Big Brother 2011 - Swear down now on your mother's life

I thought Faye handled herself very well last night in the face of Brian's pathetic spitefulness. I liked it when she said she still loved him despite extreme provocation. In a way it's sad to see Faye go but I don't know why because I couldn't stand her. I suppose it's because it's a victory for Jay's team, isn't it?
Alex drinking full fat coke in bed for breakfast! Yum. My friend Kellie is here and she said (rather belatedly) 'it was sad to see Mark go.' No it wasn't!
Do you think Aaron is going to be wearing that fleece on final night?
I wish I had never had to see Louise in the diary room again, she's such a drip. I notice Aaron has to be forced to say 'I love you' back to Faye.
I'm so tired of Jay and Louise. So, so tired. A week of this is going to be depressing. It's hard to write this blog because my friends are talking too much. And also because it's all filler.
I think Louise just made a vulgar comment about Aaron going down on Faye. Yucks.
I don't like Faye's roman necklace, and I don't like her failed prayer to God.
Louise had bad controller's leg before she got evicted. I do admire Faye's eyebrows.
Alex: 'Faye is free-spirited.' No. DOES Aaron love Faye? I think he does in his own weird way.
The money-splitting convo: would YOU trust Aaron? At least he can do the sums, but after votegate who could trust him? Plus notice he said the winner gets the 50K plus the 10K hehe.
Will money tear them apart? Maybe, they're not that close anyway. Big Brother isn't going to let them split it between them like that anyway.
Jay: 'I'm not wired up right.' True. One week to go.

Big Brother 2011 - How mean is your spouse?

What is this song they're all dancing to? Z-Sync? Aaron is being super camp today. I reckon he had that child in quick so he can come out in his mid-thirties. I don't think I could go out with someone with the music taste of a 12-year-old girl.

Kim Woodburn is in the house! Should have sent Lauren Harries in instead.

I liked Alex's reaction to drinking the 'virgin mary' (non-alcoholic bloody mary). I'd go 'eww' too. I'm desperately trying to think of a virgin mary pun on my name. Spill-over virgin mary? Low-lit virgin mary? Up-turned virgin mary? Oh dear, as Aaron would say.

Those bucking bronco things look like they'd give you a cheap thrill if you were a girl. Yet at the same time, this task is anti-erotic.

Faye and Louise's sex talk was funny. 'Can you imagine Aaron at it?' 'No,' says his girlfriend.

Jay should have cling-filmed both legs at once. He probably gets off on that sort of stuff.

Aaron's faith in Faye: 'she'd take her top off for the right money.' Niiiiiiiiiiice. Mind you, how can we believe anything anyone says after John Crab 'magazine deal' Eyes James betrayed us all. by selling his soul to OK for a set of decks and a roll around with Josie.

Health and safety, Louise has banged her leg on a shelf. LOL to them deliberately rolling in the paint. If Aaron did that he'd be crucified. My eye would definitely be on the food for a week, not the transient thrills of a roll in some blue paint.

I quite like the skirts the ladies are wearing, they're quite demure. Aaron and Alex were quite fun in that task.

Tom: 'say hello to Aggie!' to Kim. I don't think they speak any more. Not sure where I read that, probably in the Daily Mail.

I like watching Faye pretending to be friendly to Louise and Louise pretending she likes Faye when they've been nominating other for weeks.

Tom looks like Where's Wally today. I didn't realise that smoking area was undercover - they've got all the mod cons, haven't they?

If this is the happiest Faye has been in her life, she must have had an awful life. So much for that wonderful friends and family, hey?

Jay saying 'you're my little princess' is creepy! He'll be giving it 'call me daddy' in a week's time.

Sorry my blog is duff, it's because we're coming to the end of days! BB needs to stir it up, quick.

Btw, I might miss the eviction tomorrow. But then Faye and Louise are hardly the big guns. I'll be here at some point over the weekend, probably when we're being force-fed thirty minutes of highlights.

Big Brother 2011 - I'm getting a semi

Please excuse me, I'm delirious and my computer aint much better.

Tom's tea frost! Perhaps a pash with Aaron would cheer him up. Jay's relationship advice isn't really worth the paper it's crayoned on. I think I'd rather have Aaron blowing hot and cold on me.

My boyfriend has Aaron's pyjama bottoms on. And it's not like an accident, he bought them from TKMaxx this week.

Yay, bring on Aaron and Jay's intellectual conversation. Sauna chat! Stephen Hawking - check. They should have shown that bit they showed on BOTS about the universe being in the shape of a horseshoe, that was much better. This cake-baking stuff is zzzz.

Jay mentioning shit - check! Is anything going to happen this episode? Ah, bad feelings about the couples task, good. Aaron and Alex's portrayal of Jay and Louise didn't mention shit! Fail.

I like the way Jay dropped his rap onto the next line like Eminem and his window pane/pain.

Louise: 'I love your little weird hands.' about Aaron. Cut to Aaron. Not a real smile. The Aaron/ Faye/ Maisy triangle was quite accurate. Tom's got the fleece on!

Aaron looks livid! 'I like to dress up in women's underwear' LOL. I can see some silent treatment coming on. You can't say Aaron doesn't provide the entertainment. His face says it all.

Aaron: 'Tom's insinuating I'm a paedophile.' Hardly. I wish Faye would just tell him to grow up and stop pandering to him.

Aaron: 'is this what you're wearing today?' WTF? The only reason you would ever say that is a negative reason. Clothes-gate!

'I'm falling in love with you. Aaron.' Only Faye could say that like 'I'm going for my STD results.'

Faye and Aaron are even arguing about dancing to A Million Love Songs!

I hope Tom and Alex do make it to Disney. Alex looked sick at the thought of Tom's willy! It's nice to watch someone have 'the best time ever'. It's not often you can pinpoint the best times ever until long after. And even then... you might not remember them.

Big Brother 2011 - Dappy is beautiful. Discuss.

This blog is a race against time before my computer breaks, I might have to finish it off on my phone. Two seconds in and Louise has mentioned the toilet! Shocker. She admits she knew what she was doing about the nominations. Will someone tell a very biased Brian Dowling and Jeff Brazier?

Why is Jay crawling up Aaron's arse? Oh, I know, that suitcase 'blu-tacked' to the wall. I'd like to see them blue tack 100K to the wall. I'd like to see Jay do it.

Let's get this straight right now, Louise is no saint, no sacrificial lamb. She voted for Faye as revenge for Aaron putting her up. Let's not pretend any different.

Another trite romantic gesture from Jay! Marriage material? He's not even one night stand material. 'I'm a good drawer!' He's no Rolf Harris.

Why is Faye doing a Northern Irish for Brian?

Aaron is 'being made to feel like he's done something wrong' LOL - just like Vincent Tabak. Aaron just admitted he liked Alex better than Faye. Well, who can blame him? But even Faye's not speaking to him now!

Those egg puns were getting on my nerves. I wouldn't like to eat my dinner in the DR with a camera in my face, it would put me off.

What sane person says their ideal man is Dappy? And he's beautiful?! Alex. You need a stronger prescription, glasses and meds-wise.

Aaron does hold an impressive grudge. I'm so crap at grudge holding! I had to call the police on one of my friends once and I still made up with them later. I'm lame at having enemies. Oh, actually, I can hold grudges with my family quite decently, scratch that.

As IF Aaron is going to go with Faye when he's out in the world! She's the 'best of a bad bunch' (in his eyes). And she's not even that!

Jay trying to win round of Aaron: 'you look like you've just been dug up.' Jay is being quite sweet 'politics is interesting'. Jay's the new Brian Cox. Jay is playing the game, but he's playing smart at the moment, smarter than Aaron. He could win it right now, but two weeks is a long time in that house.

Faye is right, who sits in front of their girlfriend and says 'I've got nothing in common with people in here.' You'd just be like 'what the fuck?' She just sits there sour, though, why doesn't she confront him? And I don't mean whining, I mean screaming! Are you glad you kept her in instead of Harry? Are you? Are you?!

I know what sort of films Jay can do, x-rated ones with Louise. Give it six months.

That Jay vs Aaron moon/ deep blue sea debate better be on the fucking highlights tomorrow. I need a good laugh.

Big Brother 2011 - And if the devil is six, then Aaron is seven

I just noticed that I never had Alex as a tag on my blog! WTF. So sorry, Alex. Especially as you're probably going to win it. And you're ace.

We were laughing when we saw Faye talking to Jay as you never see them talking. Then my boyfriend said 'imagine what Faye's mum would think if she was going out with Jay!' Fresh pillowcases, anyone? Aaron looks like Aled Jones in comparison.

Louise: 'my family's waiting for me.' ARE they? They told you to behave yourself BEFORE he said he was going to 'fuck you so hard your kidneys' were going to come out of your arsehole'. Not that that is really your fault. Except it is, because you fancy the disgusting pig! Honestly, put a pig in a vest and I'd rather fuck it than him. At least it would have manners.

Faye can't cook an egg. Get Glynn in to show her how it's done. Ahh ooh, ahh ooh. *this reference is for old people*

Jay pissing in the pool! Is there no beginning to his decorum? Can you imagine if a woman went on the way he did, talking about rimming, peeing in the pool and shitting off a cliff (Louise's name is Cliffe, incidentally - insert Sun-style pun here). He's worse than the book Wetlands, which describes all bodily functions in such graphic detail I had to give up on it halfway through.

Louise looks good as a witch.

Aaron IS the brains of the operation. I couldn't have worked out how to do the nominations so quickly. It's a bit boring them trying to fix it, though. Tom looks good as a skeleton, too. He's got heroin chic. Jay can't feel the electric shocks because he's such a meathead. I can't tell if these nominations are real now, but I know they're gonna fuck it up.

Notice they've made Aaron the devil! Editing! I liked Jay nominating Faye for her nighttime moaning at Aaron virtually word for word.

Aaron has fucked the 'two votes each' system! Love it. Underhand. Is he pretending he did it accidentally? He IS a gameplanner! He IS the devil! I like it.

Louise looks mad as hell as the witch. She enjoyed nominating Aaron. I LOVED her nominating Faye, too! Revenge. Her reasons for nominating we're spot on!

Uh oh, Aaron is going to get it in the NECK! The rivalries are back on. Faye's going to shit! Ah, if Louise had voted for Tom everyone would have been up!

Aaron admits he know exactly what he was doing! That's unfair, that shouldn't have been his decision to make. Even Louise knew he did it on purpose.

Aaron is playing a VERY dangerous game. But he's ALWAYS played a dangerous game. I really want Faye to go this week! And for Aaron to have the blood on his hands.

Interesting to see Tom covering for Aaron. But so he should, Aaron saved his arse. But Aaron is right, Tom and Alex doesn't to be up. No one could bring themselves to nominate Alex and Tom.

Aaron is shifting the blame onto Louise quite effectively. I admire his chutzpah.

Louise HASN'T sacrificed herself, she was after Faye because she was pissed off with Aaron, plus she couldn't work out the maths.

This could be good for Louise going up against a grumpy Faye. I bet Jem and the harridan mum are throwing things against the TV right now! Eat that!

Aaron, you shouldn't have voted for who you wanted to after telling everyone else something else. That's not an even playing field. He doesn't decide who goes in the final. Why isn't Jay kicking off?

Go on Louise, play the sympathy card HARD. This will be the end of Faye and Aaron. 'If it's my time to go, it's my time to go'! Ding ding! Let's evict that miserable cow Faye, and teach Aaron about who gets to be in that prestigious final.

Why is Tom saying 'I hate Aaron' now? I'm confused!

Yes Aaron, you DO need to explain yourself in that DR chair. It was YOU who suggested the split vote! Him talking principles is hilarious! He'll sell them for anything cashable...

OMG everyone hates Aaron now. It would have been the chivalrous thing to do for them all to split the vote. Aaron was underhand, not principled. He should have pretended he fluffed it, at least.

Aaron is worried Alex will go! He might get a big shock on final night when she beats him. Aaron does NOT love Faye if he says he'd give Alex that free pass over her. If he said that to me and I was his alleged girlfriend I'd go fucking MENTAL. I'd rip his fucking head off. For once in her life she's got every right to be pissed off. Although let's not forget, she's put him up before. He doesn't give a shit, he really doesn't.

Oh Aaron. Jeff Brazier is going to be so mad at you, whilst Jenny Frost leers and twitches by his side on OKTV like a melting ventriloquist's dummy.

Aaron, Aaron, Aaron. You play the game kamikaze style. I love you one minute and hate you the next. But I like it! I like all my ambivalent feelings. That's entertainment. Aaron FTW!

Big Brother 2011 - R&B's atrocious

Sorry I missed you last night, I was off at a party (shocker). It was touching to see how upset everyone was about Harry going, especially Alex. I love the fact Tom and Alex snog but don't mention it to each other or anyone else, it's very cool.

Jay drinking beer and belching was so gross. I think Louise is going to be so mortified in 6 months when they've split up and she looks back and sees her simpering by his side as he acts like a complete fucking animal. It was nice to see Aaron and Jay having a hug last night, though.

I love the description of Alex and Tom's conversations: 'what's your favourite tooth? What's your favourite toe?' It's a wonderful thing to behold.

Aaron's tattoo of a skull with a top hat on is sooooo naff. It suggests a severe lack of judgement.

I certainly hope Jay doesn't kill himself on his self imposed sauna task! Sauna's are so gross, I can't stand going in them, it's not natural.

Love Aaron picking Jay up on calling women 'birds'.

The secret mission is quite funny. Tom was quite a good choice for that task. Oh well, at least he got out of doing the cleaning.

This chipmunk task is like the club singer round in Shooting Stars. Nice to see Faye laughing and enjoying herself. Makes a bloody change. Jay singing Love Machine was also amusing just because it's quite incongruous. Dancing in the Moonlight is so perfect for Aaron to sing, that's probably playing in his car full time as he drives round Surrey or wherever he's from.

Aaron is going for the full Morrissey's 'reggae is vile' quote with 'r&b's atrocious'. He's right though, isn't he? Britpop and boy bands would have been much more pleasant. I wouldn't even sit in the same room that (most) r&b was playing. But you know Big Brother will try and spin this to 'Aaron's a racist' even though he's right, the music is rubbish and sexist. I'd be really disappointed if I could have had a bit of Moz and instead they played Neyo, or some shit. I like Aaron's 'cut-off-my-nose-to-spite-face' policy, I'm big on that, too. And I don't like Indian food, either! Look, I'm not a racist *points at Aaron*.

I've never seen Jay wear his winter babygro before. It's nice to hear Jay and Louise talking mushy in a way, because it reminds me of that early bit of a relationship when you can't think of anything else except this all-consuming passion. Nice feelings! Just with less farting.

Aaron is definitely playing up to the cameras tonight! Little bastard dancing in the loo on his own. He is so acting up. He's treading a fine line, that one.

They've all got onesies on! When did this happen? Who's sponsoring them!?