Celebrity Big Brother 2012: Push the button. Don't push the button.

Twins getting booed! Hilarious. And a cheer for Kirk. Well done, pygmies. Now watch and learn, just like you had to with Aaron. I can't work out why they're booing them? Is it because they're attractive? It must be. I completely misjudged them when they walked in. They're sound!
I bet you a MILLION quid Denise will rent Reservoir Dogs when she gets out. A MILLION!
All this gagging! What must Nicola be like when she gives a blowjob?
I hate Natalie and nicola playing the children card. I hate it sooooo much.
Brian: 'stop shouting.' LOL. Keep 'em under control, Brian.
Romeo doesn't approve of misogyny but doesn't mind a good stabbing (alleg).
Frankie 'come put this condom on with your teeth/ bum cheeks.' How old is he?! What a revolting pig.
Michael seems to like Natalie, God knows why. Surely he's not fooled by her crap?
Letters from home! Nicola's doing controller's leg. If the letters are going to get shredded anyway then someone should press the button.
I'm sure they'd tell you if your kids weren't alright, Nicola. 'Dear Nicola. Sorry, your kids are dead. Please send flowers.' Fred the shred! Fake crying time! Fake shaking! Only the controller's leg is real. That leg jiggle gives away your true intentions.
Nicola didn't need 21 seconds to shred those letters did she? Tut tut!
Here's Kirk's letter: 'Dear pitbull-face, you've disgraced yourself on TV. You're a sexist pig and ignorant. We've booked you in for some geography lessons. Toodles, Daddy.'
Who's Sonia's letter from, Carol Jackson? How can Carol still sit on that plastic sofa where Billie died? Every time I see her on it, I think of him choking on his own vom. I mean, if you wanted to pick a dispensible Jackson child, Sonia or Robbie would be the obvious choice.
What's gwan on with Nicola's hair? It looks like she just put a labrador through that letter shredder. Ooh, who's first out!
That crowd is JOKES. So, so, so out of touch as usual. Michael and the twins must be thinking 'what'? KIRK! YES! Fuck yes. I just stood up and cheered so loud my cat bolted from the room. This must be what it feels like when your team scores a goal at the foorball. Kirk looked shocked! Haha, after he got cheered just before. Delicious!
Brian better dig into him now.
Kirk: 'is my number working?' I guess the game starts now! LOL! Why the shock? He's a sexist cunt. Public don't like it. Quite simple, really. When will Brian and BOTS get it into their skulls that WE DECIDE not THEM. How can people not see what we see?
It's so gross the way he persists with this 'Georgia was only put in for me' thing, like she's just an object that his daddy bought him.
I'm thrilled he went out on the basis of one vote, and it was the twins wot did it! Brian is soft-soaping him as usual. I'm actually quite disgusted with Brian in general at the moment. It wasn't a conversation in a boat that did for Kirk. It's because he was a grotesque, grubby little gargoyle. Comprende?
The twins don't need to 'do one', Kirk. Because you've already DONE ONE. Ta-ra you fucking thick prick. Now go read a map.
I aint blogging this live feed. Well I might blog a teeny bit. I'm going to post another mini blog for the eviction show! Stay tooned.

Celebrity Big Brother 2012: And we're all wondering if the cheque cleared

Denise is wearing a uniquely unflattering jumper and a really stupid hat. Yes it's all about you, Denise, that's why we kept Michael in, to piss you off. You kind of think someone who's 53 might 'know herself' (t.m Aisleyne) a bit better, but it just goes to show that some people never grow up. And some people are stupid forever.
Twins: 'I know for a fact you're not going' to Georgia. Michael seems to be going a bit postal, too. Why is he having a go at Georgia? Sterling editing there, as ever, BB. Clear as shit. I truly believe the more maverick you go, the better the chance you have of winning. He reminds me of when Leonardo went nuts in The Beach.
'Will the four best actors come to the Diary Room.' Love the fact Michael didn't even bother getting up.
Michael: 'I have dignity and it's not for sale.' But I thought he was wondering if the cheque's cleared? This resoooomaay don't add up! I don't blame Michael for not wanting to wear a leotard, though. Not with those 170 pictures under his belt. It would get a bit lumpy.
Michael and Denise are like an old married couple. I hope she goes on Friday because I'm sick of it.
A cliche game... they should be good at this.
Loved Michael talking about dead people and whether you really can feel their presence or not. It's an interesting philosophical question and you don't get many of those in the Big Brother house.
Why are they all hugging Michael like they like him now?!
I'm not going to reblog this nominations bit but I'll comment if they show us something we haven't seen before, like a crafty roll-eyes.
Denise and Nicola both look on the edge. I liked the comment I read on Digital Spy today that said everyone might as well have just said 'we nominate the Americans'.
Is Nicola retching again? You wouldn't want to go on an aeroplane with her, would you?
I understand why everyone (except Gareth) is up now, it's because it's a double eviction, so two up wasn't enough. Gareth is so useless. He's a waste of a housemate in my opinion and his accept drives me nuts.
What Michael said about Denise was true. Natalie can like it or lump it. It doesn't matter if Denise has got mental health problems, she IS emotionally disturbed. I think she forgot her meds.
Micheal did NOT snap at Natalie. He just told her the truth. Natalie: 'I don't like false people.' FUCKING RICH! You are purely for show! Your whole life is a fucking production. Every word that comes out of your mouth is contrived, transparent cowshit.
Those twins are fucking amazing. They did a take down of everyone in the house. They're really pissed off that Denise nominated them. I love the fact they think Loose Women is a popular show. I swear Michael and the twins think Loose Women is like our flagship current affairs programme. So who WILL go? Save the twins! I still don't know their names or which one's which. But save them!

Celebrity Big Brother 2012: Eviction and live feed (my hands hurt)

Brian looks like he's got his old Easyjet uniform on tonight. Why would voting be neck and neck? What reason is there to keep Georgia around? If you really like her, do her a favour and save her from the Kirk flames.
Frankie looks worse than Denise first thing in the morning. Good to see they're treating Frankie well on his birthday. Maybe they'll give him a coke float later.
Georgia: 'I've made lots of friends.' I don't think that feeling is mutual. Michael: 'I like to be there at the finish.' Really? I like to slip off unnoticed about 1am.
'Affectionate' is not the word I'd use to describe Frankie and Kirk. Potential rape statistics is more like it.
I can't work out what is going on between Denise and Michael. If you have any clues, let me know.
I like them forcing Kirk to admit who he nominated. The boat of betrayal. Kirk 'Big Brother begins now!' I've heard him say that about 50 times already. The way he deals with people is some passive aggressive bullshit. He's in the wrong, so he starts on everyone.
Nicola: 'it's not worth it!' I bet she's said that many times outside nightclubs.
I HATE the way Kirk talks to people, he's a proper scumbag. Sonia's like his fucking moll. Does she really like men who behave like that? I love the twins barking at him. I want them on my side in an argument.
Twins going on about being gorgeous: check!
How old is Frankie anyway, 15? His ice sculpture was quite cool. Kings of Leon! There goes your cool points. Sex is on Fire always makes me think of having cystitis. Big Brother doesn't do alternative culture well, does it? It's much safer with The Saturdays.
Uh oh, ding dong! Denise vs Michael again. How much has she had to drink? Uh oh, she's talking to herself. Has she been on the spirits? Denise is like someone crying on the stairs at a party. Michael didn't DO ANYTHING! She's actually unhinged. I think she's in love with him.
Check out those leopard print trousers Gareth's got on!
Denise: 'Michael changes with a drink.' Fucking hell. The hypocrisy. The twins know the score. They've summed it up perfectly.
Denise stripping off! I hate it when women feel they have to take their top off to have a good time. It's worse when they're middle aged. Oh my god, you proper saw everything! Worse is Nicola pretending to be a friend. She isn't.
Michael: 'it's horrifying.' At least Frankie got to be in the hot tub with a topless girl on his birthday. Just not the way he imagined.
Georgia's out! She looks really good, if a little orange. Nice dress. Yeah Georgia go and get your nose fixed, you're hideous. Fucking hell, I'd swap. She's not just a pretty face, she's got a good body, too.
I'm not surprised Georgia is relieved to be out. Everyone hated her or was jealous of her in that house. Conversate-gate. Even Romeo didn't like Georgia, even though he's equally as boring as her.
Questions! Georgia is pointless. Beautiful, but pointless. I'd hate it if people said there was nothing about me. But the truth is, when you look like that, you don't need a personality.
I really want Georgia to say something really nasty about Kirk! Go on, say he's an impotent little shit. Say he stinks. Say he's got a face like a Boglin.
I think they interviewed Georgia for about ten seconds. Never mind. Yay, she backed the twins FTW. I'd like to see them win it. But can they?
Ooh, face to face nominations on the live feed! I'd better keep blogging, then! Fucking hell, is my work here never done? The twins: 'you're lying right now!' I love their turn of phrase.
Nicola looked nervous hearing about the live noms. Hasn't got the balls to nominate the twins to their faces, that's why. It's good because people will go for the easy option in this voting.
The twins demanding champagne before they nominate. Nice. I'd nominate Kirk and Nicola I think, but it's hard because I hate Natalie so much.
Oh no, Michael putting himself up as the stooge. I knew that would happen. Gareth's slightly aggressive pep talk! I'd nominate him, see how he likes that.
Nicola's biting her nails! But who's doing controller's leg? Why have they got to write it on blackboards? This is some good live feed. I hope Big Brother eliminates the soft voting and makes them give real reasons.
Nicola started writing IMMEDIATELY. She's obviously gunning for someone.
Frankie stop breaking the rules! Put him up. LOL he nommed Sonia.
Oh god, I hope it's not the twins vs Michael. That would be awful. I'm really worried that's going to happen.
Yay, the twins nominated Kirk and Natalie. Perfect.
Michael: 'I cannot stand another minute in this house with Denise, she's emotionally disturbed.' True.
Romeo voted for 'Franky' for being rude about women. Bless.
They said they have to take your first nomination, and Frankie's crossed his out! Put him up. Michael vs the twins is not an acceptable scenario. We know you wanted Natalie out!
Nicola is doing a noms cry. This sucks, it's going to be all 'baddies' if the twins or Michael go.
Now we wait whilst the BB producers try and fix it. They'd better, anyway. The twins didn't 'isolate themselves with Georgia'. They just liked Georgia.
Yay, they have fixed it. I wish it was a vote to evict. I'd evict Kirk. Vote to save the twins! And Michael! it's almost impossible to say who would would get the least votes in vote to save amongst that shower. I HATE that Gareth. He's so sanctimonious, and I don't really think he's got a leg to stand on.
Is Frankie going to have a fag now? Is he going to get kicked out of BB, too? It's illegal to smoke indoors in a workplace and he got caught out on the live feed! They'll get fined for that.
Maybe Denise would go in a vote to save? Would anyone bother with her. Why doesn't she go somewhere private and cry? Oh, cos she wants everyone to watch her.
Can't wait an hour for a fag... you never been on a plane before, Frankie?
Kirk: 'open the door so I can get my jumper or I'll boot it through.' Charmed, I'm sure.
Yay, Michael's getting pissy with Natalie on the live feed about being 'diplomatic'. Natalie doesn't like to be 'two-faced'.
I still don't get why everyone takes pity on Denise. She's brought the whole situation on herself. Natalie and Denise are like mother and daughter, they're such a self-rightous pair of arseholes.
The trouble with Romeo is he's SUCH a fence-sitter. He's a nice guy, but he's so fucking boring I could cry.
God I'm really bored now, I need something to eat. And just as they're digging into the wine, too. I hope you waited up for me. Save the Americans. The UK celebs aint worth shit. Night!

Celebrity Big Brother 2012: I can't help being a caring person, can I?

That argument between the twins is so blatantly flim flam. We're not fooled, BB.
Memory task? They're ripping off BBUSA again, methinks. I like it when one renegade refuses to do a task, there's always one.
MM is taking part! Let's see how long it lasts. Frankie and Kirk belong in the wheelie bin with the trash. Was that bin really dirty? Groo.
Oh Natalie, save your pious piddle for someone who cares. At least Michael is honest. You couldn't spell the word. Negative! Positive! If you cared about Michael, why didn't you vote out someone else? There's plenty to choose from. You can't have it both ways.
You never see those twins interact with Romeo, do you? Mind you, we don't see much, do we.
Oh, Kirk, you're such a creep. What a complete gimp. He's basically sexually assaulting Georgia in the garden to 'lighten' the situation. So Kirk split up with his girlfriend to get off with girls in the Big Brother house. And he's going to propose to his her when he gets out. What a pathetic little joke. And then he tries to kiss Georgia again. Talk about mixed messages. Revolting, revolting, revolting pervert. He's trying to bully her into kissing him. Is he 12? That's not flirting, it's aggression. Big Brother, please save Georgia from that situation. Awkward isn't the word.
The most interesting thing Romeo has done in that house is sit in that chest. That and wear Michael's pimp pyjamas.
The twins need to take acting classes. Michael was enjoying the show! 'Get your fucking punk ass out of here, you dumb bitch!' is a good insult.
That was real like RE-AL Madrid. Not real in the slightest. Fargument. Frankie can smell the bullshit.
My boyfriend is accusing Romeo of smoking a cigarette 'like a spliff'. What is he suggesting?
Michael is being a sport and sitting in the wheelie bin. Well, he is Oscar the grouch. He likes wearing other people's jackets.
All the idiots in the garden stirring the pot, whilst all the normal people are in the kitchen minding their own business.
Please make Frankie dance to I Gotta Feeling! Justin Bieber, almost as good. I quite liked his dancing, he's got the mooooooooooooooooooooooves like Jagger.
Those twins are 22! That's pretty young. I thought they were nearer my age.
Nicola is plotting her 'next few nominations'. Confident? And she's touting Romeo as a possible?! WTF. What's he done?! And why did we never see it?
Sonia: 'I like chaos. I like noise.' That explains the trumpet.
Denise's snoring is grim. They need to push her onto her side. Oh no, that didn't work. Unless they dubbed that snoring on like they do with nature programmes.
Those twins are SO cocky. Somehow it's not offensive when Americans are like that.
60 seconds to get in Michael's bed is the lols. Singing Happy Birthday in it was a touch, too. I thought that task was alright, actually. Save Michael!

Celebrity Big Brother: Cackle bladdered

Denise vs Michael is actually becoming a bit uncomfortable now. He can't stand her cackle. I can't believe anyone in the house could be siding with Denise. 'Imagine if it was me and Michael locked in the room...' Yes, that's what she's imagining. She's becoming quite the bunny boiler. Just LEAVE HIM ALONE, FFS. Even Nicola admits Denise is being unreasonable.
The twins to Georgia: 'we got your back.' I love all that US speak. I hope they start talking about 'backdooring' someone soon.
Every single thing that comes out of Sonia's mouth is laced with 'what will the public think? I must quantify this statement so the public likes me.' I can't STAND it. It's so transparent.
I think Denise is actually unhinged. 'I expect people to get me.' I get you, I just don't like what I see: a desperate middle-aged lady who drinks too much.
Ah, it was Nicola who was immune, not Georgia! Rubbish.
Noms! Frankie nominated the twins for calling him a 'rude annoying pervert after two days of knowing me.' I'd say that's generous, if anything (t.m. Amy Childs)
Everyone is being a coward and voting for Michael instead of Denise. Denise is DEFFO gonna crack first and speak to Michael. I'd bet my blog on it.
Georgia: 'Kirk is a bellend.' We've not seen much of that. I'd like to see more of him being an arse so I could hate him more. I hate him a LOT already.
God, the only reason for nominating anyone in this house is 'they don't ask me questions.' It's not an interview with Heat magazine! They'd love Jamie East in there, he's got all the questions and that stripy t-shirt. They all just expect the world to be grovelling to know every detail of their sad little lives. Do you expect people to ask you questions constantly? I'd think it was weird if they did.
What the fuck is this music they're playing over nominations? It's freaking my boyfriend out. Wow, I think everyone in the house nominated Georgia! Nerd herd. I wish they couldn't talk about it as I used to like them getting in trouble for nominating, plus it was less of a fix. I'd be gutted if everyone had nominated me for being boring.
I hate too many people in that house. It's not healthy.
Michael's off as Denise sits down. It's like Aaron's strops all over again. Now there was a man who knew how to hold a grudge.
Michael and Georgia are up! SURELY no one is going to make the mistake of saving Georgia again?
They should lock Michael in a room and force him to watch Loose Women for hours like when they forced Lady Sovereign to sit in a drawer listening to Basshunter on repeat. Do it, do it, do it, do it! I like Michael, I hope he stays.
Frankie: 'let's go fuck some birds.' Which ones?
Nicola to Georgia: 'I think your nose could look better.' Is she KIDDING? Georgia is as close to perfection as you can get. That is completely disturbing and damaging. She judges Natasha Giggs, but what she's doing is as much of a crime against humanity, because if perfect Disney princess Georgia needs a nose job, what hope a plain-looking girl from down the road? Disgraceful.
Michael suits Denise's coat.
Nicola and Denise justifying their alcohol abuse. 'Sometimes I just go to bed with a novel.' Only someone with a drink problem justifies their drinking like that. A normal person wouldn't even mention it or give it a second's thought.
Nicola's 30? It said she was 28 when she went house. Stop going on about how much your husband loves you. He's probably enjoying the break.
What a weird an uneasy truce at the end with Denise and Michael: 'you're an abomination.' 'You look shit in that coat'. I give it ten minutes before they're going at it again - and not in that way.

Celebrity Big Brother: That fucking broad, man

Sup! My netbook is back, as I restored it to factory settings. Luckily I got all my good stuff saved on my other computer. Still, thanks for doing that to me, virus makers. I really appreciate those four hours you stole from my Saturday night.
Nicola did NOT snog Frankie, jokingly or otherwise. How DO you 'jokingly' snog someone, though? At least Frankie admitted that Nicola didn't do it, he stuck up for her quite well, I thought. Imagine being so drunk you didn't know whether you'd snogged someone or not? I've never been that drunk. It's almost as bad as actually doing it, thinking you were capable of doing it! I love the fact Nicola stayed in and made a twonk herself. The twins: 'you didn't embarrass yourself.' You started that rumour! Little stirrers.
Pots and pans wake up call! I've seen that in BBUSA. It's all good fun.
Aw bless, Gareth wants to go see his mummy and daddy. How old is he?! He gave Nicola quite a nice pep talk, really. I like her flamingo jumper.
Uh oh, looks like the twins might be on the shitlist for lying. Denise judging people for being 'pre-alcohol/post-alcohol'! RICH. 'He's become a situation.' No, you're the instigator of that situation. You ARE the situation.
Wow, they've all got the knives out for each other today. Michael is slagging Denise off, too.
I hope Denise watches this show when she gets out and takes a good look at herself. I watched myself drunk on camera once and I was horrified, I was so shrill and annoying, but at least I wasn't berating anyone. And at least it wasn't in front of... however many viewers BB gets these days.
Oh Denise, stop going on about people not asking you questions! No one is that interested in what it's like to work with Kate Thornton, or to fuck that little dude from Auf Weidersen Pet.
I've seen them do this task on BBUSA and it was funny when they got stuck in the treacle.
Denise stuck in the treacle crying was the lols. So Frankie and Georgia are immune from eviction. I don't think either of them would have been up anyway.
Natalie: 'I hate being on my own.' I hate people who hate their own company, there's nothing sadder. It's the hallmark of a really shallow person.
Watching Natalie, Denise and Nicola in full flow brings back memories of the unholy trinity of Jade Goody, Jo O Meara and Danielle Lloyd. It kind of IS psychological warfare.
I am literally agog that Georgia would even contemplate breathing the same oxygen as Kirk Bulldog-Face Norcross. Really? How disappointing.
Oh Denise is sooooo desperate for Michael to like her. She's coming across quite tragic now. No one wants to see your saggy old boobs. I'd go as far as to say they're bullying him now. Why can't they just leave him be?
MM is making a mistake telling Nicola he's going to nominate Denise because that's going to go straight back to her. I swear BB has set up this task just to get Denise out of Michael's hair. If a Hollywood star walks because of a Loose Woman then the producers are going to be really pissed off.
I wouldn't mind spooning with Romeo for a punishment. She's actually obsessed with Michael. She's still going on about him! Ha, they're torturing Denise with Michael's snoring.
Who died and made those twins the arbiter of morals? These are women famous off the back of sleeping with an octegenarian - which I'm not judging, merely pointing out that they're in no position to judge. Twins on Nicola: 'If she's going to walk, let her walk at her weakest point.' That's not the sort of rhetoric you normally hear on UK Big Brother. It's cutthroat and I like it.
I feel like we've missed this 'rift' between Georgia and Kirk. Those twins screw you HARD when they've got you cornered, I'd be doing whatever they said, especially if I was as weak a character as Georgia. Here's a thought: imagine if they won it! Let's make that happen.

Celebrity Big Brother 2012: You've not seen my body of work

Hashtag #killmenow. Please stop them saying fucking 'hashtag'. Twitter has already fallen out of fashion in my opinion: this is just rubbing salt in the wound. All these no-marks going 'hashtag this' and 'hashtag that' is the worst bit of advertising since John McCruick became the poster-pig for Diet Coke.
Sonia to Michael: 'you've not seen my body of work.' Yes, Michael, check her out her giving birth noisily (is there any other way?) and mourning Jamie Mitchell on UK Gold - actually, I don't think this channel even exists anymore.
Why is Nicola retching at Frankie's wank story? She should go see a doctor, I think she's got something stuck in her throat.
Why is Michael shaving Frankie? Ha, is his face all cut up now.
The way Denise talks to Michael is so rude! Why is she being so blunt with him? I feel sorry for her husband if she's talking to a stranger like that. I liked his pisstake of her afterwards.
Nicola going on about Giggs-gate again? Never! What a 'friend' she is.
Michael: 'is Denise an actress?' How long has he been in there? Loose Women is not QUITE like The View. And he's asking what's she doing in there: what's HE doing in there? He's a movie star! He cut off that ear and everything.
I don't get this date thing, is Frankie deliberately being an idiot? Is it that he's got to do it bad the first time and then improve? Ah, yes. They're not very well dressed for this date, they both look like they've got their pyjamas on.
Where's Kirk? I've not seen him all episode. He's probably gone back to TOWIE for the day.
Frankie's got Michael's pyjamas on for the second date. Better already!
Romeo has a very sexy voice. I'd much rather be on the date with him. Kristina seems much nicer than the other one. Mind you, Frankie seems more bearable this time. WTF is 'squim'?
Frankie went from zero on one date to ten on the other!
They should show more of the photo of Romeo smouldering, too! I'd give him 21 seconds to go.
Nicola is soooooo pious! Honestly, you'd think she was Mother Teresa the way she goes on, and not some 2-bit reality show bint with a Deirdre Barlow neck.
I can see why men go for Natasha. I think she's got a sexy vibe about her. She's got a magnetism that Nicola would kill for.
The twins are doing some alliance play. Nicola STFU about Natasha! We KNOW what you think about it already. Put a sock in it.
Is Denise trying to drive MM out of the house? She's like a dog with a fucking Bonio. Can you imagine trying to argue with that? She's a complete psycho! I'd hide under the covers until she'd gone away.
It is literally hot with embarrassment in that hot tub. Things are getting rather... desperate! It's like watching your mum getting amorous. I wish Romeo would come carry me to bed.
MM is putting hairspray on before bed. Very weird.
Sadly I lost the end of this blog as my computer got a virus, told me I'd been downloading child porn (I hadn't!) but if I paid £75 the police would say no more about it! Amazing. Imagine if this system were true. Actually, with our courts, it probably is.
My netbook is still infected and I've been trying to fix it for two hours. I am very, very, very STRESSED. I can't even remember what happened at the end of BB! This is not exactly how I envisaged my Saturday night.
I might get a Mac. I think I might be done with PCs.

Celebrity Big Brother 2012: WAGs on, WAGs off

I shant be voting tonight because I'm not bothered who goes. I'd prefer Natasha to stay but I'm not going to actually bother to vote for her. Let the misogynists go at it instead. Bet they didn't make much money on the phones tonight, either way as there's nothing in it.
They're playing Bloc Party over the wake up bit! Bloc Party must have sold every song off their first album a hundred times over.
Michael, Denise is going to be your friend whether you like it or not. Unlucky.
Not more fucking Jedward, FFS. I LIKE Jedward, and even I want to knock their tiny skulls together.
I'm sooo sick of hearing about the 'perception' of Natasha. So if she goes at least we won't have to suffer through that anymore.
Natasha's brother was a charismatic kind of guy. Nicola's husband has fashioned a scarf out of a bathmat. 'Nicola's like Ronseal...' What, astringent and orange? And what does it say on her tin, 'bitchy nonentity'?
Nicola is such a nosy cow. Why doesn't she mind her own fucking business, I swear she's getting off on the whole Ryan Giggs thing. She wants to know every single thing detail, which surely must be prolonging Natasha's husbands agony, which is what I thought Nicola cared about in the first place. Apparently not if there's a good bit of gossip in it.
I agree with Natasha: there's no point being with someone just to argue about that. Some things are not 'get over-able'. Just make the break.
Twins giving Frankie's clothes a bath: whatevs.
More gratuitous semi-nudity as they make them all dress as Playboy bunnies for the night. You could see Natasha's nipple in that bed! Racy. Kirk has moved on, clearly, to whoever's available.
NATALIE. I hate you so much. 'You think she'd learn, the girl.' You judgemental twonk. Seriously, who would take relationship advice from you? What business is it of yours how Natasha acts, who she gets into bed with? NONE! Nicola: 'I want to help you as a friend.' With friends like you, I'd rather go live in the woods, starving and feral. I REALLY hope Nicola goes now! Damn, should have voted. I'd love to know the percentage in it.
I can't BELIEVE Natasha went. She had the potential to be much more interesting, especially the dynamic between her and Michael and the other girls all being like pious little vipers armed against her. Nicola is going to rule that roost now. Is that what you want? Is it? My boyfriend just said, 'she's going to be like Stalin.'
Natasha actually got a few cheers! I like what she's wearing, I think she looks nice. I like the fact she doesn't grovel to the martyrdom that people try and impose on her. Brian seemed to really like her as well.
Not a good eviction, and not a good show highlights show tonight so sorry my blog was a bit lacklustre. If it's going to be a series where the votes go the opposite way to what I want each time, it could get nasty!

Celebrity Big Brother 2012: We've got an extra bottle of wine *high five*

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Celebrity Big Brother 2012: (Andrew) Stones taught me to fly

Sorry I'm late, I had to wait for my boyfriend to get home to watch it. I wouldn't normally bother, but he actually voted for the first time ever (to keep Andrew Stone!) so I thought I'd better do the right thing.
Apparently word on the street is he's not the only one to vote for the first time in ages, and honestly, could anyone really expend the energy to dial for Georgia? Yes, you're gorgeous. I'm delighted for you. Now go home.
Brian is struggling to read the autocue. He accidentally said something about Kirk being a cunt. Fair enough, say what you see.
Frankie's bedhead is extraordinary. Oh, shopping list times! 500 bananas, please. Hold the food colouring.
I like Karissa picking her sister as the most beautiful in the task. Narcissistic, much? LOL to Nicola being called the Big Bad Wolf. OMG Andrew Stone as the beast: talk about kicking him when he's down.
Fucking hell, Sonia looks rough today. I'm sure I'd slap a bit of mascara on if I was somewhere with wall to wall breast implants: it's worse that an NHS waiting room in there.
Andrew actually looks quite decent in the wolf costume. Hold on, I thought Nicola was the wolf?
Gareth is the LEAST good looking person in that house in my book, well, a tie with Towie. I'd rather shag Andrew Stone. *insert your own homo/heterophobic joke here*
Andrew's mum: 'He's got 30 years in showbusiness.' Has he? Has he really? 30 years bullshitting, more like.
Georgia's friend confirms she is 'human' before admitting he's seen her boobs. Fab. Brian: 'I like it.' Obv.
Kirk suits that pig's outfit. I read on DS he's rich. He neither looks like or talks like he's rich. And what school did he go to? Romeo's not go much swag in that pig outfit, innit. Andrew ordering Romeo not to nominate him again if he stays.
WTF is this Big Bad Wolf song? Sounds like something my boyfriend puts on at 3am on Friday night right before he goes to 'lie down for ten minutes' then passes out.
It's hard to tell if Frankie's got the pig nose on or not, oink oink.
That haystack/ wind machine thing was ridiculous, but it did make me laugh.
It's cruel making Andrew do this task. He IS more attractive than Gareth. I hate Natalie's passive aggressive shit towards Andrew, she's an utter cunt.
Andrew's hair is looking super frazzled. His hair is spelling out his mood.
MM to Andrew: 'you really are useful!' Cruel. The music they played over the foot massage was silly. I like to finish a foot massage by doing the splits, don't you?
Shit, I really hope Andrew isn't going to go. Natalie: 'I don't want Andrew to go.' Bullshit! You've instigated the whole thing. I hate her faux sincerity.
Andrew is out! What a croc. Great, I can't wait to see days of Kirk and Frankie talking about masturbating. This series is turning out to be a bit of a damp squib.
Andrew is leaving via horse and carriage. It's like a flashback to Jordan's wedding. At least the pumpkin is shielding him from the worst of the boos. I'm really disappointed. I feel like sending him out in that outfit is a pisstake, too.
Honestly, I don't feel like I like anyone in that house now. I don't even feel like watching the little crumb of live feed they're serving us up in a thimble.
Frankie, call yourself a rock and roller: nominating someone for being 'out there'?! Idiot.
Aren't you thrilled that we get to watch Gareth and a Loose Woman now, instead of Andrew? I mean, it would be more bearable if it was Carol McGiffin.
Andrew: 'the best relationship you can have is with yourself.' That's a sad statement!
Put your index fingers in the air and say goodbye to Andrew. I thought it was crap when they put him in, I was wrong. He was ace.
I'm holding Sonia personally responsible for this, saying she was scared of a little camp dude. Get a grip, you plate-faced prick.
Come on Georgia, nominate someone decent and redeem yourself. Nominate Nicola! The knives will be out. LOL Nicola and Natasha. Perfect. Oh, Georgia, your life is going to be HELL. Nicola is grim-faced. There's so much bile for both of those that it's hard to choose between them. Nicola is the obvious one to boot; look at her twitching.
I watched five mins of live feed and apparently 'it's all good'. We give it 30 mins until it kicks off. Night!

Celebrity Big Brother 2012: Reservoir horndogs

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Celebrity Big Brother 2012: Tugboat ninny

Do they normally have a gym, or is it only on the celeb version? No wonder Nicola McCow never let her husband see her without her make up on, she's a total Boglin. Keep trowling it on!
Nom noms! I know who's up which takes the joy out of it a bit but it's hard to avoid it each time.
Frankie: 'I need to have a tug, especially looking at those twins.' Er... sex pest? Objectifying? Gross!
So the twins are allowed to talk about noms cos they're as one housemate, right?
Denise is nominating Georgia. Georgia is just the female Bobby Sable. Didn't we learn our lesson from him? Denise is upset that Michael hasn't asked her any questions about herself. Could it be that he doesn't care? Could it?
Nicola coughs like a pig oinking. Keep them twins in! They've seen through Nicola's crap. They're complete arseholes, but I kind of like their robotic cruelty.
Frankie's vote for Andrew was homophobic whether Andrew's gay or not. Frankie is nominating the twins in case he accidentally rapes them, by the sounds of things. Lovely.
MM seems to only be happy when he's talking about himself and his wonderful career. Denise is right, he does take no interest in anyone else. He's funny sometimes, but I don't like him much.
Frankie moaning about people asking to get their photo taken with him. That truly is reality TV eating itself.
How can Nicola not be up? She's rotten.
Georgia: 'there's something false about Andrew.' Hmm, what could it be?
Romeo is doing 'mum nominations': nominating one woman for not washing up and one for being a slag (I'm paraphrasing). They're not showing nearly enough of him lately.
It's interesting that a lot of people have said Andrew makes them feel uneasy. Bless him, he's got no self-awareness.
Missing your kids, Nicola? Well, you know you can always shut the front door after you. *laboured*
Are they allowed to talk nominations? They must be. I don't really admire Georgia's gameplay because what's the point of going in there and not talking to anyone? It's not good viewing. It's not entertaining. It's cheating us, the three viewers.
I really hope MM doesn't nominate Andrew. Oh no, he did. Sad face. Same reason as everyone else. He's hiding something. What if he's not? What if he is just a bit insecure and attention seeking - and straight? What then?!!
Andrew: 'when Natasha has a few drinks she gets quite loud and opinionated.' Heaven forbid. Frankie and Kirk the Crazy Frog do both objectify women. It's like they did work experience at Nuts magazine and never left.
I feel sorry for Andrew. But I think no matter how many times you tell him he's this and that, he'd never listen. I feel like the 'baddies' have teamed up against Andrew due to the lax nomination talk rules.
Didn't like Sonia dissing Andrew. There's nothing wrong with being ambitious. Where will you be next year, back with your trumpet going back out with a wife beater?
Of all the annoying, self-obsessed arsehole people in that house why is Georgia up? It doesn't make sense.
Ha, just noticed the twins have two-tone hair. Is that still fashionable in America? It hasn't been seen in the UK since the late nineties. Except on Andrew Stone.
Georgia's body! I'd swap. She's got proper cartoon character proportions. She might be a hologram.
Andrew Stone (have you noticed he's one of those people you can't refer to by first name alone? It has to be Andrew Stone, never Andrew) looks miffy-ied. He's having a little sulk, I think. 'It is what it is. What will be will be.' Oh dear, he's completely mentalz. I like this 'Video Games' song! This is the most mainstream thing I've liked since Coldplay.
Michael is a backstabber! I'll never forgive him for this. Never! Andrew's (OK I'm breaking my own rule) profile picture is super, especially when he's going down a shame spiral.
Romeo's coat looks like he's sticking his head out of a flower. Disturbing. I hate it when girls on these programmes show each other their plastic or otherwise boobs. Girls DONT DO THAT. OK, a friend of mine showed me her pierced nipples once. But I didn't ask her to.
Andrew is taking this nomination REALLY well, isn't he? He's absolutely fine with it. Really. It's all good. I don't give a fuck.
Andrew: 'I've been very giving, very loving and very funny.' WTF! Who talks about themselves like that? Lock away the knives, please.
Nicola can take the piss out of Andrew all she likes, but I'd like to see her reaction when she gets put up.
Andrew: talking about himself in the third person. Check. Referring to himself as 'Andrew Stone'. Check. Making a complete knob of himself: check. Him to stay, then! Save him. It'll really piss off the others, too. Win/win!

Celebrity Big Brother 2012: Listen here, Justin Beiber

Yay! The day they all start fighting. Knew it wouldn't take too long after the 'we all get along so well - everyone in here is so nice' conversation.
Two days in a row now I've heard people say 'shut the front door' instead of 'shut the fuck up.' I prefer 'shut the fuck up.'
I don't think Kirk and Frankie are going to bring out the best in each other. It's like Aden and Anton again: two silly boys pretending to be the big man. Do people really say 'hashtag something'? It's cringier than 'OK.com'. #notdownwiththekids
Where did Jodie Marsh spring from? I think she looks quite cool. I like her hair. I have a soft spot for the Marsh. The bile she brings out in people is inexplicable. She's mad, but she's not bad.
This task is just an excuse for the cameramen to letch over all the bodies, isn't it?
Have you seen Andrew do the splits yet? I haven't!
Jodie Marsh looks tiny! Her face looks alright again now, she doesn't look so botoxed and weird as recentlyand her boobs look more natural, too.
I couldn't eat a raw egg for a million quid. I don't do eggs. I can barely even watch. Why is Nicola McAnnoying retching?
The pose off is going on too long. Zzzz. Should have got Jodie Marsh to have given a powerpoint lecture on animal rights instead.
Aw to them bitching about Andrew being his back! Nicola seems like the instigator. Is he going to become the underdog? The people's champ? He's not going to take it well if they put him up. He's going to have a meltdown.
There's not much to write about these sporty tasks. I prefer the twins moaning about the boys putting their hands down their pants? 'It's disrespectful in front of girls, especially women like us.' Like what?! Joyless slightly melted Barbie dolls?
MM: 'I think people are running out of friendliness.' Nicely put. That's a feeling I know only too well.
I liked it when that twin dissed Kirk and then looked all pleased with herself.
And now a chef is it the house. Remember when Big Brother involved 'no contact with the outside world'? Me neither. Yeah thanks for the food, Aldo, just get us a KFC next time, yeah?
Andrew on the twins: 'I can't work out which one's which.' MM: 'does it matter?' Quite. The Reservoir dog and the dance teacher are a bit of an unlikely friendship. I like Andrew Stone's OTT laugh.
Twinbots: 'we're hot and fit and smart.' And modest, and likeable.
Ah, they're mainlining lager. Let the fighting commence. Those twins are getting loud and sweary because they're drunk. Frankie is going to cry in the DR because they called him Justin Bieber. Oh and no one will shag him.
MM is not appreciating the twap. Who can blame him?
I can't wait to see Nicola hang herself. Georgia doesn't need 'anything about her' when she's got those boobies, you idiot. The way Kirk retold that story about one of the twins telling them to shut up was a complete whitewash. Him and Nicola can both fuck off. The only way is eviction.

Celebrity Big Brother 2012: That's Al for you

Oh, they are still putting the names up on the screens! I take it back. We are still being patronised.
I've gone off Natasha Giggs already. She's quite blasé about everything. I liked MM digging her out. He was asking some very personal questions. 'My sister wouldn't do that'. Well, that's what we'd all like to think, isn't it?
Andrew: 'When I perform, I completely forgot I have a profile.' Yeah, right. This is a dude that probably masturbates into a mirror. I've decided he's quite good entertainment, though. He's so ludicrous you just have to go with it. Plus he's going to give me all my blog titles. Oh, he's from Kettering. I used to know a nutter from Kettering (I'm from Northampton). It figures. 'I was born in 1972...' Who talks like this about themselves? Only someone who's making up their age.
Michael Madsen's skin looks like old leather today. I can relate to Romeo feeling upset about wearing silk pyjamas. Silk sheets are gross, you slide all over the place. I bought silk sheets once thinking they'd be romantic and knocked my drink flying three nights in a row. Binned them after that.
I feel sorry for Frankie begging for an invite to the Playboy mansion. What a narrow, sad little world view he has and what a low opinion of women. I watched Jamie East's show and those twins seemed like absolute horrors. Yeah right, they never slept with Hugh Hefner. 'We always had to be smiling.' Yeah, through gritted teeth, right before they sucked the Twiglet of Doom.
What have those twins been arrested for?! Bet it was drunk driving, lol. Denise took so many class A's she thought she'd made an award winning film.
Those twins are wrong 'uns. Hit someone with a beer bottle? They're soulless! This IS like the Priory. LOL to Andrew's X factor story. They should have kept Romeo's suitcase longer.
Andrew Stone's delusions of grandeur are a joy to behold. He truly is a one-off. Argued with his girlfriend indeed! Was he reading her a fairy story at the time?
This task is quite smart as it's encouraging people continue to to dish the dirt on themselves after it finished. Cunning.
It is cowardly writing a letter to tell your husband that you're cheating. But I don't really want to pass judgement too much as that makes me the same as all the misogynists queuing up to lynch her.
The conversation: 'Were they really expensive, your boobs?' 'Ten grand.' makes me weep.
I've been informed the evil twins have bum implants. They should have had personality implants at the same time.
This geography thing makes me ashamed to be human. The fact that he doesn't know where America in is actually disturbing and embarrassing, and a matter for national humiliation. I can't stand this kid. American's are known for their geographical ignorance; we shouldn't be. What a dimlo. If there's one thing I can't stand it's people who are proud of being thick, and that's this Towie lot's currency. That Kirk is so fucking ugly. If he honestly believes that Georgia is going to get off with him, then his next career is teaching geography.
Natalie: the principle characteristic of being a gay guy is sleeping with men, so if he says he's not, then I guess we have to take his word for it, if it makes him happy. Maybe he's gay but he's never had a gay experience. Who knows?
MM's name dropping was legendary. He's so stand-offish and then he just needles secrets out of people or has a brag-fest. Nice.
What is with Nicola digging the dirt on Natasha? I thought she was appalled by the morality, seems like she wants to know every single detail like some sort of pervert.
Kirk: 'are your eyelashes fake, are your boobs fake?' What a way to chat someone up! My boyfriend says whenever he sees someone called Kirk he thinks of Kirk from Corrie. So just think of Kirk from Corrie every time you set eyes on Towie Kirk. Except Kirk from Corrie is more handsome. He's making SUCH a dick of himself. Does he HONESTLY believe she'd get off with him? When he looks in the mirror, what does he see? Because I see a pasty-faced little Crazy Frog lookalike. Bit duff tonight. More booze for the housemates, please.

Celebrity Big Brother 2012: You look at things very three dimensionally

Fuck man, someone ticked the box that says 'blah' under my blog. Better up my game! Shall I just go 'I like it! I like it! I like it!' instead? OK I promise, I'll be nice tonight. Hahahaha!
Natalie probably takes her shoes off at home in case someone gets mad and beats her with it. No sharp objects in the Cassidy household. Flip flops only. Bless her though, I still think she did ace. Is she 'the chosen one' now?
I didn't even realise MM was in Free Willy, I thought she was (well, BB was) taking the piss.
What a massive honour to be on BB, Andrew Stone. Yes, that's why Posh and Angelina are sitting in there right now chatting to Cruise and JLo. The celebs are breaking down the proverbial door.
I've decided I don't think I like this rugby dude. He seems like a boring git. I'm basing that on not very much, admittedly, but also my boyfriend read an interview with him and said he came across like an arse.
I read today Nicola Mccuntrag is 28! Is she buggery. I love the twins sitting there stony-faced, like two grumpy plastic book-ends.
I hope the Noirin/Kardashian hybrid has got some character. Please don't let all the pretty girls be vacuous. It's bad for the woman brand.
Natasha: 'ex footballer's wife'. Shouldn't that be 'footballers ex-wife'? I like the way she dealt with Nicola, like she couldn't give two fucks. She might be alright, who knows? Who's going to hold their mealy-mouths shut until we find out?
When Natalie said 'plus size' to the porno twins they looked baffled, like they'd never heard of such a thing. Plus sized? Is that above a size 2? We don't have that on our planet.
Romeo schmoozing Denise Welch. Nice. They're actually doing this 're-cap' bit quite well, they're not labouring it too badly. At least they're giving us little crumbs we hadn't seen before. Have you noticed they're not doing the patronising names on the screen? How will I know who's who? Might have to pay attention! No, mammy!
And these words might come back to haunt me, but I have a feeling I'm going to like Frankie. There: I said it!
I bet Andrew is regretting applying that blusher in Adam Ant style when he's trying to chat up Georgia. 'I'm 39. I'm an old man.' No reaction.
Romeo: I love it when boys call people 'boss' it's really cute. He seems like a decent guy so far.
Andrew is 39, has he mentioned it? He's also 'very straight.' Do straight people need to qualify their straightness by saying 'very' straight? They very don't.
'You look at things three dimensionally.' What the fuck does that mean? Do you need special glasses for that? Andrew truly is the prince of poppycock.
Apparently Gareth's friends with Ryan Giggs. I like Natasha already, she just seems down to earth, which I suppose she would, as she's notorious, not famous.
This task got even worse for poor Natalie! Poor thing.
Loving MM's condom talk. That DR chair is alright, innit. I never got a proper look at it last night.
That's the first time I've seen the twins look animated when they said they might not get their suitcase. I don't think Natalie deserved to fail. She couldn't have done more. Is Romeo too good to be true? Can anyone be that charming and affable? I thought So Solid were all bwad bwoys?
Love Denise flirting with Romeo. Can't wait to see him in Nicola's dressing gown. Wow, MM's pyjamas are amazing. Where would you buy those buggers?
The bedroom looks good. I like the furry throws. I like it, I like it! Etc.
Frankie first in the hot tub! I should think so, my son. Banged any birds yet?
Romeo: 'my swag's gonna be a mess.' Love him commenting on the pyjamas. I like his turn of phrase.
Andrew's 15-year marriage clap for MM was the cringe. Is MM hinting that Andrew should put his clothes away for him? I certainly hope so. Andrew should be MM's bitch. Make yourself useful.
Twin 1 got bored in the Playboy mansion. She's going to get bored in the BB house, then. Moaning about all night parties. Yeah, it's a trial, isn't it? Well, it is when you have to suck that rotten old cock at the end of it, right?
Those sausages look absolutely vile. MM wants paper plates. Does he want someone to squeeze his toothpaste out for him like Prince Charles, too?
I don't think Natasha should over-egg this 'the way I've been portrayed in the media' thing. What you did was shitty, media or no but no one could really give that much of a fuck. I don;t wake up in a cold sweat thinking about Imogen Thomas, let alone Natasha Giggs. Glynn, if anything. Now, just don't mention it and let people get to know you.
I like Denise's pyjamas. Her family were probably worried about her making a twat of herself. They're probably going to be proved right. Actually, I don't mind her thus far. And we all know she gets the party started... sniff! Hey, she can sort Frankie out, they both like a bit of the naughties.
Nicola: 'I tend to act a personality.' What?! Can you imagine saying such a thing? Her whole persona is an act. She's a façade in the shape of a humanoid.
LOL to Romeo in MM's pyjamas. They are proper pimp stylee. So not impressed with this Kirk dude, either. He's not doing it for me in any way shape or form. Especially not when they zoom in on him scratching his nuts.
Liking the series very much so far. From this episode I think Romeo could EASILY win it. Easily. Now, don't do anything to prove me wrong!

Celebrity Big Brother 2012: Launch show

Warning! This blog is homophobic, then sexist, then racist. But as it's all bases covered, I think it cancels itself out. If not, arrest me for hate crimes. I'll go quietly.
Why, Big Brother, back so soon? Thank God, my blog's been deader than the Brand nuptials. Brian is looking quite chic in his leather gloves.
They're getting on with it quick, I love it! No turgid trawls around the house. Davina, you're a dim and distant memory. The house looks good from the little they've shown.
First up: Natalie Cassidy. Trumpet times. I hope they're putting her ex in as well, restraining order permitting. I used to think she was alright but then I watched a show with her in and she was insufferable. What weight is she now, as that's the only currency she sells magazines in. Do you think she's as famous as it's going to get? I do.
They've called her to the Diary Room (DR secret task at the ready!) I hope they're going to give her a trumpet and force her to say she takes it everywhere with her. Oh they've given her an ear piece and they're going to embarrass her. Well she's an actress, she should be able to handle it.
JLO is advertising Fiat now? Ok.
Is Michael Madsen a big druggie, or is that the other one who's dead? Tom Sizemore would have been good. Is he the dead one? I saw him on Celeb Rehab a while back. This guy should be good, looks like he's going to take some names. Loving his blond highlights! Super.
Brian seems to be stuck in an 'I like it' loop. Quick, replace his batteries, or failing that, pull his string.
Lovely shirt Michael's got on. I think Sonia is ingratiating himself with him. I've decided to just call her Sonia, it's easier. Welcome pack times! Michael: 'it's a good gig'. He's here for the cash, obv. Friends with Vinnie Jones? I hope he's not going to commandeer the kitchen and get beaten by a snowman-destroying orange bonehead like the V man. Actually, that was ace.
OMG Andrew (gall) Stone! Really? I can't stand this twonk. That really is beyond the pale. He's already said about fifteen cliches in a row. A tenner on MM to knock his block off. Do you mind if I call Michael Madsen MM because I always have to think how to spell Michael, it's like a mental hole in my brain. Let's do nicknames for everyone, that won't be confusing, will it? Looks like they've been using the same Sun-In as him, too. Andrew actually looks better than I've ever seen him look before. He is a total bender though, I don't care what anyone says. I just ran the phrase 'total bender' past a member of the LGBT community and apparently it's completely unacceptable, even when you use it about a closet case. I take it back. I actually feel like Andrew's a bit low rent for Big Brother. Low rent for Big Brother! Can you imagine?
Brian: 'I like that!' Is he nervous or what? I hope someone's told him off in the break.
Next up are some siblings who have both sucked Hugh Hefner's grisly old cock. Their noses look a bit peculiar, too. I'm sure they're lovely girls, though. Great personalities.
Hold on, why didn't BB make Sonia have a go at Andrew Stone? Too easy?
I bet those twins have never seen someone as ugly as Natalie Cassidy. They normally have to get paid to hang around people that disgusting. Well they're getting paid, but at least they're not having to fuck someone for it.
Frankie is going to wind me up something chronic but he's going to be an entertaining housemate because of that. Tonight's going to be a good, good night! Shagging birds! Phwoar! Skinny jeans! Boooooooo! I think he might even be too much of a caricature for me to get annoyed with him. It's like getting annoyed at Rugrats.
Frankie: 'I'm not fussy.' LOL. That must be a comfort to all the 'birds' he's 'shagged'.
Michael to Frankie: 'that's quite a hairdo you've got there.' Indeed.
Andrew Stone smarming up to Frankie Cocozza must be a new low on NATIONAL television. Desperation!
Natalie is actually being a good sport. OK, I'll call her Natalie whilst she's being cool, when she's being a dick again, it's back to Sonia, and back on the naughty step with the trumpet. Kissing Frankie! Well, he said he wasn't fussy.
The two Barbies look stiff as a board. You probably have to stick some money in a slot at the back of their necks every half an hour to reanimate them.
Well, so far in this blog I've been homophobic and sexist. Hopefully they'll put a black person in in a minute so I can do the full Diane Abbott.
The line up is actually looking quite good so far.
Ah, the first outwardly gay rugby player. He can give Andrew a talking to about coming out of the closet. Sportspeople aren't very interesting though, are they? It's all about eating raw eggs and having to win everything. I can't be bothered with it. Him and Michael to chum up as the alpha males.
I think Brian is on a secret host task to say he loves everything, bless him. He's cracking under the pressure.
I HATE Nicola Mclean. Anorexic, thick, bitchy, acrylic hair, she's just a waste of what little space she's still taking up. I can't STAND people who don't let their husbands see them without their make-up on, crazy Stepford wife behaviour. I like the fact Nicola called Natalie 'Sonia from Eastenders', though. The ultimate diss. Still, at least 'Sonia from Eastenders' is a real job that requires talent. I don't like the impression that Nicola made already coming in and 'fuming' about not being given booze. What a harridan.
They should have made Natalie say something nasty to Nicola like 'your tan is streaky' or 'your boob job is really good.' I think Natalie really hates her. And who wouldn't? Is Sonia going to end up becoming my hero?
You could tell MM liked Frankie as soon as he came in. You know when you just see someone and know they're a bit of rough like you? I think it was like that.
I don't know who people off TOWIE are because if I want to watch bad acting, I just stick Eastenders on and wait for a Moon to come on the screen. I hate the fact these Towie people are on everything because they're thick and uninteresting. It was bad enough when we had to suffer through Jack Tweed and his magnetic armpit of a personality.
Next up is the Bobby Sable of the group, Kim Kardashian lookalike 'swimwear model' someone something or other. Did Brian Dowling just call her 'it'? He's on fire tonight, he's more offensive than I am! My boyfriend just said Brian 'looks like a murderer from the 1800s in that outfit.'
Too many dolly 'birds' in that house. Where are the intellectuals?! Failing that, where's the male totty? (My principles are reasonably flexible)
They've changed the bath. It's not 'the shape of an egg t.m' anymore!
It's going to be like Heathers in there with all the Barbie's teaming up against Natalie's natural grotbagsness. Fight the plastics!
A few Big Brother topics are finally trending on Twitter! It's a miracle.
Next up: Natasha Giggs. Is she a celebrity? Booooooo, burn the witch! Slut! Etc. It IS wrong that someone is 'famous' for sleeping with someone. But it's BB who's put her in there. And what's wronger will be the outpouring of anti-female hate we'll have to hear for the next three weeks. At least she looks like a real person. LOL her mum has to tape it and censor it before her babies see it 'because they don't need to know about Uncle Ryan' says my boyfriend. The hate is beginning right on this sofa!
LOL to Nicola going 'I shouldn't have made judgements'. Her feet must be getting tired from all that back-peddling.
I thought Romeo from So Solid Crew was Alesha Dixon's ex. But that's Harvey. Harvey is a hottie. This guy, not so much. OK here's my final offensive thing for the full house: how come black people can say 'tasks' but not 'ask'? Have I taken it too far now? I will issue a full Twitter apology tomorrow. No I'll issue it right now. I'm not a racist!
Romeo's real name is Marvin Dawkins. Ace. I will endeavour to call him that from time to time. He seems very charming. 21 seconds to go, etc.
What did MM just whisper to Romeo? 'There's a lot of chickens in here...' Romeo: 'say no more'. The plot thickens! I loved that exchange.
That's mean of Big Brother to say to Natalie 'tell them you do a lot of modelling'. She looked really embarrassed. I don't like them humiliating her like that, it's unnecessary as she probably feels self-conscious in that house full of dollies anyway. Slapped wrist, BB. I love the blank looks from the Americans about Eastenders. Sonia: 'Eastenders is like Dallas.'
Denise Welch! I know for a FACT she's still a massive cokehead. Don't ask me how I know, but I know someone who knows. *taps nose* Allegedly, in case she sues me. I hope that's not real fur. It doesn't really look like it as it's a bit ratty, hardly Kelly Rowland-esque (I'm still joking, I don' t support animal cruelty, or racism, or oppression in any form. Except against Towie cast members.)
They should make Natalie say something mean about Denise's coat. Aw, holding hands is too cute. Let the chickens cluck! I'm surprised no one has twigged she's on a task. I think Natalie did brilliant. She's earned her keep. Crying is not that weird in the Big Brother house. Rebeckah (remember her?) cried when she first walked in. I can see Natalie and Denise being mates. They're both common as muck.
This flashback at the end is weird. It's been so good this season! Nah, the line up is alright, but could have done with one handsome indie boy. Now where is that crumb of live feed they've promised us?