Fearne and... Peaches Geldof

It appears a bit of the show title is missing, as the beginning of that sentence should obviously be, 'Who's your two least favourite faux-indie hangbag-carrying twonks?' If I sit here for a bit longer I could make that joke work, but I can't be bothered, so just laugh already, thanks!
Fearne (not just as good as Holly Willoughby) at least works for a living, even if she does have an obscene amount of revolting handbags, Peaches, well, with that face, she doesn't have so many options.
So Fearne goes to 'shadow' Peaches going about her business (of being a cunt). What is 'unpresidented' access, Fearne? Only you can tell us. She begins by telling us some 'myths' about Peaches; how about the one where anyone on the planet would find her attractive or funny?
Fearne is intensely irritating, from her stupid bowler hat downwards. Peaches talks like twat, because she is a twat. Why does she always sound like she's got a blocked up nose (ahem). She sounds like she'd say 'charity' 'charidee'. Her flat is fairly horrible. Mentions that Peaches is weird (by herself) so far: 1.
I like, this like, that, like... argh! What with Fearne's insincerity and Peaches' desperation to be cool, it's just unbearable. Oh, there's Peaches' cat which my boyfriend thinks is an aardvark. He's not that into nature.
Fearne: 'what do you think of all the haters out there?' She's no David Dimbleby, but in her defence, Nick Griffin is an easier interview than Peaches.
So is that magazine Peaches 'writes' still going? She mentions 'the British public'. Now SHE'S wearing a stupid bowler hat. Peaches says 'ant-eye' instead of 'anti'. That's New York living for you.
Peaches you can fiddle with your hair as much as you want, it will still look like that. Her and her friends were so cool they refused to have any fun. Fearne tried to make them drink some champagne but instead they sat round looking frumpy and describing things as 'intense'. I can't judge Peaches for finding Fearne 'lame', she is lame. But at least she's not pretending to be anything else. Peaches sits twiddling her hair talking about wormholes, and sounds every inch the student who thinks they're the first person to ever listen to The Orb and chat about aliens. But she doesn't want to talk about her 'spirituality and religion'. Forget the wormholes, she's an idiothole.
She's constantly carping on about being 'exhausted' which I reckon is because she's been out off her head all night. But Fearne was being such a dickhead as well, like your mum trying to force you to eat some toast when you're hungover, then gurning to the camera when Peaches (metaphorically) tells her to go fuck herself.
Next Fearne follows Peaches doing some 'modelling'. Peaches is tired and sulking. She makes Kelly Osbourne circa 2001 look like Taylor Swift. Peaches describes herself as 'nuts' and 'weird'.
She then admits to being a a Scientologist. Peaches, we already thought you were a moron, don't wrap it up in a bow for us. If you really believe it's not something to be ashamed of, back up your beliefs! Then she admitted she basically lucky dipped it.
Amount of times Peaches said 'like' in this documentary: 383228198.
54 minutes in and Peaches smiled for the first time. At the end Fearne concluded that maybe it was 'brave' of Peaches to be rude and difficult and to fall asleep when people are trying to interview her.
What I learnt from this show? Peaches is more boring than Peter fucking Andre, like so chronically dull it could be a medical condition. And Fearne is insufferable. And I knew these things already. Bugger.

Peaches: Disappear Here (MTV)

My best mate once said 'hasn't Peaches Geldof got a peculiar face?' and never has it been more evident than in this show. She also seems to have a bit of a lisp, or a blocked up nose, or is it just that generic thick-tongued posh accent? I can't tell the difference. Either way, she should get it looked at (or lay off the coke). Also, she appeared to have a double-chin and a fright wig on.
So this show saw Peaches starting up her own magazine of extremely pretentious-looking people. However, you had to pity them; the thought of that retard bossing me around is just beyond the pale. I'd rather go suck cock on a street corner.
Listening to her bang on about what alternative culture was just painful, like seeing a 10 year old in a Sex Pistols t-shirt. She's about as alternative as Girls Aloud. How alternative is nepotism anyway? Ooh she hates the Kooks. Even that fucking lead singer's own mother would hate that shit. Big wows. The funny part is I watched this on the MTV video player thing which was advertising the bloody Kooks album in the corner! Cutting edge.
The whole thing stank of fake anyway; all the writers looked like models who'd just stepped out of a salon, Peaches's 'PA' seemed like she was on her first job out of acting school. The set (sorry, magazine office) looked like the IT Crowd.
Listening to Peaches say 'As a writer...' was offensive to the ear. Also, I've also only ever heard a complete idiot describe another person as a 'try-hard'. How old are you, you desperate moron?
This pig in a dress shouldn't be allowed out after 10pm, let alone be allowed to marry. Truly terrifying.

Big Brother: Celebrity Hijack (Trash Pussies)

Jeremy mentioned Morrissey! Hurrah.
Oh yeah, and Peaches Geldof is a cunt. And her fat little friend can fuck off as well.