The X Factor: The Death of Diva Fever

So again last night I spent two hours of my life (as I was getting ready to go out, no less) writing a few hundred words (of complete shit, admittedly) and BLOGGER went 'oops, we can't process that request'. WTF? Is it just X Factor blogs? Is it my netbook? Am I cursed? Are my blogs getting so bad they need to be vetoed before they even hit the page? Either way, Blogger, you're a cunt.
So, this is Sunday's blog, not Saturdays as advertised.
So, brief thoughts from last night: Cheryl looked great. Storm was on first (death box) and sang flat but thanks to the judges being deaf from all the crowd noise they failed to notice. Treyc has got a good voice, yet she gets on my nerves. She's got this Myleene Klass smug thing about her where you just want to slap her, but can't put your finger on the reason why. Yet when I hear her accent I like her a bit more. Dermot night: 'that was amazing.' Treyc: 'I know.' Enough said.
The others in brief: Cher: puppety. There in something inherently hateful about her, but I still kind of like her. Katie: mouse ears. Wagner: very classy the way he replied to that question about Mary. Rebecca: much better, looked stunning and I liked her song. One Direction! Let's hope it's home. Mary: good song, and good singer, but she's not for me. John: who? Diva Fever did a song with virtually no lyrics, which is a good move. They should have done Wham! Matt: gives me the creeps and looks like he's shitting himself when he sings.
I didn't like them being nasty to Aiden! Admittedly he was singing a song 'everybody knows' that we'd never heard of, but I like his spazz attacks and flat bits. That's what makes a real singer, not a fucking Joe Mcelderry.
I think Simon Cowell was on the over-excitable pills last night as he called Rebecca 'genius' and One Direction the best band in Britain right now. What, better than the Kaiser Chiefs?
Also what was with the 'heroes' theme?! I had never heard of half those songs, or people.
RESULTS show! Ironically, my hair looks exactly like Katie's today. But with zero effort!
Medley! I thought that Lady Gaga song was quite good actually, they did quite a good job! Shit I've never thought that about one of those bits- ever!
I have never heard a Diane Vickers song. I don't think I live on the same universe as everyone else. Ugh this song sounds horrible! It doesn't have a tune. It just sounds like someone's got Karen O stuck under the lawnmower. It felt like watching a kid play at being a popstar. And I hate to say it, because she's beautiful, but she was pushing it having that much of those legs out.
OMG Katie Perry is off! Maybe some starts should mime after all. Why do all her songs have this really dreadful 90s trace sound behind them? She is almost proudly rubbish. The thought of Morrissey having to pander to this dullard makes me want to punch Russell Brand in the face, and I love Russell Brand.
'Boom boom boom even brighter than the moon...' just get me the fucking gun, now.
Glad to see Katie straight through. How are all Louis's act surviving?!
Diva Fever, Storm and Belle Amie in the bottom three. Storm looks livid! Put that old dog down. Storm; face it, NO ONE LIKES YOU. What a 'trier' essentially means, 'what a failure'.
Wow Diva Fever went down fighting! That was the most gloriously gay thing I've ever seen! I love I Will Survive! Wow, that was amazing.
Belle Amie look like they're being dragged out to face the firing squad. Put on a brave face; the show must go on.
Aw can't believe Diva Fever went out in a clean SWEEP! Cruel! Just as I realised I think I fancied one of them. Odd, I know.
Yet still we have to suffer through John, One Direction... funny old world.

The X Factor: Just Dance (off)

Not sure I'm going to get much blog mileage out of this results show but I'll give it a bash. I predict the show will be 10% content, 90% padding. My blog will mirror this exactly.
Hope Nicolo survives this week anyway. I think he got a bit shafted.
Oh god, I hate the bits where they all sing, it's so cheesy. It works on American Idol but not here.
Isn't it past One Direction's bedtime? There's too many contestants, I can't work out who's who. We need to do some serious culling. Oh god, they're even flogging the group song, how tragic.
I don't like Dannii's dishwater hair colour. She looks rubbish. UGH Usher. The only good thing he's ever done is The Faculty. I genuinely couldn't name a song of his. I can't even slag off his performance because for health and safety reasons I was forced to fast-forward through it. I mean, do we really need a black Justin Timberlake? The white one is odious enough. Eww, look at Usher's facial fuzz.
God, I've heard people say 'there's something about Mary' about FIFTEEN BILLION TIMES already. STOP IT.
Wow, Joe McElderry! Has he got his teeth fixed yet? Even gay he manages to be utterly bland. I don't believe he's ever had a cock in his mouth. Mind you, I suppose there is a vacant slot for a new Stephen Gately (RIP).
Is he MIMING?! Fack me. God it's like Ray Quinn resurrected. This song is kinda catchy though, LOL!
Aww cute when Dermot picked him up. LIVING THE DREAM. Yes. My boyfriend had a dream last night he shoved his long-deceased cat into a thermos flask because it was talking to him, so living that dream isn't always so desirable. THINK ON MCELDERRY.
RESULTS! Already? That actually felt like a manageable amount of flim flam.
NOOOOO I don't want Katie or Nicolo to go! Sad face.
As I predicted. Nicolo got shafted. He looks handsome tonight. He looks shocked. I think he's got a good voice, people just don't like him. I guess he doesn't help himself with that attitude.
OMG FYD are shit! Please send them home, not Katie. She can really sing. They look like they've got their school uniform on. Go home, Penfold. Wow they are spectacularly ugly for a boyband.
Katie's nails look nice. Don't let her down... please don't stop the music... what can they be trying to say!?
Dermot looks like he really cares, doesn't he? He does a good job.
Yay, so glad Katie survived. She's more interesting than FYD and their scarves. Oh yeah, they opened the show yesterday! Well, they clearly weren't valued then. They got the death box!
Now let's just sit for a minute and contemplate that Wagner got more votes than Katie and Nicolo. Bon(go)kers!

The X Factor: Simon's milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

Harry Hill has put me in a good mood, so looking forward to getting stuck into some X Factor. I'm half an hour behind so can fast forward the adverts too! Win-win!
Gamu gate! Zzz. I honestly couldn't care less. I like Katie! Gamu had a good voice, but no X Factor for me.
WILD CARDS. Please put Diva Fever back in! Not fussed about anyone else.
Is Louis seriously putting that dude through?! Fuck me. Should have been EARS dude.
Yeah it is Diva Fever! LOLS. So pleased. Do you think they were expecting Simon, or do they wear a lot of glittery eyeliner during the day? (it could be either TBH)
Cheryl still aint putting Gamu through. She's putting that smuggard through instead. Oh well, at least she's black.
Fuck me, sixteen to get through now, this is going to be one LOOOOOOOONG night. So glad my dinner's nearly ready. Cheryl looks day-glo orange. She looks like she's got that toasted skin problem I read about this week.
OMG Diva Fever's suits! Lordy.
Ah, so they're nicking that songs available to download on Itunes idea off of Must Be the Music. I SEE. They should nick Dizzee Rascal as a judge too; he's amazing! He's worth about 40 billion of Cheryl and would be 40 billion times cheaper.
FYD- what does that stand for? Fuck, you're dreadful? The lead singer looks like Penfold. On first, so they're fucked anyway. UGH this is shit. I hope they're ejecting three acts tonight. They'll need to.
Matt lives with his parents... lame. You shouldn't start receeding before you leave home, should you? I wish he'd take that stupid fucking hat off. Coldplays. But it's not Coldplay. I'm confused. Why is he wearing job interview clothes, but with that hat? He's really strange, I don't know what to make of that performance.
John also lives with his mum. God, he's so boring I could cry. I'm praying he goes bang when he sings his song too. POP!
God, this is even worse than I imagined. Truly AWFUL.
I can see right up Dannii's nose. Simon's saying he looks great?! He looks AWFUL. That was soooo cheesy. I can't believe they were so kind to him. Genu-whine!
I like Rebecca. She was pick to win, but as the public are so doggedly racist, who knows? Ooh, she's looking up. Another dated, boring old song. What IS this? What's she wearing too? Where's her cool retro style gone? Gah.
The imperfect Storm! Just pass me the bin to be sick in, dear. What a tragic little man with his wrinkles and pink hair, face etched with desperation. Revolting isn't the word.
I hope Storm does end up on a stretcher. He should do Life is a Pigsty and then they can really lay on the rain effects.
UGH the glitter. Glitter makes me think of nice people like Patrick Wolf and Brian Molko. I can see why the dancers are wearing masks over their faces. I'd be ashamed, too. We built this shitty on rock and roll! Storm is about as relevant as Menswear. No, less relevant. My mum's dog is called Storm. You give my mum's dog a bad name.
Belle amie. They're cute. I've never heard of any of these songs! They look shaky but they just need more time, I think. The blond one looks ten years older than the others. The little black one is cute, and the one with the short hair. I agree with Cheryl's advice. Hope they stay in.
Ooh my dinner is ready. Yummy!
LOL, when I write 'Cher' in my tags, Cheryl Cole comes up. Irony! I like her big eyes and boniness, she's like a Tim Burton character. Her gurning is cool, too. I thought her performance was shaky, to say the least. Definitely not in keeping with what the judges said.
DIVA FEVER! Well, none of the judges mentioned the singing, did they? I don't think the other one sang AT ALL! It's like he just wandered onto the stage for a muck about. They're fun though, they're the gay Jedward, and that can only be a good thing.
Paije is boring, and he was out of tune.
Katie! Not bloody Queen again. WTF is she wearing? She looks like she's under the blowdryer. Why is she so far back? I keep expecting her to do something. I like her voice though. My boyfriend just said 'is Brian May going to come out?' Let's hope not.
FUCK YOU LOUIS. Katie-hatey. Katie is cool. She's annoying, but good. Simon likes her. Who is this 'new wave' of artists Cheryl is speaking of? Clearly she has no clue.
Next up is Groo-bo (Mary). Just when you think you couldn't care any less. She reminds me of that thing out of the little mermaid. My god, they're mad for it!
Nicolo. I like him, he's got a great voice! Lady Gargoyles. OMG what have they done to him! I've got some sunglasses like that from Primark. They were £2. The slick hair is gross, too.
My boyfriend just said 'why isn't he dancing?' God, this is awful! Why is this happening? I hope I just dreamt that. Disturbingly bad.
One Direction (there's nowhere to go but down) make me feel ancient! They look like foetuses. Coldplay again! Chris Martin must be on some deal with these fuckers.
OMG the blond one is so cheesy. Wow, that was a new low in rubbishness. That yodelling bit was like some cats getting thrown off a mountain and into a blender.
I wish someone would put a muzzle on the fucking crowd- it's like being stuck on a tube with a bunch of marauding football supporters.
This Wagner thing is a fucking joke. Where's Justin?!
WTF is that in the background? Bongos! OMG Ricky Martin/ Love shack medley! That was actually amusing.
Honestly, Aiden is the only thing keeping me going through this two and a half hour slog. Well, that and my dinner.
FITFITFITFITFITFITFITFIT. Mad world! Ooh he looks like he's going to stab someone. Theatrics!
He's shaking! I want to go into Aiden's forest. I could look at him all day long. I just said I liked everything about him and my boyfriend said 'what, even the name Grimshaw?' R-Pattz comparisons! Aiden is way fitter than R-Pattz. I feel dizzy. Shame I look about the same age as his mum.
Treyc! She's annoying me even in her video before.
Why have they done her up like Kat Slater? No, auntie Kim! Eh heh. I thought she was quite good actually. She still gets on my wick, through.
Two out tomorrow! Super. I'm off to move around a bit so I don't get DVT.