Wednesday, 7 January 2015

Celebrity Big Brother 2015: Launch show

Happy new year! (Too late?) EVERYONE seems to be excited about Big Brother this year. People who never talk about Big Brother are jumping on the bandwagon. Even Big Brother himself seems to be advertising it properly. What gives? Are they actually going to give us a decent show? Don't count on it.
I am loving Emma's hair atm. It looks really good. Shame about the husband.
First up, rent a cunty comment, Katie Hopkins. What task they gonna give her? I know, be nice to everyone. They're gonna give her a pass to final, lol. OMG they are playing Celebrity Skin! Jokes! Courtney should sue. People are heckling the old trout. She actually looks good, well as good as she can look.
The house looks plush. I rather like it! Nothing worse than an eco house.
Haunted Mirror! Aint no tree of temptation. She wasn't even funny. What, Katie's got to be nasty to people?! That's not hard. Oh, she's got to put the two least entertaining people up. At least she hopefully will put up deadwood. I think she'll be good value once she stops actressing, but that will take a while.
Fuck me, I can believe Patsy Kensit needs the cash. Is Liam Gallagher not paying his maintenance? They must have paid through the nose for her *cocaine joke*. I like Patsy Kensit. Why is she limping down the stairs? She looks good, too.
I'm surprised Perez Hilton needs the money, too. He looks a LOT better than he used to. He used to look like crap. His website is shit. All he does is doodle on things and not even amusingly. We're betting they're going to give them a doodling task. I liked the way he stroked that bears belly when he went in. 'First two in, last two out.' Alliance talk! Love the Americans.
Fuck me, Reg Holdsworth! He's worse than Biggins. His wife?! He's pretty camp. Soap people don't do well in CBB. His real name is Ken, not that we'll be calling him that. See the way he looked Patsy up and down! Groo!
Katie Hopkins is in the CGI chamber, but they can't afford the CGI. She don't like Perez cos it's a competition for rent-a-gob.
Next in is a tattoo model who was engaged to Kirk Norcross?! UGH. Gross. He's one of my most hated people of all time. She's American so that gives me hope. She's like Jasmine from last year. Woah, look at her boobs. Impressive. Camili! What sort of name is that? Her first words on entering the Big Brother house were 'I shit myself.' Well, it's one up on Charlotte Crosby, innit?
I used to have a picture of Calum Best on my wall when he was about 20 and had long hair. He looks like he's had a hair transplant. He's got a spud face now. Love Island was classic. Bring back Paul Danan. 'What a process, what a procedure.' Is he describing his hair transplant?
Alicia Duvall should be good value. I'm fed up with this plastic surgery chat, though. What's she getting booed for?! She's deaf and went the wrong way, so essentially the new Gary Busey.
Ugh, Reg Holdsworth is a proper perv! He's sizing up all the women! Gross.
I do remember this Alexander O Neil song. He's going to be the one not knowing what's going on and sacking his agent. Referring to himself in the third person, check. His suit looks like it's from Debra. It's all creased up!
CBB house needs a stairlift. Too many OAPs. Patsy Kensit is waiting to go bed, poor sod. Three Americans!
This live link to Katie Hopkins is working well, lol. Techno-fail. Can't believe Emma doesn't even mention it! Tragic.
Katie Hopkins is nicking my material.
Oh no, Nadia Sawalaha is so boring. Oh, she's going to be the cooking dictator. Ha, she likes talking to people while she's brushing her teeth. That's perfect for Big Brother. Discussing strategy while brushing your teeth is the best move.
Jeremy is best known for playing David Hasslehoff's son in Baywatch. So not known then. He looks like Adam Levine. Lovely faux fur jacket! Nice hat! We've never had so many Americans in the house! Takeover.
What's Ashleeeeeen doing in the audience? Is Mike Tyson going in?
I think Katie Hopkins is drunk. She's not very funny when someone's not writing her tweets for her.
Kavana is going to be a car crash. Look at his sweaty head. Ecstasy chat, shame. He's got Kevin Webster's jacket on.
Next in is Michelle Visage. I don't know who any of these people are. I appreciate the lack of Towies, but it's actually too many Americans now. Is that Americanist?
This Katie Hopkins 'twist' is falling flat. The Kavana being 53 thing is the funniest thing she said. I'm not impressed with this line up. It started off strong and went downhill at Reg Holdsworth. I'm seeing other people saying it's good though, so I'll give it a chance.
Oh, I thought we were off the hook with the reality people but apparently not. Next in is Chloe from Ex on the Beach (me neither) sitting in a tumble dryer. She 'hates boring people'. I love 'em. This is the MTV people they're shoehorning in. Beavis or Butthead would be preferable.
Fuck me, do we need Reg Holdsworth AND Keith Chegwin! Naked jungle. The new Les Dennis. James just said 'this is an insult'. I can't disagree.
So that's it. What a mess. So Katie is putting up two people Survivor stylee. Well, she's got enough deadwood to choose from.
Did Katie just say the DR chair looked cheap? LOL. Ha, I guessed they'd make her be nice to people. Of course she's going to be nice to people at first, anyway.
Ha, she's threatening a rulebreak! Mutiny! She's anti-American. I think she just wants to race hate on someone.
I swear Alexander just looked Katie Hopkins up and down. It takes all sorts!
Housemates ignoring Big Brother. Jeremy's red jeans/ red shoes combo is amazing. I think I'm going to like watching him.
Sit your arses down, motherfuckers! Jeremy can't understand Scottish Big Brother.
So Katie put Alexander and Chloe up. Good! They are the boringist, ha! No doubt they're gonna stick another ten people on the block before Friday.
So that's it. The show was half an hour and about four housemates too long. Jeremy is my fave so far! But the smart money is a tenner on Katie Hopkins. As long as it's vote to save. Podcast up later! Cheers!


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