Wednesday, 15 June 2016
Big Brother UK 2016: I have the biggest bollocks in this house
So the others are in the house writing shit with lipstick. It's not even a good lipstick colour. Hold on, Jackson wrote 'marry me' on Marco's pic? OK then.
I like the broken heart on Jason's face, very subtle. Also I did not enjoy hearing about his long, thin willy on BOTS.
Why have they written 'two faced' on Georgina? I like the fact they're written 'booooo' on Laura. It's like a cue card written in lipstick.
Twin is rewriting the graffiti to make it more positive. Chelsea: 'Write 'the real deal' on mine.' HA.
Hughie is shredding the Shreddies box. Meta.
Lateysha calling Marco on his fiance nonsense. 'I had a hall pass, OK?' No, not OK.
Laura's regret happened quick, I don't think they've even been in there a week. I'd prefer them to carry on getting it on, it's more genuine. You've already fucked the relationship. Laura KNOWS THE GIRL CODE. The girl code is like the phantom 'girl's alliance'. DOES NOT EXIST.
Also on BOTS Jason was calling Sarah Harding Senior 'It' last night. Eww. I DON'T CARE about him and her and I care LESS about Jayne and Chelsea. It's a fake 'storyline' that we don't need and don't want. UNCLEAN.
Ryan is not good at tasks, is he. He's not good at being a housemate either. He's also a Diary Room bore. We've got Hughie for the DR amateur dramatics. We don't need you.
Marco: 'You've got an amazing arse, by the way' to the twin in front of Laura. What a man.
Ryan and Lateysha slut-shaming Laura, while Marco swans around as usual. Sigh. They should just create a room in the house called 'Slutshame corner' where people go to bitch about women's loose morals. That would be a well-used room in the house.
Laura admitting, 'they didn't have sex, but they did have sex.' What does that mean? Why would Marco's fiance be mad, HE HAD A HALL PASS, haha. Hall pass, my arse.
Not really buying Laura's 'poor me' act. She knew what she was getting into! Marco is ignoring her now. You can't dump someone four days into Big Brother. Well, I suppose you can.
Marco's dad is 'amazing but a bit of a cunt sometimes'.I'm sure he'll be pleased to hear that. *cuts up Marco's credit card*
What is going on with Evelyn? She is getting the Hira edit. She must have done one interesting thing.
Laura basically bragging about shagging Marco now. Sam: 'It was just a turtle head and then out.' To quote Lionel Blair, 'WERE YOU THERE?' Oh now Evelyn speaks up to ask if Marco's penis is worth the bother. Distinctly average, by the sounds of it. I'm tired of hearing girth talk on Big Brother. I can safely say I've never asked a friend about length of their partner's penis, let alone girth. TMI! STOP THAT.
Sam and Charlie are the roughest looking Big Brother housemates of all time. They both look in their forties.GRIM.
Another crappy task. Tasks have been rotten this year. Twists, worse. Jayne says Chelsea can't say he's attracted to anyone cos he's 'got a missus.' The old Darren Day defence! You can still FANCY PEOPLE.
Andy is saying Marco is overbearing. Andy is underbearing.
This bit from last night makes a bit more sense now, in the context that it was part of a longer game they were playing. The edit (technical difficulties my arse) was dreadful.
Chelsea is telling Jackson that Georgina misses him, aw. I want to see those two back together!
Charlie is so keen to say she's Jason's ex! I love the way Chelsea talks. He's like Del Boy.
I hate Jayne. What is the deal with her and Chelsea?! I know Chelsea is a good housemate and she is not. That's all I care about. Oh, OK, Jayne says Chelsea was trying to get with her when he's got a boyfriend. Interesting!
Jayne: 'He's not my type.' We know she's white people only. Natalie is boring the hell out of me, too.I don't see the point in her.
Jayne: 'We snogged.' Haha. I still use 'snogged'. Great word. This storyline is SO BORING.
Jayne: 'I've always been second best. I'm not here because of me. I'm here because of Chelsea.' Well you're not there for your sparkling personality, that's for sure.
Chelsea: 'Me and Marco were running the house over there.' In what way? Rulebooking? Cooking? How do you run the BB house? Oh I know, the impromptu trip to Miami. That really showed 'em.
I quite liked Natalie calling Chelsea out. 'You tried to pull her.' Ha.
Chelsea in the DR moaning he wants to go home then talking about the size of his bollocks. Make your mind up.
Big Brother: 'If you can handle it, why are you asking to leave?'
Chelsea: 'I want a bottle of wine.'
I like this stern Scottish Big Brother: 'Are you saying now you're going to leave if you don't get wine? We don't have any.'
Chelsea: 'OK, I'll go to bed.' HAHAHA.
Seriously though, when will this 'others' crap end? They are nomming now and we all know Marco and Laura will be up, and Laura will go. But I don't want either to go. I just want the others twist to end and then to start watching Andrew's new reality show in the rented mansion.