Wednesday, 3 August 2016

Celebrity Big Brother UK 2016: Despicable Aubrey

Robo-crap
2026 is not that far into the future, is it? If we're gonna go future, I want to go 3000 years in, like the Busted song. ROBOT TASK. The 'Artificials'. Not that catchy. They have their own 'charging room' ie. the others house. I need time away to recharge against this crop of housemates.
They've spent about 25p on the outfits for this task. I did wonder why they were all covered in glitter on the live feed. I thought Frankie had shit himself.
Frankie is doing a good Kryten style robot voice. Very 'Humans'.
Heavy D (aka the female villain out of the Little Mermaid) is ordering Chloe around. I think I Chloe is quite nice now, I don't really know why as I can't stand a word she says and I'm scared of her slug lips, especially when ensconced in glitter, as it looks like they're on the move. But I like her pigtails in the robot outfit, she looks like a Manga character. I like Grant taking over the massage.
Marnie doesn't know that there's dragon on the Welsh flag. 'I don't even know what colour Wales is.' Green. Also, she's a cheat. Chloe correctly spelled technotronics, I mean, technology.
Why do robots need to wee and eat? Bear being a cunt as usual. My mum rang earlier and asked who I like in Big Brother. I said, 'nobody'. She said she hates Bear the most and Heavy D next. Can't argue.
Renee clueing Chloe up on what Heavy D said about her the other night. Chloe: 'Even if I'm single I don't have to fuck the fat one.' Good point. Then Heavy D walks in ordering her to wash his pants. Would you order a stranger you fancied to wash your pants? Leo Sayer must be turning in his grave. Chloe has pranked Heavy D to get revenge! Yes, Tampax in his bed. Hope it's used. Aubrey on Heavy D: 'This is why he's single and 80 years old.' HA. Don't forget 80 stone.
Biggins: 'Could you wipe my bum for me?' to Saira. LOL.
Renee snitching to Bear about the bed being pranked! GRASS. At least it's not a horse's head. Looks like blood and jizz in the bed. They have spoiled the prank! Would have been better to see Heavy D get in the bed.
Heavy D: 'That's vandalism.' No, casting you as a CBB housemate is ratings vandalism.
They all think Marnie snitched but it was Renee! Heavy D thinks Bear did it. He didn't seem to suspect Chloe AT ALL. Bear grassed up Chloe! Boo.
I think Heavy D just said something was 'a boat from the blue.' God, these people are pure scum. I actually can't even. They are scummier than the civilian version!
Ooh a warning for Aubrey! She spat in Bear's sandwich and in his drink AND STILL LET HIM EAT IT. OMG. That's the best. I just rewound and he took a right big bite, too. Also, Grant and Fatboy both laughed when Aubrey did it. Saira didn't look too bothered, either. She 'knowingly passed bodily fluids'. That sounds sexier than it was.
Bear has been called to the DR for medical advice. What medical advice, exactly?! Bear 'doesn't give a fuck' allegedly. He's 'had worse in his mouth.' I think if he'd kicked up a fuss, she'd have been kicked out. The funny thing is, if it had been someone else doing it to someone else, I'd feel differently about it. If it had been Bear or Marnie spitting in Saira's drink we'd be howling from the rooftops. But for Bear, we don't care. Weeeeeelll. It's funny the things you get kicked out for and the things you don't, isn't it?
Aubrey's apology: 'I don't know how to do pranks.' I think you do. This prank thing on Big Brother has got to stop. It's getting so boring and annoying.
Bear thinks Renee (his substitute mum/girlfriend) knew about spitgate and has got the hump. Their relationship is SO weird. Renee seemed to find it funny at the time in the flashback!
Bear is FESTERING on spitgate now. Her name is AUBREY. Lewis finds spitgate 'despicable.' Heavy D would need to go 'in a padded cell' if that happened to him. Bit extreme. Bear: 'Aubrey has the cheek to apologise.' You were moaning she didn't earlier!
Renee is right, they are at war now. Everyone is going to put Aubrey up. Anyone for a jam sandwich?

3 comments:

Arif Ramzan said...

Why did the housemates grass / snitch about the heavy d bed thing , spoilt it.
We all know Aubrey be up next week due to the spitgate .

n.k. said...

cant write a comment today lyndsey...cant prove i am not a robot (ie artificial)

n.k. said...

If that big headed gobshite Lewis wore A Tshirt over his robot outfit,you get the idea this is what he thinks he looks like to the outside world.twat!