Thursday, 17 May 2007

Too Ugly for Love (or too vain to function)

I don't have a lot of sympathy for the body dysmorphia people- it's kind of how I feel about anorexics or alcoholics, it's not a disease, it's just being neurotic x 1000 or it's a choice they've made.
Obviously, I'm a bit harsh. But to be housebound because you think you're ugly just seems ridiculous. Walk down the street! Everyone's ugly. People are disgusting! There are some monsters out there, and they don't give a shit, bless 'em.
I rarely see anyone I think is the slightest bit good-looking (well, male anyway). I'll see a fanciable man once in a blue moon somewhere, but on the whole, people ming. Even celebrities who we are supposed to revere and admire are hideous. I'm sick of being told about so and so's beauty when they are just an over-paid, over-dressed, airbrushed dog. Junkie-shagger Kate Moss, who is apparently very popular with the braindead, for example, is the ropiest thing I've ever seen. I don't give a shit if she's a supermodel or half my weight: she's a hag. Don't tell me otherwise, advertising men. I won't be fooled.
Anyway. The first girl on this show they didn't even show she was so 'ugly', but she did appear to be playing Sonic on the Megadrive, so perhaps she was just in an unfortunate time warp. What little they did show of her was nice eyes, overplucked eyebrows (her fault, not Mother Nature's), and the kind of straight hair I'd sell my soul for. She also looked pretty skinny. Hardly a horrendous freak. Seven nose jobs later and she was still hiding under a baseball cap, poring over Heat magazine. Money not well spent, then. She also said she spent seven hours looking in the mirror. Why would you spend seven hours looking at something horrible? That's masochism. NB. This girl went to see a counsellor who had the Ikea lamp. Ha.
The second guy was completely normal looking in every way. Slightly balding, glasses, just like
twenty million other men in Britain. He decided to blend seamlessly into the background by wearing a T-Shirt that read 'I'm ugly, fuck off.' What a perfect way to make people not look at you. Genius.
The third girl, Ruth was beautiful. Gorgeous long blonde hair, cool fringe, baby blue eyes, lovely lips: she looked like any indie chick you'd see out on a Saturday night. She looked in the same vein as Charlize Theron or Cameron Diaz. She also had a figure I could only dream of if I wasn't so addicted to hydrogenated fat. However her constant blubbing about how ugly she was just made me want to slap her. She said her eyes were different sizes and she looked like a man. It's just embarrassing that someone so good looking would be so screwed up. In fact it was offensive. People would kill to look like her. How dare she be so ungrateful! If I was her mum, I'd disown her. Lucky for me, I won't be having ungrateful brats myself.
All I could think all the way through this show was the regrets they will have when they are older. As you get older, you just get uglier. Fatter, wrinkly. They'll look back at this TV show and think 'what a moron I was.' And if they don't? Well they are still morons. What a waste of a life. It's not an illness. Put some make up on, and go and fucking live.


Red said...

You watch some weird shit, girl...

Like you, I used to think that most people were not terribly attractive. Then I moved to Kent. Now, whenever I'm in London, I develop a ten-second crush every minute, people are so gorgeous there. Gorgeous, I tell you. Well, at least not in-bred, like they are here.

lightupvirginmary said...

I hear ya. I'm from Northampton, a place notable only by the fact it is in close proximity to concrete chav prison Milton Keynes. Every time I go back I'm stuck by how overweight and grotesque everyone is!