Album: Brandon Flowers - Flamingo

What is the point of a solo project? Surely it's so you can do something that's the complete opposite of what you normally do. Surely this record should be Brandon Flowers does electro (The Killers cover of Four Winds by Bright Eyes was excellent and put a totally new spin on it).
But from what I've heard so far (only Crossfire) it just sounds like the Killers, but without the funny-looking ones to laugh at. I don't really get it, and I can't help feeling a bit sorry for them. But I'm fairly confident I'm going to like this. So let's see.
Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas clunks a bit as a title and meanders around looking for a tune. It reminds me of Come Back to Camden by Morrissey in that it promises a lot but leaves you a bit cold. Boulevard. Neon Lights. Sinners. This has got the Killers all over it! I do think Brandon is a bit limited lyrically, but vocally and as a frontman he more than makes up for it.
Only the Young reminds me of My List. It's got quite a nice little whistly noise in it. I like.
Hard Enough is a bit preachy lyric-wise. It has Jenny Lewis (of Rilo Kiley) on it though, which is cool. I love her voice, but she should have done a verse as well as backing vocals. This song is a bit Bruce Springsteen!
Jilted Lovers & Broken Hearts also sounds a bit... cheesy? I feel like he's missing the mark a bit. The Killers are anthemic, but this doesn't quite get there.
Oh dear, Playing with Fire is actually bad. Lyric: 'rolling river of truth, can you spare me a sip.'
Was it something I Said isn't very good either; it reminds me of a bad Bright Eyes song (ie. a country one). This middle section is not good. Now I'm thinking the funny looking ones aren't just filler! Are they the genius behind Flowers? Perhaps he needs them to tell him when he's getting a bit self-indulgent and shit!
I actually really like Crossfire, even though it's just sounds like (or perhaps because it just sounds like!) a Killers song. I really like the bit that goes 'lay your body down'- it's super catchy and moving at the same time. It's great.
On the Floor reminds me of when Moz goes 'on the floor' in It's Not Your Birthday Anymore. This feels like a song from a (bad) film. Oh, Jesus, there's the choir. This is not good at all!
Swallow It was also just nothingy.
The Clock was Tickin' is like some Boy Dylan/ bad Bright Eyes mash up. Eeks. I quite like it sometimes when singers just talk in songs (ie. Jarvis Cocker) but the country guitar makes me want to hurl (haven't we suffered enough with Conor?)
I think we're onto extra tracks now. Jacksonville at least had a bit of a groove to it, but it's still not doing it for me.
I Came Here to Get Over You is better, more Killersy. But still nowhere near as good as, say, Forget about What I Said, which is almost throwaway Killers.
Right Behind is also quite good; keyboardy with cool backing vocals; why is he putting decent tracks at the end (and maybe not even on the real album?!)
Hmm. I was expecting a lot more than that, actually. The Killers are pretty faultless as a band. I think I would have liked Brandon to go more dancey, or more introspective and stripped down, and instead, he went a bit country and cheesy. This album has more in common with Cassadaga than anything poppy.
Also, where was the flamingo? I think he went to have a lie down about halfway through. Flowers fail! Still love you, though and your ginormous gnashers.

Hate Blog: The Brits Awards 2009

I'm going to do a live blog of this, anything to keep me from proper writing. See how far I get before I start tying my shoelaces to the curtain rail.
Oh my God. I just remembered those homophobic CUNTS are presenting it. *turns over*
No, no, no. I've got to give it 15 minutes at least.
Fuck me, is that Bono? Is he parading in front of the Union Jack? When Morrissey did that he was banished from Britain for years on end. Oh and there's the lyrics. I'd sing along if it wasn't such SHIT. Fuck off Bonio, we've got Chris Martin now, we don't need you anymore. God is he STILL persevering with that whole coloured glasses schtick? I will only be satisfied with this performance if it's a medley that finishes with 'Lemon!' Haha, medleys. Good old medleys. JUST FUCK OFF BONO!
Oh, there's Kylie. I preferred her when he eyebrows weren't stapled to her scalp. She looks like she's had a stroke, or stood too close to the fire. Oh and there's those homophobic, unfunny cunts doing something unfunny. Urgh. They have less chemistry with Kylie than current-day Jason 'dreamboats and petticoats' Donovan.
Oh God, Simon Pegg presenting Best British Female. I hate Simon Pegg. He used to be good, but I think he ate too many smug pills in LA. Gross. I haven't even heard of some of these nominations. Mine would be Emmy the Great. She's delightful. Oh, Duffy won. Duffy reminds me of some stuffed toy, or puppet, she's naturally pretty, but she's dead behind the eyes. She's an impassionate robot even when she sings. That song bores me rigid too.
International female artist. Mine's Courtney Love, and I suspect she won't be up there. Oh fuck, please don't let it be Katie Perry. Please don't let it be Katie Perry. Please don't let it be Katie Perry. OH. She makes Avril Lavigne look alternative. She makes Fall Out Boy look like Bright Eyes.
Now I'm relieved to see Girls Aloud. Something aint right when you write that sentence. Why is that song so fucking catchy??? Argh! I like Kimberley if you're interested. Are they naked? No. And if they were, you still wouldn't get to see it. Ooh, they look nice in those leotards. At least they are real, not like all that Estelle rubbish. God, Sarah Harding's voice sounds horrible. But Nicola can sing. And as long as the Irish one doesn't speak, I'm happy.
Alex James! Cheese! It's not funny when they do it. Grrr! Saying 'without further ado' IS further ado, Alex James. He was introducing Best British Breakthrough Act. That's a tongue twister. Who won? Don't pretend you care. It was Duffy. She's writes her own joke with that name.
Thin homophobic cunt now has a quiff. Fat homophobic cunt says 'scream until your nipples bleed.' Eh? Why isn't Russell doing this gig? Why are they just perving over Kylie? These two are interminable. They make Michael Mackintyre look funny (and yes I did have to look up his name, he's just known as 'oh that unfunny twat's on TV again' round these parts.
Coldplay. Aww, the butterflies. Still, I feel strangely unmoved.
Natalie Imbruglia has wisely gone brunette again. She's giving out the award for best international group. THE KILLERS, surely? Oh those beardy blokes got it instead and thanked GOD. How inappropriate! This is an athiest kingdom! It shoulda been Brandon! He OWNS this year.
Oh my God, Jamie Cullum & Jamie Oliver! If you HAD to sleep with one??? ARGHHHHHHHH! Forget I said that. Best British Male Solo artist. MORRISSEY! Hmm, maybe not, hey. Maybe next year. Oh. I couldn't see him accepting the award from the chick-gasser anyhow. Paul Weller won. Unfortunately the award wasn't 'most ridiculous fringe.' or it would have been spot on.
Homophobic cunt one: 'Here is a performance so exciting, it will make you want to put your fist in your mum's mouth.' Is this a joke? Is this meant to be funny? I mean it was followed by Duffy, but still, give us a fucking leg up, you useless wanker.
Have I mentioned I hate Fearne Cotton? When I watch telly at my mums she's always like 'you hate everyone' so for the sake of parity, I like Holly Willoughby. Ta.
Homophobic fat cunt makes joke about being fat. Someone I don't know introduces Best Album. Why are AC-DC up for so much stuff? Did I miss something? THE KILLERS, THE KILLERS, THE KILLERS! My global position systems are vocally addressed! Oh fucking hell, it's the Kings of Leon again. Who they gonna thank now, the baby Jesus? They might as well thank the fucking tooth fairy, the beardy freaks.
Take That are in a spaceship. Is Robbie Williams going to show up? Are they taking the piss out of Robbie? I hope so! I wish BRANDON FLOWERS would turn up in his little outfit doing his robot dance. Now THAT would be good. Can you imagine BEING an ADULT Take That fan? You might as well just book yourself in for the lobotomy now. They all have glasses on. Brainy! Gary Barlow was my fave, in the bleach/bondage/ jelly era. Don't tell anyone.
Nick Frost looks rough. And he never exactly looked handsome. Non-funny joke, but that appears to be compulsory. Best Live Act. Moz, of course. Oh, it's... Iron Maiden. Yes, I did just say that. Bruce Dickinson talks like an accountant.
The Hoff. Best British Group. Elbow. Elbow! Better than Coldplay or Girls Aloud? Ich don't think so. Chris Martin looked sick! I liked it when they asked a recovering alcoholic to come for a drink, though.
Kings of Leon play live. I don't mind this one. Who doesn't? It's nice enough. It has that Coldplay-esque backing vocal. It's the acceptable face of rock for chavs. But it just don't turn me on, baby.
Making jokes about Craig David. That was funny about five years ago. Florence (and the machine) has lovely hair. Best international male. Neil Diamond is a nominee. (Can you tell I've got the shoelaces out? Just tying them...) Kanye West won. Nice veneers. Subtle.
Oh and a glorious duet from the Ting Tings and Estelle. Their songs mesh together as happily as Rhianna and Chris Brown en route to the Grammys. MEDLEY!
Cunt 1 described Alan Carr as 'slightly camp'. Why didn't they get Alan to present this show? Alan rocks! Best British single. How quaint. Girls Aloud! Glad they won something. At least they're likeable. Sarah Harding: 'it's about time!' It's not like you wrote it, is it, love?
Tom Jones (sadly not my friend called Tom Jones, who is much more palatable) presenting Album of the Year with his new Mr Whippy hair. Time to go less orange, TJ. Duffy won it. There was a tear in her android eye. It was probably just a leaky battery.
OMG BRANDON!!! I wasn't expecting that. Are they singing? *squeal* Why are his ears sticking out? Wow he mentioned Louder than Bombs! That was a boring speech though. Oh my God, he chose Pet Shop Boys over The Smiths! Bet he wouldn't tell Mozzy that, if indeed it's true. He looked a bit boss eyed, was he plastered? Put your little spacesuit on, Brandon! I love you! I'll give you some bang for your buck. (Apologies, I'm getting hysterical)
Seriously, who really gives two shits about the Pet Shop Boys? Can you name one person who likes them? Erasure are better. MEDLEY. Why is Brandon THERE yet not playing? This is criminal!
Oh fuck me, Lady Gaga just rolled up. Seriously; if she's 22, I'm 12. Thank god she fucked off before Brandon came on stage. He wasn't on for long enough though. What a waste. It's like having Morrissey there and getting him to do a little dance behind Jay Z or something.
Oh my God, then Brandon did sing with Lady Gaga for a second! URGH! I'm fucking furious now! I sit through that fucking shit-fest and then that happens!
CUNTS!

Album Review: The Killers- Day & Age

What is it with the 80s?! I'm sick of the 80s. The 80s were shit then, and they are still shit, and they are not far enough away to be glamourised so mercilessly. One single solitary good band came out of the 80s, and if you can't work out who that was, then you're demented. All the 80s means to me is shit clothes and wankers. Surely it must be time for a 90s revival? Grunge, Britpop, beef and onion crisps, THAT'S what I'm talking about.
It doesn't seem like that long ago that Sam's Town came out, so either we are quite spoilt, or standards are slipping. Maybe it's a bit of both? Let me say before I rip into this album, as I surely will, I think Hot Fuss AND Sams Town (and actually, Sawdust) are some of the finest albums of all time. I think The Killers are brilliant, amazing live, catchy, wonderful, mum-friendly. There are hardly ANY songs of theirs I don't like. OK. Here goes.
Firstly, I hate the title. Secondly, I'm not sure about 'Human'. The lyrics are silly, which is fine, but it's more that I thought it was a bit of a weak first single. But I heard a dance remix of it which leant itself nicely to the synths anyway.
Anyhow, the album opens with Losing Touch and some horrible 80's Cars-esque nonsense, but that song picks up halfway through (when it appears to turn into another song, handily). They did that one on Jules Holland, I seem to recall. Spaceman actually sounds nicer on the record, I like his breathy struggling-to-keep-up singing and the key change (not sure about the o-o-oh's, it's a bit Bon Jovi, innit).
Joy Ride has an offensive start and an annoying guitar (I'm not a teenage boy, so I can't tell you why, but it's some irritating effect on it) and then, horror of horrors, a saxophone. Fuck you Keane. Fuck you, the girl who lives two doors down. Saxophones are NEVER, I repeat, NEVER acceptable. Never. Ever. Bad Brandon.
A Dustland Fairytale, as you can tell from the title, is more evocative of Sam's Town. I very much liked Sam's Town, particularly the completely over the top ones, like Why Do I Keep Counting and The River is Wild. This is very similar, but I like less the lyric 'castles in the sky' but the song is so dramatic and overblown in a pleasing way, so I'll forgive them.
This is Your Life has a marching drumbeat but made very little impression. I Can't Stay has maracas and another fucking saxophone (or something of that offensive brass ilk) and a bit that sounds like the music on Mario Kart when you drive round the beach (i.e. fucking annoying).
Neon Tigers is another I've heard live that doesn't do much for me. I really feel like some of these songs (sans the 80s posturing) might be growers though, so don't hold me to these thoughts, they are merely passing fancies.
The World We Live In is an awful, clunky title and reminded me of a song off a computer game as well. I think its the 80s, they make me think of Spectrums. Does that make for good music?
Goodnight, Travel Well, the final track, is what's commonly known as dirgy, and a bit of a morose ending to the album. And I'm a fan of melancholy, just not... er, tunelessness.
But then there's two bonus tracks for good measure, which I think is only fair, ten tracks is a bit stingy, non? A Crippling Blow is a jaunty, horsey-hoof film soundtrack sounding song. I liked the squidgy, crunchy bit in the middle of it, it reminded me of Cartoon Blues by Bright Eyes. And finally Forget About What I Said which sounded very much like old-skool Killers to me, and was pretty good actually, in the vein of All The Pretty Faces or Smile Like You Mean It. In fact, this was my favourite song off the whole album on first listen, and it's not even on the proper album! Typical me.
Ultimately I think the album is a bit of a mess, trying to be a bit of this and a bit of that, whereas Hot Fuss and Sam's Town had a clear theme. This is like Hot Town 80s, and suffers as a result. I forgive them though, they can't be consistently good always, or they'd just be robots. I still think this will be on heavy rotation at mine. I don't hate it, I just think it's a bit of a muddle. But there are no songs I'd utterly disown, they all have redeeming features (apart from... you guessed it... the saxophones).
PS. Brandon. Thanks for shaving off the tash, now please get those veneers sawn off, they are fucking RIDICULOUS. Ta.