Big Brother 2014: Wanked all over my face

Intense scenes of sexual intercourse! Dear God. Thanks for the warning. *Switches off show. Ends blog.*
Oh, actually, my friend has a banner in the audience so I'd best stay and try and spot it. Emma looks nice. 
Boos for Marlon, yay. And kind of for Jale. I've voted to evict Jale. COULD she go? Anything is possible. Including another massive disappointment.
Marlon: 'Do I pose a threat to people?' No.
Steven's secret mission... but what the he doesn't know if the real task is... oh, you get the picture.
Ugh, close your legs in the DR, Marlon, you're making me sick. He IS trying to do some gaming, you know. Pitiful, really.
Ah, I did see my friend in the audience! A big banner saying 'keep Ashleigh in' will help with that. Cool! 
Steven going loopy about Kimberly's picture of her ex boyfriend. I like the way Kimberly is kind of laughing at him. I want to see a picture of Kim's boyfriend, too. Actually, I saw some small ones online today and he looked like a cute indie kid. Kim looked carefree and happy in them. Ha, Kimberly saying Steven's reaction of chopping up the photos would be psycho. Steven: 'I feel like someone has wanked all over my face.' Gross. Weird analogy. 'I didn't ask for this' - ha. I can't believe Helen backed him up, that's total madness. Being able to be friends with your exes speaks well of you. Anyone 'chopping up' any photos of any sort is unhinged. I don't think Steven's ever had a girlfriend before. He behaves like a teenager. Or something worse.
Chris is safe. Christopher is safe. Jale and Ashleigh getting booed cos of the patriarchy. Sigh. Still, get Jale out.
Fuck! She cut up the photos! They are Polaroids, too. You can't replace those. He's really done a number on her. She won't forgive herself for that later. Taking advice from HELEN, a known psycho. Kimberly has got some ISSUES. I would never give up my memories for anyone. Steven is psychologically abusive.
Kimberly saying 'I can't show emotion and I'll tell you why when I get out of the house' says to me that might have been abused, so it's no wonder she's flocking to these abusive characters in the house. Very worrying.
Oh God, here comes the graphic bit.
'Love you'. 'No, you don't.' So romantic. Oh my God, the way she said 'I cut up the photos' like a little girl was really creepy. The way Steven holds what his imaginary ex girlfriend did over Kimberly's head is so unfair, too. This is making me sooooo uncomfortable.
Chris: 'I would wait a year for love.' Why wait a year? You're in there so you might as well have a snog and that.
OMG this bit with Steven and Kimberly is so creepy. 'I'll never leave you... unless it was exceptional circumstances.' This is making me feel ill. It's so unpleasant to watch. Urgh and now they're having sex! OMG he has no respect for her or he wouldn't do that in the house. I mean you can do it spooning a bit, but not like that. There's a line. And they were all sweaty! Ugh. So disgusting and I'm pretty OPEN minded. I feel like Danielle now, all indignant. Steven is doing it like he's got something to prove, he's shagging her like he HOPES her ex boyfriend is watching. The man is demented.
Ha, they crowd is chanting 'get Steven out' now. Mega. That will shit him up. OMG they're chanting over Emma reading out the eviction results. The crowd TURNED! You think it would be Kimberly as she's the woman, but no. They're onto him, thank God.
It WAS Jale evicted! I thought we'd done it, you know. There was just a feeling in the air. Bit anti-climatic after all that, lol. I can't enjoy it, I'm too traumatised!
Good on the everyone who evicted Jale though, we can do it when we stick together. Ooh, they're showing all the horrible things Helen said about Jale. Good. That's who you got into bed with. Do you get it now, as you're sitting there? They spelt out very clear for her who the villian was, there. I wonder if she will actually get it. She doesn't seem stupid.
I think Jale's explanation of why she wanted to give Helen a chance was quite fair, that she saw herself in her. Still the wrong decision, though. Emma should have dug her out a bit more about the way she treated Chris. I wonder if Helen will actually care that Jale went in the end?
'Get Steven' 'dirty people' and 'Yes Ashleigh' are now trending on Twitter, haha. Ooh, what did Marlon look like when Jale got evicted? I feel like I need a rewind on that whole part.
OMG Ashleigh moaning about being saved on the bit of live feed at the end. Be grateful FFS. You've got to laugh.
So it's confirmed, three new housemates going in on Monday. God help us. Come, Armageddon, come. I want to see skin falling off, Helen with eight eyes and the Big Brother house reduced to a nuclear wasteland.