of sweets in the glove box. Is Jane gonna die? I don't read the soap spoiler so I don't know these things.
Oh and that Pat/ Wizard of Oz subplot was fucking dreadful. I'd rather have seen a subplot involving Peggy looking out the window at two cats fighting, or Phil having a dream about a killer squirrel.
They deffo need more dream sequences in Eastenders ala Bouncer in Neighbours. Sort it!
And then back to Corrie. I love it when they have a fight in the street! Class. I want Gail and Eileen to have a proper bitch fight again. I liked Eileen smirking at Sarah-Lou's misfortune and I liked Sarah calling David Donnie Darko. I loved the end with Sarah freaking out, proper funny, and Todd in that ridiculous cardigan.