The Apprentice: Rough Tough Cream Puff (what?)

Why is Alan Sugar being such a dick in interviews at the mo? Boo-hoo people think I'm nasty! Big wows. Don't be a baby, Mrs Tiggywinkle.
The Apprentice gets on my nerves a bit (still). It reminds me of work (still). The cocky things they say at the start just seem contrived now.
Alan's opening gambit: 'I know the words to Candle in the Wind.. don't make me Elton John, right?' Sing us a bit then. Prove it.
Alan: 'You lot are as easy to play as bongo drums'. Alan, you've clearly never been to Whirl-y-Gig or you'd know, playing bongos is very difficult indeed; why else would it always be SO out of time with the music (oh, cos they're all fucked off their heads). Either way, bad analogy.
Argh; the blonde went 'don't see me as a dumb blonde'. It's not the fucking 1980s, love! You don't have to defend your hair colour. Alan's not going to walk past and slap you on the arse. She has one of THOSE voices, too, like she's going to patronise you to death.
I liked the American's idea of calling the group 'Shazam'. The men called their group 'Empire'. They should have just called it 'Viagra'. The women eventually went for 'Ignite'.
I found the task tiresome. It's really boring. It's all about laughing at a. the deluded people or b. Alan in the boardroom. I don't really care about the rest. It's like Extreme Makeover, you may as well just watch the first and last ten minutes. I know everyone loves this show, but it just doesn't quite do it for me. I think it needs at least three weeks to bed in as well.
The new flat is very nice. It's all a bit America's Next Top Model. They should have a giant pic of Alan on the wall giving it fierce.
Deborah, why shouldn't we fire you? 'head above the parapet... under the radar...step up to the plate...' And a 'I'm not that kind of person...' for good measure. DIE! DIE! DIE! She's not a person, she's a fucking cliche Jack-in-the-Box!
To be honest... at the end of the day... you're fired. Blah.

The Apprentice: Money, Money, Money

I hate The Apprentice, but I think you're meant to. No revamps for old Alan, same old set, same old sour-faced cronies, same old cunts trying to work for him. Oh no, they are different aren't they? They just seem the same personality-less, materialistic, cunty, nasty, braggy, shit-spouting dickwads as every other time (except probably two of them that are alright, but who knows who they are yet).
Stand-out twats so far: backcombed vampire guy, cockney wideboy, and petulant schoolboy. One to watch could be Alex (who was the project manager) who looked enough like Ethan Hawke to make me not want him to leave. OK, it was a 99p store version, but I'll take what I can get. He had nice eyes, but looked like he was wearing lipstick, so you gotta take the rough with the... CUT!
The women, also twats: eyebrows of joy (nah, I really did like them, they were cool), 'the best salesperson in Europe' in a sick-coloured shirt, and one in a pink beret. Berets are never good. Yes I did talk about the women solely in terms of their personal appearance, but I don't feel like being a feminist fighting machine today! Besides, these bitches can fight their own battles.
Cliche spotting: I forgot to pay proper attention to this, but I did notice an unnecessary '110%', 'cat amongst the pigeons', and a 'prince and a pauper' (what?!) The dude with the big nose totally fucked himself by blathering 'you're not as educated as me' what he meant, of course was, posh. Big mistake! Alan has PACKED BOXES for a living! He did his time like the rest of us commoners!
Oh yeah, and the task was something to do with fish but it was very, very boring.