I've been intending to write a blog about Live at Studio Five for a while, and today Ian Wright has inspired me! I stumbled across it whilst staying in a hotel when we went to see Placebo, and I haven't turned back. It was a happy accident, fate, if you will! Haha.
In case you don't know, Live at Studio Five is Channel Five's 'news' programme; but it's so lightweight it makes Loose Women look like Crimewatch.
Presented by the amazing Melinda Messenger, Kate 'The Apprentice' Walsh, and the incorrigable Ian Wright, it's just a masterclass in TV presenting off the cuff. In the past you have had to physically restrain me from punching the screen when Ian Wright was 'presenting' so woodenly dire he has been. I genuinely felt a physical hatred for him, like almost as much as I do for Robbie Williams. But on this show, it's like you're sitting on the couch watching TV with him., which oddly, works.
And he's got thick person Tourettes. He literally says every single thing he thinks. On tonight's show they showed pictures of some fairly normal-sized scantily clad woman in the snow, and Ian Wright blurted out, 'Munter alert!' When Kate and Melinda went 'they look lovely!' he snorted and went 'are you having a laugh?' Then just to make sure he said, 'They aint going to be cold in the snow with all that padding.' Seriously, you don't get that kind of shit on The One Show. He makes Richard Madeley look positively demure.
I'm having a go at him, but I actually really like him now! You can imagine being mates with him and taking the mickey out of him a bit.
Melinda Messenger looks really pretty with Barbie curls, and big teeth, and holds the whole thing together with a surprising amount of charm and dignity. Kate, is actually a pretty good presenter, quite natural, although it sounds like she's struggling to get each syllable out past her teeth, which are somehow even bigger than Melinda's. I kind of want to give them all a hug and hang out with them, and be like their wise-cracking buddy.
Last week Ian Wright was off because his wife had a baby and his role was poorly filled by Michael Underwood (Northampton's unfinest), Ricky Sexist Knob Whittle, and Gollam Best. It made me pine for Wrighty! And he only had one weeks paternity leave! That guy is a TROUPER.
Another good part is they always discuss the kind of banal thing you've been discussing, or wanting to discuss but everyone around you is a little bit too highbrow to bother with, like Big Brother, or Mylene Klass wielding a knife.
This truly is the future of television. Watch it.
*edit I even got the name of the name of the show wrong! The stupidity is catching!
Showing posts with label news. Show all posts
Showing posts with label news. Show all posts
Monday, 11 January 2010
Monday, 12 October 2009
Exitainment Heroine: Vanessa Feltz
Female columnists: Bashing Vanessa Feltz for being fat and wearing garish clothes is so BORING and too EASY. Don't you think she doesn't know that she's fat? Don't you think she doesn't know that her dress is rather pink? Do you think she gives a fuck? Noooooo! (I can't excuse the shoes, but hey ho)I have always had a weird admiration for Vanessa Feltz, I like the way she sticks two fingers up at convention, I like the way she stands up for herself, I like the fact she's got strong opinions, and she's generally smiling.
Personally, I'd rather be Vanessa Feltz looking like that and having a laugh with that Turnaround twit than be Cheryl Cole, too afraid to trust her own husband. Because you get the feeling if Turnaround dude did the dirty on Vanessa, she'd just pick herself back up again, like she did after that douchebag husband left her. Vanessa has grit!
Say what you like about her, but she's got a younger man, she always looks happy, and she's pretty successful in various fields. I personally preferred her talk show to Trisha's load of old gubbins.
Wow, I just noticed those gloves. She has got some balls! Gok, keep your distance.
Wednesday, 24 September 2008
News: Evil Competition- Men vs Women (Men still win)
I was interested to see the case of Joanne Hill who murdered her disabled daughter in the news. Interested because she got a minimum of fifteen years, unlike this guy (just the title of that article tells you all about who’s fault it really is, the slut of a wife, who may or may not have been having an affair- well, she was probably thinking about it, so she deserved all she got, right?) who is basically already out.
Of course men have been killing their children left, right and centre all week and last month but hey, at least they had the decency to off themselves, and oh, they’d been under such terrible strain and were such devoted fathers. The use of the words ‘devoted fathers’ when describing men like this is grotesque, by the way, newspaper editors of the world. Devoted fathers protect their children, and they certainly don’t kill them out of spite, as is so often the case in these murders (the ‘if I can’t have them, no one will’ mentality- which was not in action in the Joanne Hill case).
Of course, murder of innocent children is murder whichever way you dress it up (diminished responsibility doesn’t cover your wife having an affair in my personal opinion). But how come the 15 years minimum sentence for Joanne Hill? She was an alcoholic with a history of depression and clearly at the end of her tether. She was obviously desperate (she pleaded with her husband to get the child adopted and he said no). I’m not making excuses for her; she could have just left. But I doubt if she’s going to run off into the sunset to live happily ever after, celebrating her actions, so surely 5 years would have done, or the usual ‘life’ sentence doled out to the kind of people who kick people to death in the street for a laugh. Or how about those lovely ex-boyfriends who hunt down and kill the woman who dares live without them? Is Joanne Hill really a threat to anyone else? Is she going to be a lesson to other mothers going out of their heads, or will they just suffer alone, and maybe crack, or maybe just go on struggling, like they are meant to?
The word ‘evil’ is bandied around a lot, especially when women kill, and especially when women kill children. It is seen as totally disconnected from the norm, whereas men killing their families is as common as Monday morning. The blame is attributed elsewhere; money, society, but most of all, women. Just look at Fathers for Justice; they virtually do a eulogy for these murdering bastards.
Well, women don’t make men kill. And men kill in far, far greater numbers than women ever will, such great numbers, that the vast majority of the time, it doesn't even make the news. Until the spotlight is put back on this truism, more families will die at the hands of the men who ‘love’ them. Joanna Hill’s sentence changes nothing. The judge is out of touch. But then, what’s new?
Of course men have been killing their children left, right and centre all week and last month but hey, at least they had the decency to off themselves, and oh, they’d been under such terrible strain and were such devoted fathers. The use of the words ‘devoted fathers’ when describing men like this is grotesque, by the way, newspaper editors of the world. Devoted fathers protect their children, and they certainly don’t kill them out of spite, as is so often the case in these murders (the ‘if I can’t have them, no one will’ mentality- which was not in action in the Joanne Hill case).
Of course, murder of innocent children is murder whichever way you dress it up (diminished responsibility doesn’t cover your wife having an affair in my personal opinion). But how come the 15 years minimum sentence for Joanne Hill? She was an alcoholic with a history of depression and clearly at the end of her tether. She was obviously desperate (she pleaded with her husband to get the child adopted and he said no). I’m not making excuses for her; she could have just left. But I doubt if she’s going to run off into the sunset to live happily ever after, celebrating her actions, so surely 5 years would have done, or the usual ‘life’ sentence doled out to the kind of people who kick people to death in the street for a laugh. Or how about those lovely ex-boyfriends who hunt down and kill the woman who dares live without them? Is Joanne Hill really a threat to anyone else? Is she going to be a lesson to other mothers going out of their heads, or will they just suffer alone, and maybe crack, or maybe just go on struggling, like they are meant to?
The word ‘evil’ is bandied around a lot, especially when women kill, and especially when women kill children. It is seen as totally disconnected from the norm, whereas men killing their families is as common as Monday morning. The blame is attributed elsewhere; money, society, but most of all, women. Just look at Fathers for Justice; they virtually do a eulogy for these murdering bastards.
Well, women don’t make men kill. And men kill in far, far greater numbers than women ever will, such great numbers, that the vast majority of the time, it doesn't even make the news. Until the spotlight is put back on this truism, more families will die at the hands of the men who ‘love’ them. Joanna Hill’s sentence changes nothing. The judge is out of touch. But then, what’s new?
Tuesday, 29 April 2008
Newsflash: 24 Years Underground
Secret doors have been everywhere lately. The Orphanage springs to mind. Then last week at my writing group someone read out something about a secret door with a creepy doll coming through it. Maybe it was a premonition about the story no one could have missed by now, of the Austrian girl Elisabeth Fritzl (now a middle-aged woman) kept in a cellar for 24 years and repeatedly raped by her own father.
I was in a shop today and someone made a joke about it. A joke about someone who had been kidnapped, sexually abused and put in prison, for an eternity, for nothing. Someone who had had one child die on her, and three snatched from her, whilst not being able to protect the ones who stayed with her. Ha ha. I went, ‘oh hilarious’ but afterwards I hated myself for not calling him out properly. What sort of feminist am I? What sort of man was he?
The girl’s story is bad enough- twenty-four years imprisoned. But three of her kids had never seen sunlight. Ever. The oldest one was nineteen years old… nineteen years. A whole life. In one cellar. You can’t wrap your head around that. No one can.
I have no words or thoughts to describe 'Mr Fritzl' as the papers keep calling him (why the politeness?). I've come to terms with the fact now that certain men are just monsters, with no empathy. The real story lies with what happened over those years and what happens next. Would he have just kept them under there forever? He would, wouldn't he? And what now? I just can't foresee a happy ending. It's Flowers in the Attic, it's just fucked beyond belief. It's beyond imagining. Could the mother have not known? I guess she could. Anything is hard to find if you will not open your eyes. Who knows, really.
What is it with Austrians and kidnapping? What is with men and control? It's a sick world. We just live it in, and become immune, and eventually we'll just laugh along with the jokes, like fucking idiots because what other choice do we have? If we actually stop and think about any of this stuff for a minute, we'll go absolutely doolally.
I was in a shop today and someone made a joke about it. A joke about someone who had been kidnapped, sexually abused and put in prison, for an eternity, for nothing. Someone who had had one child die on her, and three snatched from her, whilst not being able to protect the ones who stayed with her. Ha ha. I went, ‘oh hilarious’ but afterwards I hated myself for not calling him out properly. What sort of feminist am I? What sort of man was he?
The girl’s story is bad enough- twenty-four years imprisoned. But three of her kids had never seen sunlight. Ever. The oldest one was nineteen years old… nineteen years. A whole life. In one cellar. You can’t wrap your head around that. No one can.
I have no words or thoughts to describe 'Mr Fritzl' as the papers keep calling him (why the politeness?). I've come to terms with the fact now that certain men are just monsters, with no empathy. The real story lies with what happened over those years and what happens next. Would he have just kept them under there forever? He would, wouldn't he? And what now? I just can't foresee a happy ending. It's Flowers in the Attic, it's just fucked beyond belief. It's beyond imagining. Could the mother have not known? I guess she could. Anything is hard to find if you will not open your eyes. Who knows, really.
What is it with Austrians and kidnapping? What is with men and control? It's a sick world. We just live it in, and become immune, and eventually we'll just laugh along with the jokes, like fucking idiots because what other choice do we have? If we actually stop and think about any of this stuff for a minute, we'll go absolutely doolally.
Friday, 7 September 2007
This is the news
In it's own sick way the news is entertainment, or it is when I want to comment on it. Two things in the news blew my mind today. One, rather predictably, was the Madeleine McCann case. I'm willing to nail my colours to the mast here and say there is NO WAY that the parents did it. It's impossible. There are just too many things about it that don't add up (to them having done it), none of which I will bore you with here, as we are all completely bombarded with every detail daily anyway.
If the parents did it, the earth may as well drop out of the sky right now, because nothing can ever be right again. Humanity may as well pack it's bags. They went and met the POPE, for fuck's sake.
But I'm not naive. There's just no way they did it. It really does sicken me to think what they have been through, and what those incompetent Portuguese police are putting them through right now. And what narrow-minded people who believe everything they read are saying about the whole thing. This is going to drag on and on. It's thoroughly depressing.
The second news story that left me aghast (only because I wanted to use the word aghast, cos it's ace) was that of the 14-year-old girl who stabbed her sister in the back (literally) and killed her, after an argument about one of their boyfriends' working at Morrisons (not the best career choice, but their loo roll is on offer at the mo).
Apparently, stabbing your sibling in the back is manslaughter. NO IT ISN'T! Running over an old dear in your car is manslaugher. Tripping over with a knife in your hand and stabbing someone is manslaughter. Sticking a knife, in anger, in your sister is MURDER! I've had some family scraps in my time, but I've never got a carving knife out to solve the issue. Taking out of the picture the punishment aspect (which I'm getting to) the girl is clearly a psycho!
Her sentence? Three and a half years. Three and a half YEARS! For murdering her sister! Fuck me. I wish I'd known about this years ago, I would have offed a few of my own family members.
If the parents did it, the earth may as well drop out of the sky right now, because nothing can ever be right again. Humanity may as well pack it's bags. They went and met the POPE, for fuck's sake.
But I'm not naive. There's just no way they did it. It really does sicken me to think what they have been through, and what those incompetent Portuguese police are putting them through right now. And what narrow-minded people who believe everything they read are saying about the whole thing. This is going to drag on and on. It's thoroughly depressing.
The second news story that left me aghast (only because I wanted to use the word aghast, cos it's ace) was that of the 14-year-old girl who stabbed her sister in the back (literally) and killed her, after an argument about one of their boyfriends' working at Morrisons (not the best career choice, but their loo roll is on offer at the mo).
Apparently, stabbing your sibling in the back is manslaughter. NO IT ISN'T! Running over an old dear in your car is manslaugher. Tripping over with a knife in your hand and stabbing someone is manslaughter. Sticking a knife, in anger, in your sister is MURDER! I've had some family scraps in my time, but I've never got a carving knife out to solve the issue. Taking out of the picture the punishment aspect (which I'm getting to) the girl is clearly a psycho!
Her sentence? Three and a half years. Three and a half YEARS! For murdering her sister! Fuck me. I wish I'd known about this years ago, I would have offed a few of my own family members.
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