Ooh my favourite, Saturday episodes where you have at least ten minutes of all the shite you saw the previous evening. My predictions for tonight: Jason pretending he cares that Charlie went even though he NOMINATED her.
Hughie shouting coming up! That's all I need.
Food has been delivered to the store room. Chick peas, kidney beans and rice. I would be dead. I like it when they starve the housemates. Sam wouldn't eat rice at home. But you're not at home, bitch. Also, there's like a lettuce on the side, so knock yourself out.
Laura and Evelyn are making a porridge pancake. Apparently it tastes gross. Pancakegate part two avoided.
Jason's looking at Charlie's boobs (sorry, trying not to look) and licking his lips.
Jayne is sure Chelsea will go. Negative. She will do somersaults if he goes. I'd like to see that.
Fucking hell, look at the colour of Andy. His skin colour is pure grey. Ugh.
Ryan and Hughie in the DR together are the best. They are being given a task to throw a party. Ryan farted and then choked to death on the smell of his own fart.
They are throwing a POO-EL party. Haha, they have to chose between pool party essentials and housemates. LOL. I'll take a inflatable phallus over Andy, please.
Haha they swapped Laura for a lilo. Then they swapped Evelyn for ice cream. And swapped Alex for music. And Andy for party food. Is there anyone left!
Ryan: 'Andy should be buzzing he's even here and not up for eviction this week.' Fair point! Hold on, they should have sacked Sam off from the pool party.
So they told EVERYONE the pool party was happening and then uninvited people after. Bit mean. But very funny. So everyone is putting their trunks on for nothing.
I love the housemates looking forward to the party: Laura wanting a sausage roll, Jason wanting a Mr Whippy. My favourite part is Ryan and Hughie twitching like hell about the whole thing.
Alex is FUMING!
Haha Hughie and Ryan making up reasons why they didn't invite people. Alex: 'So people who moan get to go to the pool party?' NO PEOPLE WITH PERSONALITIES, YOU CUNT.
Andy looks secretly thrilled not to go to the pool party. I liked Evelyn's reaction to being swapped for ice cream. It seemed to be: 'fair enough.' Jason doesn't understand the rules of the task. 'So you could have had Evelyn rather than ice cream?' But ice cream is better than Evelyn.
Andy: 'You've chosen your mates.' Well, it's true. Ha. 'The reasons you're giving are mealy mouthed.' There's only one mealy mouthed person in that house and his name is ANDY. Yesss to Ryan kicking off. Andy: 'I'm not fussed about going to the party. The reasons just don't add up.' NOT FUSSED. Is that like you weren't storming off the other night, you absolute cock?
Hughie: 'Bullshit, you're a liar and a trouble maker, so he is. Don't hedge around tings. I'M SICK OF HIM!' Join the club, mate.
Alex looks like he's going to kill someone, or at least kick a bin. Alex is like a less charming Danny Wisker, if you can imagine such a thing. Cos at least Danny Wisker had 'canoe'. And the pizza boxes. And the Marc o Neil files.
Chelsea: 'Pool party, fuck it, I don't give a shit. The weather's crap anyway.' It doesn't look that bad. It's not raining.
Laura: 'The inflatables is a kick in the teeth.' Seems like a fair swap to me.
Alex wouldn't say he's angry, he'd say he's frustrated. I bet you he kicks holes in doors, he seems the type. 'You either have to cry, moan or sleep to get anywhere in this house.' SLEEP? Yes because crying and moaning implies you are a HUMAN BEING not just some dumb rock planning for people to say something bland about you at your dull funeral. 'If you're strong or you chose to not let things get to you or put on a brave face.' You're not in the trenches, mate.
Hughie and Ryan are having a cuddle under the covers.... both wearing hats. Is that a thing?
Hold on, Jason has been called to the diary room and is EATING a biscuit. WHAT DISRESPECT. There should be NO food and drink allowed in the DR under ANY circumstances (unless for a task). So he's bitching about people breaking rules etc. 'It's time for me to get a bit more ruthless. You're gonna see another side to me.' Then he admitted he wanted Charlie to go! Ruthless.
I think Evelyn actually fancies Jason! 'You look so smart today, I can't get over it.' Jason: 'I'm not going to take your bird off you.' Alex: 'I know.' OMG he only wants Evelyn because she wants Jason!
I like Charlie and Jayne's friendship. Charlie: 'He hasn't asked once if I'm alright.' Jason's cheers still baffle the fuck out of me.
Haha I missed Jackson going 'braaaappp' when Jason was saved last night. Crrrrraaaapp more like.
Charlie looked classy going out and blanking Jason was the best. Jackson: 'You know why' to Jason and him going 'That's not going to help her.' FUCK YOU. Fuck both of you. Misogynistic cunts.
Jason going 'I wish she'd said goodbye, she walked straight past me.' YOU NOMINATED HER AND THEN SAID YOU HOPED SHE WOULD GO. Fuck you.
Hughie is pointing out the different alliances, ie. Jackson, Alex, Jason and Chelsea in the arsehole alliance.
I love Jayne sticking it to Jason in the DR at the end.
I'm putting Jackson's pork pie hat on the eek list. Jackson: 'Here's the man of the hour, now you can breathe.' Charlie never got a chance to fucking breathe, did she?
Jason feels 'indifferent' that Charlie's gone. 'Being selfish, I'm glad I'm still here.' You're ALWAYS SELFISH, BITCH. 'I take it on the chin.' You're a twat.
I don't think it's possible to get shitfaced off them tiny little cans of gin and tonic or whatever the fuck it is.
I love the Ryan/ Hughie and Jayne dynamic. The others gang! Aww. They wanted Chelsea to go.
Jayne is so right that the woman always cops it.
Chelsea was 'convinthed I was a goner.' Me too! Is he crying? 'Do you want me to be perfectly honeth? I have put zero percent into winning this game. But now I'm gonna fight for it.'
The housemates are toasting Charlie with a dirty cocktail. Jackson is doing a moonwalk in the garden.
Chelsea is jealous of Jason's cheers. Jason wants the cheers to 'play back'; presumably when he masturbates. Chelsea is trying to influence nominations talking about the divide. Blatant!
Laura is suggesting they play spin the bottle. There's been no spin the bottle this series! Spin the bottle is a Big Brother staple, like the electric shocksuits. But you really want Marco there for spin the bottle. EHEHEHEHEH. 'Fuck, yeah!'
OMG Evelyn sidling up to Alex and him putting his arm round her like he's yawning. CRINGE.
Lateysha: 'Alex doesn't speak much about his feelings.' Alex doesn't speak much (end of sentence).
Lateysha then said she wanted the two of them to 'fuck each others guts out.' How romantic. Why does Alex have a toothbrush in his hand in the living room?
I think Ryan and Hughie are actually in love at this point. Well, Ryan deffo loves Hughie. They certainly have more chemistry than Evelyn and Alex. HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU EVELYN. He doesn't see you long term. He thinks your fanny is huge. I HATE his accent. I hate him full stop.
Chelsea is doing his roots. LOLLLLL.
I respect the way Evelyn sits in the diary room chair, but not her mooning over Alex. Fuck Alex.
Alex and Evelyn in bed together is grim. There's more chemistry between Jackson and the picture of Georgina on his pillow.
God that episode felt long. NIGHT!