Evening! Well I enjoyed the X Factor judges on Alan Carr (minus Louis) more than I did last night's show. And in X Factor US they kicked out two of my favourites in one night, so I think I'm going to ditch that because children and cowboys don't really appeal to me. Also, there's too much screaming on it, you can't hear a bloody thing. Oh, and the hosts are insufferable. Come back Steve Jones, all is forgiven.
My boyfriend has taken to calling James Arthur 'Lurch' which I think is a bit harsh. I wouldn't mind him lurching at me down a dark alley, flappy hand and all.
My boyfriend just claimed 'Ella can't sing for shit.' That's a bit cruel. Firework is a hard song to sing, even Katy Perry can't sing it. She's probably the second best singer there.
Can we finally ditch the singing orange tonight, please? I don't care if grannies love it. That's purely speculation anyway. It's probably just Gary's wife ringing up 20,000 times from their Northamptonshire mansion.
I liked Rita Ora when she was guest judge but her song is ropey. She looks good, though.
Gwen Stefani: 'do you think I'm looking hot, are you looking at my rack?' More your stomach, if anything. 'Ow, ow, ow.' Did she stub her toe? Gwen Stefani might make a good X Factor judge. Shirley Manson would be better. Courtney Love would be better still, but she'd be sacked within a week. But oh, what a week.
Rylan should either dye his beard blonde or ditch the beard. The two-tone looks odd. I think he should embrace his natural ginger, personally.
OMG Christopher is through again! You've got to be kidding me. The audience were actually booing. WHO IS VOTING FOR HIM? Oh, I forgot, Gary's wife.
Shit, Kye and Rylan in the bottom two. I think Rylan's time might be up. Ooh what was the coarse language! I want to know. Bet it was Tulisa.
Nicole introduced her act by the power of mime. Eh heh, Rylan's going serious. He's doing the fish tank song from Romeo and Juliet. Aw, this is quite moving. He DOES sing better when he's not dancing! Go, Rylan! He's not hit a bum note yet. He looks really happy, too. Wow! That might have just saved him.
Kye's doing a dreary song. He looks like he's got leggings on and he's wearing a little girl's bow round his neck. He is singing it quite well, but he's so boring. Rylan FTW. So cute seeing Rylan and Dermot cuddling whilst Rylan sings. I think Kye is over-egging wandering behind the judges now. Rylan is the fan favourite. Is Gary going to stomp off again if things don't go his way?
Gary 'I'm sure that everyone at home agrees' - don't speak for me, you fucking prick! How dare he say that! Don't tell us what everyone thinks. Grr, I hate it when people say that, like when people say 'Every girl wants to get married' or 'everyone wants to be famous'. Piss off.
YES, Tulisa sent it to deadlock and Rylan was saved. Show Gary's face! So apparently 'everyone at home' DOESN'T agree with Gary after all. Funny that. Presumptuous prat.
Gary: 'when you have an act like Rylan good singers will go home every week.' What is that even supposed to mean? An act people enjoy, an act people like watching rather than dreary Kye and Christopher, or an act at least two of the judges AND the public are saving? What a twonk. Hopefully Rylan will win and Gary will quit. And then Simon will come back. And then something else. Shit, Downton Abbey has got a cricket match coming up. Pass the smelling salts. And the remote.