Big Brother 2014: This is a really nasty bunch of people

Evening! So, three new housemates and all of them pure arseholes. Good work, Big Brother.
So only the two SAVED new housemates get to vote on which original housemate to evict.Save Pav, in that case, as he's the only one talking sense.
OMG Kimberly is ill and has temporarily left the house and is SAFE from eviction. She won't be back. I can't believe Steven allowed her out. What's wrong with her? Pregnant? Getting a change of head? It's weird that she's safe from eviction. That was good timing on her part. Hopefully it increases the chances of Steven leaving.
Chris now likes all the original housemates. I think it's catching as I have warmed towards Helen and Ash this week, which is messed up. Editing!
Does Steven get the joke of 'open up to Steven'? I suspect not. Steven kind of works as a chat show host. Yay, Pav is taking down Steven's firework nonsense. Steven: 'No one came in here for the 100K'. WTF! I didn't understand how Steven could turn 100K of fireworks into 300K. I think because it made no sense.
Zoe telling Ashleigh to 'whip her hair round'. Shut up. Zoe doesn't want to smell Steven 'having a bonk'. Me either.
Biannca is pledging to do a Kinga 2. Fair dos.
Winston: 'You're not going to get the right guy saying I want to ride your cock.' Biannca: 'I don't want the right guy, I just want to sit on your cock.' That's him told.
OMG Biannca is making Danielle crying by calling her a horny devil! Aw, poor Danielle, the whole facade is crumbling. I wish Biannca would shut her giant yap.
OMG an actual advert for fanny spray. Toya, RIP.
Helen gets off the hook in these tasks EVERY TIME. Good on that injunction, hey?
LOL to Dexter's penis size getting dragged through the mud. Danielle is upset cos she's been described as 'horny'. Helen is not helping matters.
Danielle admitted about the topless stuff when Danielle wasn't there! Why is Biannca so bothered if Danielle has had sex or not? Let her be deluded if she wants. Stop trying to drag everyone down to your level, Biannca.
LOL to the sign saying 'Two second Steve #topshagger'. Good work.
Chris = not a Britney fan. 'The others are pretending to have fun'. Ha, they probably are. Chris was spot on, they are a nasty bunch of people and who cares what Danielle has done? So true about Helen's secret as well.
Remember when Danielle was moanging about Helen working out topless?! Now Bianca is rolling round naked. LOL. They're wrapping her in a piece of cardboard. Danielle's not happy.
'Stop touching my face.' How romantic.
Helen and Ash getting off! Took them long enough. Is Kimberly gonna crawl along the floor and bang her head on his bed?
What are the crowd chanting? 'You slept with Steven?' 'Two second Steven?' Shame Kimberly's not there to hear that. Mind you, she already knows.
Noobs eviction! Is Zoe wearing a leather top? She's bold in this heat. Why is Pav getting booed?
Biannca is leaving! That's good as she was too in with Helen. I wasn't sure who would go. Hopefully Pav and Zoe will make a sensible decision.
OMG to Biannca getting her boobs out at the top of the stairs. Emma is not impressed. She's such a prude, ha. Biannca is getting 'who are ya' chanted at her. I can't believe they're interviewing her out there. Poor thing! At least I don't have to type 'Biannca' anymore. Here's your best tits. Let's face it, we'd seen all that Biannca had to offer.
Shit it's the real eviction. The crowd seem keen for Steven to go, right. OMG they evicted Danielle. No way, she shouldn't have gone like that. Totally unfair. Listen to the crowd, you fuckwits. They didn't even give a reason.
Danielle's going all sultry as she's evicted! She's changing back to her old persona! She looks great in that dress. She actually looks sexy!
Damn right it's not fair that Danielle went. It WAS Biannca's decision too, they'd already decided FFS! Glad Danielle has got the hump, she's got every right to be. Danielle giving a politicians answer to the question of the glamour shoots. Good on her. Oh shut up, Emma, stop slut-shaming. Emma Willis could be the new Denise Robertson the way she goes on.
Danielle laughing at the clips of herself swearing - good on her. OMG! Danielle saw 'protection' on the dressing table. Lawks! At least they're using protection. I forgot about that green dress she came in wearing. It was horrid.
Aw, Danielle. You went too soon. But at least it wasn't the first week, and it could have been. Armageddon? Cuntmageddon more like.
Meanwhile, Kimberly boards a flight back to America. Fingers crossed. For her sake.

Big Brother 2014: Come Armageddon come

Nice to have a Morrissey-related title on the day his new album comes out, isn't it? Nicer still to have Armageddon; if only they'd wipe this lot out for real.
So why is tonight's episode only an hour!? Surely we need longer for three new housemates and an eviction. What about the highlights?
Who goes? They decide. Not quite got the same ring to it, has it? I don't trust these lot to make the right decision, that's the problem! They keep fucking it up.
'Mark is feeling regretful.' Five minutes later: 'No regrets.' Mark has 'thrown himself into the full experience.' Well you could have done it on camera and not in a blind spot in the storeroom, spoilsport! Sort your cameras out, Big Brother. Get your angles in order. I like the Mark and Christopher romance. And they know how to get it on DISCREETLY under the covers.
Mark being all cagey around Christopher now and Christopher covering for him, pretending nothing happened. Maybe Mark's parents are really conservative?
I don't even know what Ashleigh and Danielle are getting pissy with each other about. I enjoyed the raft wars yesterday, it was actually quite a fun episode with the focus off psycho Steve and the robot.
Remind me not to tell Ash any secrets, blabbermouth. Aw, Christopher likes Mark 'a little bit.' I think their relationship is so cute and fragile. I don't think either of them know what they want. I think Christopher is right that Mark likes him more than he'd admit. Christopher's Mark impression was startlingly good.
Chris having a little sing to the moon there. It's like Eastenders, isn't it? Only more depressing.
WTF so they nominated yesterday and we don't even get to SEE the nominations! Why aren't they doing it live? Oh I know, so they can fix the result, ie. make it the person with the most nominations as opposed to making the other housemates choose between them if they didn't like that result. I see you, Big Brother! I know your game.
It's got to be Marlon. Please! OMG it was. Thank God. Is he going out with no top on? LOL Marlon is getting evicted naked to no crowd. Hilarity. He seems to be taking it in good humour. I've never seen him so perky. Maybe him pressing that button last week wasn't so bad after all! Byeeeeeeee! Imagine if it HAD been Ashleigh though? I've even warmed to that maggot Ash in the past week. BB was playing with fire there; well, if they hadn't already fixed it beforehand, that is.
Marlon getting interviewed in a dressing gown from Jo O' Meara's autumn collection is quite fitting. It is sad when they don't get the crowd, I think, even if they are an arse. But that's the way it goes sometimes.
Marlon got nominated by everyone, didn't he? Oh, everyone except Danielle and Ashleigh apparently. Feel a bit jibbed that we didn't get to see all the nominations, I would have like to have seen the reasons for Ash, at least.
I don't know why Emma is going Marlon such a hard time about the button pushing thing, because he dug his own grave anyway. He's sitting there in the grossest looking dressing down I've ever seen and everyone in the house will have forgotten his name by midnight. I feel sorry for him really, the sheen really came off. He had no personality, no game, nothing. 
Marlon's best bit was getting evicted in his underpants. And his reaction to the new housemates, lol. Christ, did Emma have to speak to him for so long? Not much time for new housemates, is there? Bollocks.
All housemates up for eviction this week! I hope Steven goes.
LOL Helen's face at the new housemates! Her lips are TIGHT. This is all going TOO FAST. I can't keep up. Couldn't they have made tonight's show an hour and a half? They are showing the VTs, so it's lucky Pauline's not in there.
First in Zoe, a singer from Pop Idol. I don't remember her. She doesn't like lethargic people. You're lucky, Marlon's just gone. She doesn't like people having sex in the house. Well... tough?
Pav. An Asian guy from Essex. Studied psychology so thinks he's the next Dan Gheesling or something, probably.
Bianca is an exotic dancer who fancies Essex boys. She's got some teeth on her. Ooh, she 'says it to your face.' Toya times. God, she talks like Jordan. 'I will be having sex in the house!' Whether any man in there likes it or not. Ha! Love it. Danielle, spare us the fake shock.
The guy seems mildly interesting. The girls look the same. None of them seem like TRUE GAMERS. I want an evil genius in there. I really wish they'd just put some adonis in there that all the girls would drool over. It would be more interesting to see that dynamic and Steven's reaction than this bollocks.
WTF, they are letting these muppets choose who will be evicted this week? That's totally unfair. What if they evict Mark, or Chris or (insert your favourite here). Oh, I know what will happen. They'll take Helen's pass off her midweek and the new housemates will evict her. It's too risky otherwise! Big Brother wouldn't take an entirely pointless risk that would jeopardise the integrity of the show, would they? Hahaha! Of course they would.
It's almost like Big Brother don't WANT our money! Oh, we can boot one of the housemates. Either of the girls will do, then I'll be able to tell them apart. Still, who really gives a fuck about that? I wanted to evict psycho STEVE this week! Fuck you, Big Brother, you old cunt, and fuck Armageddon, too.
It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel whine.