Celebrity Big Brother 2013: Final - headache!

I like the sign saying 'Anyone but Speidi.' I don't like the series recap at the beginning, it should be at the end. Is it for people who haven't watched the whole series but want to watch the final? Can't see it somehow.
Here's all the ex-housemates we've grown to love. Oh. God, what a drabble. I only like Lacey.
Urgh, I hate the last minute pleas! I hope Toadie's out first. Spencer's eviction outfit seems to be a coat. Brian is wearing a green velvet jacket. Leprechaun times! I don't like Claire's ringlets, she looks like an overgrown child. Spencer should do the talking, not Heidi, as we learnt on the live feed last night, more of which later.
Here's the order I want them out: Ryan, Claire, Razor, Spontag, Rylan. Toadie's got some strategy there using his speech to say 'vote for Rylan'. That's some toadying right to the end!
There is SO MUCH Rylan backlash right now! But it don't matter, he still got this baby in the bag and I'll be £90 richer tonight.
Spencer: 'acquaintances.' What a grinch. I normally hate these last suppers, but this one was fantabulous. Here's what I learnt from the live feed last night: Spontag are lushes. And Spencer either pulled out the biggest strategy move in the whole of Big Brother, or actually cracked. Either way, it was absolutely AMAZING.
Razor said the 'friends not acquaintances' line as a comeback to Spencer; that adds a bit more context. He wasn't being nice, he was sniping. I loved it when they took an ad break when Toadfish did his speech on the live feed last night. Perfect timing for once.
Interesting to see how they'll cut Spencer's speech. Spencer's 'true heart' does not exist. The word 'cast' in Big Brother is just WRONG. Spencer: 'it's been very difficult for me to be awful.' LIES! OMG how could they cut out the kryptonite line? That was a bad edit of that speech because that was a truly revelatory moment. I love Razor and Rylan bitching after. It WAS a brilliant bit of acting. It even had me fooled for five seconds. But that edit was no reflection of it whatsoever. Big Brother DO want Rylan to win.
RYAN out now, please. Heidi should get someone to straighten that back bit of her hair.
OMG Razor in 5th! How did more people vote for Toadfish than him? I like the sign that says 'Milton Keynes' on tour. MK Ultra!
LOL look at Razor's girlfriend! She looks like a natural beauty. I wanted Razor to come third. Security! Security! Razor on Spontag: 'to be fair they're a bunch of fucking idiots.' I thought they were going to be BFFs for life?
They cut Razor's balls off after the puffa fish incident. We could have probably got more out of him. I wonder how Jim Davidson would have dealt with Speidi? We'll never know! At least we don't have to look at Razor's ballbags anymore. That lovely girlfriend can instead. Sorry, 'beautiful fiancee.'
OMG how did TOADFISH beat Claire? Neighbours must have more viewers than we thought. Or maybe his reverse psychology speech paid off. Toadfish looks stunned. Rylan's sob face, lol. Even Speidi broke out the chilly hugs where they stand a mile away from you and scrub themselves with antibacterial gel afterwards.
We're pontificating that Spencer always wears long sleeves because he's a self-harmer.
Oh, I get what's happening, people are voting for Ryan by accident when trying to vote for Rylan. It's the only explanation. I hope he doesn't win it on that basis.
I like Claire's red lipstick. Claire; you don't have a personality or a talent.
Is there any point Spontag having children... Claire really don't know. God, not the letters task again. I still don't get the fuss about the clapping. And I still want to know what was in Spontag's letter. Claire, shoulda woulda coulda. Whatever. You did NOTHING.
Even Claire don't want to commit to a duet with Rylan. Probably because he sings better than her.
Claire's getting the 'wub wubs' in her highlights. She don't deserve those.
Did Claire do better than H? I think she did. Wasn't he like sixth or something?
Have you ever seen three finalists sit so far apart? I've never seen such a lack a solidarity between the finalists. Shame, really.
My boyfriend said if Spiedi win it will be like when Rage Against the Machine beat Joe McElderry to number one, haha. True dat.
Rylan must be shitting himself that he's going to lose to those two. So am I, I really need that money. I WOULD like to see Rylan's face if Spontag won. And to hear all the booing.
Ryan's interview is going to be the zzzz. Brian's got his brolly up!
Look how far apart Rylan and Speidi are sitting! It's like my old counselling sessions where she sat so far apart from me I stopped going because it freaked me out. Rylan looks heartbroken, bless him! He wanted to be in the final two with Claire from Steps. Heidi, let Spencer speak, you idiot, he's the brains, you're the... er, something.
I don't believe Ryan really came third. It's C5 skullduggery. FIX, lol. Toadie's backing Rylan! He really hates Speidi, doesn't he?
What's this billionaire friends thing? Are Spontag's billionaire friends based in the UK? I thought they didn't have any friends? This is like Natalie Cassidy thinking her fans forgot to vote.
Toadie: RESPECT THE VOWS! Changed his tune, didn't he. PS: stop exercising, you're freaking Claire out. Can't believe they didn't show him saying 'respect the vows' in his highlights. That was hilarious.
HE DID IT! Rylan needs a pillow to cry into. He needs a Scherzinger to wipe his face on. Thank God. Good beat evil. My boyfriend put his finger on it when he said they even ruined his final moment because he had no one to cling to.
Drop Speidi out! Yay! That picture of them is creepy. I hope Speidi lets Spencer speak during this interview. How is Brian going to deal with this pair?! What was the music they played when they left? Spencer on the chants: 'It's not loud enough.' LOL to the sign saying 'run for The Hills.'
Heidi didn't answer that question as to whether they were playing the game. 'Two of the most disgusting housemates ever.' Spencer on being called 'the gruesome twosome.' 'The author of the headlines are brilliant...' haha.
Are the ex-housemates rabble-rousing! Fencesitter unite! About time. Heidi's clapping was taken out of context, ha.
Haha, to Spencer saying 'we knew it was a secret mission the second they said we won a viewer's vote.' Hehe! He's always clicking on the polls. Love it. Spencer unrepentant: 'you try living with them.'
Why can't we see Rylan up close in the background? That's one of my favourite things when the runner up is on. Look at all the other housemates gurning! Fuck you, you provided ZERO entertainment.
Didn't Michael Madsen come second?
WUB WUB! 'Shut up, Toadman!' Show him CRYING at the end! Show them jerking off! Can't believe they didn't show the JERK OFF in the highlights. Worried about the lawyers, methinks.
Aw, nice to see Rylan win in his wispy top and his leather trahsis. I never doubted him. Why aren't they playing Gangnam Style (legal issues).
Dowling, watch your back. Rylan could steal your camp crown! I love Rylan all emoshe. And Brian kissing him on the lips, how cute.
Rylan's paid me back the money I spent on him on X Factor AND Big Brother - yay.
Brian in the house memories! I don't remember Heidi and Spencer saying they were delighted Rylan had won. I don't see Heidi and Spencer standing in the rain with the other housemates. They're probably consulting with their lawyers.
Heidi: 'X Factor reject.' Haha, I never caught her saying that before.
Spencer and Heidi are standing out in the rain! With their umbrellas! I like the way 'made for each other' is both an insult and a compliment.
I LOVED one word to describe Heidi and Spencer: 'headache.' That's Rylan at his best.
LOL to 'Claire Richards: Slave to Food' and 'I get to meet H as well.' Don't count on it.
Things I love about Rylan: how he says 'row', 'house'. He also looked embarrassed about what he said about Heidi and cock. Oh stop moaning about getting stick, Rylan, you got loads of support!
It would have been better if Rylan had got the call from Barlow or Scherzinger! Rylan's mum is 'PRAAD of him'. And do you know what, so am I. 
(PS: where's the fireworks?! It's all gone a bit Crystal Maze with the golden tickets.)
We're gonna do a podcast now. And I'm VERY drunk. Thanks for reading - have a good night.

Celebrity Big Brother 2013: Pebble-dashed

So in the interests of 'research' I decided to do a quick Hills binge before I have to cancel my Netflix this week. I skipped most of the stuff with Lauren; I don't like her at all, and I can't STAND that Whitney and her weird owl face. I don't like scripted reality shows full stop, if I want to watch bad acting, I'll watch Doctors. Basically, I was only interested in what the deal was with Heidi and Spencer, and now I'm up to season 3, episode 3, it has become abundantly clear. She was totally and utterly brainwashed by him. He cut her off from her friends in classic style, making her think it was her decision, forcing her to move in with him, and then proposing within a year. All massive red flags. She looked sad from day one. And you may say their 'relationship' is more 'equal' now - and maybe it is - but this Heidi is a product of what he did to her, fabricated reality or not. It was sad to watch someone being abused like that. And I'm sure it gets a million times worse. But there you go. I solved that mystery so you didn't have to. You can thank me later.
It's funny looking at how they look physically now after watching all that; I must admit, there was a distinct lack of teacher fleeces on The Hills and Spencer was dressed quite smart. Maybe he gave up on fashion when he got into the New World Order. Or he just got his Stepford wife so he didn't have to bother anymore.
I liked Rylan reliving the highlights of his year; you do never know what's round the corner, and sometimes it's something awful, not just appearances on Daybreak.
We spotted him pop up on Gordon Ramsay this year. He over-egged it with 'if someone was to make a film of my life, what a watch.' You can't say things like that about yourself. Well, you can, but it sounds boastful and hurts your (and my) chances of winning.
Heidi's hair looks straggly and yellow. It's weird seeing them all tanned and young and now they're all deformed and rotten. How you behave does affect your looks - sometimes.
Oh God, Rylan, STFU. 'It's nice being in here with the celebs and not having to mix with the plebs.' (not a direct quote, but the gist) My heart bleeds!
Are Big Brother trying to stitch Rylan up tonight? How come they're suddenly showing him singing all the time? I want to hear Heidi's album! And I heard Spencer has a rap album about info wars. That's entertainment.
Jamie East is in the house! Oooh. Are THESE questions real? Is anything real? Jamie looks weird without his beard. I can see Rylan's ginger roots! Who teamed Rylan and Claire with Spontag?
Toadfish is such a martyr, I can't BEAR IT. Saying Claire's like a lumpy potato is a bit harsh. Even I wouldn't say that.
Spencer does look like an axe-murderer. Heidi looks none too impressed.
Razor is a dirty warthog. Except one with it's balls cut off. I think we could have seen more of that quiz and it could have been harsher.
Spencer to his wife: 'we need to get you on a celebrity stripper show.' WTF! She didn't even respond.
I hate it when people go 'it's me, it's me' when they're waiting for the eviction results. It never is the person who says that.
Ha to Razor laughing that Frankie got evicted before him. That was funny. It was cute when Frankie said, 'I'll see you at the races.' Frankie told great stories? We never heard any! Did you see him on BOTS last night, you couldn't shut the fucker up. Maybe his man was there to meet him.
Toadie doing what he does best; toadying up. 'Well done for getting to the final' to Spontag. I'd be like, get to fuck.
Razor, you patronising prick. Heidi's been called a stripper and thick tonight.
Rylan must realise that people are voting for Spontag for the entertainmentz. We don't have to trust them. We don't even have to like them.
Razor's happy he got some cheers. I like him better than I did before he was on this show, that's for sure, so he's achieved his objective with me, which I'm sure he'll be thrilled about.
Spencer: 'we're moving to England.' Er... do you have to?
Wasn't being on X Factor more fun than being tormented by Speidi, Rylan? And what's with these sexist adverts?
Rylan and Rylan are getting their letters from home now. Shame Razor can't read a letter. Did a small child write 'fucking hell'? Ryan's kid can tell the time? I couldn't tell the time until I was 9. I just pretended I could before that. Heidi was cracking over the letter a bit, even though it underhandedly slated her. Icy pops!
I love Rylan getting all emotional. Even Heidi's properly crying now. Spencer probably programmed her settings wrong this morning. She's cracked. Notice when she got emotional Spencer didn't even notice, and Claire went to comfort her. That was the real Heidi, wasn't it? The Heidi who'll never be a mother; unless Spencer falls off a cliff.
Rylan is pillaging the Big Brother house! I don't blame him, I would, too. Big Brother is mean making him give them back.
Heidi 'styles' Spencer? Must try harder. She should try Rylan style instead.
I have a bad feeling in my heart tonight, and I'm not sure if it's my Hills binge, or the fact I might lose £50, or that I'm watching this alone, or it's nearly over, but I really hate seeing all the nasty comments towards Rylan. People saying he's a bully, or he swears too much, or he's 'too camp' (and we know what that really means). Whatever you think of him, he's harmless. You might find him contrived, or fake. I don't think he is. I think he's just a nice guy. And I don't want those cunts to snatch it from him. Not for me. But for him. And for ENGLAND!!! For Queen and country, give it to our boy from Essex.
See you at the finish line.

Celebrity Big Brother 2013: Double eviction - deadwood cleared out

Double eviction! Get Speidi out chant from the mob. I just voted to save Rylan and Speidi. I just watched a bit of The Hills before Spencer even joined the show and Heidi was being an arsehole, so that's my research complete. At least she looked like a humanoid, though.
Ooh, the snow looks quite nice. Eastenders would pay the big bucks for that.
Toadie is being a grump about Rylan waking him up in the night. 'I know you're having a ball' means 'I'm not having a ball so STFU.' Spencer sarcastically: 'he's here for the experience.' Haha. Yeah, just like you are. They are ALL THERE for the cheque. I haven't liked Toadfish from day one, he's so sanctimonious. I don't feel sorry for him when he's crying. I don't feel sorry for him when he didn't get his letter. I don't think he's a big man for 'saying it to their face'. I just think he's a moaning old whingebag. I thought he'd be funny, laid back, chilled. He's just a dullard. So I guess that makes him a good actor, because from what I can remember, Toadfish was likeable.
Spencer is stirring the pot. He's got his grey teacher fleece on today. He's playing the game well. Toadie is going from group to group, carping. Haha, Tricia going 'Thanks, Spence.' What a mug! It's him who stopped you getting the letters in the first place. When Spencer's trying to play the nice guy, you know you're in trouble. Check your back for knives.
Ooh, Paula's back! I think Paula and Rylan will make a good team critiquing the others fashion. Spencer's not going to like someone commenting on Heidi's clothes, I saw him nearly punch someone for that on The Hills. Rylan said Spencer was dressed for 'a country walk with the dogs.' Ryan is NOT worse dressed than Spencer. I like Ryan's swallow t-shirt.
I like it on Big Brother US when they have to do a quick shopping spree by putting all the clothes on at once and they have to say how much they like all the different brands. They haven't done that for a while, actually.
Rylan's hair seems to have gone off the boil the past couple of days. I'm liking Tricia's hot pink heels. I like the fact they have to give Spontag champagne to make them participate in a task. Light pink isn't Tricia's colour, I'm afraid. Aw, was quite nice to give mad Paula her moment of glory. She probably did well to get out when she did - Spontag at full throttle would have probably sent her to the nearest crackhouse. Let's face it, we've all considered it.
First eviction! I have NO IDEA who is going. That's unusual. Frankie's always got sweaty armpits. Heidi's waving like the queen. Toadie's shocked to get boos. Ooh, Frankie's out! That's what you get for trying to blend into the furniture. You could have been a really great housemate. He looks thrilled to be leaving, to be honest. Aw, was cute when he jumped on Razor's back. I personally like Frankie better than everyone in that house bar Rylan and Spontag (in their own way).
I like Frankie's furry collar. Oh he's moaning about being bored in the house. Boo woo. How much did you get paid for it? Enough to go have a good evening or two, let's put it that way.
Frankie: 'I kept away from the friction.' No kidding.
Why are they showing Frankie Spontag's highlights? 'Dick-tator' still makes me laugh. Kind of a bad buzz showing Frankie those clips. I was glad Brian dug Frankie out for fencesitting a bit, but I feel a bit sorry for Frankie that he didn't get the cosy experience he was expecting. In another year he could probably have won it, he's a lot nicer than Paddy Doherty, Denise Welch or Ulrika.
Frankie's getting good music for his highlights; Mr. Brightside. Should have been Karma Chameleon. Now you see him, now you don't!
LOL, Frankie wants Razor out next so he can have a drink with him. That's pretty funny. I think he just wants Razor because he's useful for chopping up cocaine.
Is Heidi drunk? She loves Paula and Spencer 'infinitely'. Love isn't about sacrificing things for someone. 'I want to beam you right up into my something.' Goodness me!
Toadie's dancing: amaze. What the hell is this music! Heidi's doing her naughty dancing again.
Stop press, Spencer in the DR alone! Where's Heidi?! In the loo? Oh, hovering outside. Bragging about his sex life. Eww. I wish I was as much of a fun drunk as Heidi. She's frisky after almost a decade of teacher fleeces.
Jenny Powell doing the Health Lottery tonight. Did you know she's a stand up comedian now? That's not even a joke.
Ryan is pissed off he's getting boos. Haha. Hope he's out next. Oh, it's Tricia. Well, that's about a week overdue. Second favourite to win, my arse. She couldn't even win a 'spot the 20th most famous person to ever come out of Heartbeat' competition.
Is Brian saying he wanted her to be more like Denise? Does he mean stripping off? Why is Brian digging everyone out tonight? Bet he doesn't dare dig out Spontag. What's Spencer's eviction outfit going to be? What's the poshest brand of fleece you can buy?
Is Tricia so stupid that she thinks Heidi and Spencer aren't entertaining?
Brian said 'they actually have us gripped watching the show.' But it sounded like he said 'they actually have a script during the show.'
To be fair, Tricia did have a go at Spontag a couple of times, barely, but more than say, Frankie did. Brian: 'why didn't you have a go at them more?' Why didn't you put more interesting housemates in there? Oh god, 'we're mums' - put a sock in it.
I thought Brian was a bit snarky with Tricia. Mind you, if the best she had was her Cilla Black impression, then there's the door, see you later. How much do you think they paid her? I reckon about ten grand.
Two floaters out tonight; where will the ship sail to tomorrow? Whatever happens, you know Captain Rylan's got this in the bag. I fucking hope so anyway. Spontag for second place. The rest can go spin.

Celebrity Big Brother 2013: There's no boundaries to being an arsehole

They're having a laugh starting the show with a shot of Rylan screaming 'get me out of this 'ouse!' aren't they? Pisstakers.
Guess what, Toadie, you ARE at work right now, too. You're not sitting in the Big Brother house for fun, are you? You're they're for the cheque, just like them. Get down off your high horse, Frankie needs it back.
Spencer, if they all died in the house, I don't think you'd be invited to the funeral, never fear. Nice of you to put that idea out there, though. Tasteful. Spencer should have 'there are no boundaries to being an arsehole' chiselled into his gravestone.
I don't like that bad feeling Spencer and Heidi create around tasks. I feel sorry for the other housemates having to live in that bad atmosphere. They are ruining the others' experience. Stag and hen parties are against their beliefs. Hen parties are against my beliefs, too. I'd rather drink paint stripper. Spontag should be up on a warning for their insubordinate behaviour. They're coming across like a pair of old trouts.
I like the notion of a 'special gender stereotype busting obstacle course.'
LOL to Rylan: 'who you talking to?' Toadie: 'Your mum.' Rylan: ''Ow is she?' 
Spontag are cutting off their nose to spite their face(s), because when they did take part in tasks, they enjoyed them (you know, apart from the sexist ones). They enjoyed that silly eating one, didn't they?
I would be good at a sweating task, I'm dead sweaty. I used to have to use that special deodorant for your hands when I had an exam at school or my pen would all smudge. TMI? Hey, some people like clammy women. I'm not AS clammy as that now, but you still wouldn't want to shake my hand on a hot day *subtly wipes palms on clothes*
Everyone should have clapped when Spencer and Heidi's bed were removed and seen how they liked it. At least Rylan and Toadie laughed, everyone else cleared the room as fast as if Razor had just taken all his clothes off.
Oh God, someone's touched Spencer's teacher fleeces and Heidi's bras. CONTAMINATION.
I do find it interesting how split people are on Rylan and Heidi and Spencer. Even I flip flop on Spontag, I loved it when they were flipping the bird in the basement but they've just been dour for two days and I'm tired of it. They need to change up their act.
Heidi: 'I wish we did the task.' Ner ner. Spencer likes sleeping on the floor better. 'Dumb and dumber... self saboteurs.' At least he's self-effacing for once. Followed by a good one liner from Rylan about not wanting to get stuck with 'Happy and Happier'.
Aw to Claire and Tricia giving Spontag more cushions for their nest. I'd smother the cunts in their sleep.
Razor is trying to be 'the comedy guy' at the moment. That slot is already taken. I wouldn't drink out of a straw shaped like a penis on principle.
Spencer needs a haircut, a shave and a lobotomy. How can she fancy him? It MUST be mind control.
Ha, I knew they'd get their letters from home anyway! What bullshit.
HA to Heidi going 'God bless you' when Tricia sneezed. When did she get some manners?
The women are getting their letters, the men are not. Solidarity times are over. Aw, Frankie cuddling Toadie was cute. Perhaps we'd care about them more if they'd been shown more.
Oh, Razor gets his letter because he joined the girls. Rylan's got fake tan tear streaks. Why is he dressed as a pilot?
Razor's crying, Toadie's crying, is Spencer crying? Of course fucking not, are you mad? Oh shut up, Razor with your 'grow men cry' disclaimer, aren't you meant to be a girl today?
I don't know what Toadie's so upset about, we all know what his letter from home would have said:  'G'day cobber, we're having a barbie, missing you, you great gala, love Sheila.' Why is he so desperate to hear from Paul Robinson anyway? Don't it make you feel good?
I think Spontag want a drink, don't you? I've never seen two people run to a fridge so fast.
Do you really believe Spontag thought they were going to be separated for days? 'The clap was misinterpreted.' I think it was, actually. Why does Tricia WANT to cuddle them? I'd rather cuddle a rattlesnake.
They have apologised, Toadie, Heidi said 'sorry for everything'. Can't you accept that? Hahahahaha! Frankie 'just drop it.' Oh Frankie, you're a disappointment of a man. Toadie is right to still have beef. Forever beef after the way that pair have behaved. OH, Toadie's got the arsehole cos the girls got their letter, NOT because he's sad about not getting his letter. I wouldn't have been upset that night, I don't think. I think they made their point the day before. He's being a bit grumpy now and it's not very endearing. Mind you, what's new?

Celebrity Big Brother 2013: Paid to be pricks

Well it's been an eventful day in Big Brother land. There was a fuss on Twitter about Luke A having fake followers (not bothered) and Kaff went on The Wright Stuff and declared Rylan had been leaving the house to rehearse for the X Factor. Now THAT'S a shocker. Obviously this is totally unacceptable, and BB are already trying to wriggle out of it. It makes me sad because the very premise of Big Brother is no contact with the outside world. Remember that? It explains the lack of live feed, though, doesn't it? God knows what they're all doing every night, probably on their mobiles and laptops talking to their agents, if not leaving to go down Waitrose or Sugar Hut. I do feel like it's the final insult to us as viewers, in what has been a very distorted series of Big Brother indeed. As we got snowed in today we decided to do a 'breaking news' podcast on the scandal, check it out here, if you're hard up between now and BOTS.
Spencer's rocking a minty green teacher fleece today, with a khaki green shirt. Ha, Spencer is going to always appreciate 'minorities'. Everyone is against you because since the moment you've walked in that house you've acted like a gigantic penis.
Tricia's finally getting some airtime! So I heard Tricia was favourite to win today. Bullshit. Even if Rylan's votes halved after rehearsal gate, he'd still get twice as many as the others.
Tricia put herself second from the highest in the 'letter from home' task. Apparently you only want to hear from your family if you've got kids. What about if you have a much loved partner? A dying mother? A best friend? Nah, they don't count.
Should have known BB would turn that task on it's head. They should have learnt by now. Spontag already plotting to foil the task, but they look a bit twitchy about it.
Who would send Spencer and Heidi a 'letter from home'? Their agent? Their plastic surgeon (oh no, I think he died). Their Pomeranians? Rylan should dig Spencer and Heidi out about the hand job issue. Put 'em on the backfoot!
It's extra evil that Spontag are going to fuck up this task after Rylan shaves his beard off. Ha, and Spontag are pouring on the blackmail: 'don't let him do it'. I don't think that was 50% of Rylan's facial hair. I'd say it was about 30%. I'd find it hard to sit there and be such a cunt as them all the time. I don't think I could keep it up.
You can see Claire is ready to KILL Spontag. Of course Spencer and Heidi aren't going to split up (for two hours - honestly, you think they'd be sick of each other). Ironically, she NEEDS a restraining order against this bastard. Spontag are actually emotionally abusing their housemates now. I don't like Claire, but that was unnecessary. If they said 'it's only a game' to me, I'd be close to punching them, seriously. I feel like they've crossed the line. They are actually winding me up now, and I've been championing them for weeks.
At least Rylan IS digging them out. I don't blame him for flipping, if I was in that situation, I would go fucking mental, I would flip my lid and be out on my arse.
Thank God this pair aren't having children, because their gene pool is rotten. No you wouldn't do the show if you had kids because YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE KIDS, HEIDI, BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKING BRAINWASHED. Argh, I don't know why this is bugging me so much. It's really getting my goat. Don't get me wrong, I can't STAND Claire, it's not about that, or kids either, it's just about their lack of basic humanity. Toadie never had a former identity as Ryan so that was hardly a stretch for him to give up for a task. I kind of liked that moment where Rylan and Claire looked at eachother and he said, 'smile'; it was like a real moment of friendship. Spontag are poison, plain and simple. They'll never be happy, they're just damaged as fuck. Is it really funny to upset people like that? And for everyone going 'oh they've been demonised since the beginning' it's because they couldn't even be bothered to get of their 5,000 dollar arses and say hello! They don't even have the basic manners chip.
I will say one thing; Spencer is right in that he didn't pick the order, though he can hardly blame Tricia for putting him last after the past few days. Finally Razor finds his tongue: 'fucking disgraceful.'
I agree with Tricia that none of them should have the letters. Solidarity! Show Spontag what friendship is really about.  UK! UK! UK!
Spencer is 29! Fuck me, he looks rough. Why is he so shiny? You could use his forehead as a make-up mirror.
Frankie's got his knives out again, like when Susan Kennedy in Neighbours used to obsessively clean when she was freaking out about Karl having an affair. Toadie will remember that reference.
Hahaha, my boyfriend loves it when Spencer impersonates the housemates, so he'll enjoy 'if the British public had half a heart.'
I love Rylan in a rage! He's so un-intimidating! He's fab. You go, Rylan, I'm still backing you, all the way, baby.
Toadfish hit the nail on the head when he said 'they're paid to be pricks and they're doing a good job of it.' The most insightful thing he's said in two weeks.
I love the fact Spontag are reading their own letter. 'Their parents must be proud of them.' I imagine their parents have disowned them. Who IS that letter from?! I need to know. What does it say?!
Ooh even Frankie piped up. 'You're not fucking reading mine, that's for sure.' You've really pushed it now, you've riled Frankie! Now you've done it! They already read their stupid letter anyway, so it was a bit of a pitiful protest. 
At last, the fencesitters revolt! Good on 'em! That actually made me feel proud. I actually felt like I cared about my housemates for a minute. Heidi looks embarrassed. I wonder who she would be if she'd never met that evil prick? Probably happy with a kid and not carved up to look like a 50 year old Barbie. Stupid idiot.
Spontag will not be winning this show now. I don't care if it's an act, or what anymore, I just don't want to look at their fucking faces anymore.
Yeah, don't tell Heidi what to do, that's Spencer's job. Spencer, your English accent is worse than your Australian one. If I was Speidi I would crawl under the covers and hide with embarrassment rather than sitting picking my nails like a pair of dicks. I'm still dying for Rylan to call them out about their undercover shuffle! It's the perfect comeback.
Oh shut up, Claire, bleating about your kids. It's like Janine on I'm a Celeb, and I DO hate women whinging about their kids on reality TV. It's a job, you're going to do a job, you signed up for it. Also, Spontag weren't laughing at your kids. They were just laughing about being douches. They have NO sense of decency, haven't you worked that out yet? Yeah they're callous. And they're picking up the pay cheque. As are you.
Even I don't know how I feel after all that. But it's not positive. Now let's see how they try and spin Rylan's song and dance routine on BOTS. Until tomorrow...!

Celebrity Big Brother 2013: Spiedi is a superpower

How does Claire make a fry up for that many people? Spencer looked like he had a proper plateful. Fried bread? I eat a lot of crap, but I'll never understand that. And with butter on first? That must be like 1000 calories alone.
Rylan was in Love Actually and Harry Potter, but blink and you'll miss him.
This thing about Rylan sending his clothes home to his mum is just storylining. I have a feeling it's going to be this sort of show tonight.
I'm glad to see Spencer is rocking a navy teacher fleece today. Oh, don't build snowmen, it reminds me of Alex Reid: 'Aiiiiiiiiish!'
Oh so they're going to a a 'Barbell media' stunt on Spontag. Would they fall for it? I guess they've never seen it before. Oh OK, so it's a fake webchat and the other housemates are questioning them. The tables are turned!  They've got that dude from BOTS interviewing them. Why would Spontag be so nasty in the interview? I don't believe it for a minute. They've been getting on with everyone! This doesn't ring true. I don't like it one bit.
Rylan is enjoying watching Speidi dig their own grave. But this feels like a total set up.
People on a laptop in the Big Brother house! Whatever next.(Mobile phones?)
Spencer calling people 'intense'! Would Spontag fall for this? This is weird. I think it's unfair on them, as weird as that sounds.
Rylan: 'You aint coming to Essex, you prick.' Don't worry, I don't think he was planning to. LOL, 'I bet you were an arsehole at 16 as well.'
It wasn't 'Toadfish jerk.' It was 'Toadjerk'. Get it right. Ha, 'I think they could be a travelling circus if they wanted to.'
Are Big Brother trying to start a bloodbath again? (yes).
They're back in the house. Frankie is so MEEK! He's sharpening the knives but he's not going to bury one in Heidi's back, more's the pity.
Don't you get it Tricia, the stuff on the task was an act, not the stuff in the house? No, I take that back; it's ALL an act, them in the house, them on the task, all of it.
An indignant and self-righteous Rylan is an annoying Rylan. He looks kind of cool tonight, though.
Ah, here's where they drop the bomb. I don't Rylan's going to sit back and be a wallflower now, do you? Ooh, he looks mad. Heidi's twitching. Rylan's come out with a few good one liners tonight.
Spencer: 'I don't have fun doing anything, actually.' What, not even having sex with your beautiful wife? Oh... I forgot, you don't. Are we going to get a 'sorry' out of Spontag? Nah. Heidi's gone very quiet.
Spencer: 'What's not us is weird.' Er... he's afraid of the 'other'. Learn some contrition!
Why has Rylan got foil on his fingers? Is he trying to stop aliens mind-controlling his fingertips? Frankie looks like he could happily wring some necks. I think the pressure of keeping things inside is getting to him. I wish he'd just pop, just like Razor did the other night.
Spontag, don't you feel in the least bit sorry for upsetting people? Sad.
Rylan, what's this 'I don't row with women' bullshit? Us women can probably take it.
I like the way Rylan pronounces 'row'. Rylan: 'they were made for each other.' They were made BY each other.
America party, yay! Spencer's Big Brother's very own George Bush right now.
This all feels too manufactured for my liking. Ah, they're plugging 'Maxitone' tonight, whatever that might be.
I don't believe Spontag for a minute that they knew. Rylan is doing a 'woe is me' face. Heidi: ;we're Americans. We're reality stars.'
At least Tricia has said SOMETHING at last. It was pretty pathetic, but it was SOMETHING. Look at Frankie crawling away again. What a baby. I CANNOT stand fencesitters. He's worse than a fencesitter; he's a fencehider. I don't think BB quite got the carve up they were looking for there, do you?
WTF is Spencer wittering on about Lady Gaga?
'Drop me out' returns! 'The gaff...': love it. At least Rylan acknowledges its good TV.
The snowmen in the garden are quite cute. Probably Spencer will kick them to death, and not even for a task.
Rylan: 'Hand job.' The funniest two words of the episode. Or is that one word? I loved them peering over and I loved 'she's tossing him off right now' followed by 'drop me out' and Rylan fanning his face like a prim old lady. Oh God. I think my £50 is looking safer by the minute. Amen!