Celebrity Big Brother 2013: Vicky's a stupid gremlin

Squidward: displeased with Spongebob's incessant giggling

Sorry I didn't blog at the weekend, it was a shame really as Vanessa Feltz's takedown of Team Cuntrag was quite delightful. We did do a rather high pitched podcast about the week's events, though, if you're interested. Anyway, on with tonight's show. Looks like it's going to be another shit stirring galore episode.
Mario's face is looking more bloated and puffy by the day. I know NOTHING about this guy from TOWIE, and his 'reputation' and I still know this guy is an enormous prick from a mile away.
Abz is getting involved larking about with Louie. Upping his game! Watch out BB finale.
LOL to Big Brother taping together all he people who hate each other. I couldn't do that all day.
Abz can even Kung Fu kick spatulas into the sink today. Is there nothing this man can't do? Surely they can't really be going loo together? That's an infringement of your privacy. Your arms would hurt like hell, too.
Mario and Courtney stroking each other's hands was VERY dodgy, much more suspect than the dancing, in my opinion. It had shades of Chantelle and Preston about it. It made me feel bad. Fuck him, because he's not interested in her, it's just in his nature to try and fuck anything that moves. I don't know what she's playing at. I think she's just young and gone a bit nuts but she needs to fix up and work out what she really wants because it's fucked up to do that on TV.
Ooh, so they're nominating in pairs. Interesting as they'd normally nominate each other. Louie and Vicky are up first. They nominated Courtney for being 'not that bothered about seeing her husband'. Well... Ha, they're nominating Carol, too. Hilarious.
I can't believe Carol nominated Louie, too. I thought they were BFFs! A severed alliance. Carol agreed to Lauren nominating Mario! She nominated her entire alliance! LOL.
OMG Courtney and Mario lying on the bed and she's got her fingers in her mouth. Lawks. I would be freaking out if I was her husband.
Abz is nominating Courtney! Boo, what about their moth moments? These noms are mental. Wow, can't believe Charlotte agreed to nominating Carol! These alliances are paper thin. The clique has clicked off.
I can't believe Mario wants to nominate Carol for 'bitching whilst she's drunk'. He's sat there bitching with her! He's the biggest hypocrite in that house. He blames others for things HE DOES HIMSELF constantly. What a ginormous tool.
Carol, Courtney, Mario, Vicky and Louie are up! Cool, Lauren and Abz are safe. I'll vote to save Courtney.
They made the right choices about which letters to shred, except Lauren's. Shred, shred, shred. Carol's alliance is in bits! Louie, Carol, Mario and Charlotte seem to hate each other today. I couldn't be happier.
Janice got a shout out from the local dignitaries, the Mayor, and even Edith, lol. Edith FTW. Blub blub blub. Next.
The housemates think Lauren saw her family in the house! Or did she see Dr Ottoman? Probably her mother.
I don't like the way Janice is speaking to people; she's being a patronising old bag. She is kind of right what she's saying to Louie, though, he doesn't seem bothered about anything. I'm glad Louie is actually saying he wanted to hear from his husband. DID Lauren see her family? She didn't react at all when Charlotte said Lauren had seen her mum.
I HATE IT when people say 'let me finish'. That was one of my old boss's favourite psychotic expression. 'LET ME FINISH'. 'I'M NOT BEING FUNNY'. FUCK OFF.
Janice is being a cow to Charlotte. I like the way Charlotte is unfiltered sometimes! 'Stupid fucking cow' - ha. At least she doesn't stand on ceremony.
Janice: 'I'm 45 years old.' This is a more pathetic statement than telling someone to suck a pig off. I'd rather be in there with Charlotte than Janice, because at least Charlotte doesn't kowtow like Janice does. No one deserves respect for being a certain age. Should I respect Robert Mugabe because of his advanced years? Piss off.
Charlotte is not TRYING to be an example for girls who want to be a doctor or a lawyer. She's not trying to be a role model. She's an average girl who got a lucky break and is making the most of it. There's no need to call her a 'fat slag'. I don't like her myself, but who does Janice think she fucking is? She was fat herself for years, so it's totally hypocritical of her to call anyone else fat. What 'university course' has Vicky been on? Is that what we measure people in, fucking GCSEs and degrees? How about if a person is considerate, kind, lovable, likable, loyal, brave? Can we measure people like this instead?
And the million dollar question: what IS the expression Charlotte's boyfriend makes when he ejaculates inside her?