The X Factor: Final Cut

Saturday night on my own! Quick, start drinking. They keep saying 'it's crunch time' and weirdly, I just opened a giant bar of Crunch chocolate. Nice! I am a female cliche. Ooh Harry Hill's back next week. Score.
Urgh, Ronan 'you nearly got me punched in a fight' Keating. You say it best when you say noth... oh I've definitely done that joke before.
Mmm Ethan. Drool. Urgh, Will Young, the chinny, lisping closet-case-til-just-after-he-won-Pop-Idol. Yeah, I don't like him much.
Simon has Sinitta helping him, who came out covered in leaves. Quick, pop her in the oven. Dannii went slightly more A-list with her sister, who is going for the preserved in formaldehyde look. Lush.
The boyz, the boyz. I can't be fugged with Joe, he looks like a foetus. His voice is quite good, but I can't be bothered with him. The same with Lloyd. It's obviously going to be him or Joe going through, battling for the jail-bait vote. His voice isn't as good.
I like Daniel. He's all emotional and loud. Perhaps Will will give him the gay vote. Ha, Will did like him.
Mm, Ethan. Hot. I could look at him all day long. If he doesn't go through I'll doubt Cheryl's heterosexuality. I like his voice a lot, too! He's the FULL PACKAGE (tm). Them going 'oh he's too good looking' that's not a PROBLEM, dope-bags.
Ooh Duane's voice was quite good as well. Shit. This is quite hard to call. I don't mind Ricky, but I can't be arsed with his cheeky chappie/ hat schtick. So my picks are Daniel, Ethan and Duane.
The groups. Project A. One of them looks like Suffia off BB. I think they're alright, like a hen-night out down Wetherspoons.
Kandy Rain used to be strippers. Well, the name was a giveaway. But at the same time, who cares- what century is it?! Sexist tabloid scum. The little blonde one is cute. I'm going for Project A over them, though, for the 'likeability factor' *shoots self*.
I don't remember ever seeing the appallingly named De-Tour ever before so I guess they aren't going through as they're about as charismatic as Ronan. Oh, scratch that then.
Clamouring for the worst band name is Harmony Hood, a ragtag brood but I kind of like them a bit, like mismatched socks.
Miss Frank are kind of cool, like the Fugababes, you suspect they are just being forced to pretend they like each other. They are good, I liked their performance! They're quirky.
Urgh, the Fylight twins. Get rid. They are shit! Louis, just take them to bed if you fancy them that much, but don't inflict them on us, for fuck's sake. He's DEFINITELY going to put them through.
My pick for the groups are Miss Frank, Project A and Kandy Rain. Which aint gonna happen.
The over 25s... Olly! Deal or No Deal! You gotta love him just for that. He's a bit dull, though.
I like Treyc (yes that is how you spell it). But she's a bit lacklustre, too.
Daniel 'One True Voice' has a mohican now, so we must take him seriously. He has a 'look'. Zzzzz. What, he's got backing singers?! Cheat. He bores me to tears.
Nicole (dead dad 2) I can't stand. She sang that song I hate and I can't get over it. She's too shrieky. I'm not very impressed with this over 25 category.
Oh I do like Danyl. So that's something. Oh and Jamie. I hope they don't only put one of them through. So my picks out of this lot are them and Olly. But Nicole's definitely going through.
And lastly, the girls. The girls are GOOD. Stacey, the people's chav. I like her a lot, actually. She's sweet. Good voice.
Does Kylie have it in her contract that they can't film her up close?
The next Stacey is OK but lacks charisma I think. And her voice is a little shrill. Plus, two Stacey's? I don't think so.
I love, love, love Rachel. I think she's great. She seems like she really NEEDS it, and she's cool, too. I hope she goes through.
I don't remember ever seeing Despina before, so I guess she's not going through. She was a bit shrieky for my liking.
Lucie is excellent. She's super-talented. Nicole is boring. Even her messing it up was boring.
It has to be Stacey the mum, Rachel and Lucie.
Oh it's over. I hate this 'over two nights' thing. It's too much. I can't blog it tomorrow either. BOO!
Over and out.